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Today - I just don't care. Whatever. I can't change the past, I can only change my future I'm not sure when I'm going to be over you, I suppose I never will truly, I will always love you. It's a shame it ended like this but I am trying to be the best person I can for myself and my daughter now. I do hope you are OK though. See you around.

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What should I do....you must understand...you know me and know what I am going through. You know my past...you know my options. You must understand how hard this is for me. If only you would have me back and all this awful pain would go away....what should I do, please god tell me what to do. I feel I am just existing, just floating around in the darkness and I can't find my way. Please give me the strength and courage to face this and make the right decision. People say 'do what is right for you' but what is that? If I knew I would be doing it....

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I wish you didn't call me today... That's why I chose to text you a simple happy birthday message so that all I would get from you would be a simple thank you message.

Why did you have to call the very next second to thank me? Are you torturing me or something? I would have called you if I wanted to. It was so difficult to pretend I am fine and cool busy with other things when all I wanted was to tell you I love you, I miss you, please let's be together again.

 

Now all I think is if I did something wrong, if being honest and begging would be of any good... Maybe I shouldnt retend I am fine and calm

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Oh, my daughter asked about you again this morning on the way to school, just asked why we weren't together any more. And you know what, I didn't get a lump in my throat this time, she's still a little confused but I told her that everything would be OK. I'm so lucky, I have a beautiful little lady who loves me and comes for cuddles every morning and I try not to cry because now, for some reason, it reminds me of cuddling you. And you just took that away. I absolutely know you wouldn't want to hurt her and I would never tell you any of this. I still don't quite get why I fell in love with you...

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I just can't let go

 

There are so many things to say... I can't move on until you tell me it's over. Please understand. When you cry and tell me you miss me, it kills me and only makes me so confused about why you don't seem to want me. I need to have that conversation with you about what I'm going to do..should I stay here or go. You are a massive part of my life and I need you to be part of that decision.

 

You still love me.................please come back to me. I will love you more than anyone else on this earth. I absolutely adore you.

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I wish you didn't call me today... That's why I chose to text you a simple happy birthday message so that all I would get from you would be a simple thank you message.

Why did you have to call the very next second to thank me? Are you torturing me or something? I would have called you if I wanted to. It was so difficult to pretend I am fine and cool busy with other things when all I wanted was to tell you I love you, I miss you, please let's be together again.

 

Now all I think is if I did something wrong, if being honest and begging would be of any good... Maybe I shouldnt retend I am fine and calm

 

I did another thing... And I lied,too... I sent you a birthday card in your facebook inbox, a card that depicts the nickname I used to call you. I lied writing that I had been keeping it for this day. Not true, I had just found it.

And then I saw that once you see this message you will also see the previous ones we exchanged, very few. A couple I love you's, a couple me teasing you about the nickname, and a wish at my birthday 2 years ago, you wished me to be there and make you happy.

I hope you will see all these and reconsider things. I know it won't happen, but how can you do this? Don't you have emotions? Any feelings left?

 

I love you, I would do anything to be with you again. I am desperate, I know, I don't sound like me but this is how you made me feel. I though I had made some steps forward, but listening to you today... it made me more desperate and hopeless than ever...

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Your a crappy person. You really are. And a liar, or maybe you have deluded yourself into thinking you a great guy, a terrific catch LOL....your gonna keep dating terrible girls because your a terrible guy. God did me a favor by you messing up again.

 

I'm actually GLAD for the first time in a while you came back into my life and we left things the way we did. Because instead of having my last memory of you be me pining for you, missing you- you showed the person you REALLY are. I don't want to have good memories of you, I want to see you for the pathetic, looser, uncaring JERK you are!

 

PEACE!

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I want to thank you for the pain I feel. I want to thank you for the tears. I want to thank you for the sleepness nights. I want to thank you for the sick feelings coming from this emotional rollercoaster that I am on. I just want to thank you for breaking my heart. How do you tell me you love me, you want to marry me and have kids with me, then a few days later say you need to focus on you and the boys right now? I gave you the world and everything in it and it was not enough. When you needed me I was there. When you were down and going through stuff I stay on the phone with you for hours, even stayed up all night while you slept just to make sure you were safe when your ex was acting crazy. Now barely a how are you, are you alive or anything. You said I wasnt a rebound, that you are not using me, but actions seem to paint a different picture. Truth of the matter, what goes around comes around. There will come a day where you will realize all I meant to you. For whatever reason it doesnt matter now, nor do my feelings. Chances are you can give a "F" less. Right now you are probably living your merry life, focusing on your own needs and happiness in a selfish way. I never asked to be dragged into a situation to have my heart ripped to pieces. I would have rather we didnt instead of going forward. Silly me, like the song says "everyone plays the fool sometimes" ; better yet a better song says " it takes a fool to learn that love don't love nobody". I am a good man, with a big heart. The problem with a big heart is that people like you dont appreciate it an break it, and when you love hard you break hard. Do I forgive you yes, I have to because I love myself and I love you. Do I want you back, I hope one day on a differnt plain this would be possible. Right now I am hurt, that is all I can say. Im crying even when tears arent falling from my face. That makes you feel real good I am sure..

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the past 2 weeks all i wanna do is call you and tell you i miss you. im sure you dont care. its heartbreaking. i want to try again. i have thought about you for 3 months every day. you dont care. you turned off the switch instantly. im embarrassed you met someone else. im embarrassed i still love you. but i guess i needed to go through this, so i never let go of someone i really like again

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Ive come to realise im far to good for you. Thats probably why you worked so hard to get me at the start.

 

How can I possibly respect someone who lies, cheats and is a prostitue.

 

It all makes sense now you put in so much effort at the start.cause you knew I was to good for you and you knew if I discovered the real you I wouldnt want to be with you.

 

I forgive you for all that you have done but could never trust or respect you enough to get back with you again.

 

I thank you for making me a stronger person and for making me want to improve myself to really reach my full potential.

 

Give me two years and see what great strides ive made while you wollow in your anger towards me

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I won't be around for ever. I thought you deserved a second chance but you don't seem to care about it. You made me suffer a lot, why am I even offering you the second chance? To be neglected twice? I am sure there are other men out there who will love me and don't leave me because they are cowards or don't know what they want in their lives. Why I am here still waiting for you? I m angry with myself, you don't deserve this, you decided to live without me.

I feel better tonight, I hope it will last.

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