OG's Random Ramblings

[annie24]

Me neither...................

[renaissancewoman101]

I agree with the others, this is so sudden. If he was having such doubts and stuff, he should have discussed them with you so you guys can BOTH work on it. Marriage is a two way street and he wasn't pulling his end of the bargain.

 

Hugs to you again. Hope you can find some answers to your questions tonight when you guys talk and discuss boundaries.

[renaissancewoman101]

Now since you aren't working at the hospital anymore, will you still be able to keep your hives in check (get renewals on prescriptions without having to go to the doc)?? I do worry that with all this happening, you aren't going to be able to get your hive(immune issues) treated and under control.

[annie24]

Yeah, what happens to your health insurance now??

[OptomisticGirl]

I don't have it any more at the moment.

[annie24]

You can probably sign up for the COBRA insurance, but that's usually pricey.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'll check in to it

[annie24]

Or sign up on the ACA website. That will be cheaper.

[justagirl2]

OG - I don't want to give you any hope, but you think there is any chance he just freaked out a bit and things will go back to normal? I mean, his thoughts seem all over the place so maybe it's not time to give up yet? I dunno if I'm being crazy here, but that just popped in my mind. Maybe have a final talk with him again and see if things really CAN'T be salvageable?

[renaissancewoman101]

Just an FYI, since it is in the middle of the month, and you just quit, you probably still have your insurance till the end of the month. If I were you, and you had time, I would go to the appts you made and stock up on medication so you are ok for a while. I know that, with the jobs I've had, and with my current job, the company pays the insurance on a monthly basis, hence if I were to quit today, I could still get refills and see a doc., before the end of the month, and still be covered under the insurance.

 

Sorry for beating the insurance bush so much

[OptomisticGirl]

OG - I don't want to give you any hope, but you think there is any chance he just freaked out a bit and things will go back to normal? I mean, his thoughts seem all over the place so maybe it's not time to give up yet? I dunno if I'm being crazy here, but that just popped in my mind. Maybe have a final talk with him again and see if things really CAN'T be salvageable?

 

He has made his mind up and there is no changing it. Whether he is freaking out or he really and truly fell out of love, this is what he wants right now. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't even a tiny part of me that clung to that hope but as I said earlier, my head knows it isn't true.

[justagirl2]

He has made his mind up and there is no changing it. Whether he is freaking out or he really and truly fell out of love, this is what he wants right now. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't even a tiny part of me that clung to that hope but as I said earlier, my head knows it isn't true.

 

We have good gut feeling/intuition so I'll take your word for it since you actually heard him say all these things. How was it? He got home from work and told you? Were you guys having a talk? How long did it last?

[OptomisticGirl]

We have good gut feeling/intuition so I'll take your word for it since you actually heard him say all these things. How was it? He got home from work and told you? Were you guys having a talk? How long did it last?

 

He came home from work, said we needed to talk, and sat down. I obviously didn't stay sitting - I tend to pace when I'm angry or confronted with anything. We've had like multiple talks but they never last more than maybe 5-10 minutes.

[OptomisticGirl]

Music is the devil during the break up process.

[einsteins_girl]

I can't believe what a coward he turned out to be. No matter how you look at this, that's exactly what he is.

 

I'm so sorry.

[annie24]

I am so angry right now. Gah. I am so sorry. I want to send you a million hugs.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm just so tired of crying that I give myself a headache. I had one huge cry fest this afternoon. And every time someone hugs me I cry - no idea why I do that. My aunt and I have been talking a good bit of the night about the situation. Obviously of everyone I am trying to wrap my head around why and everyone else is as well. Everyone has their theories. The pseudo family don't think any affair happened and it would be very easy for them to just trash him and say yeah, they thought it was.

 

I found an email from August 10th from him today in my inbox that said 'I love you more and more every day' ..... yeah.

[redrose85]

I was thinking to myself that the prospect of having a kid soon would have pushed him over the edge. It would make sense.

