Fiance left me after 9 years - 8 together 1 engaged...

[Fraggle]

If anything, to the contrary (although I would say that having done the same)

 

I too don't like conflict or leaving something that you feel might have something left... she declined and it hurts after having been with them...

 

See yourself as having offered some kind of reconciliation and they have declined for whatever reason. It hurts being rejected (again) whether you contacted her for friendship or the potential of something more, it isn't nice.

 

It may sting for a little while, but hopefully it'll help you head in the right direction

 

but you keep hoping for something from her that she is not capable of giving, it is not a reflection on you, it is a reflection on her.

 

As a fellow poster says it is NOT a reflection on you,, but her... hard to see now, but you will and one day she might too, but carry on carrying on... I too am in a similar situation and its all a bit poooooo.....

 

Bon chance

 

Frag

[Ms Darcy]

Do you think this make me look like a weak fool and that her and her boyfriend are just laughing at me? I am just trying to be a nice human being.

 

I extended an olive branch and she kind of just broke it.

 

I don't know if she broke the olive branch. I think it's positive she said thanks for thinking of her.

 

I would just give it time. Feelings are still there and in order to be friends I often think A LOT of time has to pass.

 

In a couple of years if you have a new gf, a new love, I am not sure if you would even still be interested in her friendship.

[Cooper1607308758]

Well hello ENA!

 

So its been over two years and im doing wonderful. Ive Changed jobs to a better one in the big city, met tons of fantastic people. Its really been such a wonderful time.

 

The only reason I am posting again is because dont give up. You will get through this. I didnt think so either. Life will actually be better.insane but true.

 

Today I am going through my emails and I have a linked in notification. Low and behold who creeped on my profile? The ex fiancee. The girl who told me I was holding her back in life. The girl who told me she didnt love me for the last three years of dating.

 

From what I know she got another boyfriend within 4 months and moved in with him. We havent spoken or seen eachother in close to two years.

 

Now I ask... why would this human be searching for me online? Ive never been a dumper and this is my only time ive gotten dumped. Is this a dumper ego boost ? A curiosity fix?? Every user knows u can see who viewed your profile on linked in. Shes blocked everywhere else. Phone.email.facebook.instagram.

 

What gives? Im very afraid she wants to reach out because honestly I dont want to communicate with this human again. Can someone be blocked on linkedin?

[annie24]

Unfortunately, you can't block people on LinkedIn. Glad to hear you are doing better!

[mhowe]

No --- but you don't have to accept their link.

[Cooper1607308758]

Oh I will never accept. I just dont even want her to see me on there. F her curiosity. She lost the right to know what i am doing.

[Cooper1607308758]

Well hello!

 

This update is for the regulars, the newly broken, the bleeding hearts and the people who never think they'll get over their ex.

 

Its starts weird, but I want to take you through the entire uh thing.

 

So I purchased a pair of shoes from the UK from a store called End. I got my shopping emailed and I think I deleted it. So I go to look up the tracking information in gmail and type in End. Shipping wasn't working. Turns out they use Dispatched instead of shipped. Silly.

 

So I type in End and lo and behold my exes name comes up in the results. Uh what? I know I deleted every email conversation over two years ago. The date says August 9. Uh what? Its a new email...and its in my trash. I take the opportunity to search here name and I bring up three emails in my trash. One per month since June.

 

So...I read them.

 

First email is your standard I haven't talked to you in so long I hope you're doing well blah blah blah.

 

Um what?

 

Second email is on my birthday. Happy bday etc etc I'd love to catch up. I understand if you don't want to thought. That's the gist of the email.

 

Third email. Long winded. She apologizes for the way she treated me. Said that she went crazy and just didn't care at that time. But now she does care and will always care about me. She doesn't want to never speak again but understands if I don't want to. She said she would have done a lot of things differently if she could go back. She hopes I don't think about her in a bad light and remember more than the end of the relationship. (I would paste it but my phone isn't letting me. Perhaps I will when I'm out of work).

 

So this is coming after over a year and a half of strict no contact. I knew I didn't deserve to be treated that way and its nice to see she acknowledges it

 

Will I email her back? Nah. I live in NYC now. Have a fantastic job and I'm been hanging out with a lovely easy going lady for the last few months. I have had no relationships since then besides superficial hooking up.

