THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[sexylove7975]

Yea I can really relate to you. We both discussed deactivating facebook and that it was nothing personal, just didn't want to get hassled by friends. I have thought the exact same way as you did and thought about reactivating my facebook just to show him I am doing well because it took him a few days to deactivate, he just did yesterday. We have a TON of pictures together on there and both our profiles had small sections about eachother.

Just keep doing what you are, it seems like you are handling it well. Make her wonder. I know that he cant check my facebook everyday will make him wonder. But having her check and see you havent updated is the exact same. Keep it positive if you do update.

 

I am only on day 4 here of NC with a really odd breakup 5 days ago that ended on good terms. So I cant give much advice yet.

[Puckdog27]

You dont have to deactivate yours, just block her in the privacy settings. Then to her it will appear like you removed it completely.

[Lavender25]

Day 1.

 

Woke up this morning feeling pretty crappy. I did get better until I got home and got on the dreaded facebook. Looks like him and his ex are hanging out again.

 

He and I have been off/on for 7 years and the last time we broke up was for a year. He dated this girl for 6 months during this time. He and I reconciled 6 months after they broke up (he said she wasn't very mature among other things). They stayed friendly even though it was obvious she didn't want us to be together and I was OK with it until the last 6-8 months of our relationship when she became a nuisance and was obviously trying to make herself an issue. "You wanna go out for coffee? Can you fix my car? My vacuum? And so on..." I knew she wanted more than friendship but the ex kept saying they were just friends and he didn't want to be with her anymore and yadda yadda yadda... He and I not being able to resolve the ex g/f issue was one of the reasons that lead to the break up.

 

I can't be sure if there is anything going on between them other than friendship and there is no way for me to know for sure at this point. But it still hurts that she gets to hang out with him whenever she wants and I don't. It hurts so much and if they ARE together again.... I'll just die.

[HeavyD]

You dont have to deactivate yours, just block her in the privacy settings. Then to her it will appear like you removed it completely.

 

Right I know, but I'm saying, I don't want to do that to her right now. She would take it extremely hard and I think would just keep moving on.

[Comrade]

Day 1.

 

Woke up this morning feeling pretty crappy. I did get better until I got home and got on the dreaded facebook. Looks like him and his ex are hanging out again.

 

Damn Lavender, that must really hurt. Listen, you need to either block him on facebook or just delete it. I deleted my facebook when my ex and I broke up, and I'm really glad that I did. If you didn't have facebook, you would probably be feeling much better today.

 

Having a facebook may be holding you back in your healing process.

[mellow]

hey anonymous, hit me up if you need someone to talk to every 10 minutes, haha.

 

day whatever, I'm still bummed but mostly indifferent

[Anonymous3]

hey anonymous, hit me up if you need someone to talk to every 10 minutes, haha.

 

day whatever, I'm still bummed but mostly indifferent

 

Yeah...I'm actually getting to the indifferent point myself. I mean, if she doesn't decide (for whatever reason) she wants to pick things back up, it's her loss...I would have given her everything, as I will with whoever I end up with.

 

I'm just going to continue working on myself...I have about 50lbs I could stand to lose, and a career that needs my constant attention. I mean hell, I'm in my very early twenties, I own my own home, I just paid off my car, my friends just graduated from college and I've been travelling the world on the company dime for two years...I should be thrilled with where I am.

[libra89]

today is my day 2 of NC. Broke up with my bf of 4 yrs about 2 weeks ago and kept in contact asking why and stuff. He was patient and I got my answer for why we broke up: his definition of love changed, he still felt something but it is not love. he wanted the special connection and believed that one would accept someone fully if one loves the other. I don't know if he is right or wrong. But i just always thought that relationship requires work and the special connection thingy, it just fades with time, especially now we are in a LDR. =/ This change of definition thing happened within less than 1 month?

 

yap i decided to start NC because i know i need to learn to stand on my own and find myself again. he didn't cheated on me, we didn't have any fight, he was smart, charming and everything and so i am having a hard time getting over it. it just wasn't meant to be...

[EIBBOR2784]

Day 03- pt.2

 

I think I've come to the realization that my job didn't help me in my break up. Being that I don't work there anymore, I find it easier to go about my day doing things and being with people I want to be with. Where when I was working, I was in a cubicle, in front of a computer, doing work that didn't need use my brain. DATA ENTRY JOBS SUCK, they are easy, BUT THEY SUCK! I think that if it weren't for my job, I could have given her the space she was asking for in the beginning. Sitting at work, I was steadly thinking about us and what i could have done, what she could have done, what she might be doing, is she going to lunch today, who did she go to lunch with, and so forth. It really tore me apart and made things A LOT harder for me. After all my thoughts I'd run to the phone and call her job or her cell; which in return, annoyed her, and showed her no respect. I still think about her every morning I wake up, throughout my day, and before I go to bed but I've built a resistance to making contact with her. I try to find things that upset me about her and tell myself, "it's her loss." For instance, I always put my heart in everything i every gave her. For Valentines, I baked her a double layer, chocolate, heart-shaped cake; bought a 3-pound bag of gummy bears and sorted through them all to pick out the colors she liked (red, green, & clear), AND brought her a balloon with 3 cards (2 sentimental*sp*, and 1 funny). For her birthday, I took her to Florida and she had the best time of her life in Tampa. She had it good. Me, on the other hand, I got a dinner and birthday card for my b-day, and valentines, I got a card. Thanks ma, thanks.

