"It happens when you least expect it"

[newwave]

But I DON'T WANT TO DATE FATHERS! I am making myself clear now? It's not just because of stereotyping, I don't want that. But yes you are stereotyping all men over 40 saying they don't want to marry. Unless you know every guy over 40 you can't stereotype. However in the case of fathers they are (or should be) involved in their kids life and that is true. No, not every father is a bad guy, but not my type. Besides, I am morally opposed to divorce in most cases.

 

Btw, would you date fathers? I bet because you are 20's you'll say you don't have to. Guess what? I don't have to either. Just because I am 39 doesn't make me have to lower my standards. I don't date fathers. I NEVER will date fathers and sure it lowers my dating pool but all I need is ONE person.

[Mauxly]

newwave has every right not to want to date a man with children. She knows what she wants her life/relationship to look like and that doesn't fit with the equation. Simple! Is there a chance she'll meet someone who changes her mind? Maybe, but until then I don't see anything wrong with this.

 

I will never again date someone who's job takes them away from me on a regular basis. I can't imagine meeting someone who would change my mind about this. However, I would LOVE to date/get involved with a single man who was raising small childeren on his own. Given that I can't have any myself, I'll sign up for insta-family any day.

[newwave]

newwave has every right not to want to date a man with children. She knows what she wants her life/relationship to look like and that doesn't fit with the equation. Simple! Is there a chance she'll meet someone who changes her mind? Maybe, but until then I don't see anything wrong with this.

 

I will never again date someone who's job takes them away from me on a regular basis. I can't imagine meeting someone who would change my mind about this. However, I would LOVE to date/get involved with a single man who was raising small childeren on his own. Given that I can't have any myself, I'll sign up for insta-family any day.

 

I could deal with a guy who was raising his nieces/nephews for example and possibly a widower (this would depend on the circumstances). However these instances aren't as common as the one I see often: the dad who either shares custody with his wife or sees them on weekends. I've dated guys in that situation and never again would I deal with it. It's a situation I can't and won't handle. Ironically, I did date a guy raising his niece and nephew. He was going to adopt them and also wanted biological kids. This was acceptable to me and would have been ok with it.

 

That's interesting you won't date a guy with a job like that. I guess you had a problem with a guy in that situation? See, now that I could probably handle but not the children one.

[bruinsy81]

I have to disagree completely. True there are more single people when you're younger, but then most of those people aren't anywhere near ready to settle down. And I know many, many "quality" single people in their 30's and 40's. Guys come up to me all the time and ask me out---in coffee shops, at the gym, at work---and I'm 45. No shortage here.

Perhaps you are very attractive OR you flirt ,dress seductively are very friendly.To suggest that will happen for most 45 year old women is not likely true.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Perhaps you are very attractive OR you flirt ,dress seductively are very friendly.To suggest that will happen for most 45 year old women is not likely true.

 

The cougar types get hit on by lots of men...your average middle aged woman does not have tons of men falling over their feet asking them out.

[bruinsy81]

The cougar types get hit on by lots of men...your average middle aged woman does not have tons of men falling over their feet asking them out.

I didn't mean to put so much emphasis on age..I know some 45+ women who destroy many 20 year old women in regards to attractiveness.

[newwave]

I didn't mean to put so much emphasis on age..I know some 45+ women who destroy many 20 year old women in regards to attractiveness.

 

My mom is 62 and she still gets hit on, the the dismay of my father. I am 39 but look 10 years younger (great genetics) and am hit on often by young guys.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I didn't mean to put so much emphasis on age..I know some 45+ women who destroy many 20 year old women in regards to attractiveness.

 

Oh no, I wasn't offended at all. The reality is that we do have a youth obsessed and sex obsessed society and the women at all ages who get hit on a lot are the ones who dress the part...the ones who dress and act a certain way...flrity, sexy, sensual etc. Serious-minded more conservative women do not get men falling over their feet hitting on them..at any age...and it is harder as you get older with single women outnumbering the men and the men already looking to deal with their mid-life crisis by running after the twenty-something year olds.

[boowant]

I could deal with a guy who was raising his nieces/nephews for example and possibly a widower (this would depend on the circumstances). However these instances aren't as common as the one I see often: the dad who either shares custody with his wife or sees them on weekends. I've dated guys in that situation and never again would I deal with it. It's a situation I can't and won't handle. Ironically, I did date a guy raising his niece and nephew. He was going to adopt them and also wanted biological kids. This was acceptable to me and would have been ok with it.

