Men, how do you feel when women are unjustly frightened/scared of you?

[Seraphim]

So are men, in fact the incidence for men is even higher.

 

Yes, assault happens to men to however it is less likely to be sexual assault. The high numbers could be bar fights and fista cuffs with friends and things. Men are far more likely to be violent and therefore get into violent situations than women.

[pointless]

I can see you trying to justify this mentioning suspicious situations, but the original post wasn't about suspicious situations, it was about men.

[rask]

People are free within limits to do what they want. But to pretend this isn't sexist is not really believable. The chance of being sexually assaulted in an elevator is minuscule just as being accused of sexually assaulting someone in an elevator is minuscule. A fear based on such a slight occurrence is not based on reason but on a sexist view of men/women in general. If it were based on reason, no one would ever ride in a car for the chances of being involved in an accident are far higher.

 

It's this sort of prejudice and discrimination that led to this: link removed

 

 

Just because the chance is miniscule, doesn't mean that that chance isn't there.

 

It's not solely just because they are men, and that I'm afraid they will assault me, I'm afraid because I'm in a closed space for an amount of time with a man that I do not know. Hospitals, mall elevators, etc. are not a threat to me. When I'm going to be trapped in an elevator for five minutes to get to the top of my building, that's when I'm uncomfortable.

 

 

I haven't been raped my a woman. If I was, I probably would react the same way. The elevator thing for me is because it makes me uncomfortable, not that I'm necessarily worried that this guy is going to assault me. So no, it's not sexist.

 

There is also a difference in a guy walking a certain distance behind me, talking on his cell phone, not trying to hide himself, and a guy walking an unusually close distance to me, moving in behind cars when I turn around, and gets spooked when I make a phone call and get pepper spray out, and then loops the parking deck. That is shady behavior to me, and I would react the same way if a WOMAN was doing that. Not sexist.

 

Women have the right to be afraid because the average man could take down the average woman, no problems. This happens all the time.

 

You can also argue that the kidnapping/assault of men by women is miniscule, too. Just because it doesn't happen ALL the time, or the majority of the time, doesn't mean that it can't happen.

 

A guy refusing to get on the elevator with me? I don't care, at all. Because that means that I don't have to step off that elevator.

 

This isn't about them being men, this is about my experiences with men who have assaulted/raped/hurt me, and that I will remove myself from even the chance of a situation like that happening again.

[lady00]

I'm not suggesting you're wrong here. If you don't feel safe, you don't feel safe. But you felt harassed by nonsensical things? Seems a little uptight doesn't it? My boss is constantly comeing to me with nonsensical things AND he's a visible minority. Imagine!!

 

I wouldn't walk through a park late at night with people hanging around either.

 

In my city there has been a rash of swarmings/muggings in recent years.

 

I guess growing up where I have and having lives in some very dangerous cities, yes this sort of thing scares me. I believe it can escalate. Plus I am entitled to walk down the street and be left the heck alone. I believe I have that right. It scares me when people do not respect that.

[Batya33]

I think it depends what the "different treatment" is, the environment in which it is done, and your relationship to the person including whether or not they will notice the different treatment. I remember a guy from a dating site being annoyed with me because he offered to pick me up and/or drive me home for our first meet and I said no thank you and explained it was because I never get in a car alone with a person I am meeting for the first time through a dating site (or similar context)- that he sounded like a nice person but that was my comfort level. I didn't like that he so emphatically took issue with it -to me it was a reasonable reaction and decision about my personal boundaries.

 

If I choose to avoid a stranger based in part on gender, mental illness, how he/she is dressed I do my best to do so without drawing attention to it. I think that's fine. I also avoid all dog owners with their dogs off leash on the street or in the park unless I know the dog well -I feel completely justified in assuming that it could be unsafe despite the typical "he's friendly, he never bites" - if that's discrimination, so be it.

[DN]

Well, you asked the question how do men feel if a woman refuses to get on an elevator if alone and my answer is that I think it is sexist and discriminatory because it assumes all men are potential predators in the same way that airlines seem to think that all men are potential child molesters.

