Jabbe

You're right. It's definitely gonna be tough. I'm glad you're feeling relieved! Do your best not to fall back because you'd be surprised at how one's emotions can make something irrational seem completely rational. Stay strong!!! Good luck!!!

She's seems just like the last girl I dated. This is not good man. It might be hard, but I really suggest that you cut her off ASAP. Trying to help her may only end up getting you hurt. She has to get over whatever this is on her own, and if not, then so be it. It's not your problem, but you seem to be giving her the benifit of doubt. I really feel like I know exactly what you're going through and don't want you to end up like I did. This is pretty cold and something that's not easy to do, but do not in any way concern yourself with how you may THINK that she may feel about you. The fact that she's cold is a huge red flag, and she will continue being cold. I can't explain it, but it sounds like she only wants to keep you around to fill an empty space. Also, I strongly recommend that you don't interfere familywise. That's her side of the fence. Information like that wouldn't sound right coming from you and you'll definitely damage things even more.

Slacker: It sure won't easy.You're so right. I know that she's the one because I've chosen her to be. Don't get me wrong because I know I can't control anything, but I'm willing to love her in such a way. We'll make it through anything as long as we want to. LaL: She doesn't care what her parents think at all because she's an adult who can make her own decisions. Nothing of what they say to her gets inside her head in anyway. She knows that she's in control and that nothing else matters but us. xprincessbugx: You may be onto something there. I plan on calling tomorrow, but I doubt I'll get through because they know if it's me who's calling or not. It's amazing that they still cut off her phone "privelages" at her age. You just wouldn't believe it. Thanks for that tip! beanpaper: She doesn't allow them to control her, but getting away is definitely her best option. That's what she's been looking forward to for so long. I know that things will be ok once she does so. I'll support her no matter what. This woman truly is the only one for me, and nothing will come between us.

What they have against me is psychological on their part. They don't want me to take her away from them, and want to always have her under lock and key. They want to know and control her every move. Parents have to let go at some point, right? I've never done anything at all, and have always been nice to them. The fact that they have something against me is about as understandable as how life came into existence.

I can relate to this and feel that the best thing you can possibly do is to not contact her at all. Trust me.

As the title says, her parents actually think that they have control over our relationship. They also think they control their daughter's life and seem to have deep psychological issues that they need to get over. They truly are jealous of what we have and want to keep her to themselves forever. I pretty much know that it's true. (Personal things I don't want to include. You can PM me.) Anyway, my point is that if they want us to stop seeing each other, their only option is to kill me. It's just impossible to stop people from loving one another! She's will be leaving them soon, and we're both adults anyway! What do you think about this?

I told her how I felt about it, and her reaction was very different from what I expected. She was actually disappointed! She asked: "What if I decide to?" I told her: "Don't worry about it. If you're ready, just let me know. Making love or not, I'll still love you all the same." I also got the point accross that sex isn't important to me pretty much AT ALL. It might not have been the greatest choice of words as I told her, but she understood what I meant. Things are looking up, and she has one less thing to worry about! Success!

Thanks for all of your replies! I understand all of your point of views. I don't think I was very clear about the oral sex, sorry. She is rethinking me giving it to her. I don't think she would do that for me in a million years, so that's no concern. I can be a very sexual person, but it's not THAT important to me when it comes to having a relationship. I'm kind of a "take it as it comes" type of person. Sex or no sex, I'll love her all the same. I'll be meeting with her today, and I've decided that I'm going to tell her that I think we should just forget about the entire thing. I'd rather that she be happy with what we have instead of trying to make leaps. She's not exactly the most secure person in the world. She, often, thinks too much about things that are very unnecessary, and kind of hurtful to the relationship. Casting this away could just be one less thing for her to worry about. I love her with everything in me, and wouldn't change anything about her for the world. Feel free to let me know what you think. Thanks again for your thoughts!

I'm 20 and she's 18. I'm not a virgin, by the way. We've known each other for 1.5 yrs. I guess I should suggest that we call the whole thing off. She likes to talk about it, and I give her insight based on my experiences. Maybe that's good enough?

My girl and I have recently begun talking of possibly having sex. The thing is that she had always said that she would wait until marriage and has recently become conflicted about it. She claims that if we have sex now, it would take away the "mystery" of something about our relationship (confused because of how ridiculous it sounds to me). Anyway, it surprised me when she broke down saying this about 2 weeks ago: "Everyone else is having sex except me. I'm still a virgin." That was after she had asked again if I would be ready to have sex with her. I had always told her that I wasn't all that interested, and it's never really on my mind like that. I always told her "Whenever you're ready, just let me know. I'm not gonna rush or pressure you. Just take your time." My question is: Why and how can she be so 2-sided like that? This past weekend we were messing around in bed and she told me that she was ready, but then started making up excuses about us not having enough time (we had something else planned). She initiated, and then backed out. I don't know what to do about this, and am getting turned off about anything that could be sexual in ANY way. I just want to leave the whole thing alone. No touching. No tongue-kissing. No nothing. We talked about it the other day and the idea of dry sex came about. She would be willing to try it. She also said that she is rethinking the possibility of allowing me to give her oral sex. This is shocking as well because of how disgusting she always said it was. She's definitely changing, and it's obvious that she's curious about sex. What are your thoughts?

