Got Cancer & Realise What a Waste of Life & to Have Cried Over A Crappy Break-Up

[Silverbirch]

ps Carla, could the problems you are having with viewing this site be related to your "Cookies"?

[Realitynut]

I'm so happy to read your emails SB...puts a smile on my face. I have even looked into Morroccan hair products for myself...just because of your endorsement!! Never heard of it before, but do now notice it in my beauty supply fliers.

 

The 'good guy' must be a shopper. He went in closer to Chicago to all these cute shops to buy presents for his daughters. Dan would rather have DIED than do that! He had ONE store he frequented often to buy all his gifts. It was funny, cuz that is the store I always went to in my hometown also...NOT Walmart! lol We both hated that. We had so much in common...we really did...except for the social thing....but as they say, that was then, this is now!!

 

Good guy also said he bought me a present! HUH? He hadn't even met me, and only had talked for DAYS, not even WEEKS! But all I can say is GOODY!!! LOL

 

Good guy also told me a story about his crazy ex, engagement ring, and jail...the story sounded eerily like mine...except HE went to jail, instead of me. I'm probably like everyones crazy ex!!!! Better be on my best behavior!

 

Bad Boy just sent me another funny email. No sexual enuendo's at all....darn....He must be a frustrated writer...he wrote today that he was sitting in his "vermin-infested trailor drinking vodka"...lol He likened himself to Van Gogh...so you see, a lot of silly banter. Which is fun.

 

Good guy is probably very nice, but somehow, or for some reason he doesn't make me LAUGH, but I make him laugh...ahhh yes...my forte'.

 

I hope you don't mind that I tell people that you were asked to have your pic taken the other day....I found it soooo 'celebrity-like', or at least "how I was discovered!" Like I said, I only had that foot-fetish guy!! LOL

 

I was suppose to be working on my kitchen all day (no customers/no money) but here it is, after 4 and I'm on here. Got the paint brushes and rollers ready and waiting....then onto working on the hardwood floors that are now all paint splattered...lol.

 

David will soon discover you are in it for the long haul. My sis didn't date while her son was in school...at all...because when he was little he got attached to the guys she was 'with'...so she waited until he went off to college.

 

 

My birthday is Dec. 24. And Dec. 23 Dan and I would have been together 4 and a half years!!! lol...I just had to throw that in! When he comes into my mind, I am now able to throw him back out...but sometimes still cry before he's totally gone. I just try so hard NOT to think about him and our 'old' life. The good times make me cry, and the bad times make me cry....so can't think about 'him' at all....

 

Gotta go work, maybe I'll lose 20 pounds by Fri. when I meet 'good guy'...I realized why 'good guys' finish last, vs. bad boys. They are just more 'boring', and bad boys offer that illicet excitment...oh, just to get past that first 'date'...can't wait for the steak!!!

[Silverbirch]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARLA! xxxxx

 

I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY AND ALSO A WONDERFUL XMAS!

 

 

I have an appointment at the hospital in the morning on Wednesday, 28th December, and will find out much more specific information about the cancer and what sort of treatment I will need. I have been so busy taking on as much paid work as I can, especially over Xmas. I'm still working Xmas Day, Boxing Day and New Years Day and as much work as I can in between. I have to get up 5am tomorrow and was very tired today. Last night I didn't get home from work until after midnight and had to leave for work 7am this morning. Tomorrow, will leave here at 6.30am. I'll be so glad when this is over and I can just veg out and do nothing.

 

Saw David today which was the highlight of my day. We haven't seen each other for a couple of days due to work commitments both of us have had.

 

I've been a bit teary and fed up. No pain, but had a fair amount of discomfort for the last couple of days which was been a real pain in the bot, but feeling much better right now. Just a very small amount of blood in my wees and I had been feeling knocked about by the heat here atm. It's been in the 30's and with the driving I've had to do, makes me feel headachey and nauseated. David made me laugh a lot today. I looked like crap as I had a bit of a meltdown from tiredness and feeling scared and fed up. Even though he was very busy himself,he came and met me at the paddock where I currently have the ponies agisted and helped me do a few things. He's also going to help me move the ponies back home on New Years Day. It will be so good to have them back home.

