Cooper1607308758 Posted May 5, 2012 Author Share Posted May 5, 2012 Just venting on here after a few drinks. I feel like calling up and being mean to her, but, alas I know it will do me no good. Who does she think she is to invite me to lunch? edit: didn't do anything and waited the moment out Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 5, 2012 Share Posted May 5, 2012 glad you didn't do anything. stay strong!!!! you won't regret it. Link to comment
Cooper1607308758 Posted May 5, 2012 Author Share Posted May 5, 2012 Thanks annie...Ironically my fortune cookie that I got last night with my food said Silence is a virtue. Link to comment
Cooper1607308758 Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 Had a fantastic time in AC. What a pleasant feeling to not think about things. The only time I thought about my situation is when I would think wow I haven't thought about C in x amount of hours! So now to my advice request...should I initiate contact to get the ring now that I am back or should I leave it on her to contact me. I am sure it must be ready by now... Link to comment
DN Posted May 8, 2012 Share Posted May 8, 2012 Ask her, get the ring and get it over with. Link to comment
Cooper1607308758 Posted May 9, 2012 Author Share Posted May 9, 2012 After a quick meet up inside a dunkin donuts I was able to get back my ring and my passport. She cried a little and kept saying I am sorry I am sorry. Then U2 beautiful day came on the radio and i just laughed inside my head. The universe is just so funny sometimes. If anything happens i will be sure to post here. Ill probably keep it updated with my ups and downs as well for people who share my situation. Thank you everyone for all of your help. I would love to get this woman back in my life but right now she is a confused 24 year old girl. Link to comment
Reloxx Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Any updates? I am eager to know if she has contacted you. I am in a similar situation. Almost a 10 year relationship... we went through a bump in the road right before we were moving in together (I just graduated from college) and she told me she needed space and she felt that she wanted to be alone. So we broke up. I am in my first week of NC and she already contacted me twice. She is 26 and we got together when she was 16, so I bet she is just as confused about the same things as your ex is. These girls are in for a fun ride. I wish them the best of luck in their quest to find greener pastures. I can see it now, after 2-3 bad relationships with men that will never measure up to us, "Baby, I made a big mistake. I was blind to let you go." Well, at least you found the answers that you were looking for. Too bad they weren't what you hoped they were, is what I would love to tell them. Enjoy the ticking of your biological clock and enjoy your "Sex and the City" lifestyle. Too bad, so sad that these things happen. And sadly, there are other ways for them to go about finding themselves and still managing a relationship. This issue with couples is very common. I've done research... too much research. Anyways, I look forward to your updates, man. Link to comment
Cooper1607308758 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Share Posted May 17, 2012 Hey Reloxx, I didn't notice there was a new post in my thread! I am sorry to read about your situation. It is eerie how similar our situations are...LTR's from early teens and then when things are actually about to happen as adults - they bail! All the years planning and talking about the future - for what? I think GIGS applies to us tremendously. These girls have had no other relationships to compare us with. They think there has to be someone better out there. Once they get stuck on there independence kick they are on it for a while. I have realized that. Right now they feel "free." We have had contact once through email where she basically gave me a farewell. That I was a major part of her life, she will always care for me, she loves me as a person, blah blah blah. Straight out of a movie. Eventually I replied two days later saying that I cannot be in contact with her. To please refrain from contacting me and I will contact you when I am ready. Who knows when I will be "ready?" I for sure don'.t But there is no way to get past her emotional wall she has built. She is on her independence kick and running with it. There is no logic or reasoning with her. She is a hollow shell of the girl I grew up with and loved. I hope to go at least 30-60 days without a hint of contact at all. I am debating blocking her on facebook (I have already deleted her) so she cannot see my page at all. I'm realizing that if someone wants to walk out of your life...let them walk. I certainly won't be waiting when they turn around. I do believe the G.I.G.S we can read about on this forum applies to our situation a great deal. Our girls have had no other relationships to compare us with. Link to comment
camus154 Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 Personally I vote on blocking her from FB. Stick around these forums long enough and you'll see FB after FB thread here. It really is the bane of break ups. I have to say, I know this must be killing you inside but you come off as remarkably level-headed and grounded. You seem to be doing a fantastic job holding yourself together. Kudos and best of luck to you. Link to comment
Cooper1607308758 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Share Posted May 17, 2012 Personally I vote on blocking her from FB. Stick around these forums long enough and you'll see FB after FB thread here. It really is the bane of break ups. I have to say, I know this must be killing you inside but you come off as remarkably level-headed and grounded. You seem to be doing a fantastic job holding yourself together. Kudos and best of luck to you. Hey Camus - thanks for the kind words! I am certainly missing a part of my soul, but after much thought I have realized that there is nothing I can control in this situation. The best thing to do it just let it ride. I was never one to "believe in" horoscopes, but I am exactly my sign. A cancer. The hard outter shell and the soft insides. It's funny how true those things can be! And as they say - Fake it till you make it! Link to comment
Cooper1607308758 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Share Posted May 18, 2012 Manned up and blocked her from viewing my facebook profile. I know she was stalking it as last time she admitted she was...Hope it plays to my favor - for healing or reconciliation. Link to comment
tonyintexas Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Good for you Cooper. Im in a somewhat similar situation. My girlfriend of 8 years decided she was no longer in love with me and wants to be "free". She has been with two men since she was 14 years old, her ex-husband and me...so she claims she needs a period of independence before she actually decides what she wants in live. It hurts like hell...but I wish her the best. It's been two weeks so its all fresh for me, I did the facebook thing but in order for it to truly work I'd have to go in and delete alot of mutual friends of ours which I'm not sure I want to do yet. These forums have been beneficial to me in this time and its always comforting to know that other people deal with this or have dealt with it and are getting on with their lives. We're not alone! Link to comment