[Seraphim]

So are men, in fact the incidence for men is even higher.

 

My brother was assaulted by a group of guys when he was 16. They broke all his front teeth and broke his nose to the other side of his face. They broke his wrists because he put up his arms to defend himself. They broke some of his ribs kicking him and gave him a concussion and left him for dead on a snowy street. So, yes men get attacked too. It is usually by other men.

[rask]

I can see you trying to justify this mentioning suspicious situations, but the original post wasn't about suspicious situations, it was about men.

 

Of course this is about suspicious situations, because a group of guys leaning on my car at 3am in a parking lot that isn't brightly lit, is suspicious to me. What one person might deem suspicious (the woman), the other doesn't see it that way. It doesn't make it any less uncomfortable for the woman.

 

Obviously not all woman are like this, but the reason some are, is because they've been attacked and violated, thus they're more aware of what's around them and they're going to view it a lot differently.

 

I'm not saying it's okay, or any less offensive toward the guy, BUT, at some point, a guy did hurt me and make me this cautious. It's not that particular guys fault, and it's not mine either.

 

I'm just saying women react like that because at a certain point, a suspicious situation ended up getting them attacked or they've heard about someone getting attacked. It didn't stem from nothing.

[Gilson]

This isn't about them being men, this is about my experiences with men who have assaulted/raped/hurt me, and that I will remove myself from even the chance of a situation like that happening again.

 

You probably shouldn't leave the house then. There's a ichance, not matter how minescule, of this happening ANYWHERE.

[Seraphim]

You probably shouldn't leave the house then. There's a ichance, not matter how minescule, of this happening ANYWHERE.

 

Why does she not have a right to go out? She should be agoraphobic instead? Yup, that is helpful.

[rask]

Well, you asked the question how do men feel if a woman refuses to get on an elevator if alone and my answer is that I think it is sexist and discriminatory because it assumes all men are potential predators in the same way that airlines seem to think that all men are potential child molesters.

 

I used that as an example, not as a rule. I never directly call a man out for being in an elevator, that would be sexist. I just make up an excuse for why I'm getting off, or why I'm not getting on.

 

As for the airlines thing... you're dealing with minors, and it's for the safety of a child. It's not stating that they are a child molestor, it's a preventative measure. Sorry, when it comes for the safety of a child, I don't care who gets butt-hurt over it, just move to a different seat.

[lady00]

I would add that I think everyone is entitled to an opinion and to label behavior as they see fit. If certain behavior described on this thread is labeled as sexist, I'm not so sure the women so-labeled care. I think they likely think it the lesser of two evils. I would rather be viewed as sexist than put myself in uncomfortable situations to prove something to or to please others.

[Blue Spiral]

Incidentally, this thread is a good example of why I only meet women online. I'd never dream of walking up to a woman in public and starting a convo--I'm too afraid of being accused of harassing her or stalking her. Men get railroaded for that sort of thing all the time. In that sense, I'm conscious of my own safety, so I assume the worst of women I see in public.

[rask]

You probably shouldn't leave the house then. There's a ichance, not matter how minescule, of this happening ANYWHERE.

 

Are you kidding me?

 

Is there a reason you think making a joke out of something like this is okay?

 

I understand that every time I leave my house, I could be assaulted. Obviously.

 

But when I'm in a situation where those chances are higher, I'm going to do whatever I can to avoid that.

 

I'm talking about situations where I'm alone with a male, that I feel uncomfortable in. Sure, I can be attacked getting groceries, but I'm not trapped in a back alley with a guy I don't know, and the fact that more people are around makes me feel safer.

[Seraphim]

I would add that I think everyone is entitled to an opinion and to label behavior as they see fit. If certain behavior described on this thread is labeled as sexist, I'm not so sure the women so-labeled care. I think they likely think it the lesser of two evils. I would rather be viewed as sexist than put myself in uncomfortable situations to prove something to or to please others.

 

Personally I would rather be sexist than dead or raped again. If being labelled sexist the worst thing that ever happened to be in life well, phew, life is good. Unfortunately it isn't.

