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Live-N-Learn last won the day on November 27 2010

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About Live-N-Learn

  • Birthday 11/13/1961

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  1. I've been divorced for 10 years. My kids are 17 and 14. My Ex wife and I get along fine and have no interest in ever getting back together. She fell on hard times financially and I've been helping her mainly for the kids sake. Her financial circumstances came to a peak this past March and I had a choice to make (without going into the justification or reasoning) I chose to let her and the kids move in with me for a year to get back on her feet so this never happens again. Things are going fine, she has a stable job now and is getting there. We don't live like a family unit. She lives her life and I live mine. We don't have sit down dinners together nor do we hang out watching TV. She really is like a roommate. I haven't been dating for the past year. took a time out and just enjoying my other relationships and life. I was planning to continue this for anther year until she moves out with my daughter and my son goes off to college next summer. Well, I wasn't planning or looking but I met a lady and we really hit it off. We knew each other from a couple of years ago when we both attended the same home bible study group. She showed up about 3 weeks ago to another group I go to every week for the past 6 years. We had coffee afterwards and talked. I can tell there is interest on both sides. So my question is this. 1. Do I tell her my circumstances and let her decide if she is OK with it and wants to date me? 2. Do I tell her and let her know I'm not in the best place to date right now, but would like to be friends, and once my Ex and kids move out next summer we will see if both still have interest? 3. Do I say nothing and just stop giving off any signals of interest? I will be seeing her every week at this group. She plans to continue coming back. Your input would be appreciated. I want to handle this properly so not to hurt her or shut out any opportunity with her possibly next summer. Thanks LNL
  2. I am sorry to hear you are suffering. Unfortunately there are no guarantees in life. There are consequences for every choice we make in life good and bad. I suggest you get a sponsor and start building men friendships to help you on your journey. Staying sober is not easy. Once the reality sets in she is gone, it is going to be even harder. You need to live out the serenity prayer my friend. Best of luck.
  3. All of us have our own ways of dealing with stress, anxiety worry and pain. Over the years I have self medicated in many different ways, sex, alcohol, drugs, porn or gambling. Obviously, these were short term fixes for a much deeper problem. I was basically treating the symptom, not the cause. One day I finally took a step back and decided it was time to deal with the root cause, for me that was abandonment from my father when I was a year old. I dealt with it and was able to forgive him and never felt the need to self medicate again. I also realize I have an addictive personality. So life for me now is about picking better addictions. I now play golf to relieve stress. Not everyone has an addictive personality and some ppl can drink and do drugs occasionally without issue. I still believe though, that anytime a person takes a mind altering drug to feel better, there is something in their life that is deficient.
  4. Another example of you not owning your choices. Why not just say I love pot and choose to smoke it?
  5. I don't know if it's just me but I am struggling with seeing you and Mina as a good fit. She is a professed religious person which inherently carries with it some assumed core values such as waiting definitely more than two dates to sleep together if at all. No drug use and modesty. Instead, she sleeps with you, doesn't care if you smoke weed and talks dirty with you. She really confuses me and I honestly can not get a handle on who she really is as a person and her values. You seem to be going full steam ahead to me almost at an obsessive pace despite your reservations. I really can't get a handle on all this. It's starting to feel unhealthy to me.
  6. I am a man and will put in my two cents. As a general rule, men are more visually stimulated than women. When I was in my late teens and early 20's I was 90% attracted to women based on appearance and had not yet developed the maturity to see how important character and compatibility were to a healthy relationship. This really was my issue not hers. As I matured, the percentage continued to drop and the internal attributes have risen in value considerably. There are a few factors that can keep a man stuck with too high of a value on the physical. The first is pornography which too many men engage in on a regular basis. This can cause the devaluation of women into an object and unrealistic expectations of our partners. The second is past relationships. If a man has had some hot women in his past, it is common to compare your current partner to them and find yourself dissatisfied if she doesn't meet the grade. I have struggled with comparing my dates to the hottest girl I ever dated and came to realize that I needed to grow up. I needed to accept that I was not this good looking, in shape young person any longer and needed to reassess my values. I did that, and I now value women based on internal qualities far more than physical hotness. I am not saying that looks are not important, I need to be attracted to her. However, if we are compatible, have the same goals, laugh together, have many of the same values, is trustworthy, kind, compassionate, good communicator, love kids and fights fair, I am way more attracted and the physical so called flaws do not bother me. I came to realize that it was much more difficult to find chemistry and a strong connection with a women than it was to find a hot women to bang a few times. I stopped looking for the perfect physical women and started looking for a women with character and shared values. This is the type of women I could grow old with.
  7. Saying you are religious allows for a wide range of interpretation and moral standards that may allow for sexual interaction without compromise. However, if she claims to be a Christian then compromise is necessary for her to sleep with you. I guess it would be wise to ask her to define what religious means to her.
  8. She may be having regrets. She sent you some serious mixed signals. Her so called Christian beliefs do no line up with her actions of sleeping with you. She will have to choose to follow her beliefs or continue to compromise them to be with you.
  9. Healing by the yard is hard, healing by the inch is a cinch
  10. I remember thinking the same thing. But I came to realize this was how I felt and not necessarily how she felt. If she would have viewed the relationship as I did, she would not have left. It's easy to transfer how we viewed the relationship onto our partners that left. Especially when we think back to some of the statements they made to effect of how much they loved us and so on...but the real truth is in their actions not in their words.
  11. She dumped you and now you want to thank her? Be honest, you are just looking for an excuse to contact her....screw her....she dumped you.
  12. I had the same thing happen....Yes having them come back part way is worse that not at all. Pure hell. My ex did the same thing. came back we had sex now and then and I thought this would bring her back fully. Never happened. I was so damn miserable. I wanted her heart and affection not just sex. It felt empty.
  13. I hope your life is hell and you end up all night with your head in a toilet throwing up. You deserve the best this NYE has to offer. Love ya
  14. Yeah mine came back after a year and slept with me for my birthday. I did not know it but she actually had a bf and were having problems. Well she went right back to him. So be careful what you wish for.
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