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Oh god I miss you so much. Seeing you smile makes my heart still twinge. But knowing you're going after her... she who you knew I was insecure about... who you promised there would be nothing... how long did your eyes wander, how long ago did you somehow fall out of love with me. Did you even ever love me? I wonder... you're cruel, you're kind and cruel. What do I trust. Your sweet words of an empty hope. Or your actions which scream of desperation and unloyalness.

I am not an option for you in your future. I am a priority. I am either your priority or not even a choice at all.

Yet I love you. And I miss you. And it pains me. Every. Minute. I. Breathe

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I miss you. I'm still sorting contradictions out. You answering that "maybe"??? we would get back together sounded so incredibly remote. I know that any man who wanted me would never answer like that. Despite the parts of your reasoning about external factors, the break up was a rejection of me. Plain and simple.

If we do ever get back, how am I going to trust any stability?

 

I'm going to get a better job. I'll move on with self improvement for myself, for the sake of distraction, so that I can be proud of myself when I do talk to you, and so that if eventually I find someone else or get back with you I won't have these same doubts about myself or the same things I've put off from accomplishing.

I wish I still was talking and texting with you every day. I wish that we never broke up. I want to share my life with someone. Someone who is special and precious to me. I held you in that space. I have to learn to let you go.

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We finally spoke. You were amazed that I was angry. You wanted to know why I didn't my wave back to you. I explained in full. You said it hurt. You were my best friend, but you've changed all things between us. You didn't even value me and my kids enough to give our relationship a chance. You just dissapeared from my kids life. You wonder why I don't wave back?

 

Our children tell me they want us together. I know that you would do that if you weren't with someone else. I keep thinking about how wonderful together was. Then I think about how much more I was into you than you into me.

 

You don't deserve the kind of love I give. I gave a feeling in time you're going to regret your choice.

 

I'm not going to tell you how much I feel for you or love you. I don't know if I could trust you to be with you. Each day, I see that you're not wired to be long term.

 

I think about the things you said. I've listened closely. You aren't who you portray to others. Despite this I love you. I know the woman I love and all her flaws. But Im not telling you and you have to earn me. Right now you've done nothing to earn me or my kids.

 

It's time to stop being the victim and be accountable. Your decision has consequences.

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Thank you for trying to make my dreams come true. I still can't believe you called me with this. I can't even tell u how much I love and miss you. I held back the words and the tears. The thank you .... You are so my heart. The first person to wish me happy birthday...

I love you. I appreciate you.

What a mess this is ......

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It’s just been over 2 years now and you haven’t tried to contact me in about 6 months. I have to admit I miss it but at the same time I’m at the point where I miss missing you.

 

I still think I see you passing me on the way to work at times, and today I thought I saw your kids driving by and I didn’t think about it much. And it affects me less. Any time I get drunk at night I don’t think about you almost at all, and that was what kept me hanging on. Maybe I’m finally getting to a better place without even knowing it?

 

And I’m not scared of being single, nor was I ever. But I still think of you and the good times we had and how you had to go and screw that up. I’ll always think fondly of those good times and at the same time I hate myself for doing so. I feel weak that way. But the dreams of you and your boys are less and less frequent and I smile a bit more, even without you. It feels really strange. Whenever I start thinking of you I can dismiss it so much easier. I love it and hate it because I don’t want to forget you.

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2 talks ago--was a nice discussion except for the part where when I asked you if we're considering ever getting back & you gave me a maybe--sounding like I'm silly for asking and that makes you uncomfortable.

Next you call me for a nice talk during your break and end the call with the I love you's and extremely sweet tones that were like when we first started dating.

So--I almost feel like if I'm to be logical then I should be hoping.

But I'm not. I feel numb. I'm done with being in misery. I'm bored. I'm still hurt. I don't know how we fit back together if at all. If we do get back together it's going to be on your effort. I'm done trying for now.

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I saw you. At the beer festival with him. You know the guy you said I was imagining all in my head. Such garbage.

 

There you were hanging on him. He was all over you. I watched and you never saw me in the midst of the crowd. This was the guy you met in the midst of our relationship before your breakup to me.