[DN]

I used that as an example, not as a rule. I never directly call a man out for being in an elevator, that would be sexist. I just make up an excuse for why I'm getting off, or why I'm not getting on.

 

As for the airlines thing... you're dealing with minors, and it's for the safety of a child. It's not stating that they are a child molestor, it's a preventative measure. Sorry, when it comes for the safety of a child, I don't care who gets butt-hurt over it, just move to a different seat.

Well, there is no point debating someone with this mind-set. When people have such a prejudiced view nothing that is said will change their mind.

[OptomisticGirl]

You probably shouldn't leave the house then. There's a ichance, not matter how minescule, of this happening ANYWHERE.

 

In the survivor world we call this victim blaming. So because she was assaulted and has this outlook she should not go outside her house?

 

Yes assault can happen any were - fact is once you've been assaulted, you look to the areas/things were its more likely to happen. I don't feel threatened in the middle of a toy store at night - parking lot in te middle of the night? I never feel safe, I'm always on the look out.

[lady00]

You probably shouldn't leave the house then. There's a ichance, not matter how minescule, of this happening ANYWHERE.

Or all men should be forbidden from leaving their homes on the chance they might harm women. Both are equally absurd and yet both would keep prevent women from being assualted by men.

[Gilson]

Incidentally, this thread is a good example of why I only meet women online. I'd never dream of walking up to a woman in public and starting a convo--I'm too afraid of being accused of harassing her or stalking her. Men get railroaded for that sort of thing all the time. In that sense, I'm conscious of my own safety, so I assume the worst of women I see in public.

 

I agree wholeheartedly!! I think this is why I don't flirt with women even. Even on a first date, a solicited date, I'd never say anything about her personal appearance or sexuality or anything!!!

 

And women wonder why men don't approach them anymore or why everybody seems so shy nowadays.

 

(there's an interesting bit on CBC radio right now about men vs women flirting in the workplace where it's generally seen as harmless for women to flirt, but could be sexual harassment when the man flirts).

[journeynow]

How would you feel if a man refused to get into an elevator with you because he was afraid you were going to accuse him of sexually assaulting you?

 

This wouldn't bother me at all. I see it as a similar caution, and would respect his awareness of the issue. I rarely encounter elevators, they just are not in the environment where I spend most of my time, except for the one in the parking garage. I find elevators a bit claustrophobic, and the one in the parking garage feels particularly creepy. The stairs on the other hand are open to the outdoors, well-used, and my preferred route.

 

For anyone, it is best to trust your instincts.

[LikeWater]

I've never felt that a woman was scared of me or that I've ever made one feel unsafe, but I'm a 24 year old skinny white guy who looks as harmless as I am.

 

Then again, I probably wouldn't even notice if this scenario took place. Even in the elevator situation. I'd just be like, "Suit yourself, lady." If I'm alone, I'm usually too busy thinking about scenarios that will absolutely never happen to even notice or care what's going on around me.

 

If I were some super tall Samoan meathead with muscles on top of my muscles, and I got the sense that sometimes women were reluctant to be alone within my vicinity, I'm not sure how I would feel about it. I'd probably think it sensible of these particular women and not be bothered by it, but I can't say for sure.

 

Regardless, you're doing what you feel is right in order to keep yourself safe. I personally don't see anything wrong with it, even though the elevator scenario does seem a bit extreme to me.

[Blue Spiral]

I would rather be viewed as sexist than put myself in uncomfortable situations to prove something to or to please others.

 

Looking at that sentence, it's pretty easy for me to see how "sexist" could be swapped out for "racist".

[Seraphim]

I appreciate the men on this thread who realize that women, yes, have to be aware of their safety and are not insecure about it.

[OptomisticGirl]

Looking at that sentence, it's pretty easy for me to see how "sexist" could be swapped out for "racist".

 

So do please tell Blue Spiral how YOU think women should handle these situations since we obviously are handling them in a manner that makes us sexist.

[Blue Spiral]

So do please tell Blue Spiral how YOU think women should handle these situations since we obviously are handling them in a manner that makes us sexist.

 

I have no idea, but I have to believe there's a way that doesn't involve treating all men as potential rapists.