rapunzel Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 I've come a long way since last year but since I still work with ex, there is still residual "stuff". I am still alone, and I'm pretty sure he is also alone. I'm lonely, and I haven't met anyone that I want to be with. I've accepted it. Life could always be worse. Things seem kind of strained around him lately, I'm not sure why. I have ignored a couple emails he sent about band stuff, that I did not think needed a reply. Maybe he thinks he has tried to be friends with me. I dunno. I think the band is going to fall apart this year, since one person has announced their departure and my guess is that it will fall apart over the next few months and I won't have to quit. It will be a good thing for me to get away from him completely. I'm sad that the band will be over (because of the other people and the experiences) but all good things must come to an end. Last year he texted on my birthday and gave me a very personal gift, but it turned out to a "guilt" gift. I have a feeling he is going to not acknowledge my birthday this year. That's OK but it's just a feeling I have, and I think he might be out of town. But in the last 2 years I have never had to remind him of my b-day. Anyway, I guess I'll find out tomorrow. And then when his birthday comes in July, I'll have to decide if I'm going to acknowledge it. Bleah. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Hang in there Rap... I'm hoping he makes no gesture... I'm afraid if he does you'll be right back at analyzing and over thinking... I always felt you need to make a clean break from all this and until you do you will continue to be in this state. Oh... AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! Do something really wonderful for yourself! Link to comment
rapunzel Posted June 17, 2010 Author Share Posted June 17, 2010 Hang in there Rap... I'm hoping he makes no gesture... I'm afraid if he does you'll be right back at analyzing and over thinking... I always felt you need to make a clean break from all this and until you do you will continue to be in this state. Oh... AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! Do something really wonderful for yourself! Yeah, as I said, my gut feeling is that he won't this year. You are right, I will overanalyze. When he sent out those group invitations, I went into overanalysis mode for a while but the good news is, I let go of it a lot quicker now. I have a feeling he "knows" that I'm not quite over what happened, although I feel and act normally when I'm around him. I just rarely initiate any conversation with him and I fear this is obvious but I frankly don't know what to say to him. It just feels weird to be around him and have this thing hanging over us, so it will be best when it ends, which I predict will happen in the fall. I don't think I'll be seeing much of him over the summer... No big plans for tomorrow, just dinner with friends and lunch with my Mom. Next year is the big one so I'll plan for a party then. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Happy Birthday to you! Celebrate your life and treat yourself to something special. Forget about him...who cares if he doesn't acknowledge the day..it will be better for you if he doesn't because it will increase the closure for you. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 HAPPY BIRTHDAY! See, now this is something I don't have to worry about because my ex has no clue when my birthday is. He asks me, every year, and I tell him, every year, and he wishes me a happy b-day (even took me out for it last year), but just asked me again a few months ago when it is, to which I responded, "Ummm...why? You won't remember it anyway!" He said I have to tell him when it gets closer because he will feel "terrible" if it goes by and he doesn't acknowledge it. It's actually good that he can't remember, because then I won't be expecting anything! I hope you have a fun time with your friends and mom. My two best friends and I are turning 40 (gulp!) this year, so we're all heading away for a weekend trip in the fall. Then, in spring of next year, I am going on a cruise with one of them to mark our 40th year because we'll still both be 40 then. Enjoy your day, and no worries about what the ex does or doesn't do. Even if he doesn't acknowledge it, it doesn't mean anything. I admit I have forgotten peoples' birthdays at times, and it doesn't mean I don't care. Hope you have a GREAT day! Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Happy Birthday! Go out & have fun and stop worrying about him!!! Enjoy!!! Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Happy Birthday...have a great day and do something special for yourself. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Happy B-day! You have come along way ... you should be proud of yourself. Hang in there dear. You are loveable. Link to comment
rapunzel Posted June 18, 2010 Author Share Posted June 18, 2010 Happy Birthday to you! Celebrate your life and treat yourself to something special. Forget about him...who cares if he doesn't acknowledge the day..it will be better for you if he doesn't because it will increase the closure for you. Thanks CAD, I know this is true. I'm going to try. Link to comment