 

I see. I understand. There's a cycle. I almost felt sorry for him. He'll be like us, another man used to hurt your ex husband. Like the men you dated before me. You tell us you love us, and then we become a weapon that is used between you and your ex husband, or a fling to fill the void.

 

He's just fresh meat. I saw him follow you around enamored no less by your sensuous beauty.

 

It's so easy to love you. You sell it so well. We only realize it when it's too late, that you don't love us. That's when actions speak louder than words. That's when we are discarded abruptly and your new feeding begins from a new primary source. Then we realize it was just a mirage.

 

I thought back to how I was. I thought back to how I attached to you.

 

I'll never be the same.

 

I know it's a blessing despite the pain. I can't imagine this happening if I hold sold my place and moved in with you.

 

I'm different than the others. You continue to tell me how much you're hurting and that you want me to be patient. You told me you are hurting and you're so sad.

 

Yet there you were laughing. Giving him the eyes of endearment. Kissing. Grabbing. Drinking.

 

You don't value me. I'm in love with the facade you sold to me. I do love as you are because I know underneath, the woman that was hurt, that I had grown to love, but you hooked me with your facade. I do think I perceived the real you beneath the pain in quiet times.

 

You're far gone, but you still want me to remain with the other past lovers in your "plan b" stable, alongside the other stallions of the past. I wondered why they texted you from time to time. Now I know why. I was the primary source then, and they were the back ups.

 

Now you have new blood to draw your fuel. You took advantage of my kind heart and loving empathetic spirit. Now I'm relagated to a secondary source of energy for you to feed on, but you won't enjoy me. I won't let you as much as it rips my heart to walk away and never look back.

 

I pondered as I watched you with him. I was not crying. I was not angry. I was observant. I realized I was looking at the picture of you from outside the frame, rather than in it.

 

I saw you as you truly are. In reflection, I feel sorry for you. That you would take on these Narcissitic tendencies that your ex husband hurt you with. His secret affair crushed you so... I know you're a better woman than that. If you could have forgiven him, you wouldn't be here hurting men who fall in love with you to exact your revenge. If only you knew it doesn't need to be this way.

 

The worse is the pain your son is growing to know. He loved us, me and my children dearly as we do him. He loved the thought of us from the 2 1/2 years we were together. I thought we were beginning to explore a blended family. Instead you suddenly left.

 

You have lost your most excellent advocate. You've lost a man who cherished you. You overlooked the prize catch that God delivered to you in the midst of your hurting.

 

You poured out my love to you and your son like water on the floor. You traded us for this? This is what you want?

 

I texted moments later telling you goodbye when you dissapeared into the crowd with him following you.

 

I told you, "The truth has revealed itself...please don't ever speak to me again."

 

You sent me a flood of texts minutes later. (Im sure as you slipped away from your unsuspecting lover so he wouldn't see.)

 

Lots of "I don't know what you're talking about/If you don't know I value you, you must not really know me/I'm sorry you're making this choice./I'm disappointed in you" You're so clever.

 

I left your stable. Saying "I gently tell you goodbye. I'm free. I don't have to listen to your lies anymore. You chose him at the expense of me, my kids, and your son."

 

You maintained that you didn't know what I was talking about. Yet moments before you were sucking face with him...The guy my gut told me about. You sent so many texts. More than I remember you sending in such a long time.

 

Even later that night a few more.

I told you goodbye.

 

You said I must not really know you. You tried to get me to tell you what I knew of your lies. I didn't give in.

 

I do know you. I know the facade. I know the real you underneath, I do love you as you are in your brokenness. I wish I didn't.

 

I love my kids too. I love myself. I love your son. We all paid a great expense for you to abandon what we had built.

 

That's why I can't be your friend. That's why I can't speak with you anymore. I won't be like the others, waiting in a stable for your call. A call that will only be a secondary feeding.

 

I looked long and hard...for I love you so, to find a way to reach you. The harder I looked the more I realized how many bridges you had burnt between us, yet you made it seem as if I had done that.

 

You were abusive and dismissive. That actually happened. For me to say so to you is not a sign that I don't know who you really are.

