hesnotworthit

day 47/last post a guy ive liked for too long asked me out with his mates for the first time last night. had an awsome time! Dunno if anything will happen with him, but i got asked for a second date, and im gunna go! I feel like im really living again. I feel like im completely over my ex. And i dont think i will ever break NC, my life atm without him just seems to be getting better and better. I dont need him, he was never worth it. I think this will be my last post for a long time, unless anything largely significant happens. This is the last thing i use to talk/think about my ex, and im healed, so its time to be done. Ive really appreciated this community, you've all really helped me become a bigger and better person from all this break up crap, and i dont think i would have been at this stage, without the encouragement, and inspiration to keep NC up. Ive reached the light. I never regret ending things in the first place with my ex. And i dont want him in my life ever again. I probally only think about him, at the most, 20% of the day. I probally have a few more steps to climb, but im pretty much over him... Good luck, and i wish everyone else all the best!

day 43 he still loves me. today a mutural friend told me of what he had told her last week during conversation. he told her he still crys over me, getting over the break up was the hardest thing he's ever done, and he still misses me heaps everyday, and cant face not loving me anymore...then he acted all tough at the end saying "but i dont feel much anymore". i dont know what to make of this. I think its bad, because if i see him out this weekend, it could possibly be more awkard? But then again its good, seeming he acted to me like he got over me in two weeks, and was perfectly fine. Now i know hes been in as much, possibly more misery then me! I dont cry over him anymore, i defintatly dont love him anymore and i dont really miss him everyday, but i do think about him everyday. When i think about him, i get a bit disgusted haha. So i think that i am further over him then he is over me. Anyhow, since i found out this, ive had these erges too contact him and see what hes up too. No id never get back with him, but i do miss him as a friend, and i want to hear what hes up too... not sure where i will go from here...

go you! every day that number rises, it takes courage and determination! Your doing great

day 40 today was great. i find i no longer have to force myself from obsessing over seeing him when im out. i no longer stare at every car that drives past me while on the main street (he often drove here) obbsessing that he will see me. i no longer dress my best in the hope that he'll see me, and think how much prettier i am now. if i see his friends, i just look away, i dont freak out and go into hiding. the truth is i dont really care anymore. i dont worry any more that people will think bad of me because now that we're no longer together, i dont go out every weekend. im happy to spend a night home with my family...who cares? if i see someone who looks like him, i dont freak out and keep checking to see if its him, i just keep on doing what im doing. i really dont care anymore. he could be dead for all i know. next weekend, im going somewhere ive avoided, common ground which brings the possibility of new guys, but also the possibility of running into him... we'll see how it goes. but im thinking mostly about the new guys haha. who cares if i run into him? at the end of the day, hes ugly, im hot hhahahah (in a non-cocky way)

day 39 i know im almost there. i feel it today. i still have memorys that taunt me of the horrid breakup experience, but im no longer consumed by it. im proud to say im so much more of a strong woman because of it. it was hard, but i would of lost him a million times over to reap the benifits of independence. today, i am enjoying being alone. i dont need to count the days anymore. its not about the number anymore. im in NC for life. i have no desire to break it, and i dont think he does anymore either. my mind was preocupied with the future today. hopes to finally date a guy ive liked for too long (not my ex!). everyday i like him a little more. i also thought lots about moving away to the city life, and my dream carier i hope i shall achieve next year. i thought of him a little. a guy who came into my work several times today and kept stareing at me, had a very similar style to my ex, and i was instantly disgusted by him and the memory of my ex hhaa. i dont need a man, i never did.

DAY 38 havnt been on for couple days, thought it wise to cut down on talking about him everyday. but perhaps it was an unwise dection after all. today i broke a NC promise i made to myself, i went on his myspace. the week after we broke up, i went on his myspace and ran screaming and yelling-crying from it (drama queen i know), because i saw he started talking to heaps of girls (which he normally hadnt while we were dating), two days after we broke up. i banned myself from viewing his myspace for a year, so that i wouldnt be so hurt and upset again. but today i just did it...i knew what i was doing, but i was just curious to see how he is, seeming i havnt heard anything in so long. hes updated his profile blerb, with heaps of sleezy things like "who id like to meet: some hot chicks" "girls are a hot part of my life", hahah it made me laugh at amusment of how many girls would have instantly been turned off by his shallow comments. No new photos...added several girls to his top friends, talked to many other girls. My head felt heavy the whole time i looked at it. But now i dont feel upset in the slightest and satisfied by knowing a little about his life. i know this was a bad thing to do, in order for me to move on i should not care what hes up too, but i just did. Hopefully the last time. On the wk he ran into my sister while 'out', he called out to her "hey!" several times, she ignored him, as she knows i dislike him now, then she ran into him again and he yelled out her name even more times, so she finally aknowledged him, then as she turned to go she over heard him telling all the people he was with "oh thats (my name)'s sister". He knows were really close. I cant help but anlyse this as maybe he wants me to know something about him? Why would he inform, point out his ex's sister to all his friends? And if he had a gf, he obviously wouldnt bring up an ex! So i cant help but think hes not over me yet either... This is a good thing, not because it could hold a possiblity for a reconsiliation (id never take or ask him back), but because it means he still would be in pain, even if its a tenth of what im experiencing trying to heal from the heart break id be happy. May be going out to common ground in a couple weeks, havnt decided wether ill go or not yet however.. die die die already

