think my fiance may be cheating

[river12]

Maybe follow her to the nail place and see what's she's up to.

 

yes if she says shes going this week def will.

[river12]

theres been no texts so far today to him or from him.

[SapphireNoir10]

That you know of. She might just be deleting them more carefully.

[mikem]

You hate to say this, but don't 'lay your cards on the table' just yet. Cheaters can be very skillful at hiding things. It's best, to initially, act like nothing is wrong. Check out the nail place and you'll start to get a sense of what is going on.

 

It's surprising when a person says they will 'never cheat' and then their actions contradict their words. Something in your psyche, as the SO, has a hard time making sense of it.

 

River it sounds like you are going about this the right way. You have to kind of tune out the 'I can't believe it' voice, and just see what she is up to be and, at least initially, be a quiet detective about what is going on. Cheaters lie to themselves and then it eventually manifests with lies to their SO. Hang in there and keep your cool.

[river12]

You hate to say this, but don't 'lay your cards on the table' just yet. Cheaters can be very skillful at hiding things. It's best, to initially, act like nothing is wrong. Check out the nail place and you'll start to get a sense of what is going on.

 

It's surprising when a person says they will 'never cheat' and then their actions contradict their words. Something in your psyche, as the SO, has a hard time making sense of it.

 

 

 

River it sounds like you are going about this the right way. You have to kind of tune out the 'I can't believe it' voice, and just see what she is up to be and, at least initially, be a quiet detective about what is going on. Cheaters lie to themselves and then it eventually manifests with lies to their SO. Hang in there and keep your cool.

 

shall do, we went out to lunch and just got back and she is acting as if nothing is wrong etc etc, she completely just like normal but i can say her text havent been going today none at all because i havent heard her phone do it. She Was also actually even talking about the wedding etc.

I havent mentioned anything about seeing the text where she got called sexy and that she lied about bumping into the old friend yesterday.

[river12]

is there any girls on forum that have cheated on bf etc and were in the same situation as my fiance?

 

does everyone think she has already slept with this guy or sounds more like shes planning to?

[Dropping]

She hasn't had "sex" with him, in my opinion.

 

Most likely, they have passionately made-out. Probably even had oral sex (Her to Him).

 

But yeah, sorry. She's cheated and will most likely progress to full on intercourse soon enough.

 

Never get married, man.. Just don't do it. Women can't be trusted in this day and age.

[lavenderdove]

There are many affairs where both people are married to others, but just enjoy the spice and variety on the side. They don't want to break up their primary relationships, but they really enjoy the sneaking around game with each other and see the other person as 'safe' because they both have other partners and just meet up now and then for sex and fun and ego boosting and a nice little bit of extra spice in their lives.

 

She could very well still intend to marry you, and she and this guy are just meeting up once every couple weeks for sex and fun. They would make regular arrangements to do it, and not constantly text or do anything they think might get them caught like texting in weekends or all the time.

 

So i think the next time she wants to disappear for an evening to 'do her nails' have her followed to see if she sees this guy. I frankly think from what you've already discovered that they are already hooking up, but if you need more concrete evidence, make sure you really check her out before you marry her.

[trying2Bbrave]

In my ex's case, he was very "against" cheating. He had been cheated on before and had been very hurt by it. Also, he suspected his father of cheating on his mother and stopped talking to him because of it. I had my suspicions every now and then, but honestly I never thought that he would truly cheat on me... and he did in every way possible (physical, emotional, internet, etc.). He was just sneaky about it. At the very least, you need to check this out. Do you really want to marry someone who would do this? I hope for your sake that nothing is going on, but if it is, be grateful you found out before marriage, kids, etc. with the wrong person.

[metrogirl]

I can't say that she has physically cheated, but at the very least she is cheating on you emotionally. She clearly likes the attention that he is giving her. If what she says is true that he has a girlfriend, the only person he should be calling sexy is his girl and not yours.

[Miss Firecracker]

One day you will read this post and wonder what on earth you were thinking to allow this.

[river12]

One day you will read this post and wonder what on earth you were thinking to allow this.

 

whys that?

[ToF]

Because the writing is on the wall, and you will see it sooner or later. I guess learning the hard way is better than nothing.

[Ariel85]

OK, I'm going to go against the majority here, and I don't think she's cheating at all. I think you're having a hard time dealing with your (temporary, albeit current) sexual dysfunction, and are somehow transferring and projecting your insecurity onto her. Almost like her cheating would justify a breakup, rather than admitting it's because of the sexual issues at hand.

 

Yes, she's meeting Pat, but if she was banging him, she wouldn't have mentioned him AT ALL. Where is she on THU nights? Well, it takes 2 hours for a mani/pedi. Beyond that - who knows - could be any number of things.

 

There is something broken in your relationship, and I think it's the lack of physical intimacy. Which is HUGELY powerful. For her to tell Pat that he's good for her ego, shows that she's probably sharing that she's not feeling very desirable anymore.

 

My .2 cents.

[river12]

Because the writing is on the wall, and you will see it sooner or later. I guess learning the hard way is better than nothing.

 

I will see if she does the nail thing again and have her followed , worse thing i could is ask her now and then she just cheats and covers her tracks more because she would then know i was onto her.

if i do it quietly and dont mention anything at the moment i will then find out if she is cheating or not.