 

Your actions and inactions clearly demonstrate your intent regardless of your words. My mind has been a battlefield, a construct infused by the words of your empty hopelessness towards me. I believed in your lies. I believed in a fairytale between us.

 

I will stand before God one day. I will have to give an account of this time when I told you, "Please don't ever speak to me again." I will have to stand and explain why I made this choice that ripped my heart apart. It does hurt deeply.

 

Your words tell me it's in my head, but I know what I see and what my spirit knows in the core of my being.

 

Instead my dear friend, it is you who doesn't know me.

 

Attraction has ebbs and flows. Love is beyond feeling...it is a commitment to the end of time. I truly love you. It breaks my heart a second time knowing I must lay you down and let go.

 

With wisdom comes great sorrow. I wish I had never asked God to show me the heart of love when I was little. Now I know what love is. I know.

 

It's not the feel good vibes sold in Hollywood. It's a mindset intent on enduring unconditionally through lashings and devastating blows that words cannot apprehend. Love is a fortitude of confidence, a happiness within sorrows that is reserved for those who do not deserve it. My love for you rests here, in an absence that you care not to discover.

 

It is a love you saw glimpses of but somehow lost your way. I'm sure I made mistakes to make you look elsewhere.I lasted longer than the others.

 

I gave you my energy. I mustered my best. It was not sufficient. Your appetite for more was beyond my reach.

 

Now I'm left behind to rebuild.

 

I look at God. I no longer believe in the stage life has set for me. I don't know if I'm built to be for someone lasting.

 

My empathetic heart is too kind. I need to learn in my attachments how to assertively tell my woman when she's out of her head, and I need to be willing to walk out so I'm never treated like this again.

 

I wonder if I had done this if you would somehow remain.

 

You say you hurt. I think you do deep down. I don't know if Will ever here from you again. I do love you.

 

You pulled down what we built with your own hands. Your design.

 

God give me the strength to believe again. Meet me where I am in these shambles. Forgive me, Lord for not being her friend. Thank for bringing her in my life. I'm sorry.

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The other day, I thought back to the last time we held each other and how you looked at me... I couldn't help but tear up. =/

"Too Good For Goodbyes" was playing that time we sat in my car talking for the last time. Now it plays constantly and every time I hear it on the radio I can't help but think of you. We talk so often these days, it really does make me miss you. I'm trying my best not to take anything from that.

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I saw you. At the beer festival with him. You know the guy you said I was imagining all in my head. Such garbage.

 

There you were hanging on him. He was all over you. I watched and you never saw me in the midst of the crowd. This was the guy you met in the midst of our relationship before your breakup to me.

 

I see. I understand. There's a cycle. I almost felt sorry for him. He'll be like us, another man used to hurt your ex husband. Like the men you dated before me. You tell us you love us, and then we become a weapon that is used between you and your ex husband, or a fling to fill the void.

 

He's just fresh meat. I saw him follow you around enamored no less by your sensuous beauty.

 

It's so easy to love you. You sell it so well. We only realize it when it's too late, that you don't love us. That's when actions speak louder than words. That's when we are discarded abruptly and your new feeding begins from a new primary source. Then we realize it was just a mirage.

 

I thought back to how I was. I thought back to how I attached to you.

 

I'll never be the same.

 

I know it's a blessing despite the pain. I can't imagine this happening if I hold sold my place and moved in with you.

 

I'm different than the others. You continue to tell me how much you're hurting and that you want me to be patient. You told me you are hurting and you're so sad.

 

Yet there you were laughing. Giving him the eyes of endearment. Kissing. Grabbing. Drinking.

 

You don't value me. I'm in love with the facade you sold to me. I do love as you are because I know underneath, the woman that was hurt, that I had grown to love, but you hooked me with your facade. I do think I perceived the real you beneath the pain in quiet times.

 

You're far gone, but you still want me to remain with the other past lovers in your "plan b" stable, alongside the other stallions of the past. I wondered why they texted you from time to time. Now I know why. I was the primary source then, and they were the back ups.

 

Now you have new blood to draw your fuel. You took advantage of my kind heart and loving empathetic spirit. Now I'm relagated to a secondary source of energy for you to feed on, but you won't enjoy me. I won't let you as much as it rips my heart to walk away and never look back.