We talked about it last night, and pretty much got past it. I won't have to worry about this anymore. If she does anything of the sort, it will now be easier to call her out on it. Thanks for the words, everyone!

Well, I didn't get to discuss it with her because I was saddened by something else. Her mom said some things to her like "I hope you don't think you're gonna end up with him," making it sound like our relationship was just some sort of fling. The farthest I've gotten was telling her that she's told me the same stories about 4 or 5 times. After hearing what I heard I didn't even feel like bringing it up. Everytime I'm with someone, there's always somebody that would prefer me not being around. I just hope that her parents don't get inside her head.

You're right. The next time she does it, which will DEFINITELY be this weekend, I'll just talk with her about it. If I get anything out her, I'll let everyone know what happens.

We spent time together and she kept doing it again. This time, the ONLY thing she mentioned was guys staring at her backside. I replied to her, not playing games, saying that I never check her out like that. She went on to say "Yes, you do!" Like she would actually know, right? Why in the world would she have such a response? I couldn't help it and just bursted with laughter! Anyway, it's true. I never do, and since the subject was open I went on to say what kind of backsides I would possibly glance at. This made her get really quiet, and she just stared at me for a couple of seconds while I was driving. This had no intent, and it felt just like regular conversation to me. Later that day, I spilled my guts letting her know how much I love her. I didn't want to bring it out yet (asking her if she tries to make jealous), so I just asked her to promise that she would never play mind games with me (because I hate those, and to just see if she could go a day without making comments like that). If she does it again, then I'll just be blunt and straightforward about it. What do you think?

You're half right about the guess. It was some of her friends also. They had the ability to fill her mind with nonsense while we were apart (I left the country for the Summer). Can you believe that? I'm 20 and she's 18. Her parents have lightened up a little though because of her age. We get to spend days alone together not being limited to watching TV all the time.

I agree that it's not healthy. I honestly don't want to stoop to her level because I've already seen her react out of jealousy just by me doing things that are apart of who I am. The fact that I KNOW I'll get a rise out her is further more reason not to retaliate. As for the break up. There were actually people, on her side of the fence, thinking they had some kind of "say so" in our relationship. Dealing with her was like dealing with one too many people. She seemed to have no problem with it, but that was always one of my peeves.

Thanks for your replies! You all make really good points. We've been together for quite some time now. We were together for 9 months until I broke it off for about 6 (nothing to do with her just the way the relationship was being handled). She's a sweet girl who also admits to her insecurities. I believe she has low self esteem as well. I love and care deeply for her also. This situation is like being stuck between a rock in a hard place. Since the fact that her associating with other guys doesn't bother me, I could easily shut up about it. If I say anything about it, she'll just keep it up and probably make it more frequent. I forgot to mention that she even goes as far as to make comments about how cute certain guys are when we wacth TV together, LOL! I just agree saying something like "Oh yea, he's definitely a hot guy. If I was homosexual, I'd be all over him!" At that point she looks shocked. Sometimes she'll laugh along with me when I know she's thinking about why I never react in negative ways. I do have other women that I associate with that she doesn't know about. We'll talk on the phone or whatever else, but I don't tell her things about that because it has nothing to do with us. Do you think it would be playing games if I was to mention few of these women? I'm more interested in making it clear that she's not the only female I associate with, and that I'm not wrapped around her finger.

I understand where you're coming from. I'm normally just a straightforward guy, but if she really wants to keep it up, then so be it. I'll just reverse it, so that she can get a taste of what she's trying to make me feel. I know that if I openly say something about it, she'll get her little sense of satisfaction and keep doing it anyway (I know her better than she really knows). Yep, she's done it nearly everytime we got together or talked on the phone so far, and you can imagine how old it's gotten already. By the way, she was surprised to hear me toss off her story that meant nothing. I know that she was taken back because she paused and asked me what I said again to rack her brain. Her intention was never to finish what we were talkin' about before because she completely forgot about it. You're right about test throwing also.

My girlfriend and I had broken up for awhile and recently got back together. I was disappointed to find that she STILL has this same habit. Today while we were on the phone we were talking about something on a different subject, but then she makes it a point to squeeze in a story about how she talks to this guy and that they are really close. He's her recruiter. Anyway, it has no effect on me and it's just annoying that she's still doing it. I honestly want to just do something that would make her jealous just to see how she would like it. Fight fire with fire, right? LOL! I know that she IS the jealous type from past incidents. She's not good at acting like she's not, LOL! If she loves me so much, then why would she play little mind games like that? I would confront her about this, but I don't want her to think in the slightest that it's getting to me because it's not. What do you think?