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Live-N-Learn

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Live-N-Learn last won the day on November 27 2010

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About Live-N-Learn

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  • Birthday 11/13/1961
  1. I've been divorced for 10 years. My kids are 17 and 14. My Ex wife and I get along fine and have no interest in ever getting back together. She fell on hard times financially and I've been helping her mainly for the kids sake. Her financial circumstances came to a peak this past March and I had a choice to make (without going into the justification or reasoning) I chose to let her and the kids move in with me for a year to get back on her feet so this never happens again. Things are going fine, she has a stable job now and is getting there. We don't live like a family unit. She lives her life
  2. Sounds to me like you may need to take a look at yourself. Why are you afraid to say anything to him? You are settling for less than you deserve. This could be a self worth/ self esteem issue. I personally would never settle or stay in a relationship where my needs were not also being met. I for sure would not keep silent and cause myself this type of misery internally that you are allowing. From your remarks above, it sounds like your a repeating old patterns. If any of this rings true, you may want to take a break from relationships and work on your own stuff and get emotionally healthy.
  3. IMO porn is a symptom of a deeper root issue. That's what he needs to address in his life. Most likely he doesn't even recognize there is an issue. You can not fix him or change him. Once you cross the line of trying it's called co-dependency. My advice is to get out. He is not emotionally healthy. Best of luck, LNL
  4. Hi Joyful, I have dealt with the issues of rejection, abandonment and low self worth. These were deep seated issues that began with my father giving me up for adoption at 1 year of age. These effected every relationship in my life. It was my issue not theirs. It took a lot of self reflection, reading, and hard work to overcome this core issue. Good news is that you can overcome it! One book I would like to suggest is "exposing the rejection mindset". This is a Christian based book, so it may or may not be right for you. I wish you the best in your journey.
  5. I applaud you for your efforts to educate yourself on HSV. However, your numbers are off. Please see below. In the end, I don't think it will matter. Based on your health condition, you most likely will not move forward with him. By avoiding sex during an active outbreak, chances of virus transmission are 4% a year (Terri Warren, RN, NP – WebMD). Yes, per year, not sexual session. In the study that this is based off, couples were reported to have sex more than 5 times a month. Over 60% of the couples did not use condoms. So if we look at the findings at the frequent end of the scale we
  6. Good example of why I deactivated my FB account 4 years ago. Hope you find your way.
  7. IMO..it looks something like this: at 20 years old -2 +12 max at 30 years old -5 +15 max at 40 years old -10 +15 max at 50 years old -12 + whatever you are comfortable with Something close to this.
  8. For me, I have learned that there is very little a person can say after they say they want out of the relationship, if not mutual, that will make me feel better or that I will even believe. I have taken the path of respecting a persons decision to leave. I know that they are way ahead of me in processing the breakup and the best thing for me to do is just accept it as quickly as possible and immediately cut all contact. Of course, I will listen during her breakup speech as to why, and may even ask a few questions. However, when I walk away from that convo, I am done. This may sound hard co
  9. I have been working on myself for 4 years now and have never felt better. It's a process and there is no finish line until were in the grave. But to answer your question, I started feeling better the moment I got connected with others on the same path, shared about my struggles and started doing the work. I would say that after a year I was in a significantly better place.
  10. I can relate to how you are feeling. For me the first step was that I had to get to a place of being sick and tired of feeling that my life was out of my control. I started to realize that hurting people, hurt people. I was hurting her and she was hurting me. We were both damaged goods. By the way, that damage is what attracted us to one another. If I was to meet her today and she was that person still, I would run the other way. I would in no way be attracted to her because I have changed! So, I first had to come out of my denial about my emotional heath, I had to humble myself and admit I
  11. This is not an easy question to answer, it's complex. I have been where you are in the past. It was the most painful time of my life, but also created the most growth in me as a person. For me, I came to the realization that I was emotionally unhealthy, that I need to take a time out and work on me. I realized that I had a lot of past hurts that I had never dealt with but only buried. Mainly abandonment issues that caused me to have low self worth and self esteem. When my ex gf cheated and left me it triggered all these past issues and I could not cope. I chased her in hopes that if she loved
  12. Many of us have done the same thing so don't be so hard on yourself. I finally realized the insanity of reaching out to the person that was causing me pain, for relief from my pain. The more I reached out the worse I felt. Additionally, the responses never made me feel better only worse. It just confirmed they didn't want me anymore. He can not help you at all to get through this. He clearly is not going to say the words you hope to hear. Hopefully you will find a way to accept this and stop reaching out. Best of luck in your healing.
  13. They do it because they are being selfish. Maybe he had a bad day or bad date and needed an ego boost so he reached out to the person he knew would give him that.
  14. Meant to add a few of the one liners that changed my life... Are you becoming the person You're looking for, is looking for? You need to be the right person, not find the right person You are the average of the 5 people you hang around the most, choose your friends wisely Show me your friends, I'll show you your future Are you friend worthy? Blessings, LNL
  15. Since I started this thread, I guess I will share a little of my story. What was/is it like for you if you were/are in a bad relationship? I would describe the relationship as severely toxic. We were both unhealthy emotionally and didn't even know it. We asked too much of the other person and were both very selfish. We were in the relationship for what we personally could get out of it, not what we could give. At the end of the day the inevitable was happening...as the old saying goes, "hurting people, hurt people". She eventually cheated on me and strung me along for a long time. I was de
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