think my fiance may be cheating

[ILoveBlue]

Regardless, the late night behavior means that something is not right. If you don't deal with it now, the relationship will very likely come to an end.

[chai714]

The stronger her stance is against cheating, the more likely she's doing it or has done it in the past.

[dancingcolors]

Yeah, people say one thing, alot of times they are liars. I had an ex best friend, who said she never wanted to be with anyone again. Such a lie. She went after and married my kids dad, who she knew I was still hoping our family would be healed.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I don't think very many people would go into a relationship saying that they would cheat if the opportunity presented itself. People are generally not open and honest about their true selves when they start a relationship because starting a relationship is all about marketing and salesmanship. People market themselves and sell themselves in order to look like a prime catch. It is only after the other person has "bought the product" (fallen in love) that the really major defects of the person are exposed to the light.

[Brownstone322]

The stronger her stance is against cheating, the more likely she's doing it or has done it in the past.

I hate to say this -- and I've never read any statistics in support of it -- but my gut feeling is that that might be true.

[river12]

Hi peeps thanks for the advice , i dont want to confront her about it because like some posters have said she hasnt done anything i can prove yet and i would rather catch her out if she is cheating..

 

now its saturday here and my fiance has gone to gym so i just she had left her phone in hand bag.

 

Yes i had to have a look at here texts hate to snoop but anyway the following i found.

 

pat sent her message on 16th nov "hi how are you sexy" , couldnt find any sent texts to this message which my gf replied to.

 

But she did meet him at designated place yesterday friday night so shes lying about bumping into him , so why would she lie about that?

 

 

Her text friday "i can meet you at 4-4.30pm if you want" another of her texts "im Here"

 

and the last text must have been when she had finished meeting him "Your so good for my ego, thanks again for the dinner to, talk soon,xxx"

[DN]

and the last text must have been when she had finished meeting him "Your so good for my ego, thanks again for the dinner to, talk soon,xxx"

What more do you need?

[river12]

Hi dn , its not actually cheating though the text messages, she may be flirting a little i guess?

[ToF]

He's interested in her, and she's seeing him behind your back. She may have told you she saw him, but it's blatantly obvious that it was a planned meeting. As DN said, what more do you need? This girl is at the very least encouraging his feelings for her.

[river12]

yes i agree that hes obviously 100% interested in her, but couldnt it be harmless flirting on her behalf?

[ToF]

Well, that depends on what you consider "harmless". In my opinion, meeting up with someone who is interested in you and then lying about it to your boyfriend is not "harmless" at all. Their meeting was very much planned, and she blatantly lied to you. If you're okay with that behavior, then by all means continue...

[river12]

ok yes i agree she shouldnt lie and tell me that they just bumped into each other, do you think she would know this guy is interested in her?

 

Also probably the hardest thing getting my head around is the thought of her having an intimate physical encounter with another guy without any strings attached , because she is quite introverted and not overly confident in this area if you know what i mean and she constantly talks about girls that sleep around as being losse.

[ToF]

Read their text exchange again. It is obvious that he's into her, and she knows it. He's stroking her ego. How? Because he likes her and she knows it.

 

It's in your face, man. She may not be physically cheating, but she could be. It's up to you to decide what you're comfortable with. "Confonting" her doesn't necessarily mean you have to be confrontational about it. she's your girlfriend, so you should be able to be honest with her. Sit her down, and tell her that you just have a bad feeling. Ask her what her relationship with this guy is EXACTLY, and ask if you can meet him. Put it all out there.

[Brownstone322]

Hi peeps thanks for the advice , i dont want to confront her about it because like some posters have said she hasnt done anything i can prove yet and i would rather catch her out if she is cheating.

Dude, I'm one of the people who advised caution, but the more you tell us the more it's obvious that she's up to something. And even if she hasn't done anything physical, I can guarantee you that he's trying to get her there. (And she's likely tempted.)

 

Time to confront her, man.

[dancingcolors]

He took her to dinner. Calls her sexy. This seems like one of those deals, that all of a sudden she breaks up and had another relationship the next day, except you found out about it. Sorry.

[river12]

He took her to dinner. Calls her sexy. This seems like one of those deals, that all of a sudden she breaks up and had another relationship the next day, except you found out about it. Sorry.

 

I mean only 2 months she was out buying a wedding dress etc and still is organising wedding things, so if she was totally not wanting to be with me you think she would break it off etc .

 

like i said in my earlier posts i have dated a few girls over the years and this girl would be the last girl i thought would ever ever cheat (if she is that is) because she for one has been cheated on in the past.

[Brownstone322]

I mean only 2 months she was out buying a wedding dress etc and still is organising wedding things, so if she was totally not wanting to be with me you think she would break it off etc .