I never knew guys freaked when they turned 30 though... figured that was women because of biological clocks and all that jazz.

[luminousone]

OG my heart just goes out to you. Many of us know too well the grieving process you are going through.

 

L sounds so much like my ex. He had picked out names for children with his first wife but then decided he didn't want children. They got divorced when she was so unhappy and eventually had an affair on him.

 

I met him after he was divorced. I wanted kids but he didn't. I refused to marry him because of that for five years. But I didn't walk away and I should have.

 

After 17 years of what I thought was a happy and fulfilling marriage (21 total years together) I got the same shocking talk completely out of the blue.

 

He is now living with a woman and neither of them wants to get married again. I think that is what appeals to him about her-- he is a real commitment phobe...

 

It is so heartbreaking - and it is a terrible shock to find out that your spouses heart was not fully committed like yours was. But others have pointed out that he (like my ex) does not understand marriage and what it takes. That there WILL be times when one or the other falls out of love. But the commitment is what holds you together.

 

There was a documentary on long marriages and how they lasted. They interviewed the couples and one of them said that the secret of a long marriage was that one or the other fell out of love from time to time but fortunately they didn't happen at the same time and they made it through because of the commitment.

 

I'm so sorry that L did not have the maturity and integrity to stick it through. Neither did my ex. Although I grieved for five years, in the end I realize it is a relief because of his self centered nature...

 

May you be filled with and surrounded by strength. May you find ways to heal your heart. May you find the wisdom and strength to protect yourself legally. And may you know lots of supportive love from your friends and family and fur babies.

[OptomisticGirl]

Thank you, luminousone.

 

I'm so tired of people breaking my heart, of people letting me down. I never thought I would add his name to the list of people who let me down.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm currently surrounded by my fur babies - so much love.

[luminousone]

I'm currently surrounded by my fur babies - so much love.

 

Total, total, unconditional love...

[luminousone]

Thank you, luminousone.

 

I'm so tired of people breaking my heart, of people letting me down. I never thought I would add his name to the list of people who let me down.

 

I know! Who ever expects that when you say vows and get married!

 

That is why I was so shocked about my ex bailing on the marriage too. And he never told me his doubts or feelings- he just kept it all in. Until he unleashed it on me like a bomb. And by then he had decided the marriage was done. Unilaterally.

 

I know you know this intellectually- you are very level headed and strong. You will get through this. You will heal, in time. But it sucks for you now- you have to go through the grieving process.

 

You are an amazing person. I am really glad you have a strong network of friends and family to support you through this time. Hug those fur babies- and get some comfort from their unconditional love.

[OptomisticGirl]

Did your ex ever give you a reason why he never verbalized anything until it was too late?

[luminousone]

Did your ex ever give you a reason why he never verbalized anything until it was too late?

 

No, he never did. I finally gave up trying to find answers. In the end I realized that the whole mess had nothing to do with me and everything to do with my husband's internal issues.

 

He went off to find happiness elsewhere. I knew that the key to happiness was not external - leaving our marriage and going off to find it elsewhere. It was all within him and in his control. He never did figure that out. He was unhappy and he blamed me and our marriage- but it was really his own outlook in life that made him so unhappy.

 

It is all in how you view life- I tend too look for the positive and focus on that. My ex tended to worry about life and focus on the bad things more. He did have depression and his depression interfered with our marriage.

 

Later I figured that I also had underlying mild depression and it probably did interfere with our marriage. Last year I started antidepressants and I suspect I should have been on them years ago. Whether that would have made a difference in the long run, I don't know.

 

It is so hard for you to have all of those questions and you may never get the answers.

 

You just pick up the pieces and focus on healing and putting your life back together. You grieve for the future and for the dreams you had. You grieve for the husband you thought you had (but realize now you never had because he had now shown his true colors). You work on getting through one minute at a time, then one hour at a time, then one day at a time.