think my fiance may be cheating

[river12]

Can you find out who the number belongs to? (the one that regularly texts her on weekday mornings) Have you had a chance to see what the messages say or are they deleted immediately?

 

I don't regularly text any of my friends.

 

yes i rang the number and it just rings out, no voice mail message either. Bit strange i guess.

 

i dont know whom she texts etc , i know i text people an awful lot.

[truegrit]

Playing detective here and just an evil thought so don't take it with any more value than that........IF, IF it is this Pat guy and what if he is married? Could it be he has a trac phone or something similar that he uses just for things he doesn't want his wife to know about and he doesn't want any kind of message left on there giving away who he is? Would also make sense for the texts at a certain time of day and not weekends if he were married.........

 

I do feel evil thinking all this when it may not be anything at all, amazing how our minds can get set on something and make up complete stories to substanciate it.

[salsabrosa]

Just stop bartering with yourself and go get some SOLID evidence! It is SO obvious she's up to no good.

[river12]

Playing detective here and just an evil thought so don't take it with any more value than that........IF, IF it is this Pat guy and what if he is married? Could it be he has a trac phone or something similar that he uses just for things he doesn't want his wife to know about and he doesn't want any kind of message left on there giving away who he is? Would also make sense for the texts at a certain time of day and not weekends if he were married.........

 

I do feel evil thinking all this when it may not be anything at all, amazing how our minds can get set on something and make up complete stories to substanciate it.

 

yes i thought exactly the same thing.

[DN]

I would get the truth ASAP before the wedding plans proceed further.

[river12]

Just stop bartering with yourself and go get some SOLID evidence! It is SO obvious she's up to no good.

 

im not sure what you mean by bartering myself?

 

i did try and sneek a peak at her phone thins morning while she was in shower but her phone went into the bathroom with her.

[river12]

I would get the truth ASAP before the wedding plans proceed further.

 

i dont think its wise to come and out and accuse her of cheating when i cant 100% prove it yet, i need more evidence.

[truegrit]

I thought she had a dinner date with a friend tonite? Weren't you going to check on her?

[river12]

I thought she had a dinner date with a friend tonite? Weren't you going to check on her?

 

she had a dinner date with a friend last night , but i couldn't get someone in time to check that out.

[annie24]

phone in the bathroom??

 

i don't know what she is up to. really strange. i would honestly put the wedding on hold until you guys straighten out your trust issues.

[DN]

i dont think its wise to come and out and accuse her of cheating when i cant 100% prove it yet, i need more evidence.

I didn't say accuse her - but you need to get a move on in collecting that evidence.

[river12]

I didn't say accuse her - but you need to get a move on in collecting that evidence.

 

yes i know just need to get a look at the phone, and see if the phone number thats been texted in the mornings and in the afternoons often is that of this guy pat.

[river12]

phone in the bathroom??

 

i don't know what she is up to. really strange. i would honestly put the wedding on hold until you guys straighten out your trust issues.

 

yes i found it strange, she does take it the phone to bed and uses it as an alarm because i hear it every morning.

 

but usually when she wakes up she will put it on the table in the living room. So this morning i thought while she hopped in the shower i would get up and quickly run through texts etc and then hop back into bed without her knowing i was even up , but yes she took it into the bathroom with her while she showered.

 

funny thing is im not even usually up when she is so why take it into bathroom for .

[river12]

Well i got to the phone tonight and found pats number and its not the number she's been texting everyday., didn't have time to go through them all texts had to be quick as she come home from gym and had a shower, she has like 90 in her inbox, seen her family texting alot though.

 

Pats texts are still in the phone from the 16/11/10 and 19/11/10 she hasn't delted them at all, she hasn't text or rang him since the 19/11/10 though.

 

if they were getting it on surely he would be texting alot more right?

[Applewhite]

but usually when she wakes up she will put it on the table in the living room. So this morning i thought while she hopped in the shower i would get up and quickly run through texts etc and then hop back into bed without her knowing i was even up , but yes she took it into the bathroom with her while she showered.

 

You had asked me what are other signs for cheaters. THIS is a major sign as others have pointed out.

[TomboyMS]

I take my phone with me to the bathroom and I'm not cheating. My gf is paranoid and has gone through my phone before. I don't think she has the right to be all in my personal stuff at will like that. Some people value privacy for reasons other than having something to hide.

[Brownstone322]

I take my phone with me to the bathroom and I'm not cheating. My gf is paranoid and has gone through my phone before. I don't think she has the right to be all in my personal stuff at will like that. Some people value privacy for reasons other than having something to hide.

I used to live with a paranoid chick. I never hid anything -- my phone sat out in the open all the time -- but her behavior was humiliating and demeaning nonetheless. The idea that "only people with something to hide value privacy" truly disgusts me.

 

This is one reason that, as this thread has progressed, I've taken a more-cautious perspective. It's been like a grand-jury investigation: Every piece of evidence has been presented by one side, and not a shred of it has been challenged or cross-examined. River12 seems like a nice guy, but what do we really know about him? He could be as paranoid as my ex for I know, and that girl had a vivid imagination.

