"It happens when you least expect it"

[Batya33]

I have to disagree completely. True there are more single people when you're younger, but then most of those people aren't anywhere near ready to settle down. And I know many, many "quality" single people in their 30's and 40's. Guys come up to me all the time and ask me out---in coffee shops, at the gym, at work---and I'm 45. No shortage here.

 

How many of those men want to get married and start a family in the not too distant future? Not saying they have bad intentions (nothing wrong with dating, living together without wanting children, casual dating, flings) but being asked out by random people doesn't tell the whole story of whether it's easier to meet someone who is looking for marriage and family.

I found it much easier to meet suitable men after age 35 not because more men wanted to settle down but because I really knew who I was and what I wanted and god invented better hair products for my frizzy hair (yes I am sure that played a role). I mostly met them through on line sites but also through friends, at parties, at events (singles events and general networking events).

[sidehop]

I feel that the person who's available to date also have to be in the right mindset. Any negativity towards the idea of meeting someone whether actively or inactively pursuing a relationship can really reflect the individual's aura; their character, how they talk and act.

 

I'm a firm believer in law of attraction, if you think you won't meet someone you probably won't. But if you love yourself and are happy with who you are, your thoughts and actions can only open many opportunities to meet the person you dreamed of.

[Mix Maxster]

I agree with Sidehop, a great amount of wisdom there.

 

As another previous poster has said, life isn't fair. This world is a pretty crazy place and over time it seems to get only crazier.

 

I have said it many times on this forum in the past, but I am a firm believer that the best thing an individual can ever do is improve on themselves. I mean if life is for the living, why wouldn't we all want to strive for the best? It doesn't mean we always get it, but our focus really is the best when it's on the good.

 

I know that at any point when things haven't gone well in my life, that how I have handled myself usually has something to do with it. I have been surprised by what has come into my life based on how I have handled myself. There is a direct coordination to how one treats themselves and the quality of life they obtain.

 

I am a believer of souls and soul mates, but with the ideal that it represents a near perfect union between people. It doesn't necessarily mean you've found the one you're destined to be with, but one who represents the person you see yourself living a life with.

 

Things are never perfect. We break down, people lie and cheat and nothing is forever, but that shouldn't stop us from striving, experiencing and taking a chance. Life is full of opportunity and the more we take on, the more we experience and the closer we get to feeling "complete" with your life. I think that sort of prolonged satisfaction is really the sort of happiness one is striving for.

 

Hope this was insightful.

-Max

[Hermes]

You hit the nail on the head, CCªª

 

For the record, I don't think fate or destiny has anything to do with it. I think I am just more attractive in one way or another when I'm not looking.

 

H

[Hermes]

Yes, Sidehopªª

 

I'm a firm believer in law of attraction, if you think you won't meet someone you probably won't. But if you love yourself and are happy with who you are, your thoughts and actions can only open many opportunities to meet the person you dreamed of.

 

H

[MD Geist]

I say its a load of crap.

 

Not all of us will ever find love, I know I won't. Some people right here on this form go through the same difficulties as me. But at least I finally came to terms It will never happen and I can live without it for the fact that I do not know any better.

 

Anything else is BS, you can be broke, negative, unfaithful and still date.

[dangletsbang]

I say its a load of crap.

 

Not all of us will ever find love, I know I won't. Some people right here on this form go through the same difficulties as me. But at least I finally came to terms It will never happen and I can live without it for the fact that I do not know any better.

 

Anything else is BS, you can be broke, negative, unfaithful and still date.

 

That's the best way to look at it..

[BriarRose]

Maybe you are incredibly beautiful or something.image removed Most people I know, specially the older ones don't get approached like this and find it hard to find people, some of them are really pretty too. Heck, I'm in my twenties and don't get approached like you.

 

I agree. I just don't think an average looking 45 year old (like myself) would get approached constantly like that.

 

Anyways, I agree with Canine that when we aren't looking, there is just something more attractive about us.

[newwave]

I say its a load of crap.

 

Not all of us will ever find love, I know I won't. Some people right here on this form go through the same difficulties as me. But at least I finally came to terms It will never happen and I can live without it for the fact that I do not know any better.

 

Anything else is BS, you can be broke, negative, unfaithful and still date.

 

You're right, not everyone will find love. That's another myth, that there's someone for everyone.

[Flywest29]

You're right, not everyone will find love. That's another myth, that there's someone for everyone.

 

Yep, these are fantasies that too many people buy into and feel that they are owed this happiness and "soulmate". Unfortunately life doesn't always work that way. Some people will find multiple people to love while others won't find any at all. Such is the way of the world.

