Men, how do you feel when women are unjustly frightened/scared of you?

[lady00]

I can only speak for myself, not all women, but a man in an elevator typically doesn't scare me. A man doing ordinary things in broad daylight and living his life does not scare me. Now, add in other facts and my spidey senses might perk up. So for me the blanket statement that the mere presence of a man scares me is not true.

[rask]

So do please tell Blue Spiral how YOU think women should handle these situations since we obviously are handling them in a manner that makes us sexist.

 

That's pretty much my point.

 

If we're supposed to be less cautious, I'm thinking of more scenarios where women are going to be attacked because they didn't do something or weren't watching out for themselves.

[Seraphim]

I can only speak for myself, not all women, but a man in an elevator typically doesn't scare me. A man doing ordinary things in broad daylight and living his life does not scare me. Now, add in other facts and my spidey senses might perk up. So for me the blanket statement that the mere presence of a man scares me is not true.

 

I agree. Me either. A man living his life does not scare me. I just notice he is there. Now if he takes that to a different level, acts shady or aggressive, well then I make a quick retreat because I do not want to put myself in harm's way engaging that.

[journeynow]

I have no idea, but I have to believe there's a way that doesn't involve treating all men as potential rapists.

The OP was describing SITUATIONS that felt risky to her. She does not necessarily treat ALL men this way in EVERY situation.

[OptomisticGirl]

I have no idea, but I have to believe there's a way that doesn't involve treating all men as potential rapists.

 

We don't treat ALL men as potential rapists Spiral, just as all men aren't scum bags. That's generalizing on your part. I don't feel threatened by any man during the day in a crowded area. Put me and one guy in a dark parking lot and I'm weary. It's not the men that we are threatened by but the situations in which we interact with these men.

 

We lie fairly close to a methadone clinic. My husband will not let me walk home when it's dark outside even though we live literally 5 mins from my job. Does that mean he's a discriminator for the potential drug addict that could encounter me on my walk home in the dark?

[lady00]

I have no idea, but I have to believe there's a way that doesn't involve treating all men as potential rapists.

Is that because you take your personal safety for granted and have not considered this issue before? Put it another way: how would you advise a female friend or family member? I think this is a great question for men with daughters. Surely this comes up with raising daughters? How do you advise/guide them? How about your wives? I think even if you are not a woman you are likely surrounded by women you love or care about. I am curious as to how you have advised them. Obviously women are capable of caring for ourselves. So I don't mean this in a patronizing way.

[Gilson]

Or all men should be forbidden from leaving their homes on the chance they might harm women. Both are equally absurd and yet both would keep prevent women from being assualted by men.

 

The point was the use of the word CHANCE. Even when "chance" is ZERO, there's still CHANCE, it's just zero chance, statistically speaking.

 

Further, statistically speaking, the likelihood of getting assaulted again is pretty small now if you've already been assaulted.

 

I've been in three automobile accidents, no, four. I still frequently drive through those sites and in the same type of traffic and around the same types of vehicles and vehicles of the same color, in all the same types of weather. The next time it might kill me.

 

Even though my father (and five grandchildren) were struck and nearly pushed into a lake and killed by a snow plow on dry roads, I still drive when there are snow plows on the road.

[pointless]

2/3 of sexual assaults are committed by people known to the victim. If not going into an elevator alone with an unknown man just because he is a man make sense to you then going into an elevator with an acquaintance would be even worst. If we take statistics into consideration rather than blind fear women should only go into elevators with other women.

[Doc Blaze]

You shouldnt care what people think..seriously...I dont take offense to it..if a guy takes offense to a woman not wanting to be on the elevator with them, hey thats on them...Just be catious IMO..if it doesnt feel right or make you uncomfortable..trust your gut..better to be safe than sorry and I would never judge my gf if she made a decision like this

[Seraphim]

Is that because you take your personal safety for granted and have not considered this issue before? Put it another way: how would you advise a female friend or family member? I think this is a great question for men with daughters. Surely this comes up with raising daughters? How do you advise/guide them?

