Got Cancer & Realise What a Waste of Life & to Have Cried Over A Crappy Break-Up

[Silverbirch]

I very recently had surgery for what has turned out to be cancer. Hoping that the surgeons have gotten it all and that I will remain cancer-free. How trivial now the ex seems and I will never shed another tear over things like that so not worth crying or losing sleep over.

 

To think I spent 4 months crying. Ludicrous. You don't need to do the same as me and waste precious time.

[lavenderdove]

Sometimes important revelations can come from the most unexpected sources! I'm glad this experience has helped you've realize how precious life is and that one should appreciate it and spend your time in things that are rewarding rather than mired in self pity.

 

Your odds are very very good for total healing! There are so many good treatments and drugs these days to treat cancer. I know so many people who've been treated and gone on to live normal healthy and happy lifespans!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yes, cancer or any other major illness often results in people taking stock of themselves and realizing what is important and what is not. An ex is never important in the grand scheme of someone's life. Lots of people continue to live well after cancer and there are resources available to help you get back on your feet emotionally after getting this kind of news. Check out the hospital for cancer support organizations which may have support groups and activities for people who have had a cancer diagnosis.

[lanaa]

the health is always the most important we have in life

 

exes come and go

[Batya33]

I agree. Unfortunately I don't think it's something most people can absorb, much less really hear, during a break up or similar crisis and too often the message comes accross as unsupportive or unsympathetic despite the best intentions of the person trying to get the other person to shift her perspective. I don't think that's a flaw in people, just being human.

 

I am glad you're being so strong through this and have so much wonderful support.

[OrangeMoon]

Your destiny was never tied to the one that left you. I am sorry to read about the cancer and wish you all the best and strength during this time. Stay focused on your health and keep your vision fixed on a positive horizon. In the grand scheme of life, break ups and lost loves are so trivial. Sometimes you need to experience it or read about it to establish a sense of reality and perspective.

 

Thank you for your message and stay positive..

[lemsip]

Silverbirch, you are so right. I'm very sorry to hear of your scare, I knew you were in hospital but I wasn't aware it was for that. It truly must have put everything in perspective, and I think that this will yet again be another thing in your life that leads you to become a stronger person. You always showed me support on my thread when I needed it, so I hope this message reaches you well today.

 

Hugs!

[butterflyburn]

Silverbirch, sorry to hear about the cancer. Get well soon. Hug

[DerekJason]

Big Wishes for full recovery Silverbirch! crazy how things can eclipse BU's

[lyndsaylynn]

Silverbirch,

You are so right. I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I know you can beat this.

Sending you hugs and good thoughts.

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Everyone, and thank you so much for your support. I agree with you Bataya, I know myself when a person is going through a breakup themselves, it can be just such hard crop, but I hope I can help at least one person to see that there really is life after an ex. I need to change my mind, possibly even more than my body and finally coming to see TRULY that the breakup was a really good thing for me. One of the things it means is that being released from that relationship, even though it wasn't of my choosing has given me the opportunity to live a happier and better life and it's even looking as though there is someone there who does genuinely love me for myself. It doesn't mean that one person can meet all my emotional and other needs or they can be there for me whenever I want, but I don't doubt that he does love me - he has shown me love, caring and affection over these last couple of days especially and shown himself to be a loyal friend. David insisted that I stay at his place these last couple of days and we've sort of hung out together in the usual type of way. I'm up and moving about - going to give my doggie a bath shortly and I'm glad to be back in my own place. Even my housemate who had been horrid these last couple of months has been very nice and rang me before I went into hospital and while I was at David's to check I was okay.

 

Re the ex, I almost feel sorry for him, but I can see and accept that some people just find it harder to love others and to just be happy.

 

Early in my breakup, I lost a close friend to lymphoma. It's looking as though I'm much fortunate than her so far. She wasn't diagnosed until her cancer was very advanced. Although I'm not going to know the full results until around another 2 and a half weeks, it's looking as though they got my cancer early although I'm going to be needing to go into hospital at fairly regular intervals to keep a check on it. The other thing I should be grateful for is that apart from the last couple of nights, the pain hasn't been too bad, and I have had adequate pain-killers although I don't think anything beats a nice warm bath, slow breathing and a heated wheat pillow. So far, it's been more a matter of having to deal with some real discomfort and inconvenience rather than pain.

