Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Alright, so I'm seriously getting back into journaling. Hopefully. I can see my wonderful fiance pipping in about how I started a journal on Blogger and rarely update it but let him comment away. I'm on ENA all the time, figured I might as well make a journal on here!

 

That and I didn't even know about this section and I have been a member for almost 8 months now.

 

 

I can't believe it's been 8 months since I joined ENA. Seems like forever ago I googled 'break up forums' (I google everything--literally) and came accross ENA. I think the search engine threw up one of SuperDave's posts, not sure. I read around a bit before joining (I was going through the break up of a 4 year relationship). That first month of that break up is a blur really, only things that kept me going were my best friend, my niece, and my uncle. lol, I remember one day my uncle got so tired of me mopping around on his couch he carried me out to his truck (I was still in PJs, btw) and we did nothing but drive around Greenwood all afternoon talking. Well, I cried, he talked.

 

I think it was around Christmas I started the REAL healing process. I just remember being so sick and tired of making excuesses for my ex one day. Oh I still missed him, no doubt. After meeting to get most of my things from him on Christmas Day (among those things my 25 lbs. cat Jasper) I went NC. I don't remember how long it lasted.. almost 30 days I know. Anyway. Then Jan. 13th everything changed.

 

The topic of would anyone know who you were if they stumbled accross ENA came up in a thread. I commented that yes, they would considering I had a pic of myself up at the time. Then I got a PM from a board member named Ciivilservant saying 'If that's the real you, I'm moving to SC!" He was in the UK and I thought it was sweet. First time I had really smiled since the break up. Over the next month we talked. I can honestly say, and I'm still not sure why, but during that time he was the one person I didn't want to talk about my ex too. Not sure why but I didn't, I'd rather talk about exile (the US) and my horrific sleeping habits. And slowly I began to fall in love with him.

 

The first time I think I admitted to myself I was falling fin love with him was Valentine's Day when I was sick as a dog but I can remember one instance before that when I realized I was falling for him. My ex had contacted me about a shirt of mine and for anyone who has gone through the break up process knows when your ex contacts you and you aren't healed, a million questions run through your mind. Does he/she miss me? Does he/she really mean this or that? Do I respond back? No, I should wait a few hours. No, I'll wait 15 minutes to reply.... that would be what I'm talking about. Well, that night none of that happened. I just looked at the text and the first thought that came to my mind was, "I miss CS."

 

So CS and I started dating Feb. 23rd. We kind of danced around the subject for a day or two before he actually came out and asked me ( but he dd. Then we had to wait the 4 grullng months to meet in June in New York. I'm telling you, I thought June 4th would never get here. But it did. I flew for the first time (had no problem with it aside from the landing) and CS and I met. It was a bit awkard at first but we quickly got past that and before we knew it was like we were talking on the phone again. Then he left to go back to the UK and I caught a plane ride back home down south.

 

And here we are now: dating for 5 months, engaged and planning a wedding for next Sept. 8 months ago I never could have thought my life would be where it is today, and whatever higher being there is, I'm thankful they brought him into my life when they did....

 

 

Glad to know I can still ramble away lol.

 

(btw hunny, since I made one, YOU get to make a journal as well, no stalling this time!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 14k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

So I decided to become a morning person after spending my whole life being a night owl. Not sure why I decided to do it, I think it had to do with me wanting to lose weight for the wedding and not getting proper sleep was messing up my diet (somehow).

 

So for about 4 or 5 days now I have been getting up about 6 or 7 in the morning, working from 1 to 9 and going to be no later than midnight. And I feel better than I have in years. Yeah it took a few days to get my body in the morning mode without being sleepy in the afternoon but so far it's doing good.

 

I have learned, however, that mornings fly by before I go to work. I don't like that very much.

 

As for my diet... it's going. I have cheated a few times over the last few days but I'm not holding it against myself, as long as I exercise on that AB Circle at least twice a day I'm okay. I have also been really good about keeping my intake of sodas low. Now normally I can sit and drink like 7 or 8 bottles of soda a day, no lie. I'm shocked I'm not a diabetic yet.

