Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Notagoodninja]

Today was the first day I genuinely was like so happy to be single.

Went with the fam to pick sisters wedding gown SO MUCH FUN just a girls day out

My sisters are soooo confident, everywhere we went they got hit on and oogled over

It was so much fun hanging out with them, they are sooo much younger than I am, it made me feel like a teenager again.....I was goofing off and dancing with them down the mall isles..........being dorks....they constantly checked guys out and got checked out

Last night out with sis and kiddo and got hit on by a cop. Sis says when we left the cop was checking out my butt...made me feel good esp coming from a cop since I've never been able to get out of a ticket haha and he was super cute about 35

Today the girls would be like "SEE YOU ARE getting checked out" and they would point and sure enough guys ages like 23-45 or so were looking at me, I couldn't believe it.

See, the last 4 years I never noticed guys checking me out, my eyes were for you only. I seriously never checked em out!

Today I let myself go, after all, you never stopped! You always got to check girls out

 

Seriously it was fun, so many guys checked me out even early 20's and that was pretty shocking because that rarely happens at least I never knew

A couple times 19 yr old sis got annoyed cause the guys she was checking out were checking ME out, no way!!!!

Hottest guy of all worked there, about my age with a ball cap SUPER cute..............they all said he was eyeballing me, seriously I don't look for that stuff and could hardly believe it. I seriously don't get checked out

I feel like...my confidence is returning for the first time since the day I met you

 

Remember when i met you....at the mall.......all sassy and very confident and HAPPY

 

well you took that away from me.........................

 

But today it was returning even 1% is better than 0!

 

I checked out a couple of hotties today and I was suprised---they were looking at me if I'd turn around super fast.

 

I was told some guys were looking at my boobs...no freaking way!!!

[Notagoodninja]

Ya know...

 

NExt time around I'm getting a hottie who totally digs me...

I wont be worrying about him checking out teenagers non stop

I can walk through the mall hand and hand and ENJOY shopping!!!! And I wont be checking out guys either! LIKE I NEVER DID ANYWAY BECAUSE I HAD RESPECT, SOMETHING YOU LACKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Springs]

I woke up crying this morning. What is wrong with me. I have family visiting and had a lovely day and night with them yesterday and a nie one to look forward to today....

 

Nothing matters though, it is all so hopeless and futile without you. I am stupid and looked at the texts sent between us the week before this nightmare started. God we were so happy. I feel like an idiot for ruining it but I need to be strong and think of the reasons why. I feel I can't move on until you tell me we will NEVER be together again, and you know that.

 

I will always always love you.........I just hope and pray to God that you are not going to be the death of my happiness. I have no idea which path to choose now. I am so lost. God, please help me find a way.

[northpickle]

Hey Springs, just letting you know I'm having a rough morning too I've just got a bit of advice, I would delete the texts. I did that straight away and feel so much better for it, because looking at things which now lie to us, from times where things seemed OK, only prolongs the pain and confusion.

 

The way I look at it, if they are going to be in our lives again, there will be more texts and memories to be made. I still have photos and hundreds of emails online, so I'm not perfect! But hard as it is, it might make you feel better by not looking at them, and if they are not there, you can't.

[Springs]

Thank you north pickle...I know, it was a ridiculous thing to do and actually only the first or maybe second time I've done it since the terrible day. I will no longer look at them for definite, and I tried to delete them but...sod's law....my phone won't let me!!!! How ironic!!!

 

Hope you feel better soon dearest, thank you for the support

[dunkiez]

Am picking up my folks from the airport in a while and was so tempted to give you a call to go along and watch airplanes take off. But I know that if I see you again, it will just reopen old wounds.

[lalalollipops]

You know what sucks? The fact that I know with the next guy I get into a proper relationship with, I'll need to tell him about the past. And what happened with you. And everything you did to me. (just like what I had to do with the latest ex). The topic can't even be avoided. I would have to explain things when I start getting scared and distant and hesitant.

I don't think I can handle losing it again, or crying about it..

But I will.

I will never forget all the pain you've caused me. Sure alot of the intensity has faded, but my heart still aches when I think about things. And when I play those bad memories in my head, I still feel some of the same emotions. Then I find it hard to breathe properly. I wish those bloody images would fade! I wish I could just forget the words, the revelations, the images. Just wish they could be erased.

They say time heals all wounds. But time hasn't really taken all the pain away. Guess it's cos I effing loved you to death.

While you got off scot free with no guilt, no heart shattering pain.

I'M the one that has to deal with the aftermath of everything.

 

Good job hunny.