 

That's interesting you won't date a guy with a job like that. I guess you had a problem with a guy in that situation? See, now that I could probably handle but not the children one.

 

This makes no sense to me why would you date a man who is taking care of his nieces/nephews and not a man with kids, i took it as you was saying you didnt want to have someone eles kids around, so if he is taking care of them isnt there really gonna be drama with this too.. I think 1 or 2 of your exs had kids and you had a bad experience, Not all men w/ kids or have ex wifes are like this! Everyone has there baggage!

[newwave]

Oh no, I wasn't offended at all. The reality is that we do have a youth obsessed and sex obsessed society and the women at all ages who get hit on a lot are the ones who dress the part...the ones who dress and act a certain way...flrity, sexy, sensual etc. Serious-minded more conservative women do not get men falling over their feet hitting on them..at any age...and it is harder as you get older with single women outnumbering the men and the men already looking to deal with their mid-life crisis by running after the twenty-something year olds.

 

Actually, that's a myth. I know, I thought there were more single women, but there are single men. As for the middle aged men chasing after the 20somethings, that's a myth too because the reality is a 20 year old won't be interested in a 40 year old for the most part unless he's hot or has money.

[newwave]

This makes no sense to me why would you date a man who is taking care of his nieces/nephews and not a man with kids, i took it as you was saying you didnt want to have someone eles kids around, so if he is taking care of them isnt there really gonna be drama with this too.. I think 1 or 2 of your exs had kids and you had a bad experience, Not all men w/ kids or have ex wifes are like this! Everyone has there baggage!

 

Because I don't want to deal with exwives, knowing he experienced this most intimate act (children) with someone else.

[boowant]

Because I don't want to deal with exwives, knowing he experienced this most intimate act (children) with someone else.

 

I could understand that you wouldnt want to deal with the "baby moma drama thing" Bu 4 u 2 say you dont want to deal with him having a intimate act with some 1 else that is CRAZY, it makes no sense to me! All the single men out there have had intimate relations with others so how is that any diff? I dont think your ever gonna find a man with out them havin sex with some 1 else. Like some 1 said on here i too think your really looking 4 a virgin, youll be looking 4 ever GOOD LUCK! sorry if i was harsh just confused!

[newwave]

I could understand that you wouldnt want to deal with the "baby moma drama thing" Bu 4 u 2 say you dont want to deal with him having a intimate act with some 1 else that is CRAZY, it makes no sense to me! All the single men out there have had intimate relations with others so how is that any diff? I dont think your ever gonna find a man with out them havin sex with some 1 else. Like some 1 said on here i too think your really looking 4 a virgin, youll be looking 4 ever GOOD LUCK! sorry if i was harsh just confused!

 

I expect any guy not to be a virgin, but he went through the act of pregnancy and childbirth before, among other things. Not to mention the exwife thing. Actually I have a huge list why I don't date fathers and am not budging.

[annie24]

Newwave - i think that the biggest problem (in my opinion) is that you have these very black and white rules when life is shades of gray. I think in the long run, that you are only short-changing yourself. It's not a matter of 'lowering standards' but i think by having these strict rules, you may miss out on a man who could be a very good match for you. i know SO many people who said, "I didn't think I would wind up with (my spouse) because at first, he/she was NOT my type, but as i got to know them, i saw we were compatible and the romance grew."

 

but hey - it's your life, not mine.

[boowant]

I expect any guy not to be a virgin, but he went through the act of pregnancy and childbirth before, among other things. Not to mention the exwife thing. Actually I have a huge list why I don't date fathers and am not budging.

