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Kevo

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Explorer (4/14)

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  1. Day 3... we're not NC, I'm more NIC but haven't committed to give myself the title. Today has been the worst day by far since the break up. I don't know why but I feel awful. I'm alone, tried to find people to go out with but everyone is busy. Trick or treaters are ringing the doorbell and I'm just sitting in the dark feeling awful. I'm avoiding hitting the reply button on here just because this feels like I'm talking to someone. She called me on Wednesday and we talked for two hours. She said a lot of great things that give me hope, but I keep trying to tell myself that it means nothing. Telling myself that she's lying and it doesn't mean anything makes me feel even worse. Tomorrow needs to get here fast.
  2. Day 6 My first post on this thread... I requested NC because I felt I was being strung along. After 2 years and being engaged she broke up and moved away on a spur of the moment decision. Stress and low self esteem got the better of her. She didn't like herself and I was angry from all the stress in our lives. Since the break, I have done an amazing job healing and getting myself together. Working out, new clothes, calm attitude, etc. She's seen all this too and has said how amazed she is. She kept telling me that she wanted to be with me and she loved me and missed being engaged.. all kinds of things like that. It made me feel great. But still, she wouldn't ask me to join her. It was all words. So finally being fed up, I sent her the following last week: Me: I don't think we should talk anymore. I've been thinking and I'm doing really well. Working on myself and healing has worked wonders and I'm happy. Honestly, I don't want to lose that. I don't like hearing about how you miss me or your ring or any of that. It's leading me on which doesn't help me move on. I started out hoping that you'd take this time to work on yourself and realize that you wanted to be in a committed relationship but I don't think that has been the case. That's fine, it's your life. But to help both of us just move on I think it's best that we not speak anymore. Her: Are you kidding? You really don't want me in your life ever? Her: I'm horrified what do you want me to do? Do you want to move out here?? Me: Look. It's not that I don't love you. It's that I know I'm being strung along and that isn't helping me move on. I've been through this before (ENA: feel free to look up my past posts for my previous ex that moved to OZ). Last time it messed me up bad. This time I've been doing great. That isn't because I cared about you less (completely the opposite), it's because I know how to deal with this better. If you want to be in a committed relationship then feel free to contact me. Until then I just need to keep working on myself. I really do wish you well out there. That is the truth. Her: Did you meet someone? Me: No Her: Glad to hear that because I want you. I always will. Her: I don't want to lose you. I'm panicking baby. Her: I'm not stringing you along by any means. I'm working on myself and am crazy busy here with work. I don't have time to eat. I miss you like crazy and know that I don't ever want anyone else you're my ham always and forever. I just don't know what you want me to do right now. I really am so busy but I don't ever stop thinking about you. Her: I love you with all my heart and I do have all intentions of having you come here if you are willing to. I have a growing list in my head of all the things I want us to do together here. I miss you more than you know and I'm so happy you are doing well. Once I get work down I'll have time to work on myself but I'm still not doing very well just keeping myself distracted from crying through the day. My stomach is always in knots. I miss home and most being in your arms lying in bed. I love you with all my heart and I will always be yours. She's tried to contact me twice since then. Last Thursday was the last attempt. I haven't responded to either since they weren't asking to talk about us but rather were just giving me an update on what she's up to. I wonder if I made a mistake going NC. I want to get back together so much it kills me. She is the only thing I have thought about since the break up 1.5 months ago. She tells her friends that we're just taking time apart. I wonder if she really is just taking some time for herself and she'll get back when she feels she is better. I guess I'll have to wait and see. She knows how I feel.
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