Fiance left me after 9 years - 8 together 1 engaged...

[Brotherhood67]

Yep, although her message moved me, I agree with you. My ex sent me the same one 4 months out of the RS and when being serious with her toy-boy. I took the bait back then only to discover more lies, deceit and overall over abondance of selfishness coming from her. That's when I understood what was behind her message. And it was the same as what you expressed here.

 

Anyway, our stories are over and guilt is on their side. Choices were made, prices were paid on our side, as dumpees, and now it's over. If they feel like going back, feel guilt and whatever, too bad. You ex seems to.have gone this way, well too bad for her. Mine is older and probably incapable of doing so but you get the point...

[JustLetGo]

Yea people think about their 'past loves' when they are single. Sounds like she might have been.

 

Anyway about those emails you recently received. I think they were her true feelings and she genuinely ment those words. I also understand how you couldn't care less because of how heartless she treated you.

I think her emails were heartfelt though, she really meant them. The funny thing is that the tables have turned now. Before she couldn't care 'less', now you can't care less.

 

People are a slave to their emotions and emotions change. We should just learn to stay committed during lower times.

[Lostsoul808]

Cooper - thanks for sharing your story. The break up is so similar, I had to register and post.

 

Started dating when she was 15 and i was 17. Shes 24 now and broke up with me 6 weeks ago saying that shes not excited to marry me anymore, that she lost the spark and excitement and that she should be excited about getting married to me, but isnt. We didn't really fight ever and i thought we had fun together going out on the weekends.

 

 

I have been having a really tough time. Came out of the blue. Says shes loves me and misses me but doesn't want to see me because it wouldnt be right. I went NC 2 weeks ago. I have a great job, i keep fit, i did everything for her. I gave up a great job in DC to move to be with her and she just gives it all up.

 

I am just hoping that you can give some advice on how to get out of this dark hole.

 

thanks again for sharing your story.

[SoulTaker]

Cooper, you have more maturity and wisdom then many men twice your age. I'm glad you didn't fall into the trap of being friend-zoned by the "ex", which would have eased her guilt in the break-up. By sticking with NC (which few people can do), she will always be wondering how you turned out, along with not being able to find an avenue to release her guilt.

[Cooper1607308758]

Thanks for the kind word SoulTaker.

 

Quick update - I've been dating a girl I met down here in the city and its going great!!

 

Last week I got another email from the ex. A short email asking if we could catch up and that if I wanted to talk she's on gchat weekdays. I suppose the last email where she stated it was the last time shed reach out was bs haha. I will not be catching up or gchatting.

 

Full speed ahead. Don't look back and keep loving yourself everyone.

[annie24]

Good for you!! All the best

[Cooper1607308758]

Good for you!! All the best

 

Thanks Annie!

 

Is it possible to move this thread to the healing section? I think it will help more users there.

[relevart]

Cooper;

 

I just read the whole thread at one sitting and it was really moving. It helps because I am going through a pre-seperation with my wife. I call it a "pre-seperation" because I know full well where it is leading, although we are living under the same roof. Just wanted to thank you not just for the OP but for the updates over the years. Been a big help to me and I suspect many others as well.

[AintEasy]

Thanks for the kind word SoulTaker.

 

Quick update - I've been dating a girl I met down here in the city and its going great!!

 

Last week I got another email from the ex. A short email asking if we could catch up and that if I wanted to talk she's on gchat weekdays. I suppose the last email where she stated it was the last time shed reach out was bs haha. I will not be catching up or gchatting.

 

Full speed ahead. Don't look back and keep loving yourself everyone.

 

wow. two years and she is still reaching out to you? Guess someone loved you and wanted you a bit more than they thought they did eh? sucks for them.

[Cooper1607308758]

Cooper;

 

I just read the whole thread at one sitting and it was really moving. It helps because I am going through a pre-seperation with my wife. I call it a "pre-seperation" because I know full well where it is leading, although we are living under the same roof. Just wanted to thank you not just for the OP but for the updates over the years. Been a big help to me and I suspect many others as well.

 

wow. two years and she is still reaching out to you? Guess someone loved you and wanted you a bit more than they thought they did eh? sucks for them.

 

 

No problem! This is exactly why I come back to update. There were a few long threads that helped me a ton during my dark days and I wanted to give back.

 

Keep going forward and you'll get through it.

 

In regard to her reaching out almost three years after leaving me in Feb 2012 - I have no clue. I don't know her motives, what she wants, if she really wants to be friends, wants me back etc. To me it doesn't really matter. She doesn't deserve my time anymore. That person is long gone and to open communication has zero benefit to myself. Stay NC my friends.

[annie24]

Thanks Annie!

 

Is it possible to move this thread to the healing section? I think it will help more users there.

 

Moved!!!!!!!

[boltnrun]

She must be going through a dry spell. Maybe not dating anyone at the moment and trying to get you to make her feel better. Then once she finds someone else it'll be Goodbye Cooper! Sorry but she sounds awful selfish.