 

OMG, got a shock when I got home today. Housemate was not here, but I saw he had taken my clothes off the clothesline, folded them and put them in my basket. * * * . He has never done anything like that before which I can recall! He has been really nice too - well actually I've hardly seen him due to the long work hours. Wont have a day off until the 28th - the day I go back to the hospital and then it's back to work the next day. I'll have a break in the new year though and once I've got my new employment structure more stable and a bit of money saved, I'll relax a bit,

 

David is going to come over tomorrow night and spend the night. It feels like ages since we stayed together. Maybe it was around a week. God I am so over the ex!

 

Anyway everyone, Have a nice Xmas and don't stress too much about your exes. I'm certainly not going to. xxxxx

[pippy longstocking]

hi silver

 

I also wanted to wish you well and tell you your an amazing lady ...I have tears streaming down my eyes.

 

love and best wishes to you xxxx

[Silverbirch]

Hi and Thanks Shooting Star. I hope you have had a nice Xmas. I can't see I have done anything amazing though. Not sure if I am repeating myself, but I am going to see doc at hospital tomorrow and will find out a lot more hopefully. I worked over Xmas and did 2 shifts yesterday so I've decided to take New Years Day off work and David is going to help me moved the ponies back home.

 

He called me not long ago to say the cellulitis seems to have returned to his leg probably because he spent many hours yesterday driving but not too bad right now.. I'm going to meet him at the doctors soon. Apart from that, 'm planning on a very easy day. Had a good Xmas - saw my son and David and got to speak with all of my family who are interstate.

 

My ex sent me another text early Xmas day but I haven't replied to it yet and don't know if I will. I truly do not have any of those feelings for him anymore and not even interested in a friendship with him. If I do reply, will just send back something like "Thanks. Hope you and your family had a nice Xmas. J." I dunno though. I mean at Easter, I heard NOTHING and he hadn't even told me we were broken up - but I found out later there was another woman on the scene. I found it so hard to believe that he would not have contacted me knowing I had only just lost somebody close to me through lymphoma. Doesnt soound like relationship material to me or somebody I would consider a good friend.

 

Anyway, Merry Xmas to you all. xxxx

[poweroflove]

Merry Christmas to you Silverbirch

 

I hope you receive comforting news tomorrow.

[italiannmf24]

Silverbirch, I hope your cancer has been fully removed and you're in my thoughts.

 

Merry Christmas and keep a positive mindset!

 

We're all here for you.

[Realitynut]

Howdy SB...thankyou for that very nice Happy Birthday...my folks never even called to say H.B. Neither did the kids.

 

Anyway, christmas day, my phone buzzed saying I had a txt. Since no one ever txt's me, I figured it was the 'new guy' who ONLY txt's. WRONG!!!! It was Dan...take deep breath...he just said Happy BD and Merry x mas. That was all. Like you, I never heard from him over Easter, or any other time of year...but that was when he was trying to get RID of me. Now he knows I'm gone for good so its "safe" to make a connection. Unlike others, I KNOW he's not trying to worm his way back in! My mom was disgusted. My dad was in the other room sleeping. He's gone downhill so fast in the last few months. He couldn't even shuffle the cards on christmas. He always was the score keeper and played cards constantly. He finally handed the cards over to his son-in law to deal.

 

the next day I called mom and asked how dad was. She thought worse...huh...how could you get worse! Today she said he was feeling better and was calling doctors to see about getting a blood transfusion!! as if that would help!! He had 17 pounds of fluid removed from his stomach last month. SB. I know you don't know what pounds are, but its about the size of a one or 2 yr. old. He has congestive heart failure, and everything is shutting down. He just turned 79 in July and retired in Aug. It's so sad to see someone who always wanted to be in control, and not have control over this!!!

 

I'll probably never get him to co=sign on my old house now. Up until Thanksgiving he was still 'fighting', now all he does is sleep. Wouldn't want to upset him about asking about the house...and I know my moms view on it...she wouldn't want to co=sign either. Not like they are poor or anything.....lol

 

 

So Sb. Again I take over your thread and talk about ME! I certainly hope that your cancer is totally gone, and it's not the 'moving about' type.