[lalalollipops]

I would have taken a bloody bullet for you without any hesitation.

You stupid, stupid boy. =(

[Aleina2011]

Sunday morning again - why is it soo difficult? Friday night and Sat mornings are fine, then Sat evening I start feeling so sad. No matter what I do, even if I am out with people. I really need to do stuff today but I feel so lazy. I keep telling myself I don't care, I ask god for strength, I try not to think whether you ever feel like this. But it's all part of the process, right?

 

Springs, northpickle - you are not alone girls!

[northpickle]

Springs, northpickle - you are not alone girls!

 

Thank you This is so rubbish! Gah!

 

To the ex:

 

I'm angry again now...how DARE you hurt me like this! 10 weeks of hell! At least you have no idea of my pain...I curse myself for falling in love with you. I want to be over you. I want to live my life with no memory of you in it. Why do I still long for your touch, what was it that was so special about you? I really don't have any idea. You didn't treat me with as much love as I deserve and now I'm broken because you walked away. Why? It doesn't make any sense. What the hell is it about you that I'm addicted to?!

[Notagoodninja]

Woke up to nightmares of you again. Very disturbing.

I'm kind of upset this morning because it's not fair that you turned out psycho. All my friends went through marriage problems, including aunts uncles cousins parents relatives yadda yadda....co workers...

So many of them get back together and work it out and they are soooo happy

With you it's an impossibility because you're a socio path or BPD who the heck knows. But bottom line you're the only man I personally know of whose abusive to their spouse.

And you can't stay with someone abusive and you can't make that work out.

 

Anyway I have mixed feelings but mainly I want you to get hurt in a car wreck. Can't God break your leg or something, lol.

Also I hope you knock some chic up, seriously! I asked God- let the condom break! Selfish reason to have a kid I guess. And it would be un-fair to the poor girl who got stuck having your kid. But maybe it would make you grow up. I don't know.

 

This is gonna be my last post on here talking to you. I can't do this anymore. I am not convinced that you're not a socio path. You display 99% of the signs for a socio path.

You're a horrible, cruel man. Think about it. What if I was the one who did that to you? What if you asked me a couple of questions in bed, got a little moody then all of the sudden I flip out, scream at you, spit all over your face? What if I had you curled in a ball against the wall in the living room as I slashed up all the furniture as I broke everything in sight? As I tore up everything you owned?

What if I kicked you to the curb with tears in your eyes. What if I changed the locks and left the receipt out in my car for you to see?

And for what? Wouldn't you ask yourself...what did I do to deserve this? I mean come on, who deserves that? I've never done that to you...

 

If there is no hope for you to change, if you are going to just ruin more lives, I hope God strikes you with incurable cancer to humble you, and maybe end your miserable life here on earth.

Maybe when you are laying in the hospital bed with cancer, dying, no hair and sick, you will think of how selfish, cruel and miserable you are. I truly hope and pray God vindicates me.

[O-shen]

JUST LEAVEME ALONE. STOP PLAYING GAMES. you know how i feel about you, and you abuse it. If you dont want me, thats fine, let me go then....so i can let you go to.

[Springs]

Thanks Aleina...I'm so grateful I can come here and know that others understand what this feels like. I've slipped back into the grief stage and am continuing contact with him. I would not let him know how much i am hurting but instead we text a few friendly messages acting as though we are both fine with this awful situation. I can tell he still wants to keep me here and likes a little bit of contact. I know he misses me but it is hurting so much that I can't tell him how much I want him and love him.....tell me to stop....I just love him so so much

[dansmi12345]

Why do you keep sending me mixed signals? You cuddle up against me and you text me when you need someone to talk to, and then you cancel plans or don't respond if I talk to you. Better question: why do I let you still control me like this?

[northpickle]

I'm trying to think of your good qualities and I can't really come up with many. This is why the lingering pain still confuses me. Not that you are a bad person or ever treated me badly, far from it, but you were at times neutral. Towards the end anyway. Neutral is the best word I can think of.

[Aleina2011]

I am a bit sad...

[Lore]

Why do you keep playing these games with me?

Stringing me along like some dog on a leash.

You know I'll follow. Just tug my heartstrings.

Any one of them will do. Any one you haven't already snapped at least.

Be straight with me, stop showing me two faces.

If you want me, take me, but don't take me for granted any more.

If you're through, take down the photos from the past.

Stop taunting me, waving them in my face, and lying to the world.

You know how hard I fell for you. I told you when you took the job that would take you away.

Now either drop the leash and stop dragging me accross the cold, hard ground,

Or pick me up and help me mend my battered soul. Make me feel whole again.

