THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[IAmPerfection]

Day 3

 

I feel stronger today. I have therapy tomorrow and my medication is really calming me down. My paranoia and anxiety have died down a good bit, they were the main reasons we broke up. I still hope everyday that she'll text or contact me, but I don't know how I'd respond. I turned down a date last night, I'm not ready for that. This is the first week of NC for me, I know it will be hard. I technically initiated it but I didn't tell her not to contact. I guess it'll be a matter of whether she "wants" to talk to me without the obligation of easing her own guilt for hurting me. I doubt it though, she lost all of her feelings and cares for me rather quickly after the breakup. I wouldn't be surprised if she's already found someone else. I guess we'll see though. I'm going to keep working on myself, and maybe when I feel like I can maintain a healthy relationship, I'll get in touch with her. I don't want to "try again", I want to start fresh and have it be something new. Who knows if I'll ever get that shot? In the meantime, I'm taking it day by day.

[frkalex]

Day 30+

 

My ex contacted me today. He really wants to meet for coffee, and we've scheduled a casual coffee next Tuesday. I feel strong enough to do this, although my heart did skip a beat when I realized who was texting. I really didn't think he would contact me again.

[lonelyheart2]

Let us know how it goes frkalex!!!!

 

Haven't posted in a while...thought i'd update although I'm not in complete nc with my ex..(not me initiating) I have taken it upon myself to de-activate my facebook...so..I guess it's an nc from the world to focus on myself now ..so far 3 days later I feel really good! Thinking I may not go back on again! It really puts things in perspective, I often found myself writing messages to people knowing that my ex could see them and thinking he would care and this has made me really take a step back and stop being so ridiculous! I'm feeling good, one more essay to go and two more exams EXCITED!

[Love1336]

Day 30+

 

My ex contacted me today. He really wants to meet for coffee, and we've scheduled a casual coffee next Tuesday. I feel strong enough to do this, although my heart did skip a beat when I realized who was texting. I really didn't think he would contact me again.

 

 

Do you want to reconciliation?

If so, GOOD LUCK!!

[flatplane]

Good to here from you again Lonely Heart.

 

FB is the work of the devil IMO, the amount of time people spunk away in front of it. I'm still on mine, but use it (and the internet) far less than I used to. My god I feel so much healthier because of it. Still a useful tool to show how much better a life I'm leading now though.

[Lightning87]

Day 2 (after starting over again after 9 days NC then 2...) - really, REALLY missing him today.

 

I know he was at a wedding yesterday and I'm finding myself looking through people's pictures to see if there are any of him and whether there are any signs of him 'chatting up' girls in them...ridiculous...why should I even care? He doesn't want me any more...

 

It's his birthday in one minute...I want to contact him, I know I shouldn't and I won't, but I want to...

[lovebre]

Day 39/40

Enjoyed my weekend. Still haven't heard from/about my ex, which is good. I feel good, and I have 3 weeks til the semester's over and I move back home. I wonder how he'd feel when he finds out I'm not coming back.

[elephants]

Day 8 of NC

 

Hi Ex,

 

I finally deleted you from Facebook last night. I had cold feet and almost not did it. I had to look at your pictures for the last time. Oh my god, I do miss you so much. Please wake up soon, come to your senses and realize that you still want to try and work things out with me. No matter what you say, your decision was rash! It was 2 days after you told me about the problem, just 2 weeks after you admitted to yourself that you were having a problem, and barely a month since you started feeling the problem. And then what happened after that? You asked for NC for 19 days, and then instead of trying to actively fix it, you drowned yourself in alcohol and depression!

 

Remember that time when we were going to Zambales, and I told you I wouldn't be able to make it to the morning meeting time because of work? You still wanted to go ahead and ride with your friends and let me take a 4-hour commute to an alien place on my own at night, and I got hurt that you would choose your comfort over me. We argued a lot that night. But then when I got up from bed the next morning, you grabbed my hand and told me you changed your mind. I asked why, and you just murmured, "Priorities." And then remember how that same 4-hour commute together turned out to be the highlight of our vacation?

 

It's like our relationship. It must seem pointless and so difficult to fix it now, but if you try to take the ride with me, it might turn out to be the best experience of our lives. Mull it over while I try to fix myself, too. One day, I hope you'll go back to me, hold my hand again, and tell me you've reconsidered your priorities.

