"It happens when you least expect it"

[bruinsy81]

But are they hot 20somethings? That's my main point. Sure, hot women will date average guys, but I just can't see a hot 20something dating a 40something unless he's hot or has money (and probably both). Yet this myth is often mentioned on various dating sites and guys think this is so. I've seen the ugliest guys on dating sites (and forums, though not here) mention they don't date women their age or average women because "they can do better". The fact is an average looking woman has a better chance of dating a hot guy than the opposite, especially when it comes to people who meet at bars. I just read a study where it says a 40 year old woman has a better chance of marrying than a 40 year old man.

Most are in there 30's.It's hard to objectively analyze what you refer to as ''hot'' or ''ugly'' because it is a subjective thing.I just know personally I am always surprised when I meet what I consider a very attractive woman's husband/boyfriend and find him to be nowhere near her level of physical attractiveness.So for me personally[the people I encounter in my everyday life]I don't agree that an average looking woman has a better chance of dating a hot guy.Perhaps they do,but for the women that I know they seem to not make the choice to date a hot guy and put less emphasis on physical looks and more emphasis on other aspects;personality,occupation ,etc.

[bruinsy81]

I have a hard time believing that. Good luck with these ugly guys who are 40 and think they can get a hot 20something. They will be alone because women see through them.

You can't assume that a 40 something guy who happens to be dating a hot 20 something woman conciously made that choice.Most men will aim for something that they think is attainable.It would be foolish for a 40 something guy to set his criteria for a hot 20 year old when there really isn't any evidence to indicate that he can reach that goal.I would guess that men who exclusively search for women in that age group must have had some success in courting a 20 year old.

[Shallow]

I can't say I've seen many "hot" women dating average guys either. I think this is a myth that is perpetuated by television sitcoms.

 

Seriously though, it's usually the other way around. Not that I'm a great judge of male attractiveness or anything, but I frequently see guys who I think could do better in the looks department (I'm sure they're great ladies and all, I'm just going by looks alone), but I can't recall one instance where I've physically encountered a couple where I thought "why is she with a schlub like that?" I'd have hope otherwise.

[newwave]

I do not have hostility towards men, only men who think they can get better than a woman of the same age. I've never seen a hot 20something woman date an ugly or even average 40something unless he had money or was very hot himself. Yet guys on various sites set up themselves looking for these women.

[Batya33]

I do not have hostility towards men, only men who think they can get better than a woman of the same age. I've never seen a hot 20something woman date an ugly or even average 40something unless he had money or was very hot himself. Yet guys on various sites set up themselves looking for these women.

 

You've made many comments about men and their (in your opinion) bad motives.

Why do you think your opinion of someone's looks as "ugly" or "average" is the general opinion? And really the same goes for what is "hot". My 40-something husband thinks I'm hot when I have my glasses on, a scrunchy in my hair and I'm wearing a big t-shirt and pajama pants. Oh, and "beautiful" too even though I feel neither and don't believe I look hot or beautiful especially not at that moment! My guess is he'd think those 20-somethings you are referring to looked trashy. Is he hot? To me, of course - but I know others might not agree (and I don't care/not something I think about or ask other people about).

 

And to feel hostility toward a man just because you think he is going for someone out of his league? Why hostility - isn't that a little extreme?

[newwave]

No I just think those 40something guys who try to date 20something women are idiots. Sure, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I can't imagine a hot 20something wanting one of those guys that age unless he's hot and has money. Why would they when there are hot guys their own age? But these guys can keep using the biological clock as an excuse to try to date 20somethings and I'll keep laughing at them when they fail and are alone.

[Batya33]

No I just think those 40something guys who try to date 20something women are idiots. Sure, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I can't imagine a hot 20something wanting one of those guys that age unless he's hot and has money. Why would they when there are hot guys their own age? But these guys can keep using the biological clock as an excuse to try to date 20somethings and I'll keep laughing at them when they fail and are alone.

