Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[IAmFCA]

You thought of me for long term until when?

[IAmFCA]

I don't know if you are ruminating, seriously interested in someone else, taking a mental break, over it ... I'd like to know. I suppose if I never find out then I will know.

 

okay then.

[Cypher34]

My first post on this site. I'm a 34 year old guy with a horrible past with relationships but I just want to say before I begin to vent that I appreciate this post OP. Good call.

 

And to my ex I wish to say the following:

 

It's been about 18 months or more we haven't been together though I suspect probably more as I can see in hindsight you'd left me long before I knew it was over. You came at me with an absolutely brutal number of complaints that I had never knew were an issue until the the day you broke it off. You became so cold and I just didn't know what to do. You said the meanest things to me and degraded me until I felt about three feet tall. I tried to play it cool and still somehow thought we were okay. We could get through it maybe and I could be better.

 

I think you were already talking to someone else. Had my suspicions when I saw you left your Facebook logged in one morning and I saw a message to another guy "I like your face.". You used to say that to me. I wouldn't pry any further so I logged it out but now I see what was up. There's always another pole on the carousel to jump on and I accept it. "A woman's never yours. It's just your turn.". These are the words I have had to come to live by now after one heartbreak too many.

 

Made the mistake of contacting you recently after a year of no contact. I am very happy to hear you are doing well and quite happy with the wonderful man you have in your life who treats you well. I mean this. I really want you to be happy.

 

As for me....well, all I can recall is pain. Come to think of it I can't recall anything before it anymore. It has consumed me. I honestly want to die but can't kill myself as I wouldn't want to cause such pain for my friends and family. This is my burden to bear. Carrying my heart around has become such a horrible task. It's just too damned heavy. My sleep is interrupted. I don't eat right. I drink copious amounts of alcohol. I perform my function at work only looking forward to go home and self-medicate to numb the pain. I am the walking dead...in this world but not of it.

 

I want to say I wish I had never met you but the most beautiful moments of my life I spent with you. I learned in those moments to make every second last a lifetime. It was an experience I would like to feel again someday but I will try to actively avoid it. I'm petrified at thought of being hurt this way again and I will give nobody else the chance to do so.

 

I made mistakes, yeah. I accept that. I could have addressed them but there was no time. No warning. None I could see or they weren't communicated properly. I just can't be sure....but either way I know you had options lined up and were well on your way.

 

I'm lost. The damage toll on me is absolutely catastrophic. I'm just a ghost wondering the world of the living. Like a ghost you get to watch the world go on without you. I do this with an enormously heavy heart. Its gravity is impossible to escape from.

 

I love you so very much and miss you every second of every day. I wish you nothing but the best this world has to offer and I hope you find everything in this man I was lacking to provide you with. I really do.

[sputnik123]

Lovely post Cypher.

 

Welcome to the forum x

[melody147]

i miss u babe.

[IAmFCA]

every xmas same thing

 

this is just stupid

[IAmFCA]

thanks for the text!

 

I think you get it. Glad.

 

I am leaving you alone. I also think you get it that you need to stop taking up space in my - life. Or claim some space and do something with it.

 

You know you have ah tendencies. You know you tank your own prospects. Its you youre afraid of. Not me.

[Dominique]

Life is good. I wish I could share it with you. I love you so much and miss being in your arms more than I can express. I can't sleep but I dream of you when I do.

Soon my divorce will finally be final and I will be working on recovering financially. I wish we could talk about it. Your input would be so welcome right now.

I miss you and the kids. Dearly.

[Bumblebee093]

You say you're not over me, 2 weeks ago you kissed me, 2 weeks ago you told me you could never find another person like me, you would wait forever for me to come back to you, you would fight for me. Then a week after we break you jump into another relationship and bully me. Make me feel like , you flaunt your relationship on social media knowing that someone will tell me about it. You've hurt me, even if I broke up with you. I wanted this to be civil, I kept it civil. I want to text you and tell you exactly what you've done and the mess YOU'VE made.

 

but after all of this hurt, pain and the images stuck in my brain of u. I miss you.

[Charliehorse]

A lot to be told to you,how you dumped me after 12 yrs of marriage for no other good reason than you didn't need me

anymore to help raise your very delinquent child because you had no backbone and wished you could be a best friend

rather than a parent. How you dumped me 4 days after my brother died, how you dumped me 1 month before I had

kidney surgery, how you confided in a man that had little more to offer you than a STD, how when I was hospitalized

for an infection in my jaw bone and you came to see me It seemed the only thing you were interested in was have I

talked to my lawyer, screw that!

After I moved out of state to try and start a new life and you would call on occasion to play the let's be friends bull$hit

to ease your guilt and you told me that I was still important to you of which I had to laugh and said I have to go, that

was the last time I spoke to you over a year ago, it's been 2 years since our split which only you wanted.

A

You still haunt my dreams to this day. Go Away

[Whocares479]

Good riddance

[sputnik123]

Ditto Whocares sentiments!!

[Dominique]

I became everything I had lost. I am now an author, I found a new look that I love, I re did the entire house, I learned a new sport, I re vamped my entire wardrobe and learned to listen more and talk less. My language has changed from the dark shadow my marriage cast on me and I am focused on more positive speak.

All these things are things that were in me. Freedom from the abuse of my marriage lifted that dark cloud.

 

Then we broke up and it was like a tornado hit me. But somehow...I did all these things anyway. Things I knew I was going to do. Things that were in my plan and then my plan became "our" plan. Then we fell apart. BUT My broken heart didn't stop me.