 

But since I started the diet I have tried keeping to two or three bottles, drinking it only when I eat and drinking water the rest of the time. Then in two weeks I'll cut back to two or one during the deal (during meals) until eventually I'm not drinking them. I have tried quiting cold turkey before and it never works because a) I get a horrendous caffeine migrain that lasts for days and b) I'll end up craving one and drinking three. This way I wean myself off them and if I have one more than I should, I don't beat myself up.

 

Not true dieting but I'm a chubby girl that loves food, what more can I do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Today has gotten AWESOME!!!

 

The hospital bought out the people who are my bosses and are keeping all of us on. I learned today that with the new bosses I'm getting a .50 cent raise (no more minimum wage for me!), 22 days of PTO a year, paid holidays, almost 30 more hours a week, and my uniform will be khaki scrubs, no more black death pants lol

 

I'm super excited.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My head hurts, or shall I say my neck hurts.

 

I hate having migrains. They are nothing more than the bane of my existence. Not a week goes by that I don't have at least one major one and I have minor ones at least every other day. And I know going to the Chiropractor for six months will cure it but who has that kind of money?! I don't. And there is no guarantee they won't come back after I'm done with it. God I hope I don't pass this on to my kids... I don't wish migrains on anyone. Sadly it's not looking good. Both my parents have them as well as my aunt and grandma.....

 

On another note I cleaned today. I think there is something seriously wrong if you make your living cleaning hospitals only to spend your day off cleaning your room as well. that whole scenario sounds wrong!

 

I'm waiting to hear back from my academic advisor at the moment. CS and I learned today that my degree that I'm currently getting has a high chance of not being worth anything over in England. Actually it's more like it won't be. Which sucks. It's only a two year degree and I'm half way through it (to become a RN). And I can't just go to school for it over there because I'd be considered a foreigner and obviously wouldn't get any aide with paying for school and CS and I can't pay for me to go to school, work, and raise a family at the same time. And I know he feels bad about this and I don't want him too.

 

Do I want to work in the nursing field? Sure. Do I like helping people, especially being around babies? Yes. But it's not my life's dream. My life's dream is to become a mom, nothing else in this world compares to that (except for maybe getting my book published). The only reasons I really chose the medical field is

 

a) the demand for nurses never die. It may not be as great but somewhere, someone always needs a nurse.

b) It was a profession that makes more than what I do now by a LONG shot

c) I had the option to be around babies

 

I don't care what I do, as long as I'm not stuck in a dead end, minimun wage job the rest of my life. If I can advance in a company say like a retail store to manager one day I'm fine with that or anything of that level. Like I said, being a mom is the one dream I want to fullfil in life, and I will not put that on hold to pursue one that hasn't always been at the very core of who I am. If you wanted to get technical my ubber unachieveable occupation would be an Archeologist, and I'm sure if CS couldn't handle the heat in the south, he couldn't handle the heat in Egypt for months at a time.

 

As long as I have him, our children, and my crafts, I'm happy. Who knows, maybe not going to school will free my time up to actually work on my book. Wouldn't have to worry about money then if I could sell the damn thing.

 

So now I suppose the decision is to continue the next year in school, knowing the degree I'm getting won't be worth the paper it's written on over there or just leave this semester. I also have to take in to effect the debt I'm collecting. I had to take out a student loan for this semester and If I continue, it's just going to be more debt that I'll be paying back and not able to do anything with the degree. Or I can work on paying back what I already owe and cut my loses.

 

I never was a good student anyway, except for history class.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pretty uneventful day.

 

I went and talked to the woman who will be doing our wedding cake. Not charging too much and she does an amazing job, so I'm stoked. Three things I want to be perfect for our wedding day is my dress, the cake, and the photos.

