THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[martyfarty]

Dude, i can totally relate. i did the whole 'txt terror, argue, try to talk it out, stalker status, etc.' she also told me that she 'hated me, we have no relationship, i'm stupid, i never changed, etc.' she also said that i'm the one to blame for the relationship, that it was my fault that she found a rebound, etc.

 

shoot, i know i * * * * ed up. i told her. but from the looks of it, i'm the bad guy

[martyfarty]

but no contact is for your own good. do it only if u want to move on. but i feel u. i might want to cave in too. so don't listen to me.

[IAmPerfection]

but no contact is for your own good. do it only if u want to move on. but i feel u. i might want to cave in too. so don't listen to me.

 

It sounds like you hurt her pretty badly. I don't know what you did to her but I think your best bet would be to give her some space. While she's hurt, she's going to take anything you say and just turn it into hate, so it ends up being you unintentionally giving her more things to be pissed about. Give her a chunk of time, actually work on yourself and try to identify everything you did to hurt her. After she's had some time to calm down, try to have a casual meeting with her. Try to be the "you" that she wants to see. Apologize calmly for the things that you did that hurt her. Tell her she is completely right to have been upset. Tell her you understand, and let her know that if she can find it in her heart to give you a shot at working things out, that you make the most of it.

 

As for me. I don't WANT to move on. I WANT to work things out and have a great relationship with the girl the way I know in my heart that we could. It seems as though she either doesn't want that, or needs some time to get over the hurt before she can try. So I HAVE to move on. I know that I won't just stop loving her or thinking about her, and I know that if we talked that the feelings would come rushing back. But I have to come to terms with not being with her for the foreseeable future.

[martyfarty]

i would love to work it out with her, but i feel that we are way too damaged. Monday she showed up at my work and i didn't notice her standing there. she walked to my computer to see my reaction. i was flooded with mixed emotions (sad with happiness). she said she was going to 'pick up coco from the groomers -- our dog) and she wanted to see how i was doing. when she left out the door i told her not to leave, but she didn't hear me. she walked out. sat in her car for a few min, then came back out. she then she said to me. ' is that all you can do? i'm here. u can't just get up and do something to make my feelings feel better?" i looked at her, got up, walked around, put her arms around me and we huged and said ' when i told you i loved you, 7 months ago--dated for almost 2 years. i tried my best to not do anything bad' she looked at me and said ' do i make you a better person?' i said ' yes'

 

but Wednesday i went over the top because i wanted to see her, we ate, had dinner. i didn't say much to her. i had a happy smile on my face. after dinner i dropped her off. she said she would call me, but instead she txed. i lashed out and called her a lier. and that's when we got into an argument.

[lovebre]

Day 38

Feeling good and enjoying the beginning of my weekend. Haven't heard from/about my ex. It's funny when he first broke up with me he'd ask how I was doing and all that, then disappeared. Hilarious.

[IAmPerfection]

It sounds like you need to just talk to her and tell her how you feel. Don't come off as desperate, but stop giving so little. I know it's a little power game, but if you don't talk to her, hug her, etc. she's going to give up and move on. I don't think you should have lashed out at her for texting instead of calling, and I think you know that know. I know it's easy to snap when your feelings get hurt but you have to think of the reprocussions of doing that. Next time she does something like that, try to stay calm and just tell her that it bothers/confuses you when she says one thing and does another.

[martyfarty]

It sounds like you need to just talk to her and tell her how you feel. Don't come off as desperate, but stop giving so little. I know it's a little power game, but if you don't talk to her, hug her, etc. she's going to give up and move on. I don't think you should have lashed out at her for texting instead of calling, and I think you know that know. I know it's easy to snap when your feelings get hurt but you have to think of the reprocussions of doing that. Next time she does something like that, try to stay calm and just tell her that it bothers/confuses you when she says one thing and does another.

 

thats how my ex is feeling. we can tuff it out together, man! FILL me in and i'll fill you in!

[Love1336]

A month and whatever days. lol.

 

I think about you... every... single... day. 3

[King Crimson]

It's been... since January I last sent a message to her. We had decent points since that fateful July day where she'd reply friendly to my texts.. Eventually though, I dun goofed bad.. sending clingy, needy texts at several points and ruining what little I had repaired. In December when she finally stopped responding. I just * * * * ed up too many times, to put it simply. I did everything wrong (even not meeting her the one time she did agree) and I guess this is the lesson learned from it.

 

At times I know I really want to keep trying; but I know it won't do anything good. By not responding, it's a clear sign she wanted nothing to do with me - I don't think she'll ever initiate either. I suppose the last thing I could do for her, considering I really do respect her is to follow through with her wishes and never try reconnect again. Plus - if anything WERE to be repaired, it shouldn't be on you alone to do it. That's enough of a sign if you feel like that's a burden that things aren't going right.

 

Don't break NC. Keep that dignity you have left and vanish. At least leave the person with some respectful memories of yerself.

[martyfarty]

Day 3.

 

I didn't sleep much. Last night i wanted to call her. it was a bunch of hot and cold emotions which leaded me to little sleep. today i work up at 8am and realized that i found my source of suffering. i pin pointed the issue on why i feel the way i do.