 

This is why you must learn to be happy with yourself and be content in your life with what you have.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I feel that the person who's available to date also have to be in the right mindset. Any negativity towards the idea of meeting someone whether actively or inactively pursuing a relationship can really reflect the individual's aura; their character, how they talk and act.

 

I'm a firm believer in law of attraction, if you think you won't meet someone you probably won't. But if you love yourself and are happy with who you are, your thoughts and actions can only open many opportunities to meet the person you dreamed of.

 

Some of the most negative people regarding relationships have been the one to find someone..and some of the most positive people have not. I don't believe in this "law of attraction"...just because you think you will meet someone doesn't mean you will and just because you think you won't doesn't mean you won't. Just like I can go to a job interview and really put my best foot forward and really think I have the job in the bag..and then I don't get it. Why...not because I didn't project myself well, but because there was another candidate they preferred. Plenty of people who thought they wouldn't get the job ended up getting it. There are so many other factors at play..and not everyone who has a negative attitude walks around with it stamped on their forehead for all the world to see.

[bulletproof]

I feel that the person who's available to date also have to be in the right mindset. Any negativity towards the idea of meeting someone whether actively or inactively pursuing a relationship can really reflect the individual's aura; their character, how they talk and act.

 

I'm a firm believer in law of attraction, if you think you won't meet someone you probably won't. But if you love yourself and are happy with who you are, your thoughts and actions can only open many opportunities to meet the person you dreamed of.

 

I agree with this totally. It's proven on these boards all the time- the most negative people seem to also be the loneliest and most unhappy. They write the words over and over: I will never find someone, I will always be alone. And sure enough, they are. That perpetuates the cycle, because they feel they feel they were proven "right" when the situation remains the same.

 

Regarding the original quote about love happening when you least expect it... that has definitely been my experience. I don't think it's meant to be taken so literally. I think it's just common sense- I was in a situation where my guard was down for whatever reason, opening me up to a potential romance. We shouldn't necessarily look for love, but look for opportunities to love, and I would include online dating in that. If it's approached as fun and a way to meet others, then it will likely be a much more pleasant experience than treating it as a must-find-true-love immediately service.

[LightbulbSun]

I agree with this. The few times that I've had 'chances' with women have been when I wasn't expecting love, or had given up on it.

 

The problem though is that I had given up, so I wasn't prepared to act on these chances.

 

I'm in the same cynical mood, although I'm trying to keep a 'all for the best' outlook. If love walks into my life, fine. If not, fine. I'm just trying to focus on making friends, and if a relationship comes out of that, then great.

 

I can't get hung up on crushes anymore. I'm freakin' 27 years old! I'm too old to have 'crushes.'

[Nixee]

 

I can't get hung up on crushes anymore. I'm freakin' 27 years old! I'm too old to have 'crushes.'

 

Not true... I'm 30 and have had a crush on someone for over a year

 

The difference is you can recognize a crush, control your feelings/actions, and know when are appropriate times to act and when aren't.

[sidehop]

Some of the most negative people regarding relationships have been the one to find someone..and some of the most positive people have not. I don't believe in this "law of attraction"...just because you think you will meet someone doesn't mean you will and just because you think you won't doesn't mean you won't. Just like I can go to a job interview and really put my best foot forward and really think I have the job in the bag..and then I don't get it. Why...not because I didn't project myself well, but because there was another candidate they preferred. Plenty of people who thought they wouldn't get the job ended up getting it. There are so many other factors at play..and not everyone who has a negative attitude walks around with it stamped on their forehead for all the world to see.

 

I don't deny the fact that less positive or negative people can find someone.

 

As for the job example, sure, you may not get the job each and every time. Law of attraction doesn't say you'll get what you desire, it's the opportunity that opens up as your life evolves around the your thoughts, actions and how each person in the end responds to such opportunity.

 

To me it's knowing yourself and what you can offer to the potential partner that's going to make the difference. If someone is not in the right frame of mind, it's very possible a new relationship can go down the drain quickly or struggle. Time after time we see this example of how people get in a relationship but not being 100% true to themselves. And I'm not criticizing those people, we including myself all have had some relationship that was unhealthy whether because it was you and/or the partner you were with wasn't ready or unsure of themselves deep down.

[boowant]

I believe that love will come to you! I was married got divorced, had a b/f and neither did work out! Then i met my daughters friends dad, we are so compatilbale its crazy we like th same exact thing like old cars,kinky sex LOL,and resale shops! It is hard to wait but i think love will come 2 you! But i dont think you should have that kind of goal about love,you might end up with the wrong person, it takes time! Let it come 2 you, u never know! Good luck 2 you!