 

So that's my update for the regulars and the broken hearted. Go NC. Understand yourself worth. If people want to walk out on your life, let them keep walking. Its funny how everyone says they contact you when you're over them. I always thought it was just something people say. Its true. It's like your ex can sense when you're over it and living again.

 

Thanks.

[floridasfinest]

I love threads like this because you can compare how the OP was then and now...glad to hear you are doing well! Sounded like a painful breakup (I know mine was). Thanks for coming back and giving everybody an update. While I am still in a little rut myself, I feel better everyday of NC and hope I never come in contact with my ex again.

 

Congrats!

[Cooper1607308758]

I love threads like this because you can compare how the OP was then and now...glad to hear you are doing well! Sounded like a painful breakup (I know mine was). Thanks for coming back and giving everybody an update. While I am still in a little rut myself, I feel better everyday of NC and hope I never come in contact with my ex again.

 

Congrats!

 

No problem! I promised myself I would come back to post my progress. I got countless amounts of help lurking and reading here during my darkest days. The posts that always helped me were the long ones over the course of years. Keep up the NC and keep healing! If someone ever walks away from you, let them.

[Ms Darcy]

Are you interested in getting into another relationship?

[Cooper1607308758]

Are you interested in getting into another relationship?

 

I am absolutely open to the idea of another relationship. I am dating casual currently and enjoy it very much. I never really got to date various people growing up and I find it so interesting to meet different personalities and gauge compatibility!

[Ms Darcy]

Well good luck to you!

[mrsbel]

Hi Cooper! Recently I got dumped by my 6.7 year boyfriend... I was wondering how did you get through with the break up? Did you think about her being with other man or get engaged with other man? How did you fight those thoughts? How did you get over the fact that you might be replaced in the future? ANd more importantly, how did you start loving yourself?

 

I really need some advices...

[Indifference]

Your an Inspiration! A1 Inspiration dude!

 

A great read

[Cooper1607308758]

Hi Cooper! Recently I got dumped by my 6.7 year boyfriend... I was wondering how did you get through with the break up? Did you think about her being with other man or get engaged with other man? How did you fight those thoughts? How did you get over the fact that you might be replaced in the future? ANd more importantly, how did you start loving yourself?

 

I really need some advices...

 

Hi mrsbel,

 

I got through the break up one day at a time. It sucks, but you will absolutely get through it. Theres a very high chance that post break up 'you' will be so much more awesome than 'you' in that relationship. It seems to be a trend. I thought about her with other guys of course. The way to fight it is to occupy yourself. Healing isn't linear and youll have great days and terrible days. Everyday the hole inside will shrink. You may not notice it. But it will. Exercise, eat right, get some hobbies - make some friends.

 

Live for YOURSELF. Value YOURSELF. Nothing is more important than your self worth and your self respect. As I said earlier in the thread - if someone wants to walk out of your life, let them. Theyre not worth it. One day youre going to wake up and that burning feeling in your chest will be gone. Youll try and will it back, but it wont come. It may even weird you out that youre not hurting anymore. Youll slowly stop thinking about the break up and it will eventually just feel like a dream. Just keep taking it one day at a time. Oh yeah, the real healing doesn't begin until you go NC. Full NC. DISAPPEAR. Vanish from their life. Give them the gift of missing you. By the time they come sniffing around - youll be a new person. Hey - you may not even wanna speak to them by then! I kind of feel sad for my ex that reached out. I think shes still lost.

[Twidom]

I had a minor setback a few days ago. Been in NC for almost a year now. It's good to know things eventually get better. Thank you.

[sky09]

Got fed the same line "Love you but not in love" back in March. Been together for 5 years, but felt like we knew each other for eternity. Did you ever ask her what the f she meant by this? My, now ex, has been skyping with people from overseas and emotionally disconnecting from the relationship, so I could see how that line is appropriate. I don't think she's ever physically cheated, though. It's tough, man. I'm trying my best to keep composure. Living one day at a time. Been nothing but forthcoming since the break - no fights, no pettiness, no blame. I just can't seem to stop caring about her.

[Mari]

Nevermind, I thought this was recent.

[RnldbMai]

I've been lurking on here for a few weeks. I just registered to say thank you, Cooper. Following your thread has been extremely uplifting for me. I hope you realize how helpful your thread and updates are.

[Cooper1607308758]

I've been lurking on here for a few weeks. I just registered to say thank you, Cooper. Following your thread has been extremely uplifting for me. I hope you realize how helpful your thread and updates are.