 

I realized that my Ex has a lot of men in her life. Logically i can understand because she grew up with 6 brothers, but Emotional, all the men that are in her life are either ex's , guys who use to like her, or people she had a intimate relationship w/ at one point in time. That was the reason why i started to txt other girls when she was out w/ her guy friends. and me txting other girls is what broke us apart the fist time ( got busted 4 times. but i had no intentions to meet the girls up or have sex with them. just need it to fill in the voild when i was hurt--which is bad. and i don't do it anymore). I haven't told her this because i realized it today. i'm not braking NC just to tell someone this ( i'm telling myself a lie. i so want to call to yell at her! ).

its so hard. i'm feeling HOT at the moment.

 

i'm also feeling angry. to be honest with you i wanted to drive by her house to see if she was there, but then i thought to myself, why would i want to make myself suffer like that? so i didn't.

 

the more i think about my emotions the more angrier i get. i want to lash out at someone, or even her. but i know its wrong so i'll soak in this emotion and make myself get over it (which is hella hard!).

[IAmPerfection]

Today is day 2. I went to bed early last night and woke up early this morning. I had multiple dreams of her, some good and some bad. I made the mistake of looking at her tumblr, and she had taken the sentence about having a wonderful boyfriend out of it. It hurt to see that, but I knew she would. She left the part about her currently struggling with her bipolar disorder in though, so it gave me a little hope that all this is coming from her bipolar. I hurt inside, but I am not going to contact her. This weekend is my little brother and sister's birthday weekend. They are 4 years old and twins. They share the same birthday with my ex. She is spending the weekend with 2 girlfriends from out of state. I am sure that they will assure her she made the right move in leaving me. I plan on going out and getting a haircut today, spending time with my family, and trying not to think about her. I plan on continuing therapy on Monday, continuing to take my medicine, and holding no contact for the next month or so. I'm still friends with 2 of her best friends on facebook and feel that if I can work on myself for the next couple weeks and get better on the things that hurt her in the first place, that I could maybe take her out to lunch and show her my improvement.

[HopefulNessie]

Day 10

 

 

Beautiful day today! Have fun plans with my mom that I've been looking forward to all week

I have several final essays to write over the next few days and then a few tests coming up and I will finally be done with this semester. I am so excited I'm getting my new gym membership next week (when I'm done with most of te finals essays) and I can't wait!!! and my first fitness class is on the 27th! A week from now woot woot.

 

I set a challenge for myself two days ago. I not post a single thing on FB until May. I wrote "get off FB and deal" on a sticky note a long time ago and I'm finally following that advice!

 

....this has been a strange few days for me. I feel like I'm turning into a new person. A better person and I'm excited about it. I feel like I just barely scratched the surface though. Like this is the beginning of something that will take several months. It's funny how comfortable we get in our situations and with our habits, not because that's who we really want to be but because it's what we're used to a what we know. Then life slaps you in the face and makes you take a look in the mirror.

 

I wonder if anyone else feels this way... But I really want to share these changes with my ex. I feel like our breakup is what triggered them and made me get out of my box and start the journey of me becoming a better me and what I really wanna be. I feel like even though the breakup left me devastated something good came from it and I wanna show him that good. I'm not quite sure how to explain it. But I don't feel attracted to any other guys yet and Everytime I think of going out with someone (no shortage of male attention) I can't. I just compare them to him and they don't live up. Plus I feel like I have more to offer now, and after a few more months of me going down this road I will finally be who I've wanted to be for years now but never had the courage and motivation to become. I don't want to "waste" that on a new guy. I think my ex deserves it. Can anyone relate to this? It's difficult to explain

[martyfarty]

I almost called her today! I keep thinking about how she showed up at my work monday! I can't get the image out of my head. i want to call her to hear her voice. but i'm trying my best to not do it because i'll feel like * * * * afterwords, and the fact that we might get into an argument.

[secondchance67]

wow...I had stopped counting along time ago.....104 days and counting...not contact from either side.

 

I actually find myself somewhat jealous of the OP that have an ex contact them with breadcrumbs, erroneous mixed messages, etc.....you at least have proof that your ex hasn't forgotten you or erased you from their lives....it may be problematic and frustrating....but you know on some level you are thought of and cared about.

 

I know its WAY better to be in my shoes when it comes to contact - all the back and forth is emotionally draining an mentally exhausting.......but I still wish I'd be contacted, in anyway she wanted...just once.

[HopefulNessie]

Day 10 part two

 

Just got done with spending the day with my mom. The new shopping center that opened is awesome.

I'm profoundly sad inside though. Everytime something happy happens or I enjoy something I feel sad because I'm not sharing it with him.

 

It feels like its been a century. I wonder how he feels and if he ever misses me.

[chrisbuilder]

wow...I had stopped counting along time ago.....104 days and counting...not contact from either side.

 

I actually find myself somewhat jealous of the OP that have an ex contact them with breadcrumbs, erroneous mixed messages, etc.....you at least have proof that your ex hasn't forgotten you or erased you from their lives....it may be problematic and frustrating....but you know on some level you are thought of and cared about.