 

I pondered as I watched you with him. I was not crying. I was not angry. I was observant. I realized I was looking at the picture of you from outside the frame, rather than in it.

 

I saw you as you truly are. In reflection, I feel sorry for you. That you would take on these Narcissitic tendencies that your ex husband hurt you with. His secret affair crushed you so... I know you're a better woman than that. If you could have forgiven him, you wouldn't be here hurting men who fall in love with you to exact your revenge. If only you knew it doesn't need to be this way.

 

The worse is the pain your son is growing to know. He loved us, me and my children dearly as we do him. He loved the thought of us from the 2 1/2 years we were together. I thought we were beginning to explore a blended family. Instead you suddenly left.

 

You have lost your most excellent advocate. You've lost a man who cherished you. You overlooked the prize catch that God delivered to you in the midst of your hurting.

 

You poured out my love to you and your son like water on the floor. You traded us for this? This is what you want?

 

I texted moments later telling you goodbye when you dissapeared into the crowd with him following you.

 

I told you, "The truth has revealed itself...please don't ever speak to me again."

 

You sent me a flood of texts minutes later. (Im sure as you slipped away from your unsuspecting lover so he wouldn't see.)

 

Lots of "I don't know what you're talking about/If you don't know I value you, you must not really know me/I'm sorry you're making this choice./I'm disappointed in you" You're so clever.

 

I left your stable. Saying "I gently tell you goodbye. I'm free. I don't have to listen to your lies anymore. You chose him at the expense of me, my kids, and your son."

 

You maintained that you didn't know what I was talking about. Yet moments before you were sucking face with him...The guy my gut told me about. You sent so many texts. More than I remember you sending in such a long time.

 

Even later that night a few more.

I told you goodbye.

 

You said I must not really know you. You tried to get me to tell you what I knew of your lies. I didn't give in.

 

I do know you. I know the facade. I know the real you underneath, I do love you as you are in your brokenness. I wish I didn't.

 

I love my kids too. I love myself. I love your son. We all paid a great expense for you to abandon what we had built.

 

That's why I can't be your friend. That's why I can't speak with you anymore. I won't be like the others, waiting in a stable for your call. A call that will only be a secondary feeding.

 

I looked long and hard...for I love you so, to find a way to reach you. The harder I looked the more I realized how many bridges you had burnt between us, yet you made it seem as if I had done that.

 

You were abusive and dismissive. That actually happened. For me to say so to you is not a sign that I don't know who you really are.

 

Your actions and inactions clearly demonstrate your intent regardless of your words. My mind has been a battlefield, a construct infused by the words of your empty hopelessness towards me. I believed in your lies. I believed in a fairytale between us.

 

I will stand before God one day. I will have to give an account of this time when I told you, "Please don't ever speak to me again." I will have to stand and explain why I made this choice that ripped my heart apart. It does hurt deeply.

 

Your words tell me it's in my head, but I know what I see and what my spirit knows in the core of my being.

 

Instead my dear friend, it is you who doesn't know me.

 

Attraction has ebbs and flows. Love is beyond feeling...it is a commitment to the end of time. I truly love you. It breaks my heart a second time knowing I must lay you down and let go.

 

With wisdom comes great sorrow. I wish I had never asked God to show me the heart of love when I was little. Now I know what love is. I know.

 

It's not the feel good vibes sold in Hollywood. It's a mindset intent on enduring unconditionally through lashings and devastating blows that words cannot apprehend. Love is a fortitude of confidence, a happiness within sorrows that is reserved for those who do not deserve it. My love for you rests here, in an absence that you care not to discover.

 

It is a love you saw glimpses of but somehow lost your way. I'm sure I made mistakes to make you look elsewhere.I lasted longer than the others.

 

I gave you my energy. I mustered my best. It was not sufficient. Your appetite for more was beyond my reach.

 

Now I'm left behind to rebuild.

 

I look at God. I no longer believe in the stage life has set for me. I don't know if I'm built to be for someone lasting.

 

My empathetic heart is too kind. I need to learn in my attachments how to assertively tell my woman when she's out of her head, and I need to be willing to walk out so I'm never treated like this again.

