Jabbe
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Everything posted by Jabbe
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I'm proud of myself in going 30 full days of being completely happy without her. I realized in only one month how unhealthy being with her was for me. My life has more options and possibilities. I know that she doesn't want to part. She even went as far as to say that she doesn't want me having sex with anyone else. She asked me if I love her and told me that she'll never love anyone else like she loved me. She kept asking if I was sure I wanted to leave her in many different ways. I told her that she made the choice for me when she put her hands on me. I don't know what I was thinking trying to make it work with someone who has so many emotional issues. I have the divorce papers and this should be over very soon. My challenge is over.
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Well, in May, I'm going to have to break my no contact. I need to get the ball rolling on this divorce. She makes me sick to my stomach, so I'll try not to vomit. I just want out of this marriage so I can get on with my life! I'll give it maybe 2 more weeks.
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Feeling even better and going out with a new lady friend next week.
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I'm feeling great about not contacting her. I'm actually on a countdown to when I will have to break NC to discuss the marriage. 75 days to go.
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Everything is still going fine. I just don't think it's such a good idea to actually hangout with other people who are going through a divorce/separation. It made me automatically place false judgement on my situation, and feelings started to bubble up. Those feelings are just an illusion, so I'll continue to take care of and be strong for myself! I'm not gonna relapse. No way!
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Numb for her. Happy for me!
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Nothing to say besides "I'm feeling great!"
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Double digits and nothing much to say. Glanced at a pic of her when I was trying to send something to my friend. I looked at her and felt no type of attraction. My feelings are gone.
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No signs of slowing down here, folks. As the days go by, I get happier and happier. Target NC= 2-3 months. I'll have to tell her that I'm moving because that won't look good in the eyes of the court if I don't.
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I know what you mean. After 2yrs, we finally got to live on our own away from military. We finally had a chance to build something. Out of nowhere, she bailed out on me. You can make it through this. Just stay focused on other things. For me it's been 9 days and I feel like I'm on top of the world. It's like us parting was the best thing that could've possibly happened in my life. I keep myself occupied by associating with other people and enjoying my hobbies. You'll make it.
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Everything is still going fine. I had to drop off her mail since it is still being forwarded here. I just slid the bill in the door while she was away at work. I have no interest in talking to her. I just got my recommendation for school and am leaving in 5 months. Gonna have to figure out the divorce/separation in between that time.
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So it's day 7. I'm feeling pretty fine. Went for a morning jog and listened to some music. I was about to pay my phone bill, so I went to my online banking. My account was locked because SOMEBODY failed all my security questions. I'm leaving it locked until I get answers. She is the only person in the entire world who knows my user ID. If you were in my shoes would you confront her? There's no doubt here, and I'm not being crazy. IT WAS HER!
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Wow! Today was such a great day! I'm actually happy at this job I'm working because of all the people I get to talk to. I'm interested in this woman at work. She just seems wonderful! I'll admit that I had butterflies when I first saw her and thought to myself "I just have to get to know her." Saw her today and finally got a chance to speak for a second. Just as lovely as I thought! Planning to make a new friend on Tuesday and hangout with her. Haven't thought too much about my wife because I know the negativity is gonna do a 360 when it's time to do paperwork. Ugh! WHY??? My life is FINALLY moving for ME not HER! Off to jog!
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I feel so great today! Feels like I'm walking on air! I realized that she's always gonna be bitter about this and that it won't change anything. I'm doing a great job of taking care of myself by excercising and doing more to look appealing by changing my style in clothing. My confidence is through the roof, and it's all because I'm not dealing with that pessimistic, non-supportive, possessive, controlling, and abusive woman! Who knew letting go could feel so good? I could talk to her now and not see it as a big deal, but I'm just gonna prolong this as much as I need to. We're still married, so we're gonna have to talk at some point. I'm going for at least 3 months.
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Things are running smooth for the moment. I'm just thinking about how unhappy I was with my marriage and all of the people I told I was unhappy telling them that it won't last much longer. I guess the affection is something I miss and is truly what I'm trying to get over. It's cool to have someone to cuddle with. Lovemaking is pretty nice too, lol! There's an urge inside me to pop over and talk to her, but she' just gonna get off on thinking I'm trying to crawl back to her. I know she's at home watching TV and going to her job miserable in this city she hates so much. I'm staying out of sight. I deleted her from my myspace. I deleted all of my comments to her. I even deleted my facebook. I blocked her email too. I'm not even going to look at a picture of her. I don't even want her seeing me! I'm going out today to get a notebook to start my final journal. Hopefully it gets warm enough to jog!
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Well, I'm actually married and possibly about to be divorced so I don't know if NC applies to it, but hey she's being very bitter and talking with her has become pointless. I just hope she doesn't try to keep my half of the tax money when it comes back, lol! I have to return some things to her but rather than knocking, I'm just gonna leave them in her car. My feeling for today is relief. I'm getting information together in case of a divorce to show to an attorney. She is a very selfish woman that I should not be with, and I need my love for her to stop sucking me back in and looking foolish everytime I speak to her. Day 1. Here we go!
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I appreciate your replies! I'm thinking that she also doesn't want to be there alone. She hates it so far. As for me being there, as soon as she gets a place to live, that's the earliest I can actually start packing. I have the patience to deal with this, but I just wish that she would look at the bigger picture. We're gonna be together soon! Thanks for the wishes!