 

I love you, Ex.

[ks1986]

Day 47

 

Today my phone was glitching out and deleted all my texts and then sent a message meant for someone else to my ex. Ugh...why!? I didn't want it to come off as a lame attempt to initiate contact by pretending to accidentally text him so I sent a screenshot proving it wasn't on purpose. He never responded and that's fine by me. Other than that it was a good day!

[chrisbuilder]

NC 25

 

Tired after another sleepless night.

 

I'll be in Germany in three days, staying at a hotel in a city near my ex's hometown. Had bought the tickets ages ago, because it's her birthday. How I would love to wish her, or even just send her a text or FB message, but she blocked me on skype last week. She knows I had bought the tickets to come and see her, and it seems to me she is telling me by blocking me on skype that she doesn't want me to contact her on her birthday. So be it.

 

I'm going to sneak to her town in the middle of the night, because I need closure. I've spent so many happy moments there, and I haven't been able to say 'good-bye' because last time I was there we were still a couple. I'm planning to be there around 3:30 in the morning, walk around, see all the familiar places one last time, and leave around 7 so I'm sure there will be no chance of bumping into her. Wouldn't want to come off as a stalker now, would I.

 

It's going to be very, very hard. But I need to do it.

 

Do you guys think I should ask her why she blocked me? I tried to call her yesterday, but she (fortunately?) didn't pick up. I had called anonymously, so technically I didn't break NC.

 

What I wanted to say, was something along the following lines:

 

"hey, I've got a small problem you might be able to help me with. Your birthday is coming up, and I don't want to come off as being impolite if I don't wish you. But I noticed you blocked me on skype, and I'm sensing you don't want to have any contact with me anymore. Is that what you prefer?"

 

Is there any harm in doing this?

[flatplane]

Do you guys think I should ask her why she blocked me? I tried to call her yesterday, but she (fortunately?) didn't pick up. I had called anonymously, so technically I didn't break NC.

 

What I wanted to say, was something along the following lines:

 

"hey, I've got a small problem you might be able to help me with. Your birthday is coming up, and I don't want to come off as being impolite if I don't wish you. But I noticed you blocked me on skype, and I'm sensing you don't want to have any contact with me anymore. Is that what you prefer?"

 

Is there any harm in doing this?

 

I wouldn't. She's blocked you. That tells you all you need to know. Let sleeping dogs lie.

[chrisbuilder]

I wouldn't. She's blocked you. That tells you all you need to know. Let sleeping dogs lie.

 

Well, I´ve done it. You know, it seemed the adult thing to do. There's already no point in maintaining NC for the sake of thinking it might entice her to come back to me, because I felt already that that ship had sailed. I prefer to talk things out.

 

So I called her, using the lines I had practised, and she started to stutter and search for words, so I told her to calm down. Basically what she said is that I had been blocking her off and on before on skype. Which is true, as I didn't know at the time that this is visible to the person you block. I had sent her a short note saying that I didn't mean for her to notice, and that I had done it because it was distracting me to see her bob on and offline. But that had I known she could see it, I wouldn't have done it. Anyway, she felt that as it was apparently hard for me to keep seeing her, it would be better to block me and save me from seeing her. And that I still had her number and facebook if I needed to get in touch. Well, I told her that either way is fine by me, and that this all happened already more than a month ago and it wasn't a big deal anymore, but that she could keep me blocked or unblock me as she wanted. I also told her that all this crap over internet always comes accross the wrong way. It does! I also asked her if I had done anything to upset her, causing her to block me, but that wasn't the case.

 

She then suggested we could perhaps meet when I'm in Frankfurt next week. I said, sure, let's see and kept it at that.

 

All in all, happy we cleared that up. I hate playing games.

 

But, NC0! Will keep you guys posted here once in a while, but I'm not going to take this NC thing so serious anymore...it's over, I have to deal with it. NC was a tool for the last two months, it got me somewhere, but it isn't helping me anymore. Only time, lots of time, will make things easier.

 

Anyways, good luck to everyone!

[flatplane]

Fair, glad it worked out for you. My advice was given on the information you posted. I didn't know you'd been blocking her too. Hope the meet goes as you want it to. Stay strong.

