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melody147

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  1. For context I'm a 25 year old medical student w/out a job and don't have money or time to go visit. He is more easily able to visit me since he works remotely and the plan was for him to move here this month but his mom's condition is deteriorating.
  2. Hi, I've dated SO for a year and a half, friends six months before that. He has never given me reason to doubt him before, but lately he's been so preoccupied with work issues (mainly due to COVID), his mom sick with worsening dementia, and school (college online). He's 38 IDK if that helps. I live on the east coast; he lives on the west coast. It's been over a month since he's visited, and he got angry the last time i asked for specific dates because he said i should empathize with how ill his mother is and how I shouldn't doubt that he would come if he could. Today I told him that he should focus on his work, school, and mother, and forget about all our plans such as him moving here soon and leasing a place, and our trip to Costa Rica in November, for now, and think about that stuff later. I told him he doesn't have time or space to worry about anything else rn. He agreed with me. Said he'll focus on school, work and his mom, and figure out the rest later. He just seems so overloaded that I thought I was being a good gf by saying all of that. But I feel empty now. I feel hollow. I feel like I don't have a boyfriend. Am I being selfish? I think I am, but I don't know how to stop feeling depressed.
  3. Hi guys I genuinely feel like there's some confusion...we were never boyfriend-girlfriend even though his actions made me think of myself as his girlfriend...and now we are just close friends; we haven't been intimate or even kissed since he told me he had to end things. The way he ended things was by saying: listen i saw someone else and i just can't commit to something exclusive bcuz I'm not responsible enough and it would be toxic if we dated??? and he said he's ending it now so that he doesn't lead me on. but i feel like he already led me on lol
  4. We aren't seeing each other currently. He ended things after telling me he saw someone else bcuz he said he didn't want to lead me on.
  5. We weren't exclusive though so technically he didn't do anything wrong right? I mean it was definitely hurtful but technically...did he do something wrong?
  6. Should I just block and delete him? Or should I try talking to him about how I feel? Maybe he doesn't realize how much I like him...ok lol that sounded stupid as i typed it...
  7. Hi everyone. It's been a while since I've been on here. I have a confusing situation and I wanted to objectively lay it out so you guys could give me some clarity/advice on what to do. I started seeing a guy around end of January; idk if this matters but im 23 and he's 27 and he used to be in the Navy; now attends college and is also an aspiring musician/guitarist/singer. We clicked instantly; the honeymoon phase was amazing. He picked me up from the airport when I came back from a med school interview; he said he couldn't stop thinking about me...he said he adored me, and really liked me. Two separate times though, he would bring up the fact that I'm going to Philly for medical school and also the fact that my parents are unfortunately pretty discriminatory against anyone not of my religion. He said these two times that he didn't want to get hurt, and that he didn't want to invest. So I guess he verbally did make his intentions clear; he wanted us to enjoy ourselves since "there was no need for a label". However his actions showed that he thought of me as a girlfriend; we hung out practically every day; he wanted me to meet his friends and even family when they visit...I got swept up in the vision of a relationship that I thought I was in. One night we were in the car and he asks me where I see this going, and that he sees a future with me. I was quiet that night because I remember I was scared if I said I wanted a relationship he would back away. I was scared. A week or two later, I go to New York for med school interviews. I come back; and he ignores me for two days. Finally he responds with a text: I can't be the person you want me to be; I'm not responsible enough to commit to you. We talk on the phone; and he admits he saw someone else while I was in New York. I was pretty devastated tbh; I was confused; and he kept saying that he had been transparent but I dont know how to articulate this;;...he TREATED me like a girlfriend even though he said "there's no need for a label". Fast forward to now; I may either stay in town where he lives, or I might go to Philly. Not sure yet. But regardless...the situation now is that we are basically best friends; we see each other every other day. I make him Indian dishes and drop them at his house. I buy him gifts. We go out together; he hits me up all the time to hang out; im the first person he reaches out to when he wants to do something; he sometimes flirtatiously touches me-which naturally makes me start having hope... (I've realized my generosity toward him is really just a futile attempt to get him to realize how much I care about him; and to realize how valuable that is. ) I'm just hurting all the time though. Even when I'm with him, sure I'm happy but there's a part of me pining and longing to hold him and be with him intimately. I thought, and yeah maybe this is stupid, but I thought he liked me enough that he would've at least wanted to TRY being together. And why did he say that he saw a future with me that one time? Doesn't correspond to everything else that he said... In any case, I tried ignoring him a little a few days ago and he panicked and started blowing up my phone. I don't know. I think he wants the emotional intimacy and companionship while being able to around with other girls with no strings attached. Or maybe I'm just not good enough to be in a relationship with. Just good enough to play around with for a couple months. Interesting side-note: when I went to his house a few days ago, he brought up one of his close friends in Florida who he had a fling with and who wanted him to commit; and he refused...she blocked him then he sent a nice text saying he was sorry if he did smthng, and she replied super pissed and calling him selfish and horrible, etc...he kinda just shrugged and said "our paths weren't aligned" or something and then that was all he had to say on the matter of losing a previously very close friend. It makes me think-if I do something similar, like block him or just stop talking, he wont care about losing me either? What should I do? And why...why am I not worthy of a relationship with him? Also...isn't it better to be friends than not have him at all?
  8. Updates; I did NC for about 3 weeks then broke it to ask him to lunch. I was hoping we could reconnect as friends, and I also got him a gift in Mexico when I went a week ago, sort of as a gift to open our friendship so that he can see there are no hard feelings. He seemed down; then when I confirmed lunch the day before, he said sorry he couldn't cuz of some job thing. Didn't attempt to reschedule, nothing. This was Sunday and now it's Wednesday. He doesn't seem to want to see me. Even as a friend. Which hurts a helluva lot.
  9. I think you should pursue therapy; it would help you a lot.
  10. Thanks for the responses guys. I'm feeling very emotional today and feeling lonely/abandoned. Do any of you guys have advice on how to not feel abandoned/discarded/disposed?
  11. hes' back on the dating app where we met. so he's moved on. i guess i need to too. sucky feeling.
  12. I keep thinking that I could have compromised and maybe tried to do it in a year, after I've fallen in love with him. My fear would be that he would dump me after getting that though. I don't know how common that is. He honestly in the first four weeks was amazing, kind, compassionate-such a great guy. So it's hard imagining him dumping me if I cater to his sexual needs. And it's not like I'm asexual! I probably would enjoy it, too...and sometimes compromise is important if you really care about the person right? Also my UCSD med school interview went amazing, if any of you were wondering haha~I think I have a really good chance of getting in and eventually becoming a doctor! I had to try really hard to push thoughts of this guy out of my mind (as my mom says, no guy is worth jeopardizing your future career), but I succeeded. Anyway if you guys could reply with your thoughts that'd be great :) I like posting on here because I think my friends are all sick of me talking about him; they want me to "move on" like it's that easy. But it's easy to tell others to move on when you're not in the same situation; every case is different, everyone's feelings are different.
  13. Sorry to ask another question. I've been analyzing this (probably too much; I have OCD unfortunately), and I realized that we got increasingly physical over the past few weeks-as in he's seen more and more of my body. What if he just lost his attraction for me and that's why he easily broke up with me?
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