"It happens when you least expect it"

[Sparkly Eyes]

Every relationship I've gotten into to came out of nowhere. I'd look and look and there would be nothing about. Then when I was completely content with being by myself and quite liking being alone...bam...I'm in a relationship.

 

I think there is also an age factor that should be considered. At high school or college, you might meet people even when you are not looking for it. But in your late thirties you rarely meet quality single people around and you have to somehow be actively looking to find someone. Not saying that they can't come out of nowhere, but chances are higher that they won't.

[Sonicxman]

So this is what you do, one day you just go out looking for a guy, the next day you dont go out looking for a guy. You have a 50/50 chance this way, lol JK.

[marshmlofluff]

I do not know a single person who met their spouse on-line. Sure, I hear about this person knew that person, etc. - but I personally don't know of anyone.

 

More likely, people don't give you the complete truth about how they met.

 

My most recent ex met me online. As he was using a computer in the library, he used to tell people we met at the library. And *grin* I used to say that when I moved here, I needed an attorney to close on my house--also true--except I met this particular attorney on OKCupid, and did not end up using his services.

 

When my BF and I explain how we met, we say that I invited him to teach my class for a day, and liked the lecture. Which is completely true...just I invited him to teach my class after we had met online and talked extensively first.

 

 

 

A significant fraction of my friends and relatives met their LTR partners online.

[Maveric]

Yeah and money grows on trees. You're totally right

[OptomisticGirl]

I think it does find you when you least expect it. Now granted when I wasn't in a relationship I shared the same view point as those who don't believe in it, mostly because I had just had my heart broken.

 

But if I had never had my heart broken I never would have become a member on ENA and met my boyfriend.

 

I DO think people try looking for it to hard sometimes. It's one of those mysterious of life that will happen when it wants to, not a minute early.

[annie24]

i've met my last several boyfriends while looking online, but ironically, i met them all in real life. i don't know - i think that since i was open and looking for a boyfriend, i kept my eyes open to the opportunity as well when it landed in my lap in person! so i would say that searching online put me in the right 'mindset' but i certainly met them where i didn't expect.

[newwave]

I think there is also an age factor that should be considered. At high school or college, you might meet people even when you are not looking for it. But in your late thirties you rarely meet quality single people around and you have to somehow be actively looking to find someone. Not saying that they can't come out of nowhere, but chances are higher that they won't.

 

Exactly. Where I live there aren't single people, and I wasn't looking and I didn't find them. People that are younger might believe this (I did) but the reality is much different. Honestly, the only way I could find a single guy now is to actively look for one.

[Shallow]

Exactly. Where I live there aren't single people, and I wasn't looking and I didn't find them.

 

Move out of the sticks. Those scarecrows aren't good enough for you.

 

Seriously though, there's a difference between "when you least expect it" and "when you aren't looking".

 

I can go along with the former, as someone you only have mild interest in at first can certainly surprise you later on down the road, challenging what you think you want and giving you what you actually need.

 

The latter is just being passive. Not much of value comes from being passive, and the exceptions are few and far between. You have to be out there looking for something.

[newwave]

Move out of the sticks. Those scarecrows aren't good enough for you.

 

Seriously though, there's a difference between "when you least expect it" and "when you aren't looking".

 

I can go along with the former, as someone you only have mild interest in at first can certainly surprise you later on down the road, challenging what you think you want and giving you what you actually need.

 

The latter is just being passive. Not much of value comes from being passive, and the exceptions are few and far between. You have to be out there looking for something.

 

Once I get another job I am moving closer to the city. Originally my plan was to move closer to the guy I like (he lives near downtown and in a cheaper but decent area). Since it doesn't look like we will see each other again, not sure if I'll move there but do plan on moving closer to the city.

[glucoze]

I'm sorry but I agree wit danglebats...

Cause the same thing happened to me.

[newwave]

Incidentally, the guy I like I reconnected with when I wasn't looking at then it happened where he said he didn't want a relationship.

[Batya33]

I agree with the saying. Everyone I know who is in a serious relationship or married met by "accident" - through work, friends or in one true case, she tripped over him. Literally. Stumbled and tripped.

 

I do not know a single person who met their spouse on-line. Sure, I hear about this person knew that person, etc. - but I personally don't know of anyone.

 

Maybe because when you truly aren't looking, you appear less desperate and more at peace with your life.

 

I know many people - all "winner" types in a good way - who met their spouses on line.

 

The poster who posted her "least expect it" story is another example of how one spins a story - it can be explained as fate or explained as affirmative action on the part of the people involved - but usually it is some of each (it's just that the fate part is more romantic).

 

Of course you won't meet the right person before you meet the right person - that's a truism, not a "mystery" -- if you meet someone who would be right for you other than the timing is off for some reason, that person is not the right person, simple as that.

 

But not being desperate - having a fun, fulfilling life so that you don't give off needy vibes (whether to a potential boyfriend or a potential friend - because friends provide access to other friends and potential romances) -- that is essential to meeting the right person, rather than "the right person for my needy self".

[Cognitive_Canine]

For the record, I don't think fate or destiny has anything to do with it. I think I am just more attractive in one way or another when I'm not looking.

