THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[GotMyLifeBack]

Day 26.

 

No contact is painful. Contact is worse.

[Ariel85]

Day 19.

 

After a few days of feeling I was over you, I woke up this morning and miss you all over again.

 

I just wish you would get your head out of your butt already. Every day is day you could contact me. And every day I wonder if today is the one.

[Rally]

Day 11?

haha , feels like * * * * today. Starting to hate her more and more everyday.

[perio]

Day 37 (I think)

 

I work only 3 days a week. I have had to fill this extra time or I would not be feeling as good as I am. I believe I am really letting go now. I want what is best for her. She made the decision and I am respecting it. Beginning not to hope she contacts me. I can really feel the release now. Maybe its not complete, but I can feel it. Questions as to why the breakup persist but are lessening. I still hold her in positive regard.

[Rally]

Haha I'm actualyl feeling better as this day goes on. I realised that I just want to move on.. date others and embrace the feeling of falling in love again which is amazing. I think everyone here should adopt this mentality!

I believe once your over your ex, you can try to start over and it will feel fresh. And maybe that time around, you will fix things. Just felt like sharing this to everyone thats feeling down!

[rk110]

Day 60

 

I have been lurking here for over half that time. I was going to wait until I got to the end to even post anything, because I wanted to read everything first. I have decided to post now because for one thing, day 60 is pretty significant. For another, I do hope to help someone.

 

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up a little over six months ago. We had been together for nearly four years. We were quite happy (really). In the final six months of our relationship, we had some outside stressors (his mom getting sick, my grandma dying) which did not help our relationship at all. We live two hours from each other, and that also was getting hectic with the illness and death. I was having some of my own struggles; but not wanting to pile anything on him, I kept those to myself. Big mistake. Because all of my pent-up emotions came out in one drunken e-mail. We haven't talked since. We exchanged some minimal text messages; in fact, I had reiterated to him that I do still love him and he did not reach back to me. I do believe we are meant for each other and meant to be together. Possible I'm holding onto false hope? I suppose so. But I know what we had. I've had my share of relationships, and have never envisioned spending my life with anyone until him. I am 40.

 

For the first two months of us not talking, there was some light texting, like I said. Every time except one was initiated by me. The final one was initiated by him and it was him simply asking if I was working. I replied I was not, and he did not elaborate so a couple hours later I asked why he asked. He said "just wondering.." and that was that. Until he fell into what is clearly a rebound relationship about ten days later. Once I learned about the rebound, I first sent him a desperate e-mail and texts. That was followed, almost immediately, by a much more sane e-mail saying I just want to get my things from his house and telling him he will not hear from me again. I told him to be happy. And I have been in NC ever since. They are still seeing each other.

 

For the first six weeks of NC, I was truly depressed. Eating? Haha. I have lost 35 pounds since September 12. Now for the past week and a half, I have been doing pretty good. I have been doing something daily with my friends. Since the first day that I put my status on facebook as "single" I have been approached by several men who have different levels of interest in me. I am certainly not anywhere close to dating anyone at this point, as I am clearly not over my ex. But I have been able to enjoy the company of some great guy friends, one of whom I went on a lunch date with and had the time of my life (turned into snack, supper, and bar-closing). I considered him "safe" as opposed to the others, but even he was showing some signs of possibly wanting more. I actually got back to the point where I had enough going on that I had to put things in my calendar. So I am doing better, and moving on in my own way. I have not been able to totally let go of the hope that my ex will want to reconcile. I know he will at some point.

 

Which brings me to my next point. I think a lot of what stalled me was the fear not so much of him never coming back, but that I would have moved on when he does. This is something I did not embrace at any point. I wanted to still be there when he is ready. Now? Not so much, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still hopeful. But as time goes on, I find myself more resentful of things; i.e. that he would give up on us so easily, that he doesn't even care how I am, that his house (which was like home to me) has now been tainted with someone else. The list goes on. I'm truly starting to believe that I may not be able to ever move past those things if we were to reconcile; and therefore, it's best if I just get on with life. It would be so much easier if he just said, "We're done. Come get your things." But he hasn't, and it makes me believe (maybe somewhat falsely) that he is still holding on, too.

 

There are other things that make me believe this too. We share a cell phone plan, which is primarily in his name. I don't know if he took my name off the account (as in, I can't make changes) as I haven't checked. But he could have shut my phone off at any point and has not. We had been altering the bill-paying without any communication at all about it. I pay one month, he pays next. This past month, he had gone over on texting (something we never went over on), and it was my turn to pay the bill. I was trying to figure out the best way to handle it. I could pay the base amount of the bill, let him pay the rest. I could ignore the bill entirely and let him do what he wants. I thought maybe if he shut my phone off, it would make things easier for me too. He went and paid the bill in its entirety. I can see how much he talks to his new girl on his cell phone (which is all we ever used) and it's not much. But due to other things, I know that he has told her not to call on his cell phone. I don't really understand that at all. I think it's clearly because of me. He hates using the house phone.