 

Where did you take the ponies 'back home'. where is home? Since your roomate has been extra sweet, are you staying there? Or are you moving still? Threaten his ass with moving if he doesn't shape up!!! I'm all for threats!!!

 

 

I saw a new guy, but I don't think he's that interested. He has a 16 yr. old son that he's VERY invested in. the kid lives with him full time, except see's his mom every other wk. end 3 hrs away. I think the kid is kinda tied to him yet. the dad said, that the kid still wants him to be with him, and watch t.v. with him, and so he's not able to work on the house or clean that much!!! WHAT! My kids were independent by 3 yrs old, I'd be stripping woodwork (accross the street)...I guess I was a bad mom. But they survived.

 

I think I'm having a hot flash, so I'll get off for now. Hug David for me, and give him big wet kisses too!!! lol

[Silverbirch]

HUGS ALL.

 

I'm about to crash asleep so will reply to you all properly tomorrow if I can. I did want to let you all know the good news though. Went to hospital today and although I did not get to see the doc I was meant to due to staffing shortages, I got messages relayed to me and will go back to hospital on the 4th January.

 

The pathology report has come back as: Low-grade non-invasive Papilliary Transiitonal Cell carcinoma, Stage 2

 

I am so tired. David sick again with the cellulitis. Not as bad as before, but we have both been taking care of each other. Gotta sleep now. xxxxx

[Realitynut]

xxxxx SB....YAY!!!! NON-INVASIVE!!! Great news! Yes, let David and you take care of each other. I'm glad he's there for you, and I KNOW he's glad you are there for him. so HAPPY!

 

One bit of bad knews for me...see, I can't post anything without it turning into a 'me' post...will keep it short. as I was driving to the hospital to see my dad, I was in a car accident'. Involeved 3 cars, guess who was in the middle. I really think it's totalled...only cuz the van is worth about how much it will cost to fix!! Bummer. dad had congestive heart failure, had blood transfusion today!

 

Boy, aren't we a bunch on here! If 'we' didn't have bad luck, we'd have no luck at all!! "Good guy" had quit texting now for 2 days, and bad boy has stopped now also. I can't even get past one date, much less a real live relationship! UGH!

 

Love ya, and sleep tight! Don't accidently kick David in the leg!

[Silverbirch]

BIG BIG HUGS CARLA AND ALL! I will post back more fully when I can to each of you. Have to go to work shortly.

 

Sorry to hear about your accident and your father. I've had lots of problems trying to post here today and lost a lot of posts and even trouble posting IM's. Hey Borree, if you are there, going to write to you mate. Thanks for the well wishes. I was listening to your astrological report yesterday, and the astrologist claimed that 2012 will be a great year for Sagitarians. That's what you are right?? Or are you Capricorn?

 

Oh yes, it's very good news. Still going to need close monitoring - every 3 months for 2 years at least until I am consistently cancer-free, but I think it must be about the best type of carcinoma you can have. Don't want to get too excited as I won't get to see the Urologist until the 4th.

 

Yes, David and I are taking care of each other. We are supposed to be moving the horses back home tomorrow, but I'm having a few probs with the horse float hire people. Was told there wouldn't be any problem from the usual guy who hires me floats, but I can't seem to get onto him and I'm hoping there will be other places open on new years day. There is a service station that hires them,but I can't get onto them either.

 

Hey, I met this lady yesterday with a view to selling party plan jewellry and also called another agency who I'm applying to work for where I would get a much higher rate of pay. They are going to be interviewing people in January so fingers crossed, but I'm pretty certain I wouldn't have any probs getting accepted by them. Hey, Carla, the jewellry people are a Canadian organisation called Fifth Avenue. I'm certain they are in the USA and told me a lot of hairdressers sell their products. It's a good commission, but I'm going to go into their main office to check out the products more before I decide whether to sign up. I feel as though I've gotten in a real rut regard to work. One part of my brain tells me I can't do anything other than what I'm doing now, and the other part says YES YOU CAN. I don't have retail experience, but have sold for that very large old traditional cosmetic and homeware company quite successfully a long time ago. I'd have to fork out $500 for a kit, but as I am now registered with a business tax number, I could claim the kit as a loss if it fails. The woman I met claims that you can get a refund on the kit if you decide after 3 months that you don't want to do. I really like some of the merchandise, but some of it, I wouldn't buy personally. I would get to go to training though and learn to sell.

