Changing your last name...ladies...how did/do you feel?

[Sparkly Eyes]

Oh, that's cool!

 

Yeah, it's refreshing to see people who are not ashamed to break traditions.

 

Congrats RougeKali btw.

[sweetpea03]

My fiance is taking my name, which is pretty uncommon for men, but we like different.

 

that's cool. congrats!

[DN]

Moderator Note: For the third time in this thread, please stay on topic - this is a thread about a woman changing her name when getting married. If people insist on taking this thread off topic infractions will be issued.

[newwave]

Since this was included in a post that was deleted I will post again since it pertains to the topic. I was saying I met someone who changed her name, but so did her husband. Apparently in some Jewish sects, the man and the woman change their last name. I thought that was interesting.

[Fudgie]

That is pretty neat, I like the idea of both getting a new name together. It's neither from her family nor his family, but a new name to start THEIR family. I like it.

[newwave]

That is pretty neat, I like the idea of both getting a new name together. It's neither from her family nor his family, but a new name to start THEIR family. I like it.

 

I do too actually. That way the whole idea of being united is in play and neither one loses their identity so to speak. If I remember the new name is created from their old last names.

[civilservant]

I don't think shaland or kelaw would work very well. It's an interesting idea though!

[Circe]

I do too actually. That way the whole idea of being united is in play and neither one loses their identity so to speak. If I remember the new name is created from their old last names.

 

I kind of like it in theory.. but then its a bit like both parties "lose out" on their original names and both have to adjust instead of just one. So it seems to double the negatives.

 

I know you could see it as an entirely positive thing (creating your own name) but I have to wonder if most people would really be comfortable with it (in practice rather than in theory.. it sounds awesome in theory

[Fudgie]

Its cool though because its equal....both people have to adjust to the name, not just the woman.

 

Again, the guy gets the "easy" part most of the time. The woman has to change her name and get used to it, he just gets to have his name used for the new family.

 

Very patriarchial if you ask me.

[Batya33]

Its cool though because its equal....both people have to adjust to the name, not just the woman.

 

Again, the guy gets the "easy" part most of the time. The woman has to change her name and get used to it, he just gets to have his name used for the new family.

 

Very patriarchial if you ask me.

 

Yes I agree but isn't it just as equal if neither changes his name?

 

As far as not changing names or taking the wife's name I would never presume courage on the part of the couple as far as "breaking tradition"-it might be purely a practical reason.

[Fudgie]

Yes I agree but isn't it just as equal if neither changes his name?

 

As far as not changing names or taking the wife's name I would never presume courage on the part of the couple as far as "breaking tradition"-it might be purely a practical reason.

 

Yep, that's perfectly equal too. That's what I plan to do in the future: no name changes.

 

Its equal, practical, and doesn't require me to give up my maiden name, which I like, so yeah works for me.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Yes I agree but isn't it just as equal if neither changes his name?

 

As far as not changing names or taking the wife's name I would never presume courage on the part of the couple as far as "breaking tradition"-it might be purely a practical reason.

 

Yes, it might very well be, but it's still breaking a tradition. Specially for the guy, I don't think many guys would agree to change their last name to their wives last name, even if there is a practical reason for it.

[Batya33]

Yes, it might very well be, but it's still breaking a tradition. Specially for the guy, I don't think many guys would agree to change their last name to their wives last name, even if there is a practical reason for it.

 

Yes but again it depends "why" - some people break traditions just because they like the act of rebelling -they like the attention they get from rebelling -nothing brave or laudable about that. I just dislike the presumption that a man who changes his name desired to break a tradition -you never know what negotiations or compromises there were orwhat goes on behind closed doors. Just like my decision to change my name shouldn't get me labeled as "conservative" or "unwilling to break tradition".

[Sparkly Eyes]

Yes but again it depends "why" - some people break traditions just because they like the act of rebelling -they like the attention they get from rebelling -nothing brave or laudable about that. I just dislike the presumption that a man who changes his name desired to break a tradition -you never know what negotiations or compromises there were orwhat goes on behind closed doors. Just like my decision to change my name shouldn't get me labeled as "conservative" or "unwilling to break tradition".

 

But even rebelling is also not always about "getting attention". Sometimes it's about showing other people that there can be other ways to do things. I have "rebelled" in my life a few times and none of those times it was because I liked to get attention. Quite frankly, I just got negative attention for those which hurt me.

 

I DID NOT say that he desired to break tradition, but that he is not afraid of it and that is something I can respect. And no I don't automatically label women who do it "conservative" as they might have their own reasons, but the thought does come to my mind since so many conservative women do it.

[newwave]

Actually, what I mention apparently is a tradition in certain Jewish sects so it's not new. The idea behind it is that once you marry you are a new family. I like it to be honest because then you both have the same last name and no problems being "mrs so and so".