 

My ex bombarded me with contact 8 years after we broke up. Apparently his girlfriend (with whom he was living unbeknownst to me while we dated) was ill and dying, so I guess he was trying to line me up to replace her after she passed away. Classy, huh? I ignored him yet he persisted until I finally had to tell him to leave me alone.

 

Good for you for not allowing her to use you to make herself feel better.

[Cooper1607308758]

Found this in spam from a few months back.

 

"Hey. Seriously, can't you answer one of my emails? It has been 3 years! I had a horrible dream about you last night, which was so random, but which led me to this email. How are you doing? I saw you got a new job again, congrats. I just got a new one too. How is your family? What did your sister end up doing with her degree? How is (Nephew), (Nephew) and (Niece)..and your mom and dad? I have so much I wish I could catch up on with you You used to want to be friends. I don't know if I told you in my last email but my parents sold our house. It feels so weird, not having any home to go back to. I know you trashed all our pictures, but I couldn't bring myself to throw them away. We can't just erase 9 years, as you seem to want to. My high school reunion is coming up this year, did you go to yours? Ok, well, I hope you answer. If not, know that I'm always wishing you the best."

 

Interesting!

[mhowe]

That is known as "chumming"....when you want to catch a fish, throw lots of bait in the water.

 

It is kinda pathetic, don't you think?

[Cooper1607308758]

That is known as "chumming"....when you want to catch a fish, throw lots of bait in the water.

 

It is kinda pathetic, don't you think?

 

Haha I am almost starting to feel bad. almost. It's like every breadcrumb wrapped into one email. I think it's very interesting how she's starting to try and put it on me. You want to be friends blah blah. We can't just erase 9 years blah blah. From what I know she has a boyfriend too. I would hate it if my gf was doing this to her ex

[annie24]

well, she wanted a breakup so she got it.

 

you stay strong!! glad you are moving on (have moved on!) and are happy!!

[mhowe]

Haha I am almost starting to feel bad. almost. It's like every breadcrumb wrapped into one email. I think it's very interesting how she's starting to try and put it on me. You want to be friends blah blah. We can't just erase 9 years blah blah. From what I know she has a boyfriend too. I would hate it if my gf was doing this to her ex

 

It was a whole loaf of bread ---- shredded into bread crumbs.

 

"We" didn't erase anything. SHE walked away.

[Cooper1607308758]

well, she wanted a breakup so she got it.

 

you stay strong!! glad you are moving on (have moved on!) and are happy!!

 

Thank you! I am doing fantastic now. Gotta hit those life lows to make the highs that much better.

 

 

It was a whole loaf of bread ---- shredded into bread crumbs.

 

"We" didn't erase anything. SHE walked away.

 

Ah yes! That's the first thing I thought of when I read that. We?! What. You broke it off and disappeared. It's like she forgot what she did or something.

[hidden_kitten]

I'm glad this thread has been updated because I missed it the first time round, so have read through from the beginning. You've given me new hope about the time heals thing, and never knowing what might be round the corner. I'm around the same age as you Cooper and was really worried about 'starting over', but this thread shows I've got to walk towards my own future because no one else will!

 

We can't just erase 9 years, as you seem to want to

 

Interesting indeed! Turning it all on you when SHE was the one to walk away. After three years as well, haha! My most recent ex, the dumper, wanted to be friends and can't fathom why it's too painful for me. I was "such a big part" of his life yet obviously not big enough to keep as his life partner and future wife. I wonder if I'll ever get a similar email in my spam box, but I won't be sitting here waiting for it. I've been the dumper in the past and haven't tried kept in touch. Single again and don't want to reach out, because what good would that do any of us.

 

keep moving forward!

[Ms Darcy]

Sounds like you are doing well! Her breadcrumbs are hilarious.

[FirstIn]

Thank you so much for this Cooper. I really needed this right now. Have been struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel the last few weeks and feeling like I was very alone with my problem. Had been contemplating just giving up. Tears running down my face right now. I really appreciate this.

 

If anyone has links to similar threads please pass them on.

[hopefulandhurt]

this thread really uplifted my mood. my boyfriend of almost 8 years (dated from 15-23) broke up with me 7 months ago and now has another serious girlfriend he met at work. I've been improving but there are days like today when i still feel like the world is ending. thanks for giving up that everything will be better in time

[Cooper1607308758]

I think her breadcrumbs are hilarious too

 

Glad to read some people are helped with my thread. This is exactly why I had it moved. It will always get better if you ride it out.

[Cooper1607308758]

Received this last friday from what seems to be her work email....

 

Hey

 

I found out the other day that you have a girlfriend. I am really happy for you, as are my parents. From the picture I came accross, she looks really amazing. I never told you that my Mom told me my Dad cried looking through old pictures of one of our family vacations with you (XXXXXX I think). I hate how our relationship ended, and that you won’t speak to me. I wish I could go back in time. I don’t think I will ever forgive myself. You’re still very much present in my heart and mind. Please please please let me know if you ever want to catch up. I would love to just talk to you again, even if just once.

[mhowe]

Wow. She now is getting her parents in on the deal. Her daddy cried!

 

Also, are you strong enough to read please x 3 and not break?

 

Yes -- talk to her just once so she knows she is in control. Because right now --- she is not.