Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[1a1a]

Thank you Sputnik, ‘‘twas not expecting a reply on this thread, just to howl into the void, but getting one has cheered me somewhat. We can’t go no contact because work but I’d been resisting burning the friendship because we’d made the transition from partners to friends once already and I thought we could do it again. Him jumping head first into love with someone else when he told me he didn’t have time for a partner has changed that, I’m finally at the point where I don’t even want to know him. So I’m on my way to taking your advice because I won’t be having anymore personal conversations with him, **** that guy

[sputnik123]

Use that anger to drive you on 1a1a... you will be fine

[Dominique]

I'm happy. But happy doesn't kiss me goodnight.

[Pleasedonot5]

I still think of you sometimes. I wonder what life would be like if I showed you how great I can dance now. Maybe we could have danced together. I wonder how fun it would be if I showed you the new things I'm into, or if you saw the improvements I've made. I think that would have been great.

 

I'm doing much better now -- great enough that I don't need a relationship and I can be myself. In fact, the thought of a relationship with someone new scares me. It may be because of how poorly our situation went, or it may be because no one has given me the fireworks you gave me yet. It will happen - or it won't - but I'll be just fine in the meantime.

 

I hope you're doing well.

[ShatteredMan]

Hope you're doing well. I've reached the state where I forgive you but I won't forget how you moved on.

 

Maybe we'll bump into each other again ("some sunny day") and I'm willing to bet that you're still where you are in every aspect of your life right now: Same apartment, same dead end job, same trashy friends with low-value men for boyfriends and husbands, still going to wine tastings three nights a week with the old Buckhead drunks that get a feeling of superiority because they don't get sloshed in bars.

 

I'm so sorry that you chose to not to walk down the path of life with me. Now someone else who deserves a man of my caliber will get a loving, caring, respectful and supportive husband who is making the most of their life and sharing it with someone who appreciates me.

 

I hope you find whatever it is that you're looking for in life....whatever the hell it is.....

[Dominique]

All I want tonight is to hear u at the door. I'm happy and life is good and I want to share it with you. That's all. Seems like not a lot to ask.

[M1973]

I just wanted to be able to tell you how i feel without you turning it around to making it about You! You have patience to talk and listen to everyone else bit me. That's just how I'm feeling.

[dascallie]

I'm writing this for me.

The few times I've seen with you since your efficient, emotionless walkout, my thoughts have been too jumbled to speak as clearly as I want to, and as clearly I need to (for me).

 

The last 4 months have been hell. After your icy dismissal, the following months flowed with mixed signals, from long stretches of zero contact, to inexplicable invites, your reaching out, then ignoring promised followups, silence for weeks, then the odd burst of confessed feelings, "I do love you! I do value you, I feel jealous!"--to diametrically opposite declarations stating you have 'no romantic love' for me....but then musing we should go hear live music at the pub together the following week. (of course, no longer wanting to flog my myself into masochism, I declined, knowing you'd disappear again...ahhh, I was starting to catch on).

 

 

To be honest, when you abandoned me (after all the 'forever and always' I love you's, making plans, getting a "ring"), I couldn't believe it--our dreams, our strong bond, our fantastic r/ship in every way (or so I deluded myself, I guess you are one masterful actor)--the chemistry, the humor, the adventure, the fun, the deep connection-- I couldn't believe it--I couldn't believe you--that wasn't YOU--so I didn't believe it, because it bore no resemblance to the man I had been so close to, loved and admired so much.

 

But slowly, thankfully, the delusion is FINALLY beginning to slip away--the sun is peeking through. Life truly, surely DOES find a way out of the depths.

 

I'm finally grasping you just aren't who I thought you were and who I loved so dearly--I've decided I don't know who you are at all.

 

You showed yourself to be a very unkind person in how cruelly you've handled this--but mercifully that's the very thing that's finally bringing me back to life and out of this life-sapping limbo.

 

A type of electric shock therapy maybe. SNAP OUT OF IT. My inner self shouts.

 

It screams at me: "WHY do you mourn the loss of a man that shattered your heart, your most tender part, led you down the proverbial primrose path--coldly walked off-with zero concern, care or comment for the wreckage left behind? Take care of yourself!"

 

NO. You're not anyone I want to know.

 

Tally-ho.

[sputnik123]

Hi Dascallie,

Many thanks for posting.

I just wanted to say I can resonate with many of your thoughts.

Stay strong.

[larrys]

It's now been now been almost 4 months since we went to our different gates in the airport. I miss you so much. Our relationship showed me my capacity to love was much bigger than I thought. Our breakup eventually showed me I was suffering from anxiety beyond my understanding.

