Changing your last name...ladies...how did/do you feel?

[FarthestEdge]

In a previous post NW recounted the following:

 

Sounds weird but I was remembering an incident years ago. Someone I know was not changing her name. I think on the wedding invites there was mention of this but can't remember now. Anyway, at the wedding and reception she let everyone know she was NOT changing her name. The minister still addressed her as "Mrs So and So" and she was angry but let it go. Then at the reception she had told the DJ NOT to address her by her husband's name but he still did. She was livid by this point. She made an announcement she wasn't changing her name and you could hear the gasps. The wedding gifts were addressed to Mrs and Mr and when she wrote back she let them know she wasn't changing her name.

 

What do you think she should have done? I agree with her but others didn't.

 

So, I assumed it was because someone either didn't know or questioned her decision to keep her maiden name.

 

But I wonder, how did she 'let everyone know" at the wedding, prior to the ceremony? I mean doesn't the bride make a grand entrance without being seen beforehand? Or did she send in a bridesmaid to whisper to the guests, "Psst- Jenny is keeping her maiden name...pass it on"

 

?????

[OptomisticGirl]

I would hope so and not he fact it was an all woman bridal shower. Last I checked they were suppose to be all women.

[newwave]

And why???

 

Because in her case she made it known she found them sexist. I feel the same way and my family knows this and I'd make sure his family knew too.

[newwave]

I would hope so and not he fact it was an all woman bridal shower. Last I checked they were suppose to be all women.

 

Actually, they aren't "supposed to be" anything. They are what you want. Most people I know have coed showers. That's what I would do. I think they are stupid and the games are childish. No thanks. I never attend women only showers. Talking babies and weddings with women bores me.

[OptomisticGirl]

My best friend had a women's only bridal shower and we didn't do any games. We ate, mingled, talked (about things other than marriage and babies), and she opened gifts. Like you say, it's what you make it. The contradictions arise!

[OptomisticGirl]

My best friend had a women's only bridal shower and we didn't do any games. We ate, mingled, talked (about things other than marriage and babies), and she opened gifts. Like you say, it's what you make it. The contradictions arise!

 

And most men I know would rather be shot then attend a BRIDAL shower. A baby shower, sure. A bridal shower? No. Men should def. have groom showers though.

[FarthestEdge]

Wow, You know, I lived with DH before I was married. My grandmother really, really had a hard time with this, because to her, it was a sin. When we finally got married, my aunts threw me a 'family' shower. My grandmother made some comment about how she was glad we were finally getting God's blessing, or something like that.

 

I didn't get angry at her. She came from a different time, with different values. Her comments were not said in judgement, but rather in her lifelong, steadfast belief of how things should be. Obviously, she and I differ on that point. But she still loves me, and wanted what was best for me.

 

How can I be angry at someone who loves me and wants what they believe is best for me, just because it's different from what I want and believe is best for myself? It still comes from love, and I am under no obligation to take any note of it. It would have been horribly ungrateful and nasty of me to walk out of the shower my aunts planned, just because my grandmother exercised her right to an opinion.

 

Just sayin'

[Sparkly Eyes]

And most men I know would rather be shot then attend a BRIDAL shower. A baby shower, sure. A bridal shower? No. Men should def. have groom showers though.

 

hahahaha, so true! It would be like torture to them unless they think they can hook up with girls there.

[newwave]

And most men I know would rather be shot then attend a BRIDAL shower. A baby shower, sure. A bridal shower? No. Men should def. have groom showers though.

 

And most women I know think they are stupid too. Most PEOPLE think they are stupid. I don't know any women who love them. Even my mother hates them and never attends, even for close relatives. If I get married I will do a coed shower but it would be more of a barbeque. No way would I sit around talking about china patterns or play stupid games like toilet paper wedding gowns.

[OptomisticGirl]

hahahaha, so true! It would be like torture to them unless they think they can hook up with girls there.

 

Exactly. A bridal shower is for the bride and her friends and family. I suppose one could throw a 'couple' shower but wouldn't that just be.. well, an engagement party???

[OptomisticGirl]

And most women I know think they are stupid too. Most PEOPLE think they are stupid. I don't know any women who love them. Even my mother hates them and never attends, even for close relatives. If I get married I will do a coed shower but it would be more of a barbeque. No way would I sit around talking about china patterns or play stupid games like toilet paper wedding gowns.

 

So, essentially you would be having an engagement party? And obviously no lingerie gifts. Would be a tad awkward opening one of those bad boys in front of a bunch guys...

[newwave]

Exactly. A bridal shower is for the bride and her friends and family. I suppose one could throw a 'couple' shower but wouldn't that just be.. well, an engagement party???

 

Well out here the couple showers are popular, NOT women only bridal showers. I can't even remember the last time I was invited to one. And so what if a "couple shower" is just an engagement party? Does it even matter what it's called, because it has the same purpose, to receive gifts. A wedding isn't just for the bride anymore. The original purpose of a woman only bridal shower was to give gifts to the bride for her role as a housewife. More women work so this is an outdated notion.

[newwave]

So, essentially you would be having an engagement party? And obviously no lingerie gifts. Would be a tad awkward opening one of those bad boys in front of a bunch guys...

 

I would NOT want lingerie from anyone except my husband. It's not a party for ME it's for the bride and groom. Besides with women only showers I would not feel comfortable opening up lingerie in front of my mother or grandmother.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Well out here the couple showers are popular, NOT women only bridal showers. I can't even remember the last time I was invited to one. And so what if a "couple shower" is just an engagement party? Does it even matter what it's called, because it has the same purpose, to receive gifts. A wedding isn't just for the bride anymore. The original purpose of a woman only bridal shower was to give gifts to the bride for her role as a housewife. More women work so this is an outdated notion.