 

There's a concept in management psychology known as "group think," wherein one or two influential opinion leaders set the tone for a discussion, then the remainder of the team nods their heads in unison. "Group think" doesn't breed thoughtful analysis, and I think we might have it here. One or two people have tried to suggest alternate explanations, but they've been treated with skepticism or contempt (even laughed at).

 

There may indeed be evidence, but it's all been gathered and distributed by an emotionally co-opted source, and so far it is less than convincing. We need to keep open minds until we know more.

[DelG]

To the OP:

I have been here done that, defended her, thought of reasons why she would not cheat.

"no not my girl, nah never, she would not do that" She told me the same thing as your girl told you...

 

Guess what... She cheated, I gave her 3 chances and guess what... She cheated again and again and again.. reading your posts, I feel like I am reading my own diary.

 

I could be wrong, but you need to smart up a bit, and I feel get out of the denial stage.

I am happily married now to wonderful woman, we have our issues, she has done things that make me question her morals but I love her and I trust her however, there is always a chance she could cheat.. its a gamble, you roll the dice you take your chance.

 

I hope you work this out..

[LostOne01]

Your phone in the bathroom as you take a shower is a red flag, especially when you have already seen the way her behavior has changed.

[kampuniform]

A cheating partner will exhibit behaviours that are so obvious that they seems scripted.

 

- Intuitively, you note a behavioural discontinuity. Your nervous system starts to gear up as all this new, and very curious, subliminal information is very slowly being processed cognitively.

 

- The name of an old ‘friend’ will be mentioned in passing.

 

I’ll pause here for a moment and analyze this ‘friend’ disclosure. Women employ indirect, non-verbal communication more often than men. Men are very linear in their thinking and communicating, so it’s little wonder that the reams of information broadcast by our partner is never received. Your partner has been communicating her dissatisfaction for many months, but not operating on her wavelength, none of the messages have been received.

 

No, she doesn’t want to do this dreadful thing, but you’re not listening, and the lure of the unknown becomes tantalizingly irresistible; this new person is willing to validate her, make her feel cherished and significant. She experiences a mad rush of emotion from this new person’s attention. She’s centre stage again, in the spotlight, and she’s not willing to let it go.

 

However, there is a problem: You. She’s emotionally connected to you. She loves you, but the chemistry between you and her has faded almost to nothing. She is weighed down by guilt. She starts to distance herself from you: out of sight, out of mind.

 

She’s caught up entirely in the moment. All of her actions are now being directed by her emotions. Her focus is shifting entirely towards her object of validation, and she now has a whole new purpose in life. She feels beautiful, and her actions are directed towards enhancing her appeal.

 

Mentioning the ‘friend’ is her last, subliminal, call for help. She’s hoping that you’ll listen, hoping that you’ll stop her. Hoping that you revert back to being that man that caused her pulse to race.

 

At this stage, it’s entirely an emotional affair: emotional titillation is to women what sexual gratification is to men; for women, sex is the icing on the cake, but ultimately, they are sustained by the cake, and not the icing.

 

Back to business:

 

- She’s absent more often than not: the gym, manicures, out with friends; you are slowly being cut out of the picture.

- She now has a robust glow about her, and if you cast back in your memory, the last time you noted this feature in her was during your courtship.

- Now you know that something is very, very wrong, but it’s almost too late to hold in check your partners dismal, relationship-destroying course.

- Now you are on high alert, and the pieces of the puzzle are starting to fall into place.

- You are overreacting to all of this now distressingly obvious information, and as a consequence, pushing her further into the sweaty bosom of her source of validation.

- She now finds you confrontational, antagonistic, skeptical, unloving. Her source of validation is doting, patient, affectionate. She has less and less time for you as she starts to plan a new life.

- She is now on high alert, because it is now obvious that you know something is terribly amiss. She’s now very secretive. All traces of her new connection are carefully erased, or secreted away. Her transformation is almost complete.

- There is now no mention of ‘The friend’, and all conversations you have with her are now stilted, and awkward.

- You’re now terrified, and come to eNotalone seeking confirmation of your worst fears.

 

No, it’s not too late to turn this ship around, but you do need professional outside guidance.

 

Do it now, before it’s too late. You’re almost at the point of no return.

[truegrit]

Wow.........

[river12]

I am a very easy going guy i am not one to be paranoid at all , the only reason i got on this site because ive found some texts that and i was lied to and some things didnt add up so i wanted some insight from other girls and guys.

[river12]

pretty in depth review you have written there.

 

But I am not terrified though far from it, concerned would be a more appropriate word.

[river12]

so after a few days tracking partners phone numbers she hasnt called or had calls from this pat guy since last friday .

 

Im probably leaning towards her flirting with this guy only.

[DelG]

River12, calls can be removed from the call history, just as txt messages can be removed. You need to see where she goes when she is getting her nails done.

 

And if she is only flirting, its not on.. put a stop to it.