DAY 35 today was a lot better. suprisngly so, seeming i was forced away from my friends at school as part of one of my courses. last night, i was thinking, although i was letting go of him, i was still secretly wanting and waiting for him to break NC just for my satisfaction, to let him know how great im doing and all the fab things im up to, without him. Then i realized, i dont need his contact, his clarification, his knowing of what im up too, in order to break away. i was still finding another way to allow him to intitle my happiness. So i put a stop to it, and told myself to stop waiting for him. Im letting go of him completely. I no longer want or need him to break NC, im so much better off without him completely. On another note, i had quite a frightening nightmare last nite, that made a huge impression on me...so me being the want-to-know-everything-person i am, looked it up on a dream site. And it said the meaning was that "some important and significant relationship has been severed and you are trying to disconnect yourself from your emotions to it" and that i was trying to "excommunicate" it from my life....so so so true. Funny, how spot on my dreams are. Didnt think much of him today. I really hope the yesterday and the day before, where my last "down" periods of the aftermath of the breakup. This time i really hope im letting go. And that i can really move on from all this to bigger and better things. I hope he becomes dead to me soon.

Thanks so much for the encouragement i think i was just having a couple rough days. And your doing awsomely too, for so early into your NC!

DAY 34 i feel like im going backwards. I dont like to be negative, but today feels just as crap as yesterday. i hate this point of my life right now, everything in my life seems to be burning, or at least simmering, and hes just turning up the tempreture. I want to date again, i know guys like me, but im not intrested in any of the guys i know and its just so hard to meet any new ones in my tiny town, where nothing ever happens to meet new people at my age, except parties, but my ex is almost always connected to those. I wish i could forget him. I really dont ever ever want him back, i dont want him to contact me, i really dislike him in so many ways now, i defently dont love him anymore, but he's still taking up 80% of my thoughts today. It sucks, because it still hurts to think about him, and i dont want it too. I guess no one can really spell out how to completely let go of someone, ive gotta discover and work through it myself...i just wish it would end already. Ive been broken up for 2.5 months, and im sick of being exhausted from thinking about him, and grieving for an * * * * * * * ... i know theres a pot of gold waiting for me at the end of this...i know the sun will one day outshine all of this... i just want to get to it now. I want his file in my brain to burn...now.

Yeh i know what you mean. Everyone around me who brakes up, moves on incredabally faster then me. Its like i almost have this pressure to move on as quickly as i can, so that im normal, and people arnt like "she should be over him by now". But as much as i try, he wont leave my head! Arhg.

Thats the spirit! As they say, the things that hurt you, but dont kill you, only make you stronger. Its hard, but we will all make it

DAY 33 today was crap. broke down and cried last night, looked at a picture of us together. i think i just have a lot of crap going on in my life at the moment, and everythings just coming together into one explosion, and trying to let go of him once and for all is just the icing on the cake. I thought about him a lot today, which is gay, seeming i was beginning to think about him a lot less everyday! Obsessed that this guy was him, while out, and it wasnt. Argh. A friend whos out just texted me about just seeing him in one of the clubs...it doesnt help to know he's out having fun while im home exhursted, hurt and annoyed. But they did tell me he's died his hair and looks ugly from it, and he's "just staring into space". Good. If only they'd told me he just got run over by a car. Oh the possibilities.

really, well good on you, i think its all about changing the habbits you had with them, that helps you to truly let go...so by you no longer deleteing his number anymore your making a stance to moving on, in the same way i am by deleteing his number. What ever helps you sleep at night wow that took courage to let go of all her reminders the day you broke up! High five! I think i just hate change, but i know that in order for me to let go, i have to change and let go of every last reminder of him. And its intresting about what you said with connections...i think thats a true in a way, for me, for some reason i always think about him just before i acidently run into him, or anyone else talks about him... Maybe because we were so close to them during the relationship, we stil maintain a connection however small? Have you had any experiences with this?

DAY 32 i deleted his number out of my mobile today I did however write it down on a piece of paper which i will keep in my room, but at least i wont be carrying around a way of contact to him, with me, everywhere i go. Ive been wanting to do this for a while, seeming i have no intention what so ever for breaking contact in the future (unless he does a bit longer down the track) but havnt been able to do it, just because i dont want to loose all ways of reaching him, so this is my comfortable way out. It felt great to press delete, of his name in which he had teased me and personalized it to a silly nickname that i hated... I felt somewhat free-er, that if i ever see him drive past me again, i wont stop and think, should i text him? etc., because i wont have his number on me! Plus, i can just feel the satisfaction in replying, "who is this?" if he ever texts me and the disapointment he'll feel when he realizes im no longer waiting around or no longer in love with him anymore I hope one day i can tear up his number forever. And you know what i realized? This break up HAD to happen in order for me to grow up as a person. If no body had problems, we would all stay the same in our comfy zone, i needed this problem to over come it, and change into a better person. Weekend woot! Shopping with girls tomorrow Onwards to paradise