THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Cat76]

Day 4 and it's not good. I woke up after having a dream about the ex (I'm sure we've all been there), and it made me sad. I know it's going to be up and down for a while, but boy it's hurting a hurting a lot today

 

It's a horrible day where I live and I've got nothing planned for today, so I'm stuck indoors with only my thoughts and the internet. So, I might spend my time annoying everybody on here...LOL

[ScorpiGal83]

Day 4 and it's not good. I woke up after having a dream about the ex (I'm sure we've all been there), and it made me sad. I know it's going to be up and down for a while, but boy it's hurting a hurting a lot today

 

It's a horrible day where I live and I've got nothing planned for today, so I'm stuck indoors with only my thoughts and the internet. So, I might spend my time annoying everybody on here...LOL

 

I was there too on Day 4 - complete with the dreams about getting back together only to wake up and feel disappointed and sad. I'm feeling pretty upbeat and positive now. Kinda glad it ended cuz I feel free... perhaps you'll be here too on Day 14?

 

Stay strong hun *hug*

[Cat76]

I was there too on Day 4 - complete with the dreams about getting back together only to wake up and feel disappointed and sad. I'm feeling pretty upbeat and positive now. Kinda glad it ended cuz I feel free... perhaps you'll be here too on Day 14?

 

Stay strong hun *hug*

 

Thanks SG. I know we are all going through it, and it feels better to say it on here and get it out of my head (it feels safe to have a good old moan about it).

 

I've been reading your posts and you seem to be coping really well, I hope I'm where you are at day 14

[hesnotworthit]

DAY 10

double figures woooo. meh, today was the longest skool day eva! and i feel pretty upbeat!

Had a major theropy talk with one of me mates, whos just entering the break up fase, gave her advice, that felt good...but i related back a lot of the info back to breaking up with him...and i duno that kinda got me a lil down, cuz i was sorta reliving many experiences from the break up...but anywho, probally healthy to get them out into the air, and if it was helping her...then it was worth it.

were plannin on goin out in a couple wkends...for the first time as single gals, the only thing that sux is that theres only 2 main places in my town, and he goes out everyweekend, so im bound to see him... but i dunno, it'll b weird, but i just want to go out and have fun, regardless of the fact that i may see him... i just hope he like doesnt try to make me jelious with other girls...or that if he has a new gf he doesnt shove her in my face arhg. anyhow i cant wait to go out finally single, without him there over protecting every step i take!

and i cant wait to dance with other guys, other then him! just like be flirty free

i plan to be very pretty that weekend, in his face, hahahha

 

EDIT * * * * i just saw him drive past me, when i was down the street before, i swear i nearly burst into tears, my hole chest got really hot and i got a huge headache! i thought i was so much more oveer him!!! Im so anoyed by how much he * * * * ed me up, by me just looking at him driving past having a good time with his mates in his * * * * ing gay car! I dont know if i can face him out in a couple of wkends. i thought i was doing so good im so upset right now i feel like i cant and dont want to ever talk or see him again now! i just wish he'd die for gods sake.

[ToodlePip]

Well, I replied to that text. Just along the lines of "hi, doing well thanks. Trip was fun! Hope you're doing good and have a nice easter." I don't know whether it was the right thing to do or not, or whether I need ot reset my NC clock. I do feel like the whole time I wasn't responding, I was thinking of her continuously, whereas now I've replied something that doesn't require a response, I can move on mentally. I do feel a bit liek I've played into her hands, but I'm getting to the point where not responding felt liek a game I was playing borne out of ill-intentions. I feel truer to myself now.

[brazilgirl21]

ToodlePip - You did the right thing!!

 

Wow, it's the third morning in a row where I feel progressively better and upbeat about my life. I'm happy.

 

After a hell of a few days, it seems like I'm finally on the right track and getting back to my old self.

 

I guess "After the rain comes sun..." I just hope that the "after the sun comes rain again won't apply in my case. I know I'll still have bad days though. And even feel bad during the day.

[LemonCheesecak]

PS. Lemon, thanks for saying I'm good looking =].

 

That was actually Friendnorfoe so credit where credit's due haha, its true though! And I do like the bit about us being stable and good people, I'll need to remember that one It's good to see things are picking up for you, I think I'm there myself. Let's hope it continues for the both of us!

 

ToodlePip, that sounds like the best kind of response you could have sent. If it puts your mind at ease a bit more, then I'd see no reason why you'd need to start over with NC.