 

I just wish you were still in my life to see what a butterfly I have become and to share all the things we said we would share. I never for a second thought I would be celebrating these triumphs alone. Not for one second. Life is funny and sometimes very cruel.

 

Thank u for believing in me and for loving me when I had the dark cloud over me and I was in my cocoon...for always seeing my strength and passion and potential. I wish we were doing this together but I am going to keep going without you. I love you very very much.

[IAmFCA]

I came here to find something to say. Its remarkable that I have nothing to say, no obsessions, just, nothing. You either want to figure something out or you don't. You've known me long and seen me change and grow. You've seen me get hurt, you've seen me respond to your cynicism, you've seen me take your anger and ignore it. You've seen me work, travel, support my kids, tell you info about yours that you didn't know. You've held me when I lost my strength and melted into you; I hardly knew I had fallen, because I didn't, you held me so steadily.

 

There is nothing I can do now but leave you alone. You pick who you want, when you want. For all I know, you leaving me unclaimed is a blessing.

 

I've not even asked for monogamy, you silly. Primary, but I travel all the time. This is not a hard problem. That said, you are right that going down that road will be a decision maker. Doesn't that tell you something?

 

So yeah, here I am, trying to come up with something. I got nothing. Its all you babe. This is your show. No, not even. Its my life, my show. If you want in it, that's your show. I dont even like that sentence. Its your life, your show. I am out of it unless invited. Nope. Its my life.

 

Ive got nothing to say to you.

 

Oh if we met? I'd ignore you actually. If we were right there in the same line or somesuch? Hows the kid. Hows the dog. Whats up with work. You know, the usual. Then i would get the heck out.

 

So yeah. That was so 2017. You slept on it. Im not sitting here twiddling my thumbs.

 

My new thing: if dumping my stuff will make me ready, how fast can I dump my stuff? Weekend challenge.

 

I aint waitin big guy. I have a life to live. You have some growing to do. Remember? How you told me in 20.15 15! that you blow it by not expressing yourself? Yeah. Check. But I heard you anyhow, I am inside your head, and I am off OKC, I am beyond your oversight. Its on you. End of story.

 

Nope. That was a whole lotta nothin. Have fun with your gal of the quarter. She was more expensive than you intended. Pity.

[woman05]

We were friends for two years plus and then together in a relationship for a couple of months. You told me you’ll never forget me, but we ended up in a breakup anyway. I’m blocked on every communication platform and social media. I can’t believe someone could do that because I won’t ever do that to someone. Anyway hope you find your happiness.

[sputnik123]

Despicable. Goodbye.

[IAmFCA]

well hell i want to send you a hny text but I just can't. we are clearly in NC mode and if you (oddly) asked me to come over I wouldn't bc I'm sick. There is no point in it. my mind is getting to me, and the way I have to think about is straightforward: have faith that you know what you're doing. either way, you raise your hand or disappear, however long that takes, i can't make it happen without you being on board.

 

this woman, xst you met her not a month ago. But thats not for me to think about. You are pretty difficult to maneuver. I just need to lay low, and let it happen. and remember my faith.

[Bumblebee093]

I'm exhausted with this gut wrenching feeling of replacement. I so wished you would just speed round here. Sweep me off my feet and just kiss me. I sat and watched the fireworks and Big Ben go off, I listened to the song that was playing "one last time" I sat there and cried, was you thinking of me too? Because you was all that was on my mind. You were probably with her, setting your plans for the year ahead, the girl who you jumped into bed with a week after we split. The girl you're family just welcomed in open arms. I feel sick and disappointed in you but at the end of all this mess, hurt, tears and pain from both ends. I miss you and love you. I wish I could just have you back in my arms but I know that isn't possible.

[sputnik123]

I wonder if you think you did the right thing.. has it even crossed your mind?

 

You know it's too late.. hoping you don't ever make contact

 

I don't think you will.

[melody147]

i miss you. i dyed my hair red; colored it for the first time. im also sleeping a little less excessively so i guess that's nice. doing gliablastoma research. gpa is fine. im getting a dog in august. i miss you and i dream about you every night, either a nightmare or something that becomes one when i wake up and realize you aren't there. please for the love of God become what you once were and stop being this monster.

[Dowai99Holly]

I feel a lot of anger towards you this morning so I'm posting it on here.

 

It hurts that you were the one who made me look stupid, you played me along yet you're constantly willing to make me look bad. I hope you realise that finding a new partner immediately after a break up will not find you happiness in the end, you need to learn to love yourself instead of trying to drag your partner down to your perceived level, with your snide remarks.

 

I love that i no longer have the desire to contact you, I just wish I could get rid of this intense anger.

[IAmFCA]

posting here helped me clarify my thoughts and resulted in that text to you.

 

I have a questions to discuss - what is the question?

 

I tried to make this a regular thing - stiff arm. i tried to make it a casual thing, nope. I tried to make it a good thing and it was good. and then it wasn't. what question am I asking you? Why am I asking you? Years ago I asked - do we just let it unfold.

 

now my ask is sort of different.

 

Its do we let this fade or not? I read that and think I am. doing that already.

 

I don't have a question to ask. I have an answer to accept.

[IAmFCA]

Lets get past the question

 

I want to get back on that couch. So lets just do that. Back to Sq 1.

[IAmFCA]

I miss my friend. Not sure I can do a thing about it though.

[ShatteredMan]

I broke NC with my ex on Christmas via text. I didn't suggest that we meet up or anything, but I did what I did and now I can't take it back.