[lonelyheart2]

So....managed to wake up today, always a struggle haha (nothing to do with my ex just me being lazy....) anyway am now writing my last ever essay today!! So exciting...you can tell though..I've only written 300 words and it's not that great...hmmm it's due tomorrow so I'm really hoping I can get it done by tonight because I can't do another all nighter...I feel like death! On the upside...my fourth day without facebook is great it just gets better every day haha I think my ex is less likely to contact me by text than through facebook don't know why I just do....is it weird that I think a text takes more effort than to write something on facebook?!

 

Anyway..I'd better stop procrastinating on here...hope you guys are all doing welll

[chrisbuilder]

Fair, glad it worked out for you. My advice was given on the information you posted. I didn't know you'd been blocking her too. Hope the meet goes as you want it to. Stay strong.

 

Thanks. Well, I still want her back, but I cannot fight reality. It is what it is. I do hope I'll be doing better soon, because I'm considering seeing a shrink if I don't. It's incredibly hard, but I know the break up is my own fault. In fact, if our positions had been reversed, I might also have left. I was way too needy, clingy and wanted to go way to fast. That's usually the hardest position to recover from, and my ex has a very strong character, so I don't think she will change her mind. I let her dictate what happened and let her dominate the relationship. I was just way too happy to be there, hell I was in love and couldn't control my actions towards her. Which made her perceive me as weak. It sucks, but it is like it is.

 

Well, the meet will happen if she initiates it. I won't be calling her. She knows I'm there, so if she wants to meet, she can give me a call. I gave away all the power when we were still together. I've regained my power now by calling her and solving a problem, and I want to stay in that position. If I call her to meet, then I'll be putting myself again in a position where she can dictate what happens. Even if we're not a couple anymore, and very probably never will be a couple again, I need to keep control of the situation. If she notices a change in my character, that in itself will be a big reward!

[flatplane]

No relationship break down is 100% one party's fault. Unless it's an abusive relationship it's usually 50-50, or 60-40.

[tomato]

is it weird that I think a text takes more effort than to write something on facebook?!

 

Anyway..I'd better stop procrastinating on here...hope you guys are all doing welll

nope texts are more investment - tiny cost(vs no cost) - more personal - a little more effort - overall yes fb is lowest of low

[chrisbuilder]

No relationship break down is 100% one party's fault. Unless it's an abusive relationship it's usually 50-50, or 60-40.

 

True, but I can only work on my part in the break up. Part of which is not recognizing signs that things were going the wrong way. Had I read signals better, I might have been able to counter them. It's about maintaining a delicate ballance. Sure, she didn't have the interest to do her part in maintaining the ballance, so it might be for the best. Still, I didn't handle the situation very well. It was a complicated situation, long distance and all...knowing what I know now we might have been able to make it work. But it was a difficult test...and we failed.

[flatplane]

All you can do is learn from the past.

[flatplane]

Replied to a text from her today asking about some stuff we bought together. Start NC over again.

[danzman]

Day 15 - halfway there...

[martyfarty]

Day 2

 

I woke up feeling Hot and Cold. I'm starting to understand my emotions and i'm starting to see relationships clearly. I had a problem before of not knowing how to control or express my emotions. it made it difficult for the other to know how i was feeling. Last night I saw the movie "Think Like A Man" and i broke down in tears, my home-girl thought i was having a brake down. she knows me more then 'her!'

 

anyways.

 

I miss you. I woke up thinking of you. But i have to let you go. and see if you come back

[Love1336]

Day 40. Wow. It's been a month, and a week. I have to stop counting so much.

Todayy I have done NOTHING. Lol. But cool thing is, I am okay with that.

I am accepting being alone.

[martyfarty]

hey, love1336

 

i know using no contact is for us to find ourselves, but is it okay to use NC for a 'break' reason? that way we can have time to heal and to miss each-other?

[IAmPerfection]

Day 4

 

Today started off early and very hard. I had a dream that you were talking to the guy you hurt me with in the first place. I woke up in a cold sweat, with the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach. I miss you a lot, but I have to be strong. It feels like you just lost everything for me and I don't understand. If I hurt you that badly, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, and I'm getting help. I really hope you're just taking some time to yourself to heal, because I want our love back. The laughs, the hugs, the kisses, the intimacy. All of it. I can't think of any of those things with anyone else. I will not text you until day 30, I hope I don't have to wait that long.