THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[LemonCheesecak]

day 21

 

official 3-week mark, thinking of treating myself to something special when i reach 1 month.

any ideas guys? lol

 

That's a hard one knowing nothing about you haha. Is there something you've always wanted but never bought? A weekend away somewhere? Or even just being indulgent and eating something that's really bad for you

 

My treat to myself will no doubt be a night out with friends. Just realised if I make it to a month this time around, it will fall on the exact date of my birthday. Jackpot!

[caligirl98]

Today is day 5. I'm starting to go from sad to mad with the breakup. Do i still want my ex back? yes...but they are starting to really p*ss me off!!!!

 

She has completely moved on with someone new, agreed to NC but never sticks to it!!!!

 

She called me today at work and left a vm saying she had to talk to me and it was very important. She called later on in the day too but didn't leave any messages.

 

I THINK she is just being selfish and wants to keep me hanging on. If it was truly that important she would actually tell me whats going on in the voicemail, right? Or contact a mutual friend who would then contact me?

What do you guys think?

[ToodlePip]

I agree! I never get this "I need to talk to you" but not leaving any indication of why. She's probably testing you.

[Jabbe]

Double digits and nothing much to say. Glanced at a pic of her when I was trying to send something to my friend. I looked at her and felt no type of attraction. My feelings are gone.

[tujna]

Double digits and nothing much to say. Glanced at a pic of her when I was trying to send something to my friend. I looked at her and felt no type of attraction. My feelings are gone.

 

Wow you are one of the lucky ones... Why are you here again?

[FriendnorFoe]

day 25, just 5 more days and everything will be better(he says sarcastically)

[brazilgirl21]

friendnorfoe: your post made me laugh.

 

*sighs*

 

I have 12 days to reach 30 for the second time. Maybe the second time it will do the trick? (not sarcastically!)

[cl76]

The amount of time that has past won't mean a thing if you haven't done anything during NC to become strong and happy again. If you're still hooked on your ex after 30 days you have missed the purpose of NC. It is not a competition to see who can ignore eachother the longest.

 

You're supposed to reinvent yourself during NC and get your confidence/self esteem back. Get your mojo again and feel great about yourself. It's really the best thing you can do for yourself.

[brazilgirl21]

we know, but it's hard. sometimes all we can do is treat it as a challenge. I'm trying, but it's hard.

[cl76]

Hey again Brazilgirl21. Yes I know it's hard. I am going through it myself and have many moments of weakness too.

 

But trust me, the more stuff you do to have fun again the less the break up will have an effect on you. I am down 3 weeks of NC atm, I still miss my ex dearly, but the emotions and pain I initially felt have subsided greatly.

[brazilgirl21]

Well, I have a job that requires me to stay in front of a comp for a 9-hour shift. Not exactly fun but I can't really quit it. But I've been going out a lot. Even when on dates with someone else.

[FriendnorFoe]

Well, I have a job that requires me to stay in front of a comp for a 9-hour shift. Not exactly fun but I can't really quit it. But I've been going out a lot. Even when on dates with someone else.

 

I have school and work full-time, hard cause every time I am not there I am either studying or have other responsibilities and obligations I cant ignore, finding it hard to make time for fun stuff. My job is really taking its toll on my body, have been working manual labor, warehouse jobs all my life, sustained a injury to my knee on the loading dock 3 years ago that I will have for the rest of my life, my back is shot, have muscle spasms all day, recently my doctor is having me take pain-meds and muscle relaxers. Although its not the intention why I take them it seems to help with the emotional trauma fo this breakup, days I dont feel like taking them and I worry x10, I choose not to take them some days because I fear I will become dependent on them but they do help with my physcall stress

[FriendnorFoe]

by the way brazil, you are a very-good looking girl, its good to hear you are at the point where you are comfortable going on dates if that is helping you out, I know it will be some time before I consider it, inless the love of life comes walking in and I know it..lol

[jasav1]

What does this no contact do for the other person involved in a relationship? My girlfriend finished with me but she isn't sure what she wants and we have been acting like a couple ever since we broke up about a month ago.

 

I'm 3 days into this NC and I feel as if this is just making me lose her even more?

[FriendnorFoe]

What does this no contact do for the other person involved in a relationship? My girlfriend finished with me but she isn't sure what she wants and we have been acting like a couple ever since we broke up about a month ago.

 

I'm 3 days into this NC and I feel as if this is just making me lose her even more?

 

NC is counter-intuitive but from everything I have read from others it is for the better. I too question its validity time and time again but someone on here told me something important once and they said "In regards to NC you have nothing to lose, since you already lost him or her, and everything to gain.", I can only take advice from others on here to heart, just like an older brother with more experience with life, you just have to trust their judgment cause they know what they are talking about. Ironic that the best way in any possibility to get them back is to not care about getting them back and dont try. Like I said NC is counter-intuitive, its a battle between emotions and logic, but no one on here can tell you what to do, that up to you, whether you want to call her or stick with NC, just do your research b4 you decide to call her, and by that I mean read as many threads on here as you can and you will find that 90% of everyone is going through the same thing you are and maybe like 10% is a shocking mirror image of your previous relationship.

[cl76]

What does this no contact do for the other person involved in a relationship? My girlfriend finished with me but she isn't sure what she wants and we have been acting like a couple ever since we broke up about a month ago.

 

I'm 3 days into this NC and I feel as if this is just making me lose her even more?

 

 

NC for the other person demonstrates to them that you respect their decision to break up with you. It also gives them time get over the anger and resentment that may happened during a rocky break up. When you give them the time and space they need you will leave a better impression on them. If you fight to hold on to them you just end up pushing them away - they will pull away with every attempt to contact them as they are in a highly sensitive defense mode against you - you become a threat to them emotionally. The more you fight the more they defend and it only reinforces their decision to leave you.

 

So you leave them completely alone. If they contact you because they miss you then you simply tell them that you are respecting their decision to break up and that you need time and space yourself to think about it. Do NOT make yourself available to them because if they know they can still have you as a friend it will make it MUCH EASIER for them to move on to someone else.

 

After some time has past, like 6-8 weeks, the dumper's true feelings about you will surface. They have had a lot of time to miss you and feel that a major part of their life has disappeared.

 

Make sure you use this NC to improve yourself to become happy and strong again. Then you have the best chance at reconciling or moving on.

[FriendnorFoe]

Lol, like I said others have alotta insight like this and you should take their advice, I am simply learning as I go

[askthet]

Day 5

 

 

I hate this, I am in the Navy and I have to go out to sea with this girl. She seems so bubbly and carefree. I do my best to avoid her because I don't know how to act around her. When cornered I would not say I am doing badly, try to keep positive and make her laugh then get out when I can. She is living with 2 mutual friends and they are always asking me to come over and party or go out to the bars with them and there is a 75% chance that she will be there most of the time. Do I continue to blow them off for now? Will telling them why I can't hang out seem like I am insecure (weak) and not over this girl? It really is sad how long it is taking to heal, obviously I've made leaps and bounds (no problems eating or sleeping anymore and don't feel the need to drink) but she is still on my mind half the day.

[tiggboriqua]

Day 6

 

Everything was fine today except my ex called twice , I did not answer her calls of course and I do not plan to but still weakened me somewhat

 

 

I will be better tomorrow and I will keep strong , I will soon date again and continue to move on

[tujna]

Still on Day 9 but getting close to the double digits...

 

It was an OK day I guess. I was sad but so busy with school work that could not think about him very much. And now it feels better because it is in the evening and I am too tired to grieve...

 

Does anyone have similar experience: so sad and desperate during the day and more easy-going and calm at night?

 

Anyway, just wanted to say hi to all of you there, my suffering brothers and sisters

[Ironchefa]

Had more energy today...probably because I've stopped expecting to hear form him. How can a 39-year olf man "not know what he wants?" And why, underneath it all, are men such big babies??? I wish I had the stamina to go into the whole story, but I don't right now...

 

Men are so baffling to me right now....lesbianism is looking like a viable alternative more and more. Not having to deal with the stonewalling/lack of emotional openness would be heavenly!!! *Sigh* I think I understand Anne Heche's flip-flopping....

 

Looking forward to Day 3.

[ScorpiGal83]

Day 14 - 2 weeks!

 

I'm halfway through!! well, sort of I have 16 days to go.

 

And how do I feel? I actually feel kinda great. I feel good being single and able to openly flirt with guys, whether it's on Facebook or at work or out somewhere... it's nice to have guys tell you that your eyes are beautiful and stuff, and not worry about what the BF will think.

 

Sure, I miss being with my ex, because when it was good it was really really good. but now I also realised that although he is a great guy, and a genuine warm person, he just was really not being a good boyfriend. Petty, not understanding, making a big deal about something that shouldn't be a big deal... i just think he really needs to grow up and perhaps being single or meeting and being with other girls would be GOOD for him to grow the hell up.

 

Yeah...

[tujna]

Scorpigal,

 

I really enjoyed your post. It could well apply to me... I wish I can be as strong as you by the 14th day!!!

[brazilgirl21]

ENA has helped me SO much.

 

I think I would have been such a mess if it wasn't for this site. I would definetly be calling my ex up weekly...

 

I'm thankful for ENA.

 

PS. Lemon, thanks for saying I'm good looking =]. I think we here are all a bunch smart, interesting and emotionally stable people. Think about it, if we were not stable and good people, we wouldn't be seeking help or trying to improve ourselves... I admire us. Do you guys think all ENAers are lonely/nerdy people who have a hard time dating? Because for me it's quite the contrary... We have every different type of people here. This is the beauty of this board.

[createhappiness]

Day 22

 

i'm rockin' steady, riding out the storm.

i think i'm getting the hang of steering this ship!