 

I wonder if I had done this if you would somehow remain.

 

You say you hurt. I think you do deep down. I don't know if Will ever here from you again. I do love you.

 

You pulled down what we built with your own hands. Your design.

 

God give me the strength to believe again. Meet me where I am in these shambles. Forgive me, Lord for not being her friend. Thank for bringing her in my life. I'm sorry.

 

Wow, this made me cry! You really poured your heart and soul out here. I sincerely hope you find peace and comfort. I can really relate to some of this since parts of this are identical to my last relationship.

 

We are rooting for you. Hold your head up.

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This is a love letter i wrote and did not send to my ex. We lived in different cities and dis long distance for a few years and we were head over heels with each other until she went abroad to study and the relationship disentegated. its been amlost two years now and although i am a functioning human again with a lot to be grateful for. I still wonder what happened everyday. I still think of the amazing moments we shared, the sex and the feelign of love. I still think of her everyday. I also can see her charcter traits better now, and the person she turned into.

 

I feel like a shadow of the person I was. I get anxious all the time. I'm not okay. I want to hate you so much. I wish that I never met you. Yet, I still miss you. In every sense of the phrase you've broken me, I feel insecure, i feel upset all the time. It's not because we broke up, it's because of your behavior and who you've become. I can't even look at a photo of the new you. I listened when you whispered poison in my ears. I believed you when holding you in my arms in the sea. I want you to know that as much as wish I was with you, even though I think of you everyday, even though I still pray for you and your family. I'm so grateful that I'm not with you. The person you became when you were awat, the photos you've put up on social media, your arrogance, your insensitivity, your lack of emotional intelligence. I can't even defend you when people talk to me about you anymore. I'm glad that I'm my own person again, that I don't have to spend all my energy and strength ensuring you are feeling okay , ensuring that you are not upset. Thank you for doing this to me now, rather than later. I should have known after what you did to me at the start of our relationshop, that you are capable of Horrors. That you don't know the meaning of loyalty. Without exception every single person I talk to about you says you are self centered and arrogant. The photo you posted of you on the beach makes me want to vomit, thank god Im not going out with a girl who does that. I could literally give you a list of 20 people who have told me that they have reached out to you only for you to give them none of your time. You repulse me and I won't be surprised to hear many things in the future about you. I envisioned you and I getting married. I envisioned you and I standing together during our wedding speech where I told you in front of everyone that you were literally the most gorgeous girl in the world. You were all I ever could have wished for, and I would have and still would die for you. I want you to know I resent you and your actions and I wish we had never met. I wish for you that no one ever treats you the way you treated me. Im proud of the fact that the only bad thing you can say to people about me is that I sent you one hateful text message. Good luck to you , you arrogant , self centered horrible human. We are not and will never be on good terms. I wish you didn't exist.

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You were everything I wanted. Not perfect .... Haha...by any means. But you were what I wanted. It was like I imagined you and you showed up. I never even thought that was possible. I will forever be grateful for having known that once in my life.

What we had was amazing and I love you ... Still.

I pray you are happy today and enjoying the sunshine. I know I am despite the fact that you are missing from me.

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I love you so whether we are together or apart. I am thankful in advance for the day that love comes into my life like this. The day the seeds of love that I have sown bear fruit and I am loved the way that I have loved you. I truly love you with no conditions and no end.

I hope you are having a wonderful weekend. Bless you, My Love. Always.

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Yes, it's only 3 days since the message of the separation.

The pain and sadness become more and more each day pass.

I don't know what I should do.

Everyday it's just crying my time away.

I know and I agree with the separation but it's very pain.

Married for 3 years and know each other for 8 years.

I know we both are having depression and under medication, I know alot of advices seem so ideal initially that giving each other space is the best solution.

I am not getting any better.

Was off the medication for one week and now I have to be back to medication again.

Yes, I wanted to pretend as if I am strong to see you walk away but deep down in me, I am crying so hard that I wish I can turn back whatever had happen.

Neither both of us planned for this.

I know that's nothing I can do anything about it anymore but to let you go.

I really wish I can be independent like you.

You are everything to me, I know I have not been able to be myself due to my chronic illness for the past 5 months but we are both trying.