 

All of my camping things are taking up room in his shop. He's not the type of person to ruin my things, or get rid of them. But I also know he bought another piece of lawn equipment, and last fall we had to really get creative in reshuffling everything to fit in there the way it was. I think it would be easier for him if he just had me get my things. I even told him he could set the things outside and I could get them when he's not there. I think it's his way of keeping me holding on, and maybe holding on a little himself.

 

I see a lot of people say on here that you should not keep up with what your ex is doing. Block them from your life, or they will know you are hanging on. I have not done this at all; and honestly, I think it has helped me to avoid contact with him. If I didn't know what he was doing, I probably would have contacted him. As it is, I can watch from afar; and when his rebound blows up (which I am 100% sure it will), then I will know that, too. I will not talk to him until that is over. And even then, only when he contacts me. He has no way of knowing to what extent I know what is going on in his life. So I see my watching from afar as somewhat helpful. Yes, more painful initially. But I am the kind of person who would much rather know what I am dealing with than to guess.

 

I see a lot of people posting that they are having very strong feelings, all of a sudden "losing it" after doing well. I think when that happens, look at the time frame you are in. The first week is just plain hard. There really is no way around that. You get past that week, and the second week can either go a little better or be just as hard. But eventually (second or third week, I think) you will be doing a little better, and then the milestone comes up. "21 DAYS. Oh NO! He's never coming back. It's been 3 weeks already! Why hasn't he called?" It's panic. Just continue on. At thirty days, it may not be easier as far as missing your ex, but it's easier in how you deal with it. Even though I was depressed, I wasn't crying all the time. I didn't have to leave the room at work every time someone asked me if I had heard from the ex. Last night, of course I was approaching day 60, and it was NOT easy. It was hard. Here I am at the two-month mark, a time when you might start having hope that they will call. And I see that there's no chance of that right now, because he is still with her. I wonder if I should give myself a timeline? If I should allow myself to grieve for another minute, or just let go.

 

It's so hard to let go when the relationship really was extraordinary. We truly complemented one another. To this day, he has still never said one bad word to me. He has never called me a name, never said anything to anyone about me that was less than "she is the love of my life." It makes it so hard to comprehend. I almost sent an email to let him know that I was thinking about him on an important day in his life, but chose not to. After all, he isn't thinking about me, right? He hasn't bothered to check that I am ok. But yet I wonder if I don't reach out at some point (after she's gone, of course) if he will really just let me go. I'm guessing he will not. And that's what keeps me keeping on. Knowing what we had, and knowing that no matter what I have touched his life without leaving a scar.

 

Thanks for reading, if you made it to the end. And hang in there, all my fellow NCers.

[Camcam]

Day 9 (broke up 2 1/2 months ago)

 

I'm new to this forum, this is actually my first post. Contact was initiated 3 times by me since the breakup, text messages only, just random stuff. She replied all of them, probably out of politeness.

 

Nothing hurtful was said at any point, it was an amazing relationship during the first 2 years, we just grew apart after she went abroad to study last year. She's much younger than me (23, I'm 29), and I completely understand why she ended it. She just can't see a future with me.

 

I still feel terrible, but I've made some progress in the past few weeks. I'm getting more sleep and eating normally again. I know I wouldn't get back with her now or anytime soon if she suggested it, which is a massive improvement, it means I've come to accept the fact that the circumstances just aren't right at the moment.

 

It's hard but it will make me stronger.

 

Good luck to everyone!

[iwantmeback]

Day 12.

Some days are better than others. I still think of you 24/7 and I cannot wait for that to stop. Still boggles my mind how we ended up like this. I hope you think of me as much as I do you. I'm sure you know why I did not respond to your emails. I want you to crave me. I want you too woo me. I know you care about me, but apparentely not enough for you to want a relationship with me while you go through this phase of your life. It's painful, but it is your choice. As the song goes "you made your choice, now its up to me, to bow out gracefully"

 

I hope we can be great chums again one day as we were before I told you I cared about you, but that day is not yet.

 

I miss talking and flirting with you. And I miss you in my life. But I need to do this for me. I could feel myself getting needy and desparate and that would have ultimately made things even worse. I also started to sense you were beginning to disrespect me. This made me sad and angry and gave me the impetus to tell you to leave me be. That you would forgot our friendship and allow my telling I cared to overcome that and thus begin your funny treatment of me is...disappointing.

 

I hope you are well, but I also hope this time apart is making you realize how much I mean to you. I did what I felt was best for me under the circumstances, but I hope it makes you think too.

 

take care

[C_Unknown2005]

Day 1

She got upset that i defriend her, I did it for myself so i didn't have to see her life from day to day. I called her but she didnt pick up, So i just said " I tried to contact you and the whole deal with facebook was because I was utterly pissed off at you from the fight we had on Thursday. I did it in the heat of all things. If you want to talk about it then it's on you."

 

I feel stupid for even responding....