rapunzel Posted June 18, 2010 Author Share Posted June 18, 2010 Thanks browneyedgirl... Agree, it's probably better that your ex forgets, as you don't have to expect anything. I try to think of birthdays as just another day and I've always had pretty low expectations for them - because I know people that take it hard if someone doesn't make a fuss on their birthday. I know single people that throw parties for themselves but as I said, I'll wait until next year as that is the REAL milestone. Yikes. Hey, 40 may seem like *gulp* now but when you are looking at 50, 40 seems incredibly young! (and I'm quite sure the same happens when one hits 60, and 70 and so on!) And Facebook makes sure I get a lot of birthday greetings from people who otherwise would not even know it was my birthday! So I guess the lesson is enjoy life now while it is happening. That trip in the fall sounds great! Link to comment
rapunzel Posted June 18, 2010 Author Share Posted June 18, 2010 Thanks to Jd, live-n-learn and Ms Darcy. I am going to just enjoy today, the weather is beautiful and life is pretty good. I have a little work to do at home and after that, just relax. Visit Mom, have dinner with friends and maybe go out and buy myself a present. Link to comment
rapunzel Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 Well, nothing from ex. I do think he is on a different coast visiting family. So he doesn't have his birthday reminder on his home computer. Still it made me feel bad. In the past three years I have never reminded him of my birthday; he always remembered. My friends had a nice gathering for me, but I found myself in tears on the way home. I'm going on almost two years and continually seeing him at rehearsals, etc. is just not healthy. I am going to leave the group, I can't continue like this. I think I will plan for the August show to be my last and that's it. One other person has left, so it makes sense for me to leave now...the group is probably falling apart anyway and I can exit in a dignified manner. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 It sounds like things are coming together so that you can be apart from the group - funny how life works that way. I wouldn't go there about "well he's traveling on my birthday" - that's playing hurtful games with yourself - it's giving the irrational feeling of "ugh my ex didn't contact me on my birthday" way too much of a credible reaction in my opinion and that's what starts you down the wrong path.I have to practice that a lot -not giving credibility to irrational feelings - and it's not easy but once you get into the habit it almost follows naturally from the irrational feeling or fear. There are many many possible reasons why he made no contact and yourr irrational feeling about it just begs you to go down the whole list of possibilities so that it can stay in the forefront of your mind. I'm probably not giving you any new input but maybe seeing it typed here will have an impact. Link to comment
rapunzel Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 Actually, my birthday was a lot of fun. I had a nice day and heck, we all get older - not a darn thing you can do about it except enjoy it. I went easy on the alcohol because I have to sing tonight but I did have a bit of wine and I think that is why I was depressed when I got home. Also, it was kind of strange but after my b-day gathering my friend announced that a friend of his, who I am interested in, was having an impromptu gathering in his backyard. I had not seen this guy in about 3 months and I thought, why not, it's on the way home so off we went. This guy, who is 53, was drunk and when we left he gave me a *really* awful sloppy, gross kiss (I mean, BAD) while his hands were all over me - and not in in a good or nice way - and made me think "ok, cross him off the list". I am attracted to him but man, what a turn off. Also, it seems every time I see him, his ex's name comes up often in conversation so it appears he's not over her and they broke up about 2 years ago. Sigh. And strangely, not one band member wished me a Happy Birthday (and 5 of them are Facebook friends). This is why I try to have low expectations on birthdays. I know you have to just excuse that people are busy and they just forget. I did get *tons* of Facebook greetings which was nice. Thanks Batya, for the reminder....it is good advice. I am pretty certain he has one of those birthday reminders on his home computer and also am pretty certain he is traveling but agree there are many reasons why he did not contact (one very strong one is he just plain forgot OR he feels it is best to not contact) and I could start overanalyzing but best to just let it go. I will not be seeing him after our show next week until early August. His b-day is in July so I guess I'll have to just let that pass. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 Glad you had a good time. I used to play those mindgames with myself "well, he must still have __ reminder on his computer, if he logs into ___ site he will see that I married/moved/have a new job, I wonder if he can see that I logged onto his site, etc etc. Waste of precious time/energy and gives one (well, me) the illusion that even though we broke up a long time ago, I still have facts about his present life. Link to comment
1guygirl Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 really pleased you had a great day...even that you copped off, despite him not being a good prospect this is a start of a new year for you, and when you hit next years milestone, you could be so far into a new life, just being content and happy...all the best x Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.