 

Because some people fall in love with other people despite there being an age gap and they would rather be with that person than anyone else, and they see that person as hot.

 

With your mindset of suspicion and hostility about mens' motives (and I disagree with you - you want a family badly, why can't a man want a bioogical family just as badly and not want to risk getting involved with a 40 year old who might not be able to have biological children?) that is probably the biggest reason you are single and don't want to be single. Men look for women who they are attracted to and who they can be best friends and partners with - they, like women, don't want to be presumed guilty until innocent.

[newwave]

You are missing my point, the lowest of the lowest men think they "deserve" hot 20something women. Many of these guys are obese, butt ugly, yet only want to date beautiful women. I posted a story about one of these guys. He's still single because no hot woman wants to date a almost 50 year old who has no job, lives with his parents, and is obese and has poor hygiene. Yes, it is disgusting when I see guys like him stating on dating sites they want 25 years olds and using the biological clock as an excuse. Sure we all want certain things, but doesn't mean we get them. I'd love to marry a millionaire, but am a realist and know that would never happen.

 

Besides, I know a few 20something women who are sterile so that also is an excuse that these guys use when it's a lie.

 

Btw, I am single because I never wanted to settle and why should I? I can always adopt. I am sick of people telling women like me that we should settle for anything, including men we are repulsed by or have morals we dislike, but men can get whatever they want. That's a form of sexism.

[Batya33]

You are missing my point, the lowest of the lowest men think they "deserve" hot 20something women. Many of these guys are obese, butt ugly, yet only want to date beautiful women. I posted a story about one of these guys. He's still single because no hot woman wants to date a almost 50 year old who has no job, lives with his parents, and is obese and has poor hygiene. Yes, it is disgusting when I see guys like him stating on dating sites they want 25 years olds and using the biological clock as an excuse. Sure we all want certain things, but doesn't mean we get them. I'd love to marry a millionaire, but am a realist and know that would never happen.

 

Yes, I agree that there are some people who go for people out of their leagues - but you started this whole discussion with a vast generalization and with that I disagree.

 

And guess what - obese men who you consider ugly might find beautiful women who are thrilled to be with them because of who they are on the inside. I know - you can't possiby imagine that, and that is sad for you.

 

I'm not surprised that you'd love to marry a millionaire because most of what you say you want is very focused on what another person can do for you, not what you bring to the table to give to another person.

[newwave]

I don't expect to marry a millionaire and that was my point. People should be realistic. Most hot women of any age aren't going to want an obese man, I don't care how nice he is. Yet I see these guys looking for someone out of their league. Yet when I post I never date divorced men with kids I get many comments on how I should settle. Why should I have to settle when these guys don't have to? There's a thing called lowering standards, and yes as you get older, this happens. However there's another thing called dating dealbreakers.

[Batya33]

I don't expect to marry a millionaire and that was my point. People should be realistic. Most hot women of any age aren't going to want an obese man, I don't care how nice he is. Yet I see these guys looking for someone out of their league. Yet when I post I never date divorced men with kids I get many comments on how I should settle. Why should I have to settle when these guys don't have to? There's a thing called lowering standards, and yes as you get older, this happens. However there's another thing called dating dealbreakers.

 

I meant that you would "love" to marry a millionaire if you could. That seems consistent with your general mindset of "what can a man give to me" vs. "what do I bring to the table".

I disagree with you about "most" hot women - not true in my world and I grew up in a major city teeming with singles.

I don't think anyone has a problem with your dealbreaker, just your attitude that divorced men with kids are morally inferior to you.

And I think in general for men and women in their 30s and up, that for women who want a biological family, men do have it easier when it comes to finding a mate. That's just life -- guys don't have to compromise as much as women because they can be daddies well into their 50s and women can't and it's more socially acceptable for a man to marry a younger woman than vice versa.