 

I went to the hairdresser this morning and I'm ready to face the world again!

[Grace696]

So sorry to hear about the cancer, Silverbirch - that must be very scary. The prognosis sounds positive though. And you sound very strong. Good luck! xx

[Silverbirch]

Hi Thanks Grace. Well, yesterday afternoon, I had this weird, but great experience. Other people may not believe in this kind of thing, but I have a girlfriend from over 20 years who called me up yesterday and asked me over for coffee. Over the years, there's been what some people may call "psychic experiences" channelled through her. It happened yesterday while I was there. She told me several names. She said my fathers name and that he wanted to tell me "It's okay." I hadn't said anything to her about it, but I had been thinking that since I was sick that my father would send me some type of sign and I was a bit amiss this hadn't seemed to happen. We talked a bit about David. She told me she saw him with a horse and said the horses name and said the horse had been long dead. The name she gave was SO close - just one alphabetical letter out. She also said another pet's name - the name of his cat. She told me to ask David who a particular surname was in his life, and then she added that a person by the same surname would be a doctor of mine. When I spoke with David last night, I asked him if he knew somebody by that name, and he said it was his ex-bosses name, a man he still knew and had worked for for many years. My GP has a different name to the one she said, but he has been on an extended trip to the UK. Hasn't come back yet as expected. A doctor by the name she stated is one of the other partners at the same medical practice where my regular GP is. I have already seen that GP a couple of times. She also said a name - a very European name, that my father was telling me that name. It is the name of my cousin - my father's sister's daughter. I emailed her this morning, but waiting for a reply. I saw she had posted on Facebook about a week ago that both of her twins had been sick with fevers, the little girl hallucinating, and that my cousin is very, very tired and feeling run-down as she also works as a school teacher.

[Stay_home]

I'm very sorry also to hear about the cancer and I hope and pray that you will be cancer-free from now on. But I agree that life is very precious and sometimes we waste time fretting over very trivial and menial things. I'm very guilty of that.

[lord voldemort]

I very recently had surgery for what has turned out to be cancer. Hoping that the surgeons have gotten it all and that I will remain cancer-free. How trivial now the ex seems and I will never shed another tear over things like that so not worth crying or losing sleep over.

 

To think I spent 4 months crying. Ludicrous. You don't need to do the same as me and waste precious time.[/quote

you are sure going to be well quite soon.Keep you confidence up like this.Hug

[Silverbirch]

Hi Two Sided Coin and Lord V and THANK YOU! I was thinking something today which should be quite obvious. Over one year ago, I had blood tests to see if I was going through menopause as my period had stopped for quite some time and I have virtually nothing in the way of sexual urges. I was in the relationship which broke up and that breakup led me to ENA. You may or may not know that there is somebody else in my life now - a man I knew for quite some time and a closer friendship developed after the breakup, and I am SO IN LOVE. Anyway, a couple of months ago, I became fully involved with him. Lo and behold, my period returned and has come every month since I have been in that relationship. I have absolutely no signs to indicate that I am in menopause, and most days now, I feel like a much younger woman. My present partner says almost every time he sees me that he struggles to believe my true age, that I have the body of a young woman and the face of a woman ten years younger than I am. Anyway, GP decided today that I need to be on contraception - haven't taken contraception for 25 years!!!! I am going to have a hormonal implant put in my arm. That doctor was quite amazed himself because he saw me ten months ago post breakup when my body was in shock, I hardly slept, and ate very, very little for a month. Even though I have been diagnosed with cancer (and who knows how long the tumor was in there for), I feel in so many ways a very different woman. The doctor said he believes that my present relationship has a lot to do with my period (and sexual drive) returning - I even felt like sex the day after surgery!!!! It got me to thinking about the power of the emotions and mind over the body. If good emotions can effect the body in such a way, then surely bad ones would too. So I am thinking that I need to look at my thoughts and emotions, BE HAPPY, cut the dead wood out of my life and lead the life I truly want. I hope you will too. HUGS XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[sadchick83]

Silverbirch, I have just read this whole thread. I could not believe the title when I saw it! You are an amazing woman and i admire you immensely for already seeing some positives during this difficult time. You are a good woman Silver, and I know God will look after you during this difficult time...XOXO Take care.

