AnnaN

Day 4 On New Year's Day (how original) I broke a NC of 7 weeks, almost 50 days! I texted a happy new year and how's your holiday message, I got a thank you, have a happy new year too. It's 9 weeks after BU now, after the 7-week NC, I don't see any point of breaking it again. He would never break it so it is going to last for ever!

I just realized that it's been 2 months today! I think you did it on purpose and broke up with me on Oct 28th, since it's a memorial day here and it is a holiday, so that I will always remember that day... Anyway... The first month anniversary was awful, the second one is really fine, I am going to have a really good time and fun the following days, I know that. I know that because I decided to have fun and be happy for what I have in my life and for the things that will come. I really wish you to do the same, you seem to have messed up your life more than you did with my life. I don't know why other people wish you Good Luck on Facebook, you probably need it, so good luck to whatever you are up to.

I can't find anything to tell you, honestly. I'd like to had a merry christmas text, I wouldn't take it as a breadcrumb, you had nothing to be afraid of, I wouldn't analyze it if it means something more. It would just show that the last 4 years had a meaning for you, we never fought, I didn't try to change your decision to leave, we agreed to have some contact since we care for each other, it just happened that you wanted to be alone. Things like that happen, needs change. But why do you behave like I never existed? Or like I am an enemy and I did something bad to you? I didn't text you, although I knew that I would get a friendly answer and wishes. I wanted to see if you would do it first. No. You may not remember me at all. And for the first time, realizing it doesn't make me sad or angry, it is just who you are now, you are not the man I fell in love with, this man doesn't exist any more. I can't have hopes that I will ever get back something that doesn't exist. It is gone and I have to let it go.

I have no idea what I hope at this point, but I know what I will accomplish... a kind and friendly text/call back. On New Year's it's his nameday, which is important here, like birthday, in case something happens with us in the future, I don't want to be the mean, angry, still hurt or whatever one who didn't send a wish. But still... it's holidays, it will be better to see if he sends something first.

Around Day 40 I think I'm doing pretty good! I am not going to break NC on Christmas day, I can't guarantee about New Year's though...

I finally learnt that you exist somewhere out there. I've been told that you have lost too much weight and that you smoke like a maniac at work, even in the morning before starting. Smoking? You? I have quit all bad habits, almost... They also told me that you won't take the days off for Christmas because you have nothing special to do and nowhere to go so you don't care. We had something special to do, remember? We would leave on Friday for our Christmas holidays, we would go to the country we were about to decide the night you dumped me. Instead, it will be 8 weeks without you on Friday. I am going to travel, without you, but I decided that it will be good to do it. I think I will visit one of the places we were planning to visit together in spring if not at Christmas. Life is moving on... without you... it is strange... After 4 Christmas holidays with you, I will be alone this year. You never think about these things, do you? Do you remember my name? Do you remember me? I doubt you do...

End of Day 35 (I think) I feel much better. I am actually looking forward for the holidays and the family trip I will go to. I never believed that I would say that! I bought some books to read, I haven't read any book since BU, among the others I got a couple about positive thinking and stuff like that. I haven't started them yet but I can already feel more positive that I will read this kind of books rather than get the ex back, or how to deal with a BU.

Somewhere around Day 35 A friend of mine got a job at the store he works, she told me that she saw him, I didn't ask anything, she didn't tell me anything more. I really don't want to know anything about him, it's good to know though that he is alive after his disappearance!

I forgot another story that I just wrote in another thread. - A friend of mine had a relationship with a guy, he dumped her, and she started contacting past ex boyfriends in order to have a rebound and feel better and distracted. She reconciled with a guy that had been separated for two years, before that they had an on/off relationship for 8-10 months, she was always telling how badly he was treating her and how indifferent he was, that's why they initially broke up. 2 years later they got married...

- My parents' story. My father broke up with my mother, saying he was not in love with her any more. My mother tried to reach out a few months later, my father was distanced and months later my mother arranged to meet him accidentally to a mutual friend's party. (the party was organized for this reason only ). They had a 5-year relationship, they were seperated for 7-8 months, got back together, and one year later they got married. It will be 30 years of marriage next year! - A friend of mine. She was with her boyfriend for 2 years, she met another guy, she says she didn't cheat on her bf, but I am not sure if that's true. She left him, had a relationship with the guy and 3 months later he broke up with her. Then she realized that she wanted to be with her ex, and they got back together (he knew that she left him for someone else). They had some problems during the first months of reconciliation, but now 3 years later, they seem to be the happiest couple I know and they will be engaged in a couple of months. I don't have a story about me to share, but there are two cases that I could get back together with my ex's, at least one for sure. Although I don't know if they had worked out or been successful at the end.

Although it is hard to believe I know you are gone for ever. People who knew us, friends and family, started asking me since it's been almost two months after BU, what really happened. Nobody can believe the reason you gave me and how you left out of the sudden. But it's the truth, that you left at least, I don't know about the reason. I wish I knew, I wish you would tell me some time. I know you won't, I know that you disappeared and I will never hear from you again. The thing you gave me to bring me good luck, I don't want it any more... You were always giving it to me when I had exams or something important to do. You gave it to me that night and you told me to give it back when we'll see each other again. It won't happen and I don't want it around. I am going to send it to you by mail. I think I would include a brief note, too, but I don't know. I am also afraid that there is the possibility to be read by your parents or sister if you won't be at home at that time. I am not the girl you once met. I am a new messed up person that doesn't smile, thinks to leave her studies, takes pills in order to get through this. I am surprised and angry that I am like that, I hope it will change soon. Christmas is in one week. We were about to take that trip, to travel to one of the three possible destinations that we never chose. We were talking about it the night before BU, you told me to renew my passport as soon as possible. I did it a few days ago, I have my new passport but not you around and no place to go. Someone from the past appeared, confessed that he wants us to try again, he never stopped loving me and wants to spend the holidays together. I wish you were that person...

7 Weeks since BU 1 Month NC I can't believe it's been a month... and almost two months after BU. I've been thinking a lot these last days. I feel better but I'm thinking, something I was not doing at the beginning...

Day approx. 25, 6 weeks post BU, starting to see a difference It's good I can't tell exactly what day is. I feel more calm lately, I'd like him back but I am not that desperate, I am not that sad lately, I started to make plans that include only ME, so no one could destroy them this time. I am thinking maybe I should do the Christmas trip we were planning to do together (with family). We broke up the day we were about to choose the destination, among three countries. I definitely feel better. I don't want to be angry or miserable any more, I want to let it go in a positive way. I realise I can't control everything, I have stopped thinking about techniques and methods that could make him return.

22 Days It was the first good day today. When I was sad, I didn't want to contact him, but now that I see some light I want! I feel I need to talk to him to let it go completely and for ever.

Day 21 3 Weeks for me... I never expected that... I see it written and I just can't believe it... I realize how sad it makes me feel. It's over for good, isn't it?