trying2Bbrave

I really want to hate you, but I can't. Mostly I just feel sorry for you. But I feel sorry for me, too. Deep in my heart I want to believe you are the good, sweet person that I fell in love with. I want to believe you can change. I want you to get help, become a better person, and beg me to come back. But you can't and you won't. I feel sorry for both of us because I think we could have been happy. Your choices damaged our relationship to the point of no return. Now we have to spend the rest of our lives without each other. I have to spend the rest of my life without my best friend. I'm not scared of being alone. But I am terrified thinking what my life is going to be like without you in it. Life alone is OK. But I can't help but think that something will always be missing from me. Kisses, hugs, laughs, jokes, you smelling my hair, waking up next to you, going on vacation together, "late night chit chat", winks, helping you with homework, dressing like gangsters, playing with our ball guns, listening to music together, sharing your pillow with me, giving me "soft love" and "tough love", sleeping in on the weekends and going out to breakfast...these are the things that made my life so sweet. We'll never have any of it again. And there's nothing I can do about it, you never gave me the choice. I do think you regret what you did. I do think you will miss me and feel sad. But you will do it again, it will never stop. Was all the cheating really worth throwing us away?