 

like i said in my earlier posts i have dated a few girls over the years and this girl would be the last girl i thought would ever ever cheat (if she is that is) because she for one has been cheated on in the past.

Infatuation is a powerful influence. Sometimes people who damn well know better just can't stop seeing the other woman/man. It's like a drug.

 

Don't expect the circumstances to make sense, because that's not necessarily the case.

[river12]

Infatuation is a powerful influence. Sometimes people who damn well know better just can't stop seeing the other woman/man. It's like a drug.

 

Don't expect the circumstances to make sense, because that's not necessarily the case.

 

ok will take that on board.

[river12]

Ok now there has been some good advice on here, see i didn't even think my fiance would even flirt with another guy because like i said in earlier posts she is big into marriage , morals , and as far as i knew dispised cheating in all forms

 

What i dont understand is why she would tell me she bumps into an old friend by accident on friday but the dinner date was set up in advance as i seen in her text messages , i also dont know why she told me when she got home that she had dinner with this old friend "pat" , see because if she was any bit interested in sleeping with him why would she tell me about him?

 

however she told me the only reason she cut short her dinner was because "pats" gf was in town and text him asking him to meet her and she was very jealous of friends whom are girls , he thought she was in another town at the time but in fact she was in the city friday.

 

but my gf told me when she got home that she said to "pat" tell your gf to come down and meet us etc etc but he said no . my gf said to me i dont know why he didnt want her to meet us because "pats" gf knows about us being engaged etc etc.

 

 

 

I just want to ask question to the girls in forum, ok now if a guy friend text you "Hi how are you sexy" and you were engaged or had bf what would your reply to the guy be?

 

Is this just harmless flirtation , i mean most girls like to flirt once in a while do they not if they have a bf?

[ToF]

What i dont understand is why she would tell me she bumps into an old friend by accident on friday but the dinner date was set up in advance as i seen in her text messages , i also dont know why she told me when she got home that she had dinner with this old friend "pat" , see because if she was any bit interested in sleeping with him why would she tell me about him?

 

FACTS:

 

She arranged to meet another guy.

She did not tell you that she arranged to meet him, rather, she told you she "ran into him".

This guy uses the pet name "sexy" to refer to her.

She has not discouraged his interest in any way that we have seen.

He is a "boost to her ego".

She started preparing for a wedding two months into your relationship. My interpretation of that is that she is not very stable, and acts on emotion more than logic.

She lied.

 

So those are the facts, plus my interpretation of one of her behaviors. The reason she arranged to meet him, then lied to you about it, is because she didn't want you to know she had made that arrangement. That is another fact. She wouldn't have lied unless she wanted to hide that from you. I think the reason she wanted to hide the fact that she arranged to meet him, is because she knew it was something she wasn't supposed to be doing (meaning she is doing it out of infidelity). She has likely met up with this guy before, so the "old friend" routine is an act.

 

You have no proof that this guy has a girlfriend at all. And even if he does, that means nothing.

 

I do flirt. But lying is not the same as flirting, and you now know for a fact that she lied.

[LostOne01]

Dude, how much more evidence do you need? You've been telling us more and more facts about your fiance, her actions towards you and what she does on a daily basis. The first piece of evidence is her lying to you about how long it takes for her to get her nails done (I don't know how could you believe that lie) and her male friend (who knows she's getting married) sending her flirty texts about how sexy she is. Trust your gut and use your mind man. You know full well she's cheating on you, but you're afraid to "rock the boat." It seems to me you're in denial about your fiance cheating on you because she gave you some crappy lines about how she would never cheat on you and her dislike for cheaters, and the excitement of you getting married. Please man, do not marry her. I know you're planning to get married and you're happy, but don't let her continue to lie to you and disrespect you. You're better than this. Take this from someone who has experience from a cheater and how they behave.

[SapphireNoir10]

I think you might be a little bit in denial here look at the list of facts posted. She is texting another guy, seeing him behind your back and lying about it.

 

Why would you call another girl sexy or arrange to meet her? Cos your interested. And she knows hes interested, hence the ego comment.

[mikem]

Maybe follow her to the nail place and see what's she's up to.

[river12]

I think you might be a little bit in denial here look at the list of facts posted. She is texting another guy, seeing him behind your back and lying about it.

 

Why would you call another girl sexy or arrange to meet her? Cos your interested. And she knows hes interested, hence the ego comment.

 

yes ok i see where your coming from its probably only a metter of time before she sleeps with him then i guess.

[dancingcolors]

I think if he is an old friend with a girl friend the appropriate thing would for you all to go out to dinner together, as two couples. And no secret texting and sexy remarks.