[Starrgrl]

I'm going to set my goal for NC 100 days. I have less than a week to go till I hit that target. I must not break it. I must not.

[Rally]

I'm going to set my goal for NC 100 days. I have less than a week to go till I hit that target. I must not break it. I must not.

 

Good for you, good luck with it all!

 

Its day 12 i think for me. And so far its good.

[GotMyLifeBack]

Day 27.

 

The weekends are so long and lonely. Practically no desire to contact her, it wouldn't be welcomed. But I just haven't been able to shake free from the shattered dream of us being together.

[C_Unknown2005]

Day 1

She said shes not in love with me anymore.... Thats all i needed to know.

[BlackBirdy]

Day 1

She said shes not in love with me anymore.... Thats all i needed to know.

 

*HUG* Now you can move on.

[BlackBirdy]

Day 7 of NC.

 

Ho hum.

 

Well... I still miss him.

[ReneinDC]

I contacted him last night as I couldn't take day 6 of silent torture on his part. Asked why he's being so cruel.. now I feel like a jack ass Back to day 1

[Ariel85]

Day 20.

 

I still wake up every day thinking TODAY could be the day you break through and contact me. I play in my head various reconciliation scenarios. Me waiting days to respond to your text, me asking you why you're contacting me, me acting nonchalant and unaffected, us meeting and me being aloof, me being honest about my feelings, me calling you out on what you did wrong...

 

And then I think, maybe none of this will ever come to pass.

 

6 weeks since we saw each other, and 3 weeks of NC. I suppose it's possible you've really moved on already.

 

I'm entertaining more guys online as potential dates, but I just can't get into any of them. They're not you. They don't get me like you do, they don't turn me on like you do, they don't make me laugh like you do... Is is possible you feel the same way?

[ApplCW]

Day 4 = FAILURE

 

I woke up to find a missed call from the ex. And my stupid self jumped at the chance to call her. We had a long conversation, though it was mostly me talking and her listening, repeat of the same old * * * * ...nothing has changed really (and why would it, everything is still so fresh)....I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back. LOL and to top it all off she accidentally dialed me....oh great, tsk tsk the stupid things we do for love

[Kevo]

Day 3... we're not NC, I'm more NIC but haven't committed to give myself the title. Today has been the worst day by far since the break up. I don't know why but I feel awful. I'm alone, tried to find people to go out with but everyone is busy. Trick or treaters are ringing the doorbell and I'm just sitting in the dark feeling awful. I'm avoiding hitting the reply button on here just because this feels like I'm talking to someone.

 

She called me on Wednesday and we talked for two hours. She said a lot of great things that give me hope, but I keep trying to tell myself that it means nothing. Telling myself that she's lying and it doesn't mean anything makes me feel even worse. Tomorrow needs to get here fast.

[thekid55]

Day 10. Unlike the last two posters, my ex hasn't reached out in weeks. It sucks a lot and today has been very, very tough for me.

[ApplCW]

Day 10. Unlike the last two posters, my ex hasn't reached out in weeks. It sucks a lot and today has been very, very tough for me.

 

With my previous ex, she didn't contact me until the 3rd week of NC. And looking back I wish I hadn't contacted her back then. She was saying all the things I wanted her to say, but mostly because she was lonely, one week after we had talked of getting back together, she disappeared and left me hanging. Don't talk to them until you're ready. You do it any sooner and you will get hurt.

 

With my current ex, I was doing ok until I saw she had called me. I shouldn't have called her. It is like picking at a scab, without letting it heal properly. And that's what we need. To heal.

[LanceVanceDance]

This is so, so, so, so so hard

[BlackBirdy]

Day 8.

 

Been feeling crappy for the last 2 days. Got a little teary-eyed today, but I think it's also due to a lot of stress in other areas of my life (friends, work/school, etc).

[ApplCW]

Day 1

 

I wish my brain would stop thinking for just one second. I had a convo with the ex yesterday morning and I just can't get her words out of my head. The main obstacle in our relationship was the distance. Prior to the break-up she had begun to express how she hated the distance because she and I didn't feel like a real couple. Fast forward 3 weeks later and now she's saying the distance wasn't the reason we broke up, that it was just the catalyst. That our differences were too much to overcome and if we were still in the same city, we would still have broken up a few months down the line.

 

Now granted this is the same woman who two or three months ago, would say to me, that all we needed was patience and time. That soon enough there would come a time when our different modes of communication would mesh, that in time these minor "hiccups" would disappear and it would all be worth it.

[Mills]

Day 1

 

My ex dumped me a little over a month ago and we've been going back and forth since. Recently been telling me he misses me and our relationship, but still does not want to get back together.. after finding out he's been talking to someone else I told him I can't be friends and we won't be talking anymore unless its about working things out. I just cant do it. He said he hates that he hurt me and this hurts him too.

 

Its so hard.. I really just want him back... but I realize I was still in his life giving him attention but without him making any commitment.. so I had to cut it off.