 

Day 6

 

I think I need to stop lurking on ENA till 4am because it is doing a number on my sleeping pattern

 

I feel pretty good today. Motivated to get caught up on a lot of work that needs done. There's only one thing I'm worried about: I'm heading back to my home town on Tuesday to visit my family for a few days, turns out my ex is doing the same. It's pretty likely I'll bump into her which will be the first time I've seen her in 2 months. I'm hoping that doesn't set me back because I'm really pleased with the progress I've made. Other than that, it's all good

[ToodlePip]

Thanks guys - I've made the decision to be single for at least 6 months so it's now become ratehr irrelevent whether she comes back soon ro not. Makes all these things mildly irrelevent.

 

Just spoke on the phone with an ex from when I was 15 - it's a long story but she was keen, but I was in an other country so didn;t feel it would work. She now has kids and is happy with this guy. We tend to touch base once a year for a quick catchup. They are planning on coming over next month from france to visit london, and we'll probably catch up then. It's an example of when things are respectful following awkwardness like a breakup or rejection, things can actually end nicely. I've known her since I was 8. Every time I talk with her I feel warm inside cos it reminds me that I was young and scar-free once

[ToodlePip]

This recent one hasn't yet tho - just had a response "so, your job is safe, good to hear. have a good one too." Guessing she didn't like the fact I'm not going into detail and including her into the events of my life (never told her whether i was redundant or not). Oh well.

[brazilgirl21]

Lemon - ha, sorry, so many people to keep track!

 

I definetly think we are special because we are definetly trying to improve ourselves you know? Not everyone wants that...

[LemonCheesecak]

ToodlePip, need my glasses on evidently, misread your previous post!

 

But I'd hope that once the emotional turbulence is over you two will be able to heal to a point where you can talk again in a respectful manner and with no awkwardness. But as ever its just gonna take a lot of time, and a dose of NC.

 

brazil - I often lose track myself, but for a second I'd completely forgotten anything I'd said last night, like I'd just zoned out or something! Definitely, I think we deserve to be the best we can be, and use it to find happiness again however we perceive it.

[Lieutenant Dan]

I'm pretty sure I'm going to break NC today. I woke up this morning thinking about a million other things, and then I realized that I don't think about my ex first thing anymore. It actually took me a good 15 minutes before I thought about him. This got me thinking... no more butterflies? No more pain in my chest? I started thinking about the last week or two before we broke up and how it sucked, how I was not attracted to him at all, how I was avoiding anything sexual, and I was basically evil to him because I didn't really want to be with him. So I think I've decided to try LC and see what happens. Besides I need someone to help me fix my computer and tell my how to register for my math class that's giving me hell.

 

Thoughts?

[tujna]

Day 10

 

I am in the double digits as well now!! Long way to go until 30 or 90 but still... I am happy to read your positive posts but am I the only one who is not yet sure they are coping the right way? I don't know, I feel very unsure. Sometimes I am OK, sometimes really bad and I am scared from the latter moments because they come so unexpectedly!

 

I just finish an important paper though. It is not the best quality work in my life but I hope I will pass the class with it. I guess I couldn't have done much better than that in this situation. I hope I can be far more concentrated for finals though.

 

I was thinking about talking to him but in this moment I know he still hates me and will be very rude to me. I miss my nice BF, not this angry, scary person he has become. It is better to wait for him to call if he feels like it. Is this ever going to happen?... Sigh...

[jasav1]

Day 4

 

She says she needs this break up to think about what she really wants, she isn't sure if she wants this to be the end or not. In fact the last time I saw her she told me this wouldn't be the last time I would kiss her.

 

Why then during this NC is she not contacting to see if I'm okay? I feel like I'm making it all too easy for her and she's just going to forget about us. I know absence makes the heart grow fonder, but what if she is reading this as me ignoring her/me getting over it? She knows how I feel though, she knows I'd do anything to get her back.

 

This is the longest we've gone since we've known each other not talking. Someone please tell me she's finding this tough. I know she is, I know she will be missing me. I just hope she isn't forgetting me

[tiggboriqua]

Hi

 

Give her time , work on you , of course she is not forgetting you take it easy one day at a time NC stay strong and let her miss you .

 

Take care of you

[Jabbe]

Nothing to say besides "I'm feeling great!"

[agape-mama]

Day 29!

 

Wow... one more day and it will be 30!

I had been feeling pretty good... strong - not thinking about him much - not feeling broken up about it...