 

I know its WAY better to be in my shoes when it comes to contact - all the back and forth is emotionally draining an mentally exhausting.......but I still wish I'd be contacted, in anyway she wanted...just once.

 

Boy can I sympathize with that! My best friend is going through a divorce, and her ex husband is contacting her ten times a day... well, it's annoying, confusing, but my ex girlfriend hasn't contacted me one single time since we broke up. Makes me feel that our time together didn't mean jack ****

 

But in the end, it's all the same isn't it? suck

[chrisbuilder]

Can totally relate to what you're saying! I'm also changing as a result of the break up, working out every day, changing my game plan, what I appear like to other people, trying to become the person my ex wanted me to be....and wishing I could show her the results when I feel I have really evolved into this new me. And not seeing or finding anyone who could even come remotely close to what she represented..

[HopefulNessie]

Can totally relate to what you're saying! I'm also changing as a result of the break up, working out every day, changing my game plan, what I appear like to other people, trying to become the person my ex wanted me to be....and wishing I could show her the results when I feel I have really evolved into this new me. And not seeing or finding anyone who could even come remotely close to what she represented..

 

 

I don't mean for this to sound preachy, but don't be who she wanted you to be. Be who you want to be! And who knows, maybe those two things are the same.

Good luck with the changes! I know its exciting, albeit sad (due to the circumstances), to be turning into a better you.

[Love1336]

I want you in my life.

I want a happy functioning relationship with you.

One where I don't have to BEG, don't have to WONDER.

I want you to be happy.

I want to be happy WITH YOU.

Why can't we meet some middle ground? Why can't we build trust, from the reminding parts of our love? Are we that lost?

I don't know how you feel, and chances are you'll reject me if I'll make contact. So, I won't. I have to protect my heart, even if she wants to hear your voice so much, and tell you how much she misses and loves you still.

 

Day 34 of NC.

[elephants]

Day 7 of NC

 

Hey, Ex.

 

I hate you because you're a wimp. How dare you break up with me with so little warning! If you really loved me, and you had some backbone, you would have tried to keep it together longer! You would have fought for us, because you should have realized that we are worth it! Well apparently, you're too immature and self-centered to take responsibility. You keep saying it's you and not me, well then grow a pair and try to fix yourself! What, so are you satisfied with the kind of person you are? You say you're sorry that you hurt me? Well, if you really were, then you shouldn't have dumped me so unceremoniously. You should have tried harder. You should have been more willing to work things out with me! And now you act all depressed and guilty. Well F YOU! You will never find anyone like me again. You will never find someone who will love you as much as I do, who will be willing to stand by you in spite of everything that you are. Good luck trying to replace me. May all your future relationships, if any, be as hollow and empty as you. No, in fact, I don't want you to have another relationship because you don't deserve to have someone care about you! I hate you, and why don't you go die?

 

But if you call me now, and tell me you're sorry, and that we will fix this... I'll welcome you back. Because I love you. I'm an idiot, but I love you. We were wonderful together, weren't we? You know that. Why did you have to ruin things?

 

Well, maybe you have to learn your lesson! Fine, go live life without me and see how you like it. Keep believing that you don't love me anymore. Don't listen to me. Don't listen when I make so much sense when I tell you that you only think you don't love me, but it's impossible because you yourself said the change was sudden. Keep believing that love is a switch, and you managed to flick it off. Fine, believe that, and be merry. Then one day, when the truth catches up to you.... we'll see who regrets this. By then, I will be a happy individual, and our roles will be reversed.

 

I will not contact you, because I don't deserve to chase after a heartless * * * * * * * . You take your sweet time realizing the truth, and then YOU chase ME. Best of luck.

[LOSTINTHEDARK]

Im in my 10 days.

[martyfarty]

Day 1

 

Yep, back to day one.

 

I called the Ex to say sorry for the fight Wednesday night that i had with her. Today i couldn't sleep so I drove around. SHortly i found out that she was spending the night at her 'rebounds' house. Im trying to not get upset. So instead i bought her flowers and a "thinking of you" card and left it at her door step.

 

I'm heart broken, but I feel like I did the right thing.

[danzman]

Day 14 - getting quite used to not speaking to my ex and it seems to be getting easier everyday

[transmit]

Day 11

Weekends are always hard. I had a lovely day by myself until my thoughts about him started snowballing. I started thinking about/hoping I'd run into him, which I need to stop doing. I went home and tried to take it easy, told myself that I'm still clinging to hope and it's hurting me every day. I still earnestly love him, even though I don't need him in my life. I was on 2 dates with 2 different guys this week, both of which were a lot of fun. I'm getting lots of compliments and I know I look good and feel confident these days. I just miss him, and need to let him go.

[flatplane]

Back to day one for me. I knew it would happen at work. Seems like the stars had aligned and we just kept on bumping into each other. Not working together for about another 6 weeks now as I've got trips and stuff planned, so it's all good. Got a few thoughts whizzing around in my head so I'll make a separate thread. I know what needs to be done, just need confirmation of my own thoughts.