Now you have snapped and walk away to heal yourself which is not wrong.

I am still trying to find my strength to walk away.

I really love you alot.

I really can't live my day like this which I know my depression will only worsen my health.

I tried everything I can to avoid this separation and maybe not hard enough.

I know I was not treating you well enough too.

We know we both hurt us with words. But that's not in the right state of our mind.

Now I strongly can understand why you will wake up in the middle of the night having cold sweat and cry.

I guess it's my karma.

I am having this now everyday.

I know you need your space without me.

It's pain. Very pain.

I don't know if I can cope with for how long.

I don't wanna go take the medication again.

What should I do?

I have no interests in anything for now.

I know the people beside are worry for me but I feel like hiding away from everything.

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Didn’t wish you a happy birthday coz I’d been lying to myself.

 

I don’t wish you happiness at all.

 

The only thing I could wish you is for karma to get to you.

All that cheating and lying and ghosting.

I hope you’re miserable.

 

/I feel like I’m such a horrible human being. But even with all this hate, I could not imagine myself doing to you what you did to me.

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I stood by you for three years after you decide to “step down” from your job. You were fired and deservedly so. I supported you emotionally and financially until you found a new job. I supported you emotionally and financially when your new job kept you away every night. I watched your son every night treating him as if he were my own. I took him to and from practices and games. Picked him up after school. Made him dinner and did homework with him. Put him to bed and said prayers with him. You were never there. You were away at work and then after work straight to the casino and when the casino wasn’t enough eventually you sought comfort in someone else’s arms. The whole time I was at “home” looking after our “family.” I accepted your faults and mistakes and we agreed to go to counseling but you were still continuing your affair while in counseling. You blamed me for all of it. Your affair, your absence, all my fault. That hurt the worst. Not what you did, it was the fact that you had the nerve to blame me for it. I can look back and say I tried everything to make it work. I tried to hold it all together for your son if nothing else. But my efforts, my feelings, and my needs meant less than nothing to you. To top it all off you are amazed and baffled by my leaving. You say I abandoned our family when in reality you checked out not only on me but you own son years ago. You still haven’t grasped the magnitude of what you did. You didn’t just do this to me and you. You did this to your own son. You chased away the only father figure he’s ever known. The only stability he’s had in his life.

One day I hope to forgive you. But I will never forget the total disregard you showed towards me and your son. I have no use for you in my life anymore. You have done enough damage. If you would do this to me in a relationship what would you do to me as just friends? I hope you get the help you need for your sons sake. I wish I could be there when karma comes a knockin’.

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I wish I never knew you.

I wish I didn't say yes when you first asked me out.

Our relationship was full of your lies. Yes, I couldn't give you stability, but you should have let me go when you had a chance. In fact, you had so many chances.

I don't blame you. I blame myself for everything, for fooling myself just so we could be together.

I don't hate you. I hate myself for still wanting you to be happy.

Please let me go. Wish me happiness, wish me the best luck, and wish me to find my true love. I know you tried your best to love me. This is how things are supposed to end. We didn't do anything wrong but you have gotta let me go so I can move on.

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I am really hoping that I saw the light and will never hear from you again. The sex isn't worth the torture day in and day out. Each day I'm depressed bc I feel like I want more than u can give me and I don't ever feel like what you give is enough. I'm always wanting to change u or see something else. U are childish in that u take what I do and use it against me in a manipulative way to do what u want to do. My feelings don't genuinely matter and if I need u, u aren't there. Regardless of how I ask u aren't there for me and u laugh at me. I dk in what world that is normal, or where seeing someone so little is ok. Not expressing feelings. U can't emotionally connect or be vulnerable and u don't let me do it either. My needs don't matter or get met because you want a one way relationship. I think the best part is that I don't have to care anymore . I don't have to be your doll. I get to find someone else, who wants my humanity. Wanfs me to be happy, wants for me not to hurt and if I do, is loving and supportive of me . Who brings out the best in me. Which you do not do. You make me turn depressed, violent, angry, unsatisfied, unfulfilled, alone and u like it. It's ok to destroy me as long as u get what u want and my needs are totally secondary.

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