[coolchick64]

I think there is also an age factor that should be considered. At high school or college, you might meet people even when you are not looking for it. But in your late thirties you rarely meet quality single people around and you have to somehow be actively looking to find someone. Not saying that they can't come out of nowhere, but chances are higher that they won't.

 

 

I have to disagree completely. True there are more single people when you're younger, but then most of those people aren't anywhere near ready to settle down. And I know many, many "quality" single people in their 30's and 40's. Guys come up to me all the time and ask me out---in coffee shops, at the gym, at work---and I'm 45. No shortage here.

[newwave]

Just for the record, I am not needy, nor do I send needy vibes. I have a full life and would be ok alone. In fact I have been alone but am ready to be with someone.

[annie24]

I have to disagree completely. True there are more single people when you're younger, but then most of those people aren't anywhere near ready to settle down. And I know many, many "quality" single people in their 30's and 40's. Guys come up to me all the time and ask me out---in coffee shops, at the gym, at work---and I'm 45. No shortage here.

 

what is your secret?!

[newwave]

I have to disagree completely. True there are more single people when you're younger, but then most of those people aren't anywhere near ready to settle down. And I know many, many "quality" single people in their 30's and 40's. Guys come up to me all the time and ask me out---in coffee shops, at the gym, at work---and I'm 45. No shortage here.

 

Depends on your area. Where I am there is not. If I go an hour north I hit downtown Chicago and there are more there. I get hit on often but many of the guys are married.

[abitbroken]

Just for the record, I am not needy, nor do I send needy vibes. I have a full life and would be ok alone. In fact I have been alone but am ready to be with someone.

 

You don't know if you are sending off needy vibes or not - that is for others to say. Most of us don't recognize what that looks like to others.

 

from your other threads you mention that you immediately walked way from guys when you found out they had kids. and there were other things too. You may not come off as needy, but there is a way that people can come off as being a little bit "too good" for others, or uptight and that is not appealing either. There are women who just seem unapproachable to guys. They may be attractive, well groomed etc, but most guys are not going to touch them with a 10 foot pole because they automatically assume they must be taken or just give off a "don't bother me" vibe.

[newwave]

You don't know if you are sending off needy vibes or not - that is for others to say. Most of us don't recognize what that looks like to others.

 

from your other threads you mention that you immediately walked way from guys when you found out they had kids. and there were other things too. You may not come off as needy, but there is a way that people can come off as being a little bit "too good" for others, or uptight and that is not appealing either. There are women who just seem unapproachable to guys. They may be attractive, well groomed etc, but most guys are not going to touch them with a 10 foot pole because they automatically assume they must be taken or just give off a "don't bother me" vibe.

 

I don't want to waste my time dating guys with kids. I wouldn't walk away in situations like the store, but at a singles group I'd be friendly but make an excuse. If he asked me for a date I'd decline and tell him why.

[abitbroken]

I don't want to waste my time dating guys with kids. I wouldn't walk away in situations like the store, but at a singles group I'd be friendly but make an excuse. If he asked me for a date I'd decline and tell him why.

 

Did you read the rest of what I said there at all? I wasn't talking about kids...

 

you may not come off as needy, but there is a way that people can come off as being a little bit "too good" for others, or uptight and that is not appealing either. There are women who just seem unapproachable to guys. They may be attractive, well groomed etc, but most guys are not going to touch them with a 10 foot pole because they automatically assume they must be taken or just give off a "don't bother me" vibe.

[newwave]

I've had many guys approach me in various places. I do not give off an unapproachable vibe.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I've had many guys approach me in various places. I do not give off an unapproachable vibe.

 

Again, you really can't tell what kind of vibe you are giving off to people.

 

I give off a really cold vibe when people first meet me. I've had friends tell me "you know, when I first met you, I thought you were a (bad word). boy was I wrong".

 

I don't know why I give off such bad first impressions but I do for some reason.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I have to disagree completely. True there are more single people when you're younger, but then most of those people aren't anywhere near ready to settle down. And I know many, many "quality" single people in their 30's and 40's. Guys come up to me all the time and ask me out---in coffee shops, at the gym, at work---and I'm 45. No shortage here.

 

Maybe you are incredibly beautiful or something.image removed Most people I know, specially the older ones don't get approached like this and find it hard to find people, some of them are really pretty too. Heck, I'm in my twenties and don't get approached like you.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Love happens when you least expect it - is such a crock of you know what. Like you turn around and say "Oh my, hello love, I wasn't expecting you this evening." What BS. The funny thing is the people who tell you this crap are the ones currently in love. A lonely person would tell you to give up and stop chasing rainbow flavored unicorns.

[FreedomRing]

More likely, people don't give you the complete truth about how they met.

 

My most recent ex met me online. As he was using a computer in the library, he used to tell people we met at the library. And *grin* I used to say that when I moved here, I needed an attorney to close on my house--also true--except I met this particular attorney on OKCupid, and did not end up using his services.

 

When my BF and I explain how we met, we say that I invited him to teach my class for a day, and liked the lecture. Which is completely true...just I invited him to teach my class after we had met online and talked extensively first.

 

 

 

A significant fraction of my friends and relatives met their LTR partners online.

 

Such good points. I met my bf online as well, but we both say that we met "near my job" which is true, however, we met the next day after chatting online/phone, when he came to my job to bring me lunch.

 

There is still a stigma about meeting ppl online and God forbid(gasp) entering a relationship with them.