 

CS wasn't feeling well today so we really didn't get to talk. Poor baby. I don't like it when he doesn't feel good... I got bored with nothing to do and slept for about an hour and a half this afternoon. :s

 

Watched some Chasing Mummies episodes, argued with mom (like all out argued with her), blogged, redid the wedding budget on what I could be bringing home, and ate.

 

I lead such an exciting life, don't I?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Work was awful. Not the kind that makes me want to quit my job, but just jammed pack from the moment I got there.

 

I can't even say how many times I wandered the halls of the hospital looking for bleach! A patient had menagitis(sp?) so I had to clean the room with pure bleach. THAT didn't give me a headache.. on top of that they had 10 surgeries today and guess who had no help? Moi. I never have help on Thursdays when it's packed like that. I didn't get done with the rooms til 4 and still had to do 8 bathrooms plus ER's trash before my 5 o'clock lunch break. :s

 

And to top it off I was suppose to have Sunday off, I don't. Mary pulled some crap about needing it off when she KNOWS that's my weekend. And I'm sure I'll have to work the next 3 weekends because in two weeks Robin has no one working at night and someone HAS to work and Mary can't because she's on vacation. Oh joy. Just gotta keep thinking more money toward the wedding budget/car....

 

64 more days til CS lands in Atlanta... I can't believe it hasn't even been 2 months since I last saw him. It feels like forever....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I worked my ass off today. No lie. I think I lost a few pounds on it!

 

We do have new carts and stuff, so that's pretty nice. Also went and got a few uniforms (khaki scrubs). Must say they are less hot than my black pants. And I only had three moments I wanted to strangle someone. First I was on Same Day surgery and the woman stopped me and said, "Can you not leave your cart here? It's dirty and I don't like my patients seeing it." I was thinking ummm, you want your rooms cleaned, right? I'm not parking my cart behind the desk and walking back and forth for every little thing. Instead I just smiled.

 

Then I spilled bleach on my smock and didn't want to wear it smelling like bleach so I took it off. Today happened to be the day I wore a tankish shirt. One of the RN's stopped me and told me I HAD to go get a scrub top, she wasn't going to let me walk around like that. Again I though ummmmm, do you sign my check? No, I didn't think so. Just because you have a degree doesn't mean you get to boss me around. And then they wouldn't get the residents out (they were taking one at a time out) and it put me behind. Stupid CNAs.

 

Top it off, a girl at work is pregnant. *sigh* The universe is torturing me, I'm convinced.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I miss my fiance....

 

Tonight is one of those nights the distance just feels unbearable. It hasn't even been two months since I last saw him! Feels like a lifetime ago... I'll be fine in the morning, I'm just missing him a lot right now. The wonders of Skype make our relationship even more bearable at least. I got to talk to him on my lunch break today at work but I just want to SEE him. He booked the tickets last night and I requested the days off today, so now it's just counting down. 62 days I believe....

 

There should be an island inbetween the US and England. No lie. I'm going to write to Obama about this. Screw giving Korea nukes or whatever he is doing at this moment, I want an island built so CS and I can meet inbetween. I don't think I'm asking too much considering my tax money is paying him to sit around in an oval office and make poor decisions. Or stupid decisions, shall I say.

 

*sigh* Well, I better try to get some sleep since I have to be up at nine in the morning. Got my chocolate milk, Jasper is snuggled to me and trying to suffocate me with his fuzzy tan fur.... all I'm missing is my amour.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Got to hold my 3 week old nephew today.

 

He had to be taken by c-section at 31 weeks due to my sister's placenta tearing. That was a nerve wracking day for us. Only thing that kept me from worrying myself to death was CS being there on the other end of the phone. He has done nothing but improve since he was born though, which is rare for a premiee. He's even improving so much he may get to go home in the next few weeks, about 4 weeks ahead of schedule.

 

I hadn't been able to see him since his birth due to work, not having my own car, and the fact you have to have a parent with you in order to go back when they are in the NICU. I went and picked my sister up though this morning and we took some sister time to go and visit him. I got to hold him for the first time for about 20 minutes. He is the smallest baby I have ever held and even I, who has never been afraid of holding a baby, was afraid I'd break him. He even open his eyes up for Aunt OG.