 

I would tell a daughter to be aware of her surroundings and the people in them. Be aware of exits and ways to get out of somewhere. Mind you I tell my son to be aware as well.

[rask]

I have no idea, but I have to believe there's a way that doesn't involve treating all men as potential rapists.

 

Treating someone as a potential rapist is not the same thing as refusing to get on an elevator because you don't want to be alone with someone.

 

It's not like I'm shouting, "OH MY GOD, NO. I CAN'T. YOU MIGHT RAPE ME!"

 

I'm more polite than that.

 

I didn't turn around in that parking deck and accuse him of following me. I called my boyfriend, calmly told him where I was, and that I would be home in five minutes. None of that screams that I'm treating this person as a potential rapist.

 

My boyfriend is a big guy, he's tall, muscular, and has facial hair. I don't think anything of this, but I remember him telling me about a girl who refused to stay in a classroom with him. They were early for class, and he said she acted really uncomfortable, and wouldn't sit down, kept leaning by the door. He got up to print something out, and she took off out the door.

 

He said it didn't make him feel offended or anything. He said he knew he was a good 100 pounds heavier than her, about a foot taller, and that, "Someone had probably done something to hurt her and she was just scared."

 

He understood that, but didn't let it get to him because he knew that he wasn't going to hurt her, but that didn't mean he didn't have any right to be in that classroom either.

 

I think men should be more aware of women feeling a certain way, and that there might be an underlying issue, rather than pulling the sexist card and saying that she's discriminating or something.

[Doc Blaze]

2/3 of sexual assaults are committed by people known to the victim. If not going into an elevator alone with an unknown man just because he is a man make sense to you then going into an elevator with an acquaintance would be even worst. If we take statistics into consideration rather than blind fear women should only go into elevators with other women.

 

 

what about the times it does happen....then what....

[DN]

We lie fairly close to a methadone clinic. My husband will not let me walk home when it's dark outside even though we live literally 5 mins from my job. Does that mean he's a discriminator for the potential drug addict that could encounter me on my walk home in the dark?

By this reasoning men alone in elevators are as dangerous as drug addicts looking for money for a fix.

[Seraphim]

2/3 of sexual assaults are committed by people known to the victim. If not going into an elevator alone with an unknown man just because he is a man make sense to you then going into an elevator with an acquaintance would be even worst. If we take statistics into consideration rather than blind fear women should only go into elevators with other women.

 

We know that stat, but there ARE assaults made by perfect strangers. My brother is the example I gave. He was jumped by 5 guys after he got off a bus at night. These people were entirely unknown to him.

[DN]

We know that stat, but there ARE assaults made by perfect strangers. My brother is the example I gave. He was jumped by 5 guys after he got off a bus at night. These people were entirely unknown to him.

Does he not use the bus any more?

[pointless]

There were a couple of situations that were mentioned in the original post. This one:

For example, I refuse to get in an elevator with an adult male, if I'm going to be alone in there with him. Would this offend you if a woman refused to get in an elevator with you? I lived with a friend for a while in an apartment, and we had to take an elevator to get to her apartment. I just never felt safe doing this to begin with, but especially when I'd be alone with someone. I usually say something like, "Oh, I'll wait," or that I'm waiting for someone or that I forgot something. I understand that most of the time when this happens, the guy is probably a nice guy and I honestly don't want to offend him, but in my head, it's always better safe than sorry.

Plus the title of the thread is what we feel offended by and the one that we are complaining about.

 

Not going into an elevator just because he is a man.

[Gilson]

So do please tell Blue Spiral how YOU think women should handle these situations since we obviously are handling them in a manner that makes us sexist.

 

His response was to whether or not it is sexist, which it is. SOMEBODY ASKED!!

 

I don't think any man here would suggest you should ever put yourself in danger if you feel a situation is suspicious!!

[OptomisticGirl]

By this reasoning men alone in elevators are as dangerous as drug addicts looking for money for a fix.

 

They very well could be - I personally have no problem getting on an elevator in a building I know alone with a guy. Now a not so nice building and a shady acting guy, nope, not getting on. It's all about the situation plus environment plus how the guy is acting.