[deeplongbreath]

I wish you a speedy and full recovery! Looks like you're a very strong and happy person now, it's important believe me so I think you'll be fine

 

Your story reminds me that I've been diagnosed with incurable cancer (too rare, no treatment) back in 2004. I managed (will never know how though) to get a remission a few months after the announcement, and met the ex a few years later. When I think of how desperate I have been when I was sure I was going to die soon and how terriblel the break up has been, they are two different things really. I know the value of life because I nearly lost it (and God knows how painful this period has been, having to struggle by myself with no help from doctors and/or my husband at the time), but true love is even more valuable in my books.

[poweroflove]

I completely agree with you, such times remind us that all other hardships and pains are trivial.

 

I am so glad you are thinking positive and is looking after yourself. Please keep up with this outlook and faith in life. I wish you a good health and a long life.

[Silverbirch]

Hugs All, well Sadchick, I think you are such a nice person and I so hope the time is near when you will consider changing your username to something like "Happybutt" LOL!

 

Deeplongbreath and Poweroflove, thank you also.

 

I had a nice day today. It's amazing where I am atm. For weeks now, there is a truly beautiful site of what has been THOUSANDS of orange butterflies with black markings on them. I thought they would have finished by now, but there are still a lot. Around 2-3 weeks ago, they were probably at their peak. The weather here was perfect today. I don't go back to work until tomorrow. Had David around for dinner and then we went for a walk. I took him past a property a walk down the road where I knew they kept a pet pig near their dam. Couldn't see piggie when we got there and I started snorting and making piggy noises and sure enough, piggie came running up with another piggie friend! I didn't know there was more than one. They are so friendly and not dirty and smelly like they are supposed to be. They were as friendly as friendly dogs and inquisitive. David and I had a good chuckle and I'll go back in the next few days with some apples.

 

I got up this morning and decided I wanted to wear some wonderful colors, put on my favourite bling and makeup, and wash and style my hair, putting in lots of shine. Gosh, it made me feel good! What a difference! I realised most of my clothes are either black, white or beige although I had a few turquoise colored tops which are quite tatty looking. Anyway, I headed off to a favourite op shop in the next community. I was in luck. It was as though these 2 blouses were there especially for me - very good brands - one was a violet colored peasant style lacey blouse. Sounds tacky, but it's really lovely. (I wore it tonight when David came over and he was clearly impressed with both the blouse and what it didn't cover. LOL!) The other was a very good brand summer beautiful purple and feminine sleeveless thing. Both in perfectly new condition. I only paid $1.50 for each of them. A good bargain always makes my day. I'm going to put more color in my wardrobe. Makes me feel good. Want to hunt out some more turquoise colored tops. That's probably my favourite color.

 

 

Anyway, on my way home, I stopped off at the general store for a latte, sittiing on the verandah there and this young man with a camera a tripod comes and introduces himself to me. Says he works for an advertising company which currently mostly works for lifestyle realestate and asked me if he could take some photos of me!! So glad I had washed and styled my hair and had makeup on LOL! Anyway, he took photos for around 10 minutes and says one of them might make it's way onto an advertising brochure. LOL! Then he drove off with another man in what looked to be a new BMW. They are considered luxury cars here. Very nice. I wouldn't mind one myself.

[stevef20]

I don't know what to say... I read this and my eyes fill with tears, some of sadness but equally some of joy.

 

You are a truly amazing, wonderful woman.

 

Forever your friend

Steve x

[Realitynut]

Wow!!! Now you've become a 'sought out' model!! I haven't been on here for many reasons! I was messing around with the 'site' and the way it is shown...can't explain it...and now it's screwed up. I don't see the 'pages', I can't go from the first page to the last....etc., etc., and I an unable to change it back! I thought about asking a mod if they knew how to help me! HELP ME!!! lol

yES Silver,I've been keeping track of you and trying not to cry...sounds good. Funny, I hadn't had a period in 17 months, and had a light one a few weeks ago! I figured it was because I got so fat, my body thought i was having a baby, and when I didn't...period time! lol

 

Well reply later, hate not knowing where I'm at on this thing

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Everyone,

I haven't been able to access a computer for a couple of days due to problems with my provider, but should have this sorted out now. Steve, so relieved to hear from you mate. I've sent you an IM.