 

Y really would it matter if he went through the act of pregnancy with some 1 else doesnt meen he wont feel any diff about you if u 2 had a baby! I understand the ex wife thing and the being a step parent (been through both myself) I am a step mom my self and i deal w/ the ex 2 but if you LOVE some 1 its really not about the drama its about LOVE! but in my opion there are always gonn be obsticlas, and like the last poster said i, we think your loosing out! Im not trying to change ur mind it seems to be you are very stubbern. Luck 2 U

[newwave]

Y really would it matter if he went through the act of pregnancy with some 1 else doesnt meen he wont feel any diff about you if u 2 had a baby! I understand the ex wife thing and the being a step parent (been through both myself) I am a step mom my self and i deal w/ the ex 2 but if you LOVE some 1 its really not about the drama its about LOVE! but in my opion there are always gonn be obsticlas, and like the last poster said i, we think your loosing out! Im not trying to change ur mind it seems to be you are very stubbern. Luck 2 U

 

No, I don't want to deal with exwives. Not going to happen. Yes if he had a baby with someone else, it wouldn't mean the same having a later baby. Being a stepmom isn't even an option. I don't want to raise another's baby, or financially support it. Nor do I want to support an exwife either. I want any kids we have to be his first too.

[newwave]

Newwave - i think that the biggest problem (in my opinion) is that you have these very black and white rules when life is shades of gray. I think in the long run, that you are only short-changing yourself. It's not a matter of 'lowering standards' but i think by having these strict rules, you may miss out on a man who could be a very good match for you. i know SO many people who said, "I didn't think I would wind up with (my spouse) because at first, he/she was NOT my type, but as i got to know them, i saw we were compatible and the romance grew."

 

but hey - it's your life, not mine.

 

I would be open to to guy not my type, but the no kids rule isn't changing ever.

[boowant]

I would be open to to guy not my type, but the no kids rule isn't changing ever.

 

Im sorry to keep arguing with you but why would you be open to a guy who is not ur type, makes no sense! That is always how i have picked my SO! Its like saying u would date some 1 ur not attracted to, why would u do that? I think from all these posts here that u are way to stubern.. Its like u dont want any 1 w/ issues. Sorry to tell u but EVERY 1 in the world has issues! Im sorry to say this but i think youll be single for a long time or 4 ever! LUCK 2 u

[newwave]

Im sorry to keep arguing with you but why would you be open to a guy who is not ur type, makes no sense! That is always how i have picked my SO! Its like saying u would date some 1 ur not attracted to, why would u do that? I think from all these posts here that u are way to stubern.. Its like u dont want any 1 w/ issues. Sorry to tell u but EVERY 1 in the world has issues! Im sorry to say this but i think youll be single for a long time or 4 ever! LUCK 2 u

 

Why would I be single forever because I won't date a guy with kids? There are many of these guys still out there. Why wouldn't I be open to a guy not my type? Maybe because I'd like his personality and it would override his looks.

[boowant]

Why would I be single forever because I won't date a guy with kids? There are many of these guys still out there. Why wouldn't I be open to a guy not my type? Maybe because I'd like his personality and it would override his looks.

 

But i think that his personality would have something to do with your type dont you think?I think u could be loosing out on the love of your life by being so dang stuborn! Anyway i will leave you be, just really wanted to put my 2 cents in! I wish u the best of luck but dont think ur really gonna have any!

[newwave]

No by type, I usually mean looks. Personality is important. Why exactly wouldn't I get the type of guy I'd want? I am not being stubborn, I don't want a guy with kids. I don't want to be with a woman either, would that make me picky too?

[bruinsy81]

Actually, that's a myth. I know, I thought there were more single women, but there are single men. As for the middle aged men chasing after the 20somethings, that's a myth too because the reality is a 20 year old won't be interested in a 40 year old for the most part unless he's hot or has money.

I am not sure I agree.Many women seem to be interested in older men ,of course they would have to be attracted to them physically

[boowant]

YES i so think so!

 

 

 

 

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[Hermes]

NewWave.

You do not wish to marry a man who has children froma previous marriage/partenrship. Fair enough.

 

Thre may well be such men out there. Quite likely. However, say you meet the man, he has the "looks" you like (identikit?!), but personality is not quite the same thing at first glance. Someone can appear quite normal, indeed most suitable, for quite a while, and then -- worse still after you have married -- the real "he" appears. And believe me that is far more common than you would believe. There are any number of forums filled with stories of such happenings.

 

So what "seems" is not always what "is", even if he has the chassis, and, apparently, the engine to suit you. To draw an analogy.

 

H

[newwave]

I am not sure I agree.Many women seem to be interested in older men ,of course they would have to be attracted to them physically

 

Depends on their looks and money, but I find it hard to believe an attractive 20something would want an overweight, ugly guy who doesn't make much money. Yet some of these guys think they can find young girls and they can't.