 

I think if and when you choose to let go of your negative energy and your anger towards god, lots of men, etc you will have a much easier time meeting people and people will be happy to introduce you to single available men. When I used to set people up a major dealbreaker for me was when I felt a lot of negative energy from the person - I didn't want to subject anyone to that negative energy.

[bruinsy81]

I don't expect to marry a millionaire and that was my point. People should be realistic. Most hot women of any age aren't going to want an obese man, I don't care how nice he is. Yet I see these guys looking for someone out of their league. Yet when I post I never date divorced men with kids I get many comments on how I should settle. Why should I have to settle when these guys don't have to? There's a thing called lowering standards, and yes as you get older, this happens. However there's another thing called dating dealbreakers.

There is nothing wrong with your preference for wanting to avoid dating a divorced man with kids because in YOUR experience it hasn't been a relationship you enjoyed.As others have mentioned it is your positon that all divorced men with kids are beneath you ..It limits your dating pool but that is your perogative.How is that criteria different from a 40 year old man desiring to date a 20 something women ? Both ideas are limiting .The 40 year old is limiting his pool by not wisihing to date women his own age but you are limiting yours by excluding a divorced man with kids.

[newwave]

There is nothing wrong with your preference for wanting to avoid dating a divorced man with kids because in YOUR experience it hasn't been a relationship you enjoyed.As others have mentioned it is your positon that all divorced men with kids are beneath you ..It limits your dating pool but that is your perogative.How is that criteria different from a 40 year old man desiring to date a 20 something women ? Both ideas are limiting .The 40 year old is limiting his pool by not wisihing to date women his own age but you are limiting yours by excluding a divorced man with kids.

 

Yes, but there are many more options for me than him. In his case he's being unrealistic, in my case it might mean less options but still a possibility.

[bulletproof]

Yes, but there are many more options for me than him. In his case he's being unrealistic, in my case it might mean less options but still a possibility.

 

But how are you defining/determining who's being unrealistic? How do you know exactly how many options there are for any specific individual? My thought is that every person's situation is different.

 

My issue with your "preference" is the basis for it, i.e., the idea that someone who has experienced a divorce or had a child out of wedlock is immoral or somehow lesser than you. To me, that's different than a person who would simply prefer not to raise children that are not his/her own.

[thathoopla]

I found love several months after I made a conscious decision to start being open to love. So, I do think love can be a decision we make.

[SocialStigma]

I agree and disagree. I do think it's harder to find love the older you get just because you're less involved in activities that you would naturally be doing as a teen in high school/university. And I find that most people meet SOs through school between the ages of 16-24.

 

In my (limited) experience though, love did come to me when I didn't expect it to. I've only ever loved one guy, who I'm with now. We were 16 and when he started to pursue me, I actually liked his best friend at the time. Definitely wasn't expecting to turn around and fall in love with him but I did.

[Batya33]

I agree and disagree. I do think it's harder to find love the older you get just because you're less involved in activities that you would naturally be doing as a teen in high school/university. And I find that most people meet SOs through school between the ages of 16-24.

 

In my (limited) experience though, love did come to me when I didn't expect it to. I've only ever loved one guy, who I'm with now. We were 16 and when he started to pursue me, I actually liked his best friend at the time. Definitely wasn't expecting to turn around and fall in love with him but I did.

 

I was in school until I was 28. The advantage to being older and on your own is that you have more freedom and control over how you can meet people and hopefully more financial resources/independence. So, I was able to go to singles resorts, and meet people at and through work, go to parties without my parents' input or help, etc And, you have less of the sense of "I'm young, I have ages to meet people" - so often people are more comfortable having and discussing long range general goals early on.

[newwave]

I agree and disagree. I do think it's harder to find love the older you get just because you're less involved in activities that you would naturally be doing as a teen in high school/university. And I find that most people meet SOs through school between the ages of 16-24.