 

Related to this I always hated when women were addressed as "Mrs John Smith". This part of it is very chauvinistic to me and basically tells a woman she has no identity outside of her husband. One thing to be "John and Susie Smith" but "Mr and Mrs John Smith" would completely bug me. I have my own identity I don't need his.

 

Just out of curiosity how many who wouldn't take the husband's name have children with the mother's last name? It's funny because even the most hardcore anti changing name women I know will still give the children the dad's name. I plan to do that myself and give them my name as a middle name along with a second middle name. Then when they get older they can decide what name to use.

[OptomisticGirl]

I personally can't wait to be Mrs. CS.

 

No mr and Mrs, just Mrs. CS.

[Batya33]

But even rebelling is also not always about "getting attention". Sometimes it's about showing other people that there can be other ways to do things. I have "rebelled" in my life a few times and none of those times it was because I liked to get attention. Quite frankly, I just got negative attention for those which hurt me.

 

I DID NOT say that he desired to break tradition, but that he is not afraid of it and that is something I can respect. And no I don't automatically label women who do it "conservative" as they might have their own reasons, but the thought does come to my mind since so many conservative women do it.

Never wrote- or meant -"always" -I just think actions that look like rebellion from tradition are often presumed to be brave when there could be many other reasons or no reason at all. I personally think the best reason to choose a different path is for oneself, not to "show" others.

[DN]

Coming from the UK, I always find it amusing when a woman who objects to taking her husband's name has no objection to sharing his title if he is knighted or made a lord.

 

It is also interesting that if she is the one who gets the title - he doesn't share it.

[Fudgie]

Never wrote- or meant -"always" -I just think actions that look like rebellion from tradition are often presumed to be brave when there could be many other reasons or no reason at all. I personally think the best reason to choose a different path is for oneself, not to "show" others.

 

I agree with this. I have my own reasons for not changing my name but not one of them is to "rebel". Because my mom didn't change her name, I thought for a LONG time that women typically didn't (I also knew family friends who didn't change it).

 

I think in the end, you just have to do what you want and ignore whether or not it's traditional..I mean really, just screw that part because it shouldn't play a part into what YOU want to do.

[newwave]

I agree with this. I have my own reasons for not changing my name but not one of them is to "rebel". Because my mom didn't change her name, I thought for a LONG time that women typically didn't (I also knew family friends who didn't change it).

 

I think in the end, you just have to do what you want and ignore whether or not it's traditional..I mean really, just screw that part because it shouldn't play a part into what YOU want to do.

 

None of my reasons are to rebel either. I've heard people say that and rebel against what, marriage? If I was going to rebel against that I just wouldn't get married. My issues stem from the fact that I have credit in my name and have a career in my name. I don't want to lose that. Actually there are many other issues too, but still none of it has to do with rebelling.

[Fudgie]

I never thought about the credit issue...what happens then? If you have credit in your name? does it transfer over when you change names? I was thinking it does.

 

I just am wayyyyy too attached to my name to become "Mrs. Fudgie's-Boyfriend's-Last-Name".

 

Honestly, people mistake us ALL the time for father/daughter (we look a little similar in terms of face and don't kiss in public but that's slowly changing) so I think having a common last name would really be worse for us.

[newwave]

I'm not sure what happens with the credit but I've heard bad things about it. I know you do need to get new cards and things like that. I too am attached to my last name either to change. After all I am going to be 40 in January so it just seems silly to get a new name this late.

[OptomisticGirl]

Your credit stays with you, you just have to change your name with the companies. The only time credit does not follow you is when you move to another country.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Never wrote- or meant -"always" -I just think actions that look like rebellion from tradition are often presumed to be brave when there could be many other reasons or no reason at all. I personally think the best reason to choose a different path is for oneself, not to "show" others.

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with showing others. I mean come on, some traditions are damn stupid, someone has to break them to show people that the world wont end that way. In fact, I changed some of my parent's beliefs the same way, I put them in some situation and they learned that it's not that bad after all. I'm sorry, but my life is not the only thing that matters to me. In situations that I can, I try to challenge people's beliefs and traditions. Who knows, maybe I learn something from them too. I don't mean this name changing tradition specifically, so don't get defensive saying why you changed or name.

 

If no one ever wanted to speak against some stupid traditions, we would have a miserable life now.

[OptomisticGirl]

If no one ever wanted to speak against some stupid traditions, we would have a miserable life now.

 

Yes true but also without those 'stupid' traditions we wouldn't have people, like you, who want to challenge them. Nothing wrong with that. Rules or meant to be broken and what not. But I do think calling them 'stupid' traditions does come accross as Batya said like people are only doing it to 'stick it to the man' pretty much. Not saying those who don't want to change it are but when you start degrading the other side it tends to come accross that way. One could call your want to keep your maiden name stupid because it goes AGAINST tradition, but they don't. l