And then yesterday I thought I saw him driving as I was walking down the street with a gf, and my chest tightened, and for a brief moment I felt an odd mix of numb and nauseous.

I'm clearly not over my feelings for him. Crap!

 

I guess I still feel confused... I wish I had gotten some form of closure to our interaction. I've never really understood why "I can't be the man you need" or what was really going on for him.

Part of me is still feeling a bit angry I think.... how can it not affect him to just end things the way we did?

I try to remind myself that it was Never what I wanted. I was accepting little crumbs of his attention, which is not the type of person I've ever been with any other man.

 

Right now I'm trying to stay focused on myself and my work... doing things that make me happy.

 

I wonder how many more days I will require before I can actually see him and not feel my heart jump... I hope I am able to reach that point soon!!

 

It's really helpful to have ya'll here, knowing that we are indeed not alone in this rather confusing journey! Thanks ENA'ers!

[tujna]

You guys are so optimistic... I want this day to come for me... When? I am so tired of waiting for it... I am happy for you though, it shows that we can do it. I just want days that I don't feel like crying and that the world is not over without him...

[LemonCheesecak]

Feel myself slipping right now. Trying to divert my attention with some maths problems I need to do but I'm not feeling all the great about myself right now. Hoping it'll pass, I've been feeling great for about a week now

[Ixtapa]

Day 3

 

Definitely NOT contacting him again for the next 60 days !!! Broke NC twice after around 28 days....so my new challenge is 60 days

[brazilgirl21]

ixtapa- did he reply??

[Ixtapa]

ixtapa- did he reply??

 

No he did not. I didnt think he would reply actually.....it was more of a "peace offering" on my side, telling him Im doing fine (which I am now) and wishing him well (there was a lot of anger and unresolved feelings on both sides when we broke up, it was somehow important for me to let him know Im over it...even though he might actually not be at this point).

 

Im fine about the fact he did not reply...but his silence shows me I have to STOP attempting contact altogether...

[FriendnorFoe]

Day 26, bad dreams about ex continue, the hardest part of the day is at work, so many things racing through my head, I so desperatley want to just text or call her to say I understand why things went sour and it wont happen again, but I know this isnt the right thing to do where as contining NC is, I think I can see myself getting past all the heartbreak, guilt and agressiveness now, gotta be optomistic here, the thing I am struggling with is the idea of you not caring about if she ever calls you again??? I would love to just hear her voice again eventually, have a lighthearted convo, see how she and her family is doing, I do care about her family very much, they became part of my life as well. I just dont feel comfortable with the notion of just letting her go, I know everyone is going to say 4 weeks isnt enough time to really change, I agree, obviously I am not over it as you can see from this post, but being totally oblivious to why I pushed her away during the relationship gave me the oppurtunity to see what I did wrong when I took a step back, Everyone says if she dosent call then it wasnt meant to be, well maybe if was too meant to be and I just screwed up. NC makes me feel like I am locked in a box with all these thoughts and emotions bouncing off the sides, I will stick it out though, everything I have learned from people on this site has not been in vain, I am just consumed uncertainty, but I suppose everything in life is certain except you had a mother at one point on your life and someday you will die.

[FriendnorFoe]

everything in life is UNcertain that is

[cl76]

Hey friendorfoe. Buddy I feel for you, you're still in a bad place. Essentially the only way you can start to recover is if you accept that she is DEAD to you. Its so hard yes I know.

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT contact her unless she contacts you first. Read what Siberia has said again, it will help you when you feel weak.

 

I recieved a contact from my ex last night. An email asking if I had moved out of the apartment we lived together in (shes working interstate temporarily). I replied friendly, and said yes I had moved out. I did not mention the relationship at all or beg/plead in anway way.

 

This is the important thing when dealing with the ex again - lose the dumpee mentality, make them see and respect that you are strong. I think you need to work on this.

 

Yes I broke NC. But tell you what, I'm starting to not care about her anyway. I have turned my life around in such a big way that I'm thinking that breaking up was the best thing for me. I've even started meeting new women and dating. This is seriously the best way to get over the ex my friend

 

I'm feeling good, looking good (been exercising hard core for 3 weeks now), got my confidence and self esteem back. I feel that I am kicking butt despite my recent tragedy. You know what they say, what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger. I still miss her, but there is no pain anymore.

 

Get a NEW LIFE, reinvent yourself. Trust me, this is the path to getting over the ex.