RFB Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Manned up and blocked her from viewing my facebook profile. I know she was stalking it as last time she admitted she was...Hope it plays to my favor - for healing or reconciliation. I feel for you guy. I was with my ex for 13 years. Engaged for three of them. When she left I asked for the ring back and then moved on. It's tough but you really do have to resist the urge to check up on them or hope for a reconcilliation of some kind. It will just set you back. Anything you do now is for you, you shouldn't do anything in hopes that it will bring her back or leave a favorable impression. I'm about three years removed from it now. Life has moved on for me. And it's a good place to be. I won't lie and say I don't think about her once in a while, but it's just a fleeting thought and it doesn't hurt anymore. You'll get there too if you stay the course. All the best man. You're going to do fine. Link to comment
Cooper1607308758 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Share Posted May 18, 2012 Thanks for the replies guys. Its crazy how an online forum can help put you in a better mood and keep you sane. I have decided to go ahead and sell the ring as well. I was holding it for some hopeless romantic reasons but really that is holding me back as well. I have to cut her out of my life completely. Basically make her a ghost. That is what I am going to do. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 You don't need the money, and right now, things are still rocky. If I were you, I'd put it in a box and bury it Deep in a closet or an attic or some place else. You may regret selling it; if you still have it, you can ALWAYS part with it, but once gone, it will never be seen again. I'd wait at least a year before you chuck it. Link to comment
luminousone Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Jewelers are hesitant to pull a diamond out of a setting - I found that out when I went to have my great grandmother's diamond re-set for my wedding... The diamond is a family heirloom and so it should stay with her. She has a few options: 1. choose a different setting and have it re-set and then return the other setting to you. or - 2. pay you for the ring (the setting part) and then she can keep it intact... Since she is the dumper then she is obligated to return the "ring". In some states there are laws about that. Sorry for your loss - better you found this out now rather than later! Link to comment
Cooper1607308758 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Share Posted May 18, 2012 Jewelers are hesitant to pull a diamond out of a setting - I found that out when I went to have my great grandmother's diamond re-set for my wedding... The diamond is a family heirloom and so it should stay with her. She has a few options: 1. choose a different setting and have it re-set and then return the other setting to you. or - 2. pay you for the ring (the setting part) and then she can keep it intact... Since she is the dumper then she is obligated to return the "ring". In some states there are laws about that. Sorry for your loss - better you found this out now rather than later! It certinately is better to find out sooner than later. I have already gotten the setting back, which I now want to sell. Lonewing has suggesting giving it more time to sell it, but I don't know if that would do me more harm than good. Everyday I think about this empty ring that was a symbol of my future and now it just sits there....empty. I dont need the cash, but if i do sell it I will be sure to treat myself to some goodies! Link to comment
Lonewing Posted May 19, 2012 Share Posted May 19, 2012 If it's just the setting minus the diamond - yeah, then I agree, chop chop, it's just metal. Goodies would be fun...especially if it's 24k gold!!! Link to comment
DN Posted May 19, 2012 Share Posted May 19, 2012 I think you should sell it now as keeping it is just a reminder of a bad time. Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted May 19, 2012 Share Posted May 19, 2012 If it's just the setting minus the diamond - yeah, then I agree, chop chop, it's just metal. Goodies would be fun...especially if it's 24k gold!!! ;] Golddigger at its best. Do not keep the ring, OP. You'll just keep remembering the good times and start sulking. Link to comment
Cooper1607308758 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Share Posted May 28, 2012 just a quick update. i haven't sold the ring yet! haha i know I am the worst, but one day I will. Went on a 10 mile hike yesterday and had a fantastic time. I am on cruise control forward and am excited about my future. I certainly have my moments where I get very nostalgic and sad, after all I was with her for almost half of my lifetime. Just wanted to pop in here and give a small update on my situation. Take care. Happy Memorial Day. ps: is it petty to mail her my watches she has bought me over time? I cannot wear them ever again and will be buying myself a nice movado. Perhaps I can just sell them? Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 just a quick update. i haven't sold the ring yet! haha i know I am the worst, but one day I will. Went on a 10 mile hike yesterday and had a fantastic time. I am on cruise control forward and am excited about my future. I certainly have my moments where I get very nostalgic and sad, after all I was with her for almost half of my lifetime. Just wanted to pop in here and give a small update on my situation. Take care. Happy Memorial Day. Dang I could only do 4 mile hike in 6 hours. Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I'd keep the watches she gave you. They may not be as jarring in 10 years. Or you could sell them too. Or give them to a family member who might like them. Glad you enjoyed the hike! Link to comment
Lonewing Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Dang I could only do 4 mile hike in 6 hours. My fastest 1.5 mile is 11:30... just a quick update. i haven't sold the ring yet! haha i know I am the worst, but one day I will. Went on a 10 mile hike yesterday and had a fantastic time. I am on cruise control forward and am excited about my future. I certainly have my moments where I get very nostalgic and sad, after all I was with her for almost half of my lifetime. Just wanted to pop in here and give a small update on my situation. Take care. Happy Memorial Day. ps: is it petty to mail her my watches she has bought me over time? I cannot wear them ever again and will be buying myself a nice movado. Perhaps I can just sell them? Keep them or sell them, but either way, don't give them back. Box and bury in the back of the closet may be the best bet. Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 My fastest 1.5 mile is 11:30... Yeah but what level was it? Mine was the toughest level for a beginner. LOL Yeah I hiked toughest hike as a beginner. One of the hikers was like "Oh my god! Seeker! You're a beginner and you're hiking the toughest hike! You are crazy!" Keep them or sell them, but either way, don't give them back. Box and bury in the back of the closet may be the best bet. Hahaha, geocaching anyone? Link to comment
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