 

 

Oh, another really nice thing David said, and sorry again if I'm repeating myself. He was saying to me that it isn't a good idea for us to be moving into a place of our own for a while until "Silver is well again - in case Silver can't work for a while" (I actually feel better than I have for a long, long time). I was like: "Of course, I've told you I'm not going to be a burden to anyone." Then he added: "You could move in here to the place where I already live because I know I can manage the rent here on my own, and if you couldn't work and pay rent, that would be okay." I was sort of shocked. I didn't expect that at all.

 

He's been funny as - making me laugh so much. I told you about how I insisted only small presents between the loved ones this year. He has made such a big deal over the tractor calendar I gave him. He's even putting it on the wall beside his bed where he can see it while he is lying down. LMAO

 

Anyway, will try and come back later tonight. Happy New Year Everybody. xxxxxx

[Silverbirch]

Hi All! Just a quick posting as I'm at work right now. Well, I saw the doc 2 days ago. The news is good. The cancer had not spread to the muscle, in which case, the news would not have been so good. I will be checked for this type of cancer until I have been cancer-free for 10 years. Nex check will be end of Feb or beginning of March, and it should just be a day procedure. Doc said this type of cancer often recurrs, but he's confident that because of the regular checking, they will continue to get it early. He stressed the importance of giving up smoking, something I am continuing to struggle with, but I am starting up at a Quit Course and group soon. I have done this in the past and quit smoking, but picked up again a couple of months later. The doc was very supportive about the smoking as he is an ex-smoker himself. Unfortunately, he is leaving the hospital at the end of January so I will see another doctor next time. I liked him. He wasn't the same doc who did the surgery.

 

We had a heat wave here earlier in the week, and everyone I know was pretty much exhausted after it. I saw doc on Wednesday in the morning, then went to work. It was such a long day and I was exhausted Thursday from the heat, and I think the relief of hearing a good prognosis so I ended up staying in bed until around 2pm Thursday. I felt a little guilty calling into work and told them that I was having car problems. I called in sick once before and there is so much hassle getting back to work because we require an official medical clearance.

 

Work is going fantastically. As some of you know, I changed my work status to casual in December. I'm currently being offered more work than I can keep up with. This week, I went to a new facility and I really liked working there. The clients are people either around my age or younger who sustained acquired brain injuries, and unfortunately, in this country, until what is happening right now, there have not been adequate residential services for people in these age groups. There are currently 5 residents, and all of them had been farmed out to nursing homes which were suited to aged care. The other issue was that they did not have the same assessibility to rehabilitation services. For these 5 people, there lives could now be in radical transformation. My God, the government has put a shot load of money into this place. Anyway, they liked my work and there are some skills and quals I have which I haven't used for a while, but I was able to utilise them at this place. They have asked if I would like to work for them, and I'm agreeing to just lots of casual work if it is on offer. The hours are excellent - they can offer me a lot of long day shifts rather than the crappy nights I've had to work for years.

 

There is one young woman there I would especially like to work with - a client. She's just gorgeous and I really feel for how she must be feeling. Around 2 years ago, out of the blue, she required surgery for a brain tumor. Unfortunately, the op didn't go as well as hoped and she has sustained some damage. She can blink yes and no. She spends most days listening to her favourite music (excellent musical taste) and watching television. Her parents are just dedicated and there all of the time. By the end of the shift when I went in to do some things with her, she had a great big smile on her face. I have this really good feeling about her - that she will at least improve substantially, and I hope that I can be part of that. I haven't felt excited about work for quite some time, and I think this is an excellent direction for me to move in.

 

Carla, if you are there, I tried on some Swarovski jewellry yesterday. I was thinking while I was driving my car to work this morning, that I'm going to save up and buy a special piece here and there. I'll take great care with the boxes and treat them as an investment. I know that there are dealers in Swarovski and collectible pieces shouldn't be hard to sell later on.