 

I'm now the best version of me I've ever been, and yet the only one who I want to share the new me with.....I can't. I keep thinking how proud you'd be of me, and I haven't been able to stop thinking it. I see everywhere advice: to heal I have to give up hope, but how can I? How can I? The three of you are the most important people in the world, and I feel literally ripped apart. Anxiety is a killer. I just needed some time to figure it out, and now that I have? The only person I've ever truly loved won't be there to share that newfound joy and peace. I gained the ability to express the love I've always felt, but ....for whom? The concerts, the day trips, the birthdays and holidays....so many memories of family--that was how I expressed it. And now a family that's separated because I needed time. I'm so grateful for the changes I've undergone, changes that would've never been possible without the pain I used for fuel. I guess I just wish I could share. That's all.

 

Take care,

me

[blueberry33]

I thought I'd eventually hear from you by now. The weekends are the hardest without you. The holidays aren't helping. I miss you every day but I'm so angry at you. Have you moved on without me?

[sputnik123]

I hear you Blueberry..

[larrys]

I had to call the phone company today to separate our phone plans. Of course it wasn't in my name, so I had to text you to let you know that the phone company was calling to separate our plans. Such a simple text, and it nearly broke me to send it. I didn't know anything could hurt this much. I've been through heartache before, as you know, but this is a whole nother level. I just didn't know. For a guy in his forties, I feel like a such a little baby. I guess this is why NC is a thing.

I want so bad for you just to text me 'How are you?' but you never will. I have to understand that. I'm just sitting here in shock and disbelief. Even after months, I can't believe my family is gone, and that they're moving on without me.

[Sheelah]

It's been 9 days of NC but really three weeks of nothing substantive. So this is it. Some days I still can't wrap my head around ending twenty years in this way. I still can't wrap my head around your deciding that it was all worth throwing away. Still can't wrap my head around how just a few weeks ago you were thinking it was just too hard with her so you might break it off, telling me that as if I would empathize, testing the waters by saying - but what can you do, just come crawling back to me?

 

Maybe I never will wrap my head around all of that - a forever wound you inflicted on me. What I have to wrap my head around is that it was you, not me. You who never recovered from your childhood wounds and now they have reared their awful head in your midlife. I don't know what the future holds for you. I imagine you can hold out with her in chaos and intensity that you confuse with love until she too is wounded and broken and used up. But know this - we WERE worth more than your crisis, I have better love than what you reduced us to in your mind in order to be open to her.

 

I miss loving, I miss knowing I am loved. I miss your music, I miss your hands, I miss your eyes. My heart aches for your company, for the ease of feeling you. Even now when we get together, I know you still feel the ease, the way we fit in each other's orbit. That confuses you now since you think she is the one - why are you trying so hard to go to her?

 

I don't miss who you have become and maybe that is enough to know that I can move on now. I don't want who you have become, I don't want the man who is capable of hurting me like this, without forethought. I don't like the drinking, the man who thinks that no healing can ever take place. She has helped you lose hope even as you think she has brought "real" love because it is so intense. I want to believe that love is not that. I have to believe it. And I have to believe that someday, someone will love me purely, imperfectly, deeply, truly.

[Piaresssss]

You are at stone sour tonight. I got you the ticket for our anniversary. I want to ask how it was but at the same time im not really sure i care. The only time i think of you and get sad is when im at work and hopefully im not there for much longer. I think of you at other times but nit in a sad way.

[SK123]

I was doing so well but now I feel stuck. I'm mad at myself for still thinking about you. Wish you would reach out.

[larrys]

The past week has been horrible. I thought I knew what heartbreak was, but I was so ignorant. I've gotten the green light to go to counseling. Something has to break this cycle of hurt. There has to be a day when I don't cry. I barely make it 5 minutes into the day. And as soon as it happens, "Well, maybe tomorrow."

 

I have to keep moving forward. One step at a time. Move one foot. Then move the other. Keep at it. I miss you three so very much. A family. A family. It isn't, though.

I'm still in shock. Even though I understand what happened, why I did what I did, and why you did what you did. I'm in shock. I feel like I've been in a car accident. The next month is all about healing. I know I'll be better on the other side of this month, but getting there.

 

Sometimes I look at the second hand to make sure time is still going. That this is real. It's like looking down and seeing that my leg has suddenly been amputated without my knowing it. Where did it go? Why? When did this happen? The ultimate answer to them all: it doesn't matter. The leg is gone, and it can't be put back. Learn to move on without it. Learn to walk again. Learn to use the tools to move, to function. Don't look for it, because it can no longer help you.

 

All this I KNOW. It's just that it isn't what I FEEL. My heart and my mind are in different galaxies. And Christmas. The first time in 5 years......I can't bear it. I can't. But I will.

[Chief85]

I wish i'd never found Stalkscan!

[Pleasedonot5]

I'm missing you again today. Again, I wish you could see me now. It's 2 years out and I am so much better now. I wonder what our relationship would be like if we reconnected. Though you'll probably get engaged to the new guy.

 

He'll never dance with you like I did, or be able to dance with you like I can now.

 

Does he have deep intellectual conversations with you?

 

Does he make your heart race like I did?

 

Is he focused on your athletic and career success like I was, actively connecting you and presenting you new opportunities?