 

In my (limited) experience though, love did come to me when I didn't expect it to. I've only ever loved one guy, who I'm with now. We were 16 and when he started to pursue me, I actually liked his best friend at the time. Definitely wasn't expecting to turn around and fall in love with him but I did.

 

I was thinking this and almost everyone I know either met their SO in high school or college. Many of my college classmates are now married to the same people they dated in college. In a few cases I was surprised because a few started going out with the person around the time I met them yet are now married and most have kids. Several high school classmates are also married to their high school sweetheart but not as many as my college classmates.

[MD Geist]

But are they hot 20somethings? That's my main point. Sure, hot women will date average guys, but I just can't see a hot 20something dating a 40something unless he's hot or has money (and probably both). Yet this myth is often mentioned on various dating sites and guys think this is so. I've seen the ugliest guys on dating sites (and forums, though not here) mention they don't date women their age or average women because "they can do better". The fact is an average looking woman has a better chance of dating a hot guy than the opposite, especially when it comes to people who meet at bars. I just read a study where it says a 40 year old woman has a better chance of marrying than a 40 year old man.

 

Yup very true.

[jonny15]

I don't believe in this stuff.

 

Are you suppose to never think about getting someone?

 

I think about that anytime I go out and see a girl.

 

Heck...I think about it when I see one on TV.

[MD Geist]

Its BS, I believe the concept only works for some and its mostly for females who are the stereo type sexy, They can sit there and men will throw themselves at that girl.

 

Same for guys if they have a lot of money, I'm sure it will happen when they least expect it.

 

For the rest of everyone we have to do everything in our power to make our chances better of meeting someone. Sometimes I even wonder if the effort is worth it, I have been working on thyself for awhile and have not seen any results. So I've decided to focus on my future and expect the great possiblitly that I have and will always be this way.

 

I can't complain, I have never experienced a relationship so I can't tell the difference between being lonely or not. To be honest I have thought about going to a physic reading here shortly to find out if there is anyone maybe in my future, I won't ask for to much details and also if anyone has ever liked me and if so who?

 

I always thought it was fun, otherwise I wouldn't care to much about the rest because I know my future rests in my own hands. but my love life I can only do so much.

[easyguy]

I met someone new last night. IF she's relationship material, then she will be the 3rd relationship I will have been in one year. AND I MET EACH GIRL WHEN I WAS LEAST EXPECTING IT.

[LightbulbSun]

The problem (and I don't know if I've stated this before) is that, while you're not expecting it, you have to at least, on some level, expect it. Sound confusing? Well, it's true.

 

I've screwed up so many chances with girls because I'm in a 'forget it' mood, and so I expect that it will never happen...so when it does, it's so surprising that I don't know how to react. Therefore, the girl gets bored with me, and I've lost my chances.

 

If I was in a better frame of mind (it'll happen eventually), I might have jumped on those chances, and had a first girlfriend. However, I've been in the frame of mind of 'it'll never happen', so I blow my chances when I get proven wrong.

 

Self esteem is sometimes a delicate balance, and when you're constantly flooded with "You're ugly!" "No, you're attractive!" "No, they're wrong, you're damn ugly!", you get confused about whether or not you have a chance or not with the girl.

[Batya33]

I met someone new last night. IF she's relationship material, then she will be the 3rd relationship I will have been in one year. AND I MET EACH GIRL WHEN I WAS LEAST EXPECTING IT.

 

I think the "it" that happens when you least expect it refers to a long term happy, serious relationship. Certainly people meet people to date or for short term relationships much more frequently than meeting the person who is right for them long term, so three people in one year who you didn't expect to meet and ended up dating for a short period of time isn't really relevant to whether you - or people - meet their long term partners more often when they're "not looking" than when they are.

[sweetdslollipop]

I think this phrase is rather silly.

Technically, every-time I meet someone I'm least expecting to date them or become best friends with them. It doesn't happen often, so I'm not expecting it to happen. That hasn't brought me a relationship.