 

Good to hear from you Carla. I thought you probably had a new romance!

 

Well, today I have quite a few things to sort out with my pay - work owes me my holiday pay so my bank balance will come up again Yay!!! During all this hopsital shot, I forgot to pay some bills and I've also been quite busy with casual work.

 

David has been absolutely fantastic. I'm at his place now but have to leave shortly, go home and do stuff then head off to work. Have a day off tomorrow.

 

My body is now feeling pefectly normal again. I sort of felt like I was very premenstrual with bloating. My wees are normal and I was told yesterday that I'm looking refreshed. Went back to my old work yesterday for a shift, and decided I don't want to go there at all because of the politics and some of the stuff that happens. I think the field (disability with challenging behaviours) attracts some fruit cake workers. They have recently put on a person who I think is quite concerning. I don't want to work with her. There was an incident and fortunately a third worker who saw what I saw. I don't have the energy to put into that now and maybe ever again. I need to be taking care of my self and there are much easier places to work. Been to other places where the staff and clients have asked for me to come back. Much nicer and easier. This is going to be a great pay for me. Working Xmas day and getting triple time for 8 hours.

 

Gotta rush. Take care all. Speak soon. xxxx

[Realitynut]

Hi Silver...actually I MAY have a new romance...but not rushing into things...hehe, haven't even met him yet...But of course he's crazy over me!!! Who wouldn't be!!! LOL JK...I joined link removed and 9 days ago started emailing this guy, and one other. I call the one I'm going to see on Fri. the "good guy" and the other I've been emailing, but have never talked on the phone or txted or anything...he's the "bad boy"!! LOL...of course I'm more interested in the bad boy...neither now about each other, as I'm sure I don't know all the millions of other women they are emailing also. the bad boy is just a lot of flirting and talking with sexual enuendo. It started with bare feet, to nude and topless beaches, and now "lighting fires"....he makes me laugh! I told him I had Fred Flinstone feet, and he said he had a fantasy about Betty Rubble. the way he writes is SO hallarious!! Most guys can't string 3 words together, much less sentences. We write at least once a day...so at least I get one laugh a day. He lives in town. Is 52, and very nice looking and well-traveled. VERY well-traveled...my kinda guy...if he can afford to take me along! (and NO KIDS...YAY)

 

The other guy is just NICE. He's 46, nice looking, has 4 kids, and one is a 16 yr. old boy that lives with him. The things we have in common is he lives an an Italianate house that was built in 1875...My old house that I DID live in was built in 1889. That's old around these parts!! He would probably really be hurt if he knew I was flirting so outrageously with another guy...but hey, I'm not planning on falling in love like I did the first night with Dan! I still can't imagine loving anyone like I did him...and I still cry almost every day...over 'him'...duh....

 

Also, I'm almost the fattest I've ever been...but not QUITE!! Couldn't fit in ANY of my jeans, so had a cry about that. The guy that I'm to see Fri. (Bryon) says he thinks I'm beautiful, and won't think anything negative. Of course he's only seen pics of me from my neck up. He texted me tonite that this measurements were: 44 chest, and 33 waist. I told him, "ha, that's funny, cuz my chest is 33 and my waist is 44!!! He answered LMAO.

 

I always said I was sorta square...my chest, waist, and hips were all the same size...scary!

 

I'm driving to his place about an hour or more away, and he's going to take me to a new steak place, and then back to his house and watch a movie. He said he hoped that I wouldnt be disappointed in him. I said 'as long as I get a big smile, a big hug, and a big steak, I'll be perfectly happy!"

 

I crack myself up sometimes!!

 

I just hope others can appreciate it, and then forgive my imperfections! Holy cow...but I have a lot!!!

 

I've also been painting my kitchen, and doing some plaster work...in fact, gotta get back to work!

 

I just don't like this format that I now have for enotalone. can't find anything....there are no pages...ugh

 

So glad you feel better, I was so worried about you. Glad that tough little heart of Davids is melting into a big pile of 'goo'!! I can't imagine someone stopping and wanting to take MY picture. Oh, once in Borders (a book store) some foot fetish guy wanted to take a pic of my feet! Does that count???