[river12]

OK, I'm going to go against the majority here, and I don't think she's cheating at all. I think you're having a hard time dealing with your (temporary, albeit current) sexual dysfunction, and are somehow transferring and projecting your insecurity onto her. Almost like her cheating would justify a breakup, rather than admitting it's because of the sexual issues at hand.

 

Yes, she's meeting Pat, but if she was banging him, she wouldn't have mentioned him AT ALL. Where is she on THU nights? Well, it takes 2 hours for a mani/pedi. Beyond that - who knows - could be any number of things.

 

There is something broken in your relationship, and I think it's the lack of physical intimacy. Which is HUGELY powerful. For her to tell Pat that he's good for her ego, shows that she's probably sharing that she's not feeling very desirable anymore.

 

My .2 cents.

 

i dont have any insecurities about sexual issues , i have a medical problem at the moment thats all it is and i shall be recovered in the next month or so hopefully , i also still show her affection, tell her i love her etc .

[river12]

Because the writing is on the wall, and you will see it sooner or later. I guess learning the hard way is better than nothing.

so you dont agree then with areial85 post about the subject?

[LostOne01]

OK, I'm going to go against the majority here, and I don't think she's cheating at all. I think you're having a hard time dealing with your (temporary, albeit current) sexual dysfunction, and are somehow transferring and projecting your insecurity onto her. Almost like her cheating would justify a breakup, rather than admitting it's because of the sexual issues at hand.

 

Yes, she's meeting Pat, but if she was banging him, she wouldn't have mentioned him AT ALL. Where is she on THU nights? Well, it takes 2 hours for a mani/pedi. Beyond that - who knows - could be any number of things.

 

There is something broken in your relationship, and I think it's the lack of physical intimacy. Which is HUGELY powerful. For her to tell Pat that he's good for her ego, shows that she's probably sharing that she's not feeling very desirable anymore.

 

My .2 cents.

 

Okay, you just said a contradicting statement. First you said it's just OP and him having insecurities (even though the evidence clearly states she's cheating on him) and she's not cheating, then you say OP's girl is talking to Pat about how she's not feeling desirable anymore (which indicates an emotional affair). If she's meeting and talking to that POSOM about her relationship with her boyfriend and the problems they're having, that is cheating. All that OP says about his woman's activities are showing deception and infidelity. I would bet $800 she already had sex with the idiot. As TwistOfate08 said, river12 is just going to have to learn the hard way.

[ToF]

so you dont agree then with areial85 post about the subject?

 

No, I don't. Of course it's possible that there is nothing going on with this guy. But it is a FACT that she lied about meeting up with him, and you have seen the language they use with one another with your own eyes. If this were my relationship, she would have already crossed a line with the lying. People lie when they want to hide something.

[river12]

No, I don't. Of course it's possible that there is nothing going on with this guy. But it is a FACT that she lied about meeting up with him, and you have seen the language they use with one another with your own eyes. If this were my relationship, she would have already crossed a line with the lying. People lie when they want to hide something.

 

i agree, so you think best option is to just stand back and see what happens and not mention anything? only reason i say that is because i wouldnt want her to think i know then she starts covering it all up even more.

 

She at the moment has no idea i know about the text messages.

[ToF]

If you want to follow her, then go ahead. I'm pretty much always in favor of open communication, though.

[Ariel85]

Okay, you just said a contradicting statement. First you said it's just OP and him having insecurities (even though the evidence clearly states she's cheating on him) and she's not cheating, then you say OP's girl is talking to Pat about how she's not feeling desirable anymore (which indicates an emotional affair). If she's meeting and talking to that POSOM about her relationship with her boyfriend and the problems they're having, that is cheating. All that OP says about his woman's activities are showing deception and infidelity. I would bet $800 she already had sex with the idiot. As TwistOfate08 said, river12 is just going to have to learn the hard way.

 

No, I didn't contradict myself. Because I don't think she's cheating, I think meeting up with a friend and sharing her life does not equate to having an emotional affair. lol. It's friendship.

 

I don't think there is any clear evidence she is cheating. Perhaps she is, but I don't feel that's a true statement. I still think the OP is putting his issues onto her, and perhaps isn't being honest with himself about how these sexual problems are affecting the relationship as a whole.

 

OP - telling someone you love them isn't the same as being desired. She clearly is needing an ego boost, so why would that be? Why would she need to turn to another man for validation like this? Now, I'm not suggesting the problem is all yours, as some people just are wired to be cheaters, but do you think there is anything going on that would give her a push in this direction? People often seek what they lack...

[river12]

im not sure why you think i have issues and pushing them onto her ? i show her enough affection believe me , if anything she is the insecure one not me.

 

why would she tell me shes bimped into an old friend when in fact she set the dinner up wasnt by accident at all, he calls her sexy, so i agree with other posters that something isnt right.

[DN]

Of course something isn't right. It isn't a guarantee that she is cheating but her behaviour is very suspicious and you need to check it out.

[Lamour detruit]

A lot of things she does, does not add up..and points to something funky going on. Also, many people also cheat because they believe something is lacking, even when there isn't, and try and justify it because of it. Whatever it is, something is up.