 

It can be fun tho, if you invite some of your nice fun friends. And I don't think it's about giving women gifts just for the housewife role, but more giving them gifts to have in their house.

[OptomisticGirl]

Well out here the couple showers are popular, NOT women only bridal showers. I can't even remember the last time I was invited to one. And so what if a "couple shower" is just an engagement party? Does it even matter what it's called, because it has the same purpose, to receive gifts. A wedding isn't just for the bride anymore. The original purpose of a woman only bridal shower was to give gifts to the bride for her role as a housewife. More women work so this is an outdated notion.

 

There is nothing wrong with coed showers, just as there is nothing wrong with women only showers. Yes, the bridal shower was originally for the women to be given household stuff and sure, most women (especially if they haven't lived with their fiance prior to marriage) gets household stuff from her registry as a gift. But, as with everything else, it is what you make it. I personally am having a lingerie shower (since we are forgoing the big wedding) for anyone who wants to give gifts. Otherwise, me and the girls are just going to throw a sex-toy party and have a few drinks at home.

[FarthestEdge]

Well out here the couple showers are popular, NOT women only bridal showers. I can't even remember the last time I was invited to one. And so what if a "couple shower" is just an engagement party? Does it even matter what it's called, because it has the same purpose, to receive gifts. A wedding isn't just for the bride anymore. The original purpose of a woman only bridal shower was to give gifts to the bride for her role as a housewife. More women work so this is an outdated notion.

 

Silly me. I thought these things were intended as mini-celebrations meant to share in the couples happiness and wish them well....Wow, now I am so embarassed that two of the parties held for DH and I were strictly 'best wishes only". How crass of me (and the party planners) to not understand that the point of getting married was so that other people had a reason to furnish my home with towels, dishes and small appliances.

 

[newwave]

Silly me. I thought these things were intended as mini-celebrations meant to share in the couples happiness and wish them well....Wow, now I am so embarassed that two of the parties held for DH and I were strictly 'best wishes only". How crass of me to not understand that the point of getting married was so that other people had a reason to furnish my home with towels, dishes and small appliances.

 

 

Yes they are a celebration, but a celebration where people can sit and talk is far more fun than a celebration playing games that remind me of kindergarten with women acting like children. No thanks I pass on those.

[OptomisticGirl]

Silly me. I thought these things were intended as mini-celebrations meant to share in the couples happiness and wish them well....Wow, now I am so embarassed that two of the parties held for DH and I were strictly 'best wishes only". How crass of me (and the party planners) to not understand that the point of getting married was so that other people had a reason to furnish my home with towels, dishes and small appliances.

 

 

Or in my case to get lingerie so I could seduce FH on our honeymoon...

[Sparkly Eyes]

Do you guys tell them your size before they buy anything?

[newwave]

It can be fun tho, if you invite some of your nice fun friends. And I don't think it's about giving women gifts just for the housewife role, but more giving them gifts to have in their house.

 

There is nothing wrong with coed showers, just as there is nothing wrong with women only showers. Yes, the bridal shower was originally for the women to be given household stuff and sure, most women (especially if they haven't lived with their fiance prior to marriage) gets household stuff from her registry as a gift. But, as with everything else, it is what you make it. I personally am having a lingerie shower (since we are forgoing the big wedding) for anyone who wants to give gifts. Otherwise, me and the girls are just going to throw a sex-toy party and have a few drinks at home.

 

Both of those sound more like a group of friends getting together to have fun and that to me is different than the typical bridal showers. The ones I am talking about are the ones where all the female relatives sit and play stupid games. Btw I went to a friend's house who had a shower like that. We drank beer and there was a male stripper. That to me was fine. Actually I might consider having a party like that with my female friends and maybe some relatives close in age.

[OptomisticGirl]

Do you guys tell them your size before they buy anything?

 

Yeah I plan on it. I went to a friend's a few years ago and that's what she did.

[OptomisticGirl]

Both of those sound more like a group of friends getting together to have fun and that to me is different than the typical bridal showers. The ones I am talking about are the ones where all the female relatives sit and play stupid games. Btw I went to a friend's house who had a shower like that. We drank beer and there was a male stripper. That to me was fine. Actually I might consider having a party like that with my female friends and maybe some relatives close in age.

 

Yes but it would still be super awkward (even for me) to have guys at a sex-toy party.

[newwave]

So you're talking more of a bachelorette party then? That is completely understandable. I thought you were talking about the traditional ones where the female relatives sit around and ooh and aaah every pot and pan while playing games. That would never be acceptable to me. When I do get married I'll probably do the big barbeque at my parents backyard and then a bachelorette party where we sit around and drink and maybe get a male stripper (or watch a movie of some sort, not an adult type). At a party like that I would be ok with getting lingerie. That would not be with my older relatives though.

[OptomisticGirl]

Hmmm, mine is considered the bachelorette party/bridal party in one. The older relatives can leave for the, ah, well, less than deseriable stuff. However, my best friend had that traidtional bridal shower (mind you she was 7 months pregnant). No one ooh and aahed over the gifts though (except a few personal ones). It all depends on the people you invite.

[newwave]

That's why I would never have a traditional bridal shower with older relatives. I'd have the barbeque that would be coed (no games) and the bachelorette with female friends and possibly relatives around my age. The traditional one where people get pots and pans and playing games? No way, nor do I go to those. I do send gifts though. In cases like those I figure if a man doesn't have to go why should I? I hate those kinds as much as a man and would never have one.