iwantmeback

Day 12. Some days are better than others. I still think of you 24/7 and I cannot wait for that to stop. Still boggles my mind how we ended up like this. I hope you think of me as much as I do you. I'm sure you know why I did not respond to your emails. I want you to crave me. I want you too woo me. I know you care about me, but apparentely not enough for you to want a relationship with me while you go through this phase of your life. It's painful, but it is your choice. As the song goes "you made your choice, now its up to me, to bow out gracefully" I hope we can be great chums again one day as we were before I told you I cared about you, but that day is not yet. I miss talking and flirting with you. And I miss you in my life. But I need to do this for me. I could feel myself getting needy and desparate and that would have ultimately made things even worse. I also started to sense you were beginning to disrespect me. This made me sad and angry and gave me the impetus to tell you to leave me be. That you would forgot our friendship and allow my telling I cared to overcome that and thus begin your funny treatment of me is...disappointing. I hope you are well, but I also hope this time apart is making you realize how much I mean to you. I did what I felt was best for me under the circumstances, but I hope it makes you think too. take care

I...I am missing you like crazy now. This is so hard for me. But doing LC and feeling the way I do and having to keep all my emotions in was too hard for me. I just couldnt continue like that.

Day 5. I lied. I thought it was getting better but its not. Even though I was the one who asked for space/no contact, I am hoping you will ignore me and contact me. stupid me. I know I am doing the right thing because I need to purge these feelings, but I miss you so much. I feel like crying everyday. I hope four weeks from now these feelings will have abated because I don't want to continue like this. I wish I'd never gone on that trip with you, I want our relationship back! I want my best friend back

Day 3. I think im getting better. But then again I've had months to prep for this so hopefully I have so head start on this. Its a good thing I sent you that email else I know id be tempted to contact you and then spend the whole day with bated breath waiting for your gracious response. It's better this way really. Hopefully we will both be better and richer friends after this. I didnt and dont want us to never talk again, but I needed the space to get over my feelings for you so I can be as good a friend as I was to you before. At the rate I was going, I would have given you a disgust of my neediness. Yes, we were friends, but now I had developed these feelings for you that you didnt reciprocate would ultimately have broken up the friendship. Let me get back to how I was, and we can, I really hope, be friends again. I didnt put it all in the email, but I hope you understand this is what I meant. Take care and I miss you.

A bit of background ... I will be joining this challenge. The longest I've gone in the last 6 months was one month, and then he contacted me and then it's been a merry go ride since. We never dated, but the intensity of our relationship and past history made it seem as if we did. So I need to approach this as though it were a break up. I debated waiting until December to see him, but realized I will likely just be postponing the inevitable. And that will be two month when I could have moved on a bit. This is not so much trying to get him back, its more for me trying to get over this and back to the person I was. I do not like this pathetic figure I have become. Longing to hear his voice, wanting all texts to be from him etc. Its unhealthy. I ought to have done this a long time ago, but our history and friendship held me back. No longer. When I am totally over him, then I can truly be his friend. Right now, me yearning for his love and him basically saying he is not ready for a relationship is not a good recipe for friendship. I'd be lying to myself. I will send out my last email tomorrow evening. So NC will start Tuesday. Please wish me luck.