[rask]

The point was the use of the word CHANCE. Even when "chance" is ZERO, there's still CHANCE, it's just zero chance, statistically speaking.

 

Further, statistically speaking, the likelihood of getting assaulted again is pretty small now if you've already been assaulted.

 

I've been in three automobile accidents, no, four. I still frequently drive through those sites and in the same type of traffic and around the same types of vehicles and vehicles of the same color, in all the same types of weather. The next time it might kill me.

 

Even though my father (and five grandchildren) were struck and nearly pushed into a lake and killed by a snow plow on dry roads, I still drive when there are snow plows on the road.

 

So, is there like some sign on me somewhere that says I've been assaulted and that it won't happen again?

 

The only way this makes any kind of sense is that yes, I've been assaulted and know how to get myself out of situations better than I used to.

 

I was raped as a child, and as a teenager, and by my ex-boyfriend who stalked me for over a year, and had his friends stalk me, friends that I didn't even know existed.

 

This is not blind fear. This is not sexism. This is me being concerned for my safety, and I find it ridiculous that you're comparing sexual assault to an automobile accident.

[Seraphim]

The point was the use of the word CHANCE. Even when "chance" is ZERO, there's still CHANCE, it's just zero chance, statistically speaking.

 

Further, statistically speaking, the likelihood of getting assaulted again is pretty small now if you've already been assaulted.

I've been in three automobile accidents, no, four. I still frequently drive through those sites and in the same type of traffic and around the same types of vehicles and vehicles of the same color, in all the same types of weather. The next time it might kill me.

 

Even though my father (and five grandchildren) were struck and nearly pushed into a lake and killed by a snow plow on dry roads, I still drive when there are snow plows on the road.

 

This is completely untrue. Most women who have been sexually assaulted are repeatedly assaulted in life. I was assaulted by 5 people as a child, raped by someone at 19 and someone tried to drag me into his car when I was 23. So no, it is not LESS likely you will be assaulted.

[Seraphim]

Does he not use the bus any more?

 

Nope. But not because of that. Because he HATES the bus beyond dimension and he has his own 5 cars he has no need for a bus.

[OptomisticGirl]

I don't think any man here would suggest you should ever put yourself in danger if you feel a situation is suspicious!!

 

The poit is what we define as suspicious is different for everyone. The OP doesn't do men alone in elevators, I will. Other women walk miles alone at night, I will not. I refuse. What we perceive as suspicious or a dangerous situation differs to everyone so how can it be called sexist IF that person felt or feels a genuine sense of fear? Does the genuine sense of fear make them not sexist all of a sudden?

[rask]

There were a couple of situations that were mentioned in the original post. This one:

 

Plus the title of the thread is what we feel offended by and the one that we are complaining about.

 

Not going into an elevator just because he is a man.

 

 

But you're using that as your own example and completely disregarding anything else I listed.

 

The apartment building I used to live at was in a really rough area of downtown Charlotte, in NC. The rent was really cheap, and I needed somewhere to stay for awhile, so my friend volunteered.

 

Like I said, I don't act this way in office buildings, mall elevators, hospital elevators.

 

Maybe I am being sexist, but so what? These guys do not know what's going through my head, only that I had to meet someone or that I forgot something in my car.

[pointless]

We know that stat, but there ARE assaults made by perfect strangers. My brother is the example I gave. He was jumped by 5 guys after he got off a bus at night. These people were entirely unknown to him.

But there are more sexual assaults done by acquaintances. If being afraid of strangers is fair then being afraid of acquaintances should make more sense because they are most likely going to do it. Otherwise it just an unfair discrimination.

[Gilson]

We don't treat ALL men as potential rapists Spiral, just as all men aren't scum bags. That's generalizing on your part. I don't feel threatened by any man during the day in a crowded area.

 

That's actually just as risky because being in a crowd gives a potential ...whatever a sense of anonymity. Further, if something were to happen, you must consider what's known as crowd effect or bystander effect in psycology.