 

If he's not those things and more, and is just a pretty face, goofy, with a career then what are you doing?

 

Come back home.

 

You won't. I know that. And I won't contact you while you are with someone else. I just hope I find you or find someone else like you again. If I find someone like you, whether you or another, I will not let them go again. Lesson learned.

[Sheelah]

I hate you.

[Everlong13]

My birthday is one month today and Christmas less than two weeks away. I still miss you so much but doubt you even give me a second thought these days.

[Dominique]

I'm having a nice evening. I would love to be sharing it with you. I miss talking to you and really want to workout together tonight.

[SweetGirl28]

So you text me after almost three months of radio silence.

Our conversations are good, friendly, and meaningful.

We definitely bonded in our time together but still---- no mention of meeting up.

This is okay, to see you will set me back. Talking to you hurts a little, I'll never tell you this.

You throw it out there you're not seeing anyone, why? I can't ask you. You also throw it out there you're not having sex. Then you hint to our sexcapades which were all more adventurous than the last. Is this what you miss? The freedom, the lack of inhibition, the fact you loved to dominate sexually and I let you? What are you doing?

I don't want to know who you were with, but I know it was someone, and then it didn't work out. I feel it my gut. This kills me because damn I know better than to talk to you. It's your business what you've done and will do, but why did you

reappear? I won't ask you, ever. I won't say I miss you, I won't say I want to see you. I won't cave.

You won't either. I give advice and don't follow my own. Ugh you make it too hard.

The attraction was off the charts and you felt it too. What happened? Trust issues with you, you being jealous,

Why? I did nothing. You just couldn't trust me. I hate you for that. I hate your ex wife had an affair, I hate when you divorced her she moved in with him because she broke you to the very core of your being. You always said I was too sexy, too sexual, too much attention. You still indirectly throw this at me. Why? Tonight you said I probably have guys lined up. It's hard not to get defensive, that's why I ignore it. I will never be able to prove to you that I was and am a faithful person. I remind you of your ex, the one the guys want. That is so unfair to say to me. Why ? Ughhh I am going to try my hardest to not contact you, I don't know what you want. I just know my love for you is still there and the way we can pick up right where we left off scares me, because we aren't getting back together. Trying to date, still can't connect like that amazing instant attraction we had. I hate you for stirring that up in me that now I am not feeling that same way with

anyone. This is torture. I deserve to be trusted, you want me but don't trust me. There's nothing here then.

 

How did you get this hold on me? This was supposed to be fun, then feelings got involved.

Feelings that I hadn't had in years. Makes it so much harder. Scared to not find it again.

I miss lying on your chest, I miss opening my eyes and catching you looking at me with that sparkle.

I miss it all. You took away the immense anger and pain by contacting me, yet it's creeping back in .

Not the intense anger, but the pain.

I don't get how you loved my confidence but then say I use it to get attention. That isn't true.

You can handle confidence. I know you can. You should be proud to have eye candy, that's what you

seek out, yet you then get annoyed when guys look and approach. Why?

This is your own insecurity. I can't understand how anyone so successful, handsome, charming ,

affectionate, funny, sweet,and classy can have little confidence, because that's how I see you.

 

When's the next time? I don't wait for my phone to light up, but damn you make you smile when it does.

No, I can't do this. Yeah, you know I will though. I'm proud of myself for not saying how I feel about you.

I'll keep you guessing. But I have the feeling you know. I'm wise, you won't play me for sex or casual

relationship. Are we friends? I don't even know. I'm not holding out for hope, we are done.

Where this goes, I guess time will tell. Whether we talk or not, we live our lives, as we should.

I just wish I could find that same attraction again. Talking to you isn't the issue, I couldn't find it not

talking to you either. I never thought we'd end up this way when we met by chance. I ignored you! Lol

We met again, by chance, and the attraction began. I wish I could go back and ignore you again.

But then I would have missed out on so much. So many great times. You were patient and stuck it out with my ex stalking us, the harassment, the lies, the hot mess I became because I feared him. You'd drive around patiently trying to lose him on our trail. You'd find secluded places with no windows so we could actually enjoy a nice dinner without being watched. You were patient. Understanding. Compassionate. You were my strength, my rock. And always there. Oh, as I just wrote this, I get it now. My attachment to you justbecame crystal clear. Now I cry. Ugh..... Okay, this is why I will always love you.

[zozolax]

I feel sorry for hurting you. U think my love for you was a lie but it wasn’t. We both messed up. You hurt me in ways I cannot understand, unsee. You put me in the darkest times and I forgive you. I miss you dearly and I wished you would’ve said you loved me when I asked. A big decision has been made and now there’s no going back, I love you, care about you and I wish u the best always will. If you ever need anything I’ll always be here for you no matter what I won’t deny your calls nor ignore your text. I’m happy with someone else but you can always count on me.

[Whocares479]

I hate you right now...for making me hate myself. The power of a narcissist. Arrogant .