 

No problem at all! I was able to find peace through these forums and I hope to do the same for others..

 

I realized I forgot her email...here it is (third email in three months):

 

 

*This is the last time I'll write to you. I just can't imagine going the rest of our lives and never speaking again. But if that's how you want it, I understand. I want you to know how sorry I am for what I put you through. If I were to go back, there are so many things I would have done differently. I think I had finally just hit a point where I went crazy, and I didn't care about anything. You didn't deserve that at all. You deserved me to care. And I do care. What we had was real, and I will never forget you, stop caring about you, or forget the years we spent growing up together. I'm always thinking about how you're doing and I hope with all my heart that you are happy and living a life you enjoy. I hope you'll accept my apology but I'm not even sure I would if I were you. I just hope that the end of our relationship is not what you remember me by. I hope you remember me in the good times we had.*

[Brotherhood67]

Thank you for sharing this.

 

I must say I cried a little when I read it, too many similarities with my own story, except the fact that what she wrote you is deep and seems honest, something my ex is incapable of even thinking and writing. You made the right choice in not answering, it's probably too late.

 

Thank you.

[miss]

I really feel you when you say you value relationships. And how you you dont actually feel comfortable letting go of the memories as though they were nothing, and you want to hold on to them, even though you SHOULD probably forget her.

 

I too feel like I have sort of lost some 'charm', something snapped inside. It is as though the world wants you to become heartless too. I know for a fact that I would never devote myself so much ever, never give someone so much power to hurt me. My next relationship would probably be a more worldly and "mature" one, but i dont think (not sure) I would be that girl who has so much patience. The worst part is that, in my case, he dumped me by blaming everything on me. Though he dumped me all of a sudden, he made it seem like it was all because of years of my mistake, things like " you are an angry person" " I tolerated you for so many years" "you ill treated me" "You are an emotional wreck"..and I was so brainwashed and in love with him, i agreed and even believed every word of it. I apologised and begged him, and i told him i would change everytihng for him.

 

It has been three months since all this, now i can see things a little clearer. I could see all the red flags, and how i ignored those, because i wanted to believe him.

 

After all this, I just feel a little sad that, this has sort of made me a sceptic and I dont think i can trust anyone all over again! I want to live with someone till the end now, i feel i have no capacity to go through another break up.

[phil17]

Thanks for sharing Cooper. I don't post much because reading your story is more or less what I've been going through. I appreciate you keeping others who are going through the same thing updated.

[Stay_home]

I guess really what I am trying to do here is find out if I should contact her and get the ring back and sever all communication completely. We have only talked 4-5 times in the last 2+ months. I am not trying to be her emotional crutch through this. It sucks as I have lost her as my best friend, her family which I loved and my fiance. It kind of feels good to vent on here and participate. I would love to get back with her but i know that is my heat speaking. thanks eNA.

 

Please don't be offended by this but at 24 and 25 and beginning your relationship at 15 years old, she hasn't had a lot of opportunity to grow outside of her relationship. There's a part of life to explore I think before a wedding. Dating around, being a bachelor with carefree responsibility, blowing money on worthless crap -- not a care in the world but your own selfish ***. This is most likely why she's been flaky about marrying you. She's still very young and does not wish to be locked into a marriage this early in her life.

[Cooper1607308758]

Please don't be offended by this but at 24 and 25 and beginning your relationship at 15 years old, she hasn't had a lot of opportunity to grow outside of her relationship. There's a part of life to explore I think before a wedding. Dating around, being a bachelor with carefree responsibility, blowing money on worthless crap -- not a care in the world but your own selfish ***. This is most likely why she's been flaky about marrying you. She's still very young and does not wish to be locked into a marriage this early in her life.

 

 

Hi. I'm not offended at all. This was well over two years ago. I appreciate the insight.

 

She can certainly date around and do whatever she wants. She has free will. I also have free will which is why I chose to not reply to her email. I have no reason to help her move past her guilt. That's not my battle to fight. I am well past that.

 

You may notice that while her email seems nice and well meaning it's actually an extremely selfish form of contact. She doesn't care how her email would affect me. Instead she's worried someone doesn't like her. The key is the last two sentences. It's all about her. To me she is as lost as ever and is just now starting to realize that she'll never get back what we had. You can only grow up once. I don't value any of the memories or time spent the way she apparently does. To me they're all tainted.