 

To her: One day you'll remember who really put their heart in everything they did for you, and when you do realize it...it'll be too late. I hope your happy with the results you've chosen for yourself because I'm beginning to accept day by day that I don't need you, and iIm better off without you. You lost something special. At the end of the day, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but at the end of the day, you're going to regret not letting me show you a difference. BUT then again, I may thank you for showing me the type of person I don't want or need in my life. I deserve the love and affection I showed you. So until then, take care my love and I wish you the best.

 

Of all the people on here, I do truly understand how hard it is to let go and/or complete this challenge. Its been 4 months now and I've come so far from the person I was after we broke up. In the beginning I had become someone I never thought I'd become. It was if a whole new person had taken over. From non-stop private calling (to she if she'd answer on accident, just so i could hear what or who she was with), to driving by her house (to see if she was home), to waiting at her apt (to see if she came home with anybody). It was really bad, unhealthy and dangerous. I'm glad I never came accross something I didn't want to see or hear because I possibly would have went psycho. I'm more than happy to say that after the 2nd month of our break up I realized my problems and told my sister and my bestfriend. After telling them, it was as if the weight and the person I was becoming had been lifted out from under me and no longer did I try to do the things I was doing. My advice is keep your mind focused on other things and if your doing crazy things like I was, tell somebody! You know when your doing something wrong and love makes you doing CRRRRAAZZYY things. What I told my family and friends is that, "I'm just glad I caught myself, before someone else did." All in all, love is a mother@#%$er!

 

I think I've written more than enough for today. Overall, today was a good day...tomorrow will be better.

[lotus26]

Had to ask my EX last night to delete me number and not text me.

Its unfair that he dumps me but thinks he can still text and chat like nothings happpend. as much as i want to hear from him i know its getting me no where.

[mellow]

ahhhhhhhh whatever. this indifference feels weird.

[sexylove7975]

Day 6

 

Last night my roommate told me a girl on her soccer team began talking to her about my exboyfriend. Apparently he looks miserable. He also stopped showing up to his athletic commitments. And she said he told her he just did the whole breakup 'spur of the moment' and he is really confused.

Of course this information made me happy, thinking he might be regretting the break up. I also did get worried about his well-being. But I am really trying not to get my hopes up even if people are telling me he looks horrible when they see him on campus. Its hard to keep focusing on myself when information like this just makes me think there is a huge chance we will get back together. When really just the fact that he isnt doing so well doesnt mean he will break NC soon.

[LillyLooWho]

Day 6...not feeling that bad! Last time I did NC a few months ago it was terrible. So I must be letting go. Yay for me.

[JonasWaingaro]

Yay Lily! Yay everyone!

 

Day...a couple of weeks. Last contact was 'friends is doable.' To put the cherry on top, 'You're special and not replaceable Yes, smiley face and all. ](*,) I guess I really haven't been NC a whole lot now. lol I've gone about 14days max. Then I break down. It's annoying. I really stink at passively watching things be decided for me. Anyhoo, after 4years it's all very frustrating. Now friends is out there - maybe. Blah. Seriously, what's wrong with these dumpers.

 

There have been positives. I took up painting since the break. Lots of fun. This weekend I went to Ikea and got a new bed. Which was good.

 

Still lack motivation in most things though. Have ups and downs. Been a tough week.

[coolchick64]

Yay Lily! Yay everyone!

 

Day...a couple of weeks. Last contact was 'friends is doable.' To put the cherry on top, 'You're special and not replaceable Yes, smiley face and all. ](*,)

 

When was that?! Did she get in touch recently?

 

Sorry your week's been tough.

[tryingtocope1]

so I'm glad I found this site. first post. I dated my ex for 6 years and we basically broke up because college is ending soon(same school) i was unsure about where my life was taking me and she basically got tired of it. we've been apart just over 2 months now and the situation stands at the fact we both have admitted to still being in love with each other but she needs "time." the other day i told her i could not be her half boyfriend anymore, as we had been regularly talking and seeing each other over the past few weeks and doing great, but the whole "i need time" issue is still the problem. now I'm thinking to start pushing away maybe even casually dating others but dont know if this is going to make me lose her. 6 years is a long time and im still all tied up inside. im not doing the whole stalker deal/calling all the time, but the main issue is we are in the same circle of friends so being around her is inevitable. really just looking for some support/advice from others in the same situation. looking forward to responses.