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I've been married 13 days now and am about to move accross the country to be with my wife. She's in the military. She's been very upset lately just because I can't leave at the drop of a hat. I have so much to take care of before I leave, but she sees it as me stalling or not really wanting to come in the first place. There was nothing in the world I could've said besides listing what I NEED to get done. I'll be moving out for the 1st time also. I couldn't understand WHY she wasn't able to comprehend that. I love her to death and am basically leaving behind everything I've always known to be with her. When she says "Jump," I'll never ask "How high?" I feel like she's being very inconsiderate. There's absolutely NOTHING else I can do. I'm still working and the worst thing I can do at the moment is quit my job, pack, and sit around for days waiting for the phone to ring when I could be earning money. I still have my own finances. Plus, we won't even have any furniture. We don't even have a place to live yet! I wish she would be more understanding and patient at the moment. I'll definitely be there, but not exactly when she wants me to. I'm a human being not a dog... Any thoughts?
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We talked about it more in the morning, and she was still denying that she had done anything on purpose. She also tried to flip the whole thing on me by repeating some of what I said to her last night. All I had to say was that it's in the past, I don't want to even think about it anymore, and that it should never happen again because I won't be dealing with that forever. She was upset because I didn't tell her that I loved her before we got off the phone. It felt like I was impaired or something. I just couldn't do it. She asked me if I still love her, and I told her that I do more than anything. Right after that, she started crying and even went as far as to blame me for the way she was feeling when she sparked the whole thing. It's like she honestly thinks that I should accept what she does to me just because I'm a man and men shouldn't have emotions. She also believes that she never does anything wrong. It's sad because when things aren't going her way, it's like she always wants to run instead of talk things out. When she finally sees that she's wrong, her first response is always along the lines of "Why are you doing this to me?" or "Why do I keep letting you do this to me?" Of course, I'm confused beyond everything because I know that I didn't do anything but have an emotional reaction to the way SHE TREATED ME. I'm not a robot, people. We'll see what happens. I plan on discussing the fact of her not wanting to own up to the fact that she can actually hurt my feelings.
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Well, it may sound pathetic, but the majority of my days consist of me waiting to talk to her. We usually send text messages back and forth when we can't talk. She'll usually step out of class and run to the restroom risking getting in trouble just so she can talk to me. In the mornings I wake up just to send her a message to let her know that she's on my mind.
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While we were on the phone, she kept saying she was sorry, but I was so heated all I could think was "If you love me so much, then why would you do what you just did." My mind was racing so fast. I calmed down, and I forgave her later in the night. It gets to me when she talks about guys getting a little too close, physically. I know that they don't stand a chance when it comes to the things they say because she always mentions me and they just make themselves look like total jerks. On some occasions, I do downplay it. I tell her that I don't like that (when they advance physically), and that I wish they were respectful enough to keep their distance. They know about me, yet they say they don't care, and I find this VERY diserespectful towards her as well as me. I told her that I wouldn't want to have to fly up there and give some of those guys a piece of my mind. She's made it clear that she doesn't like me associating with ANY females at all. She can go on and on about me "flirting" when I haven't done anything. I made it clear that I don't want her spending any time alone with any guys at all. I just don't react when she explains to me that a few of them are well-behaved and just friends. Saying things about her friends in a jealous manner wouldn't benefit me at all. I'm sure. I can't come off looking insecure, and like I don't trust her. Last week, there was an incident where I got a call from a guy's number and heard her voice in the background. The guy hung up on me! This made me furious! I called back, and I heard a guy's voice say "He called back." She got the phone, and I just didn't know what to say to her. I knew that there was nothing going on, but something in me just didn't like that one bit. I took it all out on her because it was odd enough that she couldn't call me from her own phone. "Who was this guy and what in the world was she doing with him?" She was upset because she felt that I was acting like she was cheating on me. It made her very sad. Apparently, he was a friend and she was calling me from his phone because she thought her minutes were running low. If that was really a test, then it sure was a sick one.
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I was actually going over this in my mind. I know it would make me feel SO cheesy inside, but I'm willing to experiment and see how it goes. We can't always have things our way afterall. I'll just accept the fact that a relationship comes with just a little bit of mental tug-of-war from time to time. I see that being straightforward isn't always the best way to get the job done. Btw, I sent her an email getting everything off my chest about the event basically forgiving her too. It was a lot to swallow, but I do feel a little better now. I'll play along.
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I see what you're saying and actually know this too. I'm just sick of tests. It offends me because she should know that I'm deeply in love with her and wouldn't consider anyone else. Equating love with jealousy always seemed like a huge "no" to me. She's actually slipped up and told me twice that she would like it if I reacted with jealousy. I just can't give her the reaction she's fishing for because it's part of the game. Game-playing just happens to be my #1 pet peeve.
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We've been in LDR for about 3 months now, and it's definitely been a huge adjustment for the both of us. At first we had to write letters hearing from one another once a week, but now we can talk more because she has a phone. We don't get to see each other at all, but I went to visit her last month because of basic training gradutaion. What she's done once before- Hum while I was talking to her. It happened near the beginning of our relationship 2 years ago. After we went into LDR, things have been nuts. I've become more sensitive because we don't get to talk like we used to, and when one of us gets upset I just hate it because I miss her enough on a daily basis for us to be angry with one another. She has become much more sensitive as well. It's caused her to become paranoid in thinking that my love for her fluctuates on a daily basis.