[Aleina2011]

Please give me the strength to overcome these feelings of sadness, pain, longing. This too shall pass. Please fill my life with joy and help me accept the things I cannot change. Please help me get used to the silence, the lonely evenings. Please give me new happy memories.

[Springs]

Please give me the strength to overcome these feelings of sadness, pain, longing. This too shall pass. Please fill my life with joy and help me accept the things I cannot change. Please help me get used to the silence, the lonely evenings. Please give me new happy memories.

 

Well said. I want to be happy again...and if not happy, just ok will do.

[Aleina2011]

Well said. I want to be happy again...and if not happy, just ok will do.

 

I am actually not talking to my ex here, I feel I have nothing to ask/tell him anymore. These days I feel the need to ask whoever is up there, whoever gave us a heart to feel and love...I don't know...

 

I too am fine with ok...

[dansmi12345]

I need to stop texting you to make small talk. If you want to talk to me, you'll do it. Freaking out over your response (or lack thereof) to an innocuous text is doing me no good whatsoever.

[Springs]

I need to stop texting you to make small talk. If you want to talk to me, you'll do it. Freaking out over your response (or lack thereof) to an innocuous text is doing me no good whatsoever.

 

God, me too!!! It feels ok in the short term then makes me feel horrible when I realise he is not my boyfriend anymore and just as he is texting me he could be texting another girl at the same time...even though I feel exactly the same way I did when we were in a relationship and love him so much. Ew ewwww.....

[jimbobday]

* * * * you, you stupid * * * * * how could you go out as a prostitute then lie to my face. Yes I have seen the ad you have up, Yes I have seen how you offer the full girlfriend experience with kissing and BJs and everything else, Yes I do know you were doing this for 3 months before I broke up with you.

 

I can clearly say this is the first time I have actually felt hatred towards you.

 

Just as I thought I was over you and moving on with my life this bombshell hits. When is this going to stop.

 

I can never forgive you for this and the lies that you told me but I know I have to not for you but for me as I have to move on completely and build a better me

[AnnaN]

Happy Birthday my love!

The first birthday you will celebrate without me the last 4 years. We celebrated 4 together. Last year was the best, you and me taking a weekend trip in a small house on a mountain... I had my birthday a month ago, we had a beautiful day and night and we planned to celebrate yours the same way if not better. You asked me to get the day off so we could spend all day together. I still have the day off, but it won't happen... I haven't cried for a week for you but now I am crying writing this. I can't stand that we will not be together this day. I was already thinking of what presents to get you. I won't buy you anything, I won't bring the birthday cake... I don't know what wish to make for you... I just wish that you realize that you made a mistake and want to get back. It won't happen, I know... I wish you to be happy and that nothing and no one will ever hurt you and make you feel the way you made me feel.

I love you but I don't want to...

[Robin2904]

I'm doing okay. Better....not quite 100 percent over everything but just better. I think I just needed time to process things and get myself used to the idea of not having you in my life again. It only took me a few days but I got attached again and used to having you back in my day to day life....texting, good night phone calls. It was HUGE mistake to let you in like that again. But It's been a few weeks and I think I am okay again, or on the road to being okay. I had to retrain my brain 'Okay you are not part of my life again' and surprisingly I adapted. I was a little upset and sad today but not as bad as anything I've experienced in the past with you. Thank GOD! I'm still kind of hurt, but a bigger part of me is just angry....and i have used that anger to fuel me into getting over things. I found a great song that has empowered me- "Don't hold your breath" by Nicole Scherzinger. It's a great song that I can really relate to and it empowers me to move on. I feel good when I listen to it so I just put it on repeat when I'm feeling vulnerable.

 

As for you....haven't heard anything since I asked to talk about things last weekend. I knew you didn't want to talk, but I was surprised at how much you actually blew me off....I actually thought you would at least be a little more caring then that. Guess not. It only proved to me though that you didn't give a damn. That this whole 'I miss you, I want you back in my life' crap was just that- CRAP. It meant nothing, it was a mind game, a way to boost your ego....guess what I'M FINALLY ON TO YOUR GAMES! If you ever decide to come back I will be ready this time! I almost WISH you WOULD come back again so I can play you the way you played me. Just gonna wait and see....I'm positive I'll get the last laugh. Your never gonna be happy, that alone is gonna bring me satisfaction! You suck, your a pathetic LOOSER who was NEVER worth my time!

 

Oh and PS I'm talking to someone who is SO much better then you in a MILLION ways! LOOSER!