 

David's leg has been playing up on him, but I think mostly he is very tired and run-down right now. He think that work-wise, he pushes himself too much and then wears himself right out. Probably the biggest reason for this is money. I don't seem to be able to do much right now about that. He's a really stubborn man!

 

Sorry to the people who have sent me IM's. I greatly appreciate them, but don't have time right now to write, but I will soon. Anyway, have a great day all. Thinking of you and sending warm fuzzies. Hugs and xxxxx

[Realitynut]

I'm still keeping tabs on you SB....your worklife, and your lovelife....wish I had more of either!!! lol

Years and years ago, I had a beautiful cousin. My dad's sister had 12 kids, and my dad's oldest sibling, a brother, had nine. so I had a tendency (when I saw them, we weren't close) was only to 'play' with the girls that were my age. this cousin was quite a bit older, and was considered the most beautiful and sweetest of all the children.

 

When she was around 18, she fell off the motorcycle she was riding behind her brother. Months later, she had excruciating headaches that her dad told her to 'get over'. She had a brain tumor. They operated. At one time she died on the table. came back, but speech and motor skills were sharply hampered. She cried when she heard herself on tape.

 

 

Long story short, she married a man who I would say was mentally challenged, and socially awkward. They lived in a tent for a while ...as a HOME. I have never seen her as an adult. My other family members have, and they say her husband doesn't want her to have contact with other people...as he doesnt like anyone else. She is still the sweet and loving person she always was, but her speech was always slow, and her balance off. It's so sad that because of her accident, she had to settle for such an awful life.

 

 

Her mother was a sweet and gentle soul, and was married to my dads brother, who was an unbearable ass!!!

 

Good catholic woman...you stood by your man through thick and thin.

 

this friend you met, she probably is so thankful you came into her life. she can tell what a kind and caring person you are. She is lucky to have found you...and you her...

 

 

Good luck SB...with your new job, david, and the new jewelry.

 

Tell David not to be so stubborn...he's got YOU and that in itself should bring a smile to HIS lips every day!!

 

 

Love and hugs,

 

Carla and pup

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Carla. That is a shame about your cousin - especially about her choice in marriage partner.

 

Oh David . . . . so many times I have thought that I have chosen to be with one of the most unromantic men in existence . . . and then he says or does something which takes me so by surprise that I just about fall over. I didn't get to see him for FIVE days last week although we spoke to each other on the phone sometimes a couple of times a day. Then he came and stayed Sunday and went home Monday morning. He rang me last night to say that he is missing me a lot, and that it feels very strange for him because he can't remember ever missing anyone in his whole life.

 

It's a bit like a couple of months ago, I recall him saying to me very gruffly and sort of out of the blue "Listen Silver, I'm NOT going to dote over you. I'm not that type of person." I really couldn't work out where that came from or why he said it. I told a very close friend, and she said to me that, couldn't I see that he already dotes on me a lot of the time, and it's very unfamiliar for him. LOL!

 

The jewellry business is very exciting. I went to the show rooms - was just expecting a pokey little factory. It was so luxurious and beautiful. I'm used to going to work where people are know to pee on your shoes. Soon as I walked in, I was asked if I would like coffee - and what type. I settled for a latte. Would you believe, they have chandeliers in the Ladies Room??? I picked up my starter kit and going with my sales manager to a party on Sunday. Going to her place tonight to learn how to display the merchandise. It's fun. . . . oh, she picked me up in her new BMW when we went to the show rooms - she had just told me we were going to "the warehouse". She has AGAIN won her place on the cruise through the Mediteranean which stops at Venice, Naples, some places in France and also Spain. She gets to go most years and I hope I get to go one day too.

[Silverbirch]

Hey Carla,

I think you would enjoy selling the jewellry and incorporating it into your hairdressing business. Apparently, there are other hairdressers who do it. You don't have to outlay a lot of money and it is fully refundable after 3 months if you decide it isn't for you. I think you could do very well at it. I know where I live, I am getting a lot of support from my Sales Manager, and you get a website where you get a lot of learning and support. I'm going to a seminar on the 4th February, and very much looking forward to that. I've started wearing the jewellry each day (which they encourage you to do) and going to keep my nails painted for the first time in years.