 

My sister and I also got a long, which is a rare. Anyone who was to see my sister and me standing side by side would not know we were sisters. It's like night and day. I have curves, naturally lighter hair, lighter blue eyes, I'm out going, motherly. My sister is thin as a rail, almost black hair, dark blue eyes, an 'it's all about me' attitude, self centered. I love her but she has middle-child syndrome down to a science. However, since she got pregnant and I got over my jealousy of it we have gotten closer. Oh, we can still argue like no other two sisters. I'll be the first one in a heart beat to tell her she is being a spoiled brat and not think twice about it. She'll sling a fat joke here and there when she's angry. But we spent the entire trip talking. We talked about Tyler (my nephew), my wedding planes, my mother, everything under the sun. It was nice to have that sister time with her. We use to could never be left alone for fear of going off on each other, I'm glad we can at least hold a civil conversation nowadays.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I talked to my best friend today.

 

At least what I consider talking, my fiance doesn't define texting as a serious conversation. Normally I wouldn't either but texting is how she and I have always communicated. I hate talking on the phone. Drives me nuts. I'd rather text if it's a small conversation so I can do other things. Anyway, she had commented on a bunch of my photos on facebook earlier and had sent me a text. So I texted her back being nice and polite, then I asked her why she didn't want to hang out with me. She said she did and I was like no, not really. You only call when you have a problem and while I love helping you, you never find out if I'm off or ask if I want to hang out. I feel like my problems don't matter to you.

 

She said yeah she had been a slack friend and apologized, and said she missed me.

 

So while it's not 'fixed' all the way, she at least knows there is a problem now. I knew she didn't realize she was doing it but nonetheless, sometimes you have to tell someone something before they see it. So we will see if things change. I'll be getting a car the end of the month, so hopefully that will help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Today was horrible.

 

I work my butt off cleaning all day only to be told by my fellow co workers the next day (who all work on a different shift, I'm the only one who works at night) that I'm not doing my job. Makes me FURIOUS!!! I know for a fact they spot mop that dang day room at 2:30. I only have 3 hours to do 4 dayrooms (one of which is two in one). Sorry it can't be 'perfect'.

 

God I hate working with females. They are so drama! I like to gossip but healthy gossip, not of this back stabbing crap.

 

And to top it off a woman slipped while I was moping. I just stood there like, really? FML. I filled the accident report out (I had wet floor signs out, she took one step through the door and slipped) and I'm sure I'm covered since I had the signs out but still, add that to the whole not doing my job thing and I'm just fed up with it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The other day I had a moment I have never had since I gained weight.

 

As I was walking into work for a meeting I walked past this glass area. I usually try to avoid looking at me full length in a mirror (I hate my stomach area) but when I looked over the only thought in my head was, "Wow, I look HOT!" I swear I have not had that thought ever in two years. I was stocked!

 

And I wasn't wearing anything fancy, just khaki scrub bottoms and yellow shirt I had worn to my sister's wedding with my hair down. I dunno, but in that moment I really had to remind myself why I want to lose weight. I def. don't want to lose my curves, but I want to be able to go up a flight of stairs without giving out....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I do too--even more so than marriage at this point. It's getting harder for me as age, because almost everyone I know has a baby.

 

Everyone around me has had or is having a baby. Even my 18 year old sister has a baby and as much as I love my nephew, it still stings. I know CS and I are going to start trying as soon as I'm settled over in the UK but it just still seems so far away....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Everyone around me has had or is having a baby. Even my 18 year old sister has a baby and as much as I love my nephew, it still stings. I know CS and I are going to start trying as soon as I'm settled over in the UK but it just still seems so far away....

 

I know what you mean. Everyone I know is preggers or has a baby as well. And it's starting to get to me too. Because I know realistically in my situation it's going to be at least another 3-4 years before I'll be able to be a mother. Which def. sucks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...