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Carla,

Glad to see you are at least on the dating/flirting scene again. My experience was that the son of my ex was really no trouble at all. My exes daughter actually liked me a lot in many ways, but I think when/if a partner's daughter from a previous relationship likes you, that can cause them some conflict. At least with her, it did - like she was somehow being disloyal to her mother if she liked me. As I mentioned, David has a 22 year old daughter. I'm told she likes me a lot. We are friendly and seem to have a girly type connection, but I'm probably more wary than she is of any type of closeness with her at this stage at least. David told me that when she was quite young, he was in a relationship which lasted 3 months and the woman developed a nice relationship with his daughter. Then when that didn't work out, his daughter was very hurt so seems she and I are sort of in the same boat!! LOL I might buy her a very small Xmas gift though. She's also a horsey gal although David and I both have very different views to her on horsemanship - she has a very traditional dressage outlook whereas David and I are both interested in a lot of natural horsemanship concepts.

 

I do like the sound of the 46 year old but don't have such good feelings about the other guy. Of course I could be VERY wrong,and if you are having lots of fun, then GO FOR IT! Oh, wish I could be doing up a kitchen right now. Funny that is something I've been thinking about. I'm still very set on the idea of a 50's style retro kitchen. My ex still as quite a lot of my kitchen things and I've been getting back into cooking. I texted him last night saying that I won't be able to get them until the new year because of work which is true. Anyway, today I saw there was a long text back from him saying that would be fine and also suggesting that I might like to have lunch with him at a lovely place not too far from where I live. It was quite long and sort of weird, very flowery and signed off "Love G". He always used to send me lovey dovey texts right up until the breakup and sign off "Love". Then all of a sudden when he decided that I "wasn't THE ONE", that all stopped and all of his communications with me were very terse and brief and signed off "Cheers G" or just "G". It was so weird getting that text. I haven't and don't intend responding to it at all. Even if I wasn't with David, I have realised several things. Firstly, even if I wasn't with David, I have enough self-respect and self-love to not even contemplate a "friendship" with him. I wish him well, just as I would wish anyone. Still, I refuse to let myself sympathise, empathise or let him get into my headspace or emotional space in any way.

 

I decided to sensitively tell David about it and got the exact reaction I was expecting. David had told me he had concerns that I wasn't fully over my ex or that I had baggage from my previous relationships. David said "Well, that's okay. Nothing wrong with going to lunch with somebody." I know David well enough to know he was trying to be cool. I could even hear it in his voice. I told David that with life being as busy as it is, and with me having several people, places and interests in my life which are important to me, why would I want to go to lunch with the ex???? Especially if I could be with David. More importantly, I told him (David) that even if David wasn't in my life, I have self-respect and I've moved on and moving forward with my life. I told him that I've realised it isn't good for me to be holding onto bad feelings about the ex (I don't think it's great for keeping myself cancer-free amongst other things) so I wish him well but have let go of him.

 

Work is good atm. I've also let go of my old place of work where I was managing and very happy to be travelling about with work. It's been surprising but nice to be going to some work sites I haven't been to in some cases for a couple of years and having workers and clients run up and hug and kiss me and say how good it is to see me! I've even gotten phone calls at home from some of the sites direct rather than through the official job allocators asking if I could come and do some more work for them very soon. I should earn over $500 before tax just for working Xmas Day! I'm also going to work Boxing Day and New Years Day then early February, take a bit of time off and visit my mum interstate.

 

David has been saying for ages that he NEVER celebrates Xmas or gets into the present-giving, but he told me today he is feeling a little stressed at the thought of going to the shops to buy me a gift, but he is going to!!! He absolutely hates shopping at the best of times, but is also a person who stays away from crowds of people and cities, even large busy country centres. I've just bought him and my son small gifts. For David, a 2012 Tractor Calendar and will get some chocolate for him. My mum is getting the best presents - a really good quality range of Argan (Morroccan) Oil hair products. For my son, a 2012 calendar with photographs of "One Thousand Places to Visit Before You Die" (based on the best-selling book). Son is difficult to buy for but I'm sure he will like that as well as some different types of herbal teas.

 

Tomorrow will be another busy day. Won't have a day off work until the 27th December, but should be back here a few times before then. Love to All. XXXX