[Batya33]

I believe that love will come to you! I was married got divorced, had a b/f and neither did work out! Then i met my daughters friends dad, we are so compatilbale its crazy we like th same exact thing like old cars,kinky sex LOL,and resale shops! It is hard to wait but i think love will come 2 you! But i dont think you should have that kind of goal about love,you might end up with the wrong person, it takes time! Let it come 2 you, u never know! Good luck 2 you!

 

Yes, that works if you're not a woman in her 30s or beyond who wants kids or who wants to be married before middle age, let's say. I also found that the relationships around me where both people acknowledged the effort they put into making the relationship work, loving through actions not just letting feelings wash over you are the healthier relationships because they are used to putting in effort so that when things settle down and get comfy,it's less of an adjustment.

 

I also don't think a relationship wasn't loving just because it didn't work out.

[newwave]

Unfortunately where I live now, there just aren't single guys that I'd want. There's either divorced fathers (a big no no) or guys much younger (think teens-early 20's) or too old (60+). There just aren't guys available here. Eventually I do want to move, but can't afford to now. I go to events an hour away because there are many single never married 40something guys there but that of course means actively looking. I can't just say it'll happen because where I am now it won't.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Unfortunately where I live now, there just aren't single guys that I'd want. There's either divorced fathers (a big no no) or guys much younger (think teens-early 20's) or too old (60+). There just aren't guys available here. Eventually I do want to move, but can't afford to now. I go to events an hour away because there are many single never married 40something guys there but that of course means actively looking. I can't just say it'll happen because where I am now it won't.

 

If a man is divorced and has kids that are in their 20's, would that be a problem?

[newwave]

Yes that would be a problem. I don't want a guy with any kids.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yes that would be a problem. I don't want a guy with any kids.

 

I guess I just don't understand. You want a guy who has never been married and never having kids. But, if they don't have kids living with them and they've been separated from their ex for a while, why is that a problem?

 

I don't think you should write them off as you are very much limiting your dating pool.

 

You might as well be looking for a 40 year old virgin. What is so great about having someone with no past? Do you really think there will be a difference between a guy living on his own in his 40's with no past and no children compared to a guy living on his own in his 40's with kids in college or possibly married themselves and an ex whom he doesn't speak to?

[newwave]

I guess I just don't understand. You want a guy who has never been married and never having kids. But, if they don't have kids living with them and they've been separated from their ex for a while, why is that a problem?

 

I don't think you should write them off as you are very much limiting your dating pool.

 

You might as well be looking for a 40 year old virgin. What is so great about having someone with no past? Do you really think there will be a difference between a guy living on his own in his 40's with no past and no children compared to a guy living on his own in his 40's with kids in college or possibly married themselves and an ex whom he doesn't speak to?

 

Why should I lower my standards? I am NOT dating a guy with kids. I didn't say I was looking for a virgin, I am looking for a never married, no kid guy and they are out there. Guys with kids are poison to me and no I don't even consider them. Why would I? I'm not paying to support their kids or worse, their possibly freeloading ex. I don't want exwife drama and want my kids to be his only kids. I do not want to be a stepmom and will not budge.

 

Btw, where I live is also full of racists. Maybe I should "lower my standards" and date them too. Same thing. We shouldn't have to lower our standards and am tired of people saying I should date guys with kids because of my age.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Why should I lower my standards? I am NOT dating a guy with kids. I didn't say I was looking for a virgin, I am looking for a never married, no kid guy and they are out there. Guys with kids are poison to me and no I don't even consider them. Why would I? I'm not paying to support their kids or worse, their possibly freeloading ex. I don't want exwife drama and want my kids to be his only kids. I do not want to be a stepmom and will not budge.

 

Fine. But, I think your expectations of what it's like to date a guy with grown children are way off. You don't have to change your views but be aware that it's greatly hurting your chances of finding a great guy.

 

Most men who are without kids and have never been married at 40 intend to never be married or have children period.

[newwave]

Fine. But, I think your expectations of what it's like to date a guy with grown children are way off. You don't have to change your views but be aware that it's greatly hurting your chances of finding a great guy.

 

Most men who are without kids and have never been married at 40 intend to never be married or have children period.

 

And how would you know this? Did you happen to survey every 40 year old guy? I have dated guys with kids, and it was awful and never again. I happen to have known older guys and many do want to marry. These guys are out there. No, I am not budging and will NEVER date men with kids.

[Cognitive_Canine]

And how would you know this? Did you happen to survey every 40 year old guy? I have dated guys with kids, and it was awful and never again. I happen to have known older guys and many do want to marry. These guys are out there. No, I am not budging and will NEVER date men with kids.

 

You are saying that I shouldn't generalize but aren't you? So you dated a few duds. I don't think you should write off previously married men all together.

 

And, again, it makes no difference to me. But, don't complain about the lack of a dating pool when you're writing off a large and perfectly fine demographic.