[iduncare]

Day 1 because he text me this morning and I replied him!

 

I'm new here and need some advice.

 

He was the one who initiated the break up 2 months. I've done all that begging, crying and pleading and he was very clear even up to 2 weeks ago that things will not work out for us. Because he was put off by my insecurity and the fact that I am a few yrs older.

 

I tried to NC/ LC, but he will always text me when he is bored at work (he works part time), when he doesn't work I won't hear from him.

 

It is hard to NC because we are both in some activities and we see other regularly because of that.

 

Basically I don't want him to text me just because he is bored at work. But I don't want to tell him off too cause that will just make me look like I am angry with him.

[SnowFox]

No longer counting the days....have accepted its over....bought a new cel phone today ... that helps....new ring tones, new color of phone etc....less reminders of him.

[EIBBOR2784]

Day 04- pt.2

 

So she texted me this morning, asking if I wasn't busy this Sunday if we could go to dinner before I left to Florida next Friday. I told her if she wanted I would go with her. I kept the conversation short and got straight to the point. I'm going to be strong on not speaking to her until then and when the time comes I'm gonna keep it cool and casual. I'm getting ready to leave and there is no reason I need to try and fix or make things work with her right now. She lost something special and now it's someone else's turn to reap the benefits. Overall, today went well and tomorrow will be better!

[lotus26]

Day 3.

 

I had to text him and ask him not to contact me.

It hurts like hell.

It gets harder becuase you start to see that there is no chance they are coming back to you. In the beginning there was always a little bit of hope.

But surly after being dumped two times in three weeks i wouldnt want to get back with a man like this. Just wish he was honest from the start

[Lavender25]

I guess this is Day 3.

 

I thought about breaking NC today. I thought about the first email that he sent me last week and the line about him hoping that I've had enough time and space to figure stuff out and to message him back with anything I felt I needed to say.

 

I responded kind of coldly and told him that anything we had to say to each other shouldn't be in an email. He responded with other business about our old apartment and disregarded anything about us talking to each other about important things. I thought maybe I'd messed up with my previous email and sent another one saying that I hope I didn't come off angry or bitter and he responded in a chat just about little things... nothing important.

 

I talked to some people about it and there are varying opinions. Those saying that he just wanted to see if I was still on his fishing line and didn't want to offer up anything on his end, some saying that he was testing the waters and seeing if it's safe to talk to me, some saying that he wants to talk to me and has something to say because he is prodding me but may be too scared that I'll me mad at him and reject him...

 

So I wanted to send him a text that was just blatantly "I'm ready to talk when you are." I didn't send him one... still thinking about it though. But then there is the part of me that is like "if he really wants to talk to you, he'll find a way."

[sexylove7975]

Day 7 since the breakup, Day 6 since NC

 

I REALLY considered breaking NC today. From a second mutual friend I heard that the ex is not going to class and does not look well. All night I sat in bed wondering what could be going on with him. I know not to get my hopes up because it doesnt mean that he regrets anything. But I really want to know if he is okay. I keep telling myself NO, and that he knows my number and we did end our breakup on 'good terms'. He knows I dont hate him and I am open to anything he has to say. Yes I am doing NC, but only because he wanted 'space', I never told him that he cannot talk to me anymore.

 

Since today is officially one week since the break up I have so much on my mind. I keep wondering why he has not contacted me yet. We ended as friends and not hating eachother. I know he wanted his space and during the breakup he stated 'I may regret this' before he left. I cant think that he still doesnt care. DONT take me wrong I have been focusing on myself, I AM happy most of the day. I am young, beautiful, and intelligent. It also helps that men hit on me often and I have a few guy friends who always dreamed I was single again hahaha. Although I still have no interest in anyone, not because I am 'waiting' for my ex. I just have no interest to date 1 week after ending a long relationship.

 

I can only think that the reason everyone is worried about him and thinking he isnt doing well is because he is realizing how well I treated him. But I can only hope. I am really trying to look at various viewpoints. Maybe he just still feels bad for ending it, maybe he has a problem unrelated to me, maybe he just didnt wake up for class this week (the class is at 8am), or maybe he really is wondering about me. I do NOT have the personality to be NC, But I have yet to break it since the day after the breakup. We always talked and saw eachother everyday, maybe he thought I would never just stop talking to him? When we were together we would talk about how hard it would be when we couldnt talk/see eachother for only a few days. I can only hope that NC is making a point to him. I DO respect what he wants (his space) and I CAN go about life without him.

[quirky]

day 30 something

 

Yep, he hasn't called. I got pretty freaked out this morning and threw stuff accross the room, smashed a glass. Then I felt really sad about myself, like I was my friend, and I didn't want to hurt so much. I'm trying to gain back my perspective, this is not on anymore..I cry too much, this is not living my life like I want to. I lack direction, feeling so lost and lonely. So I wrote a few things down, joined a meetup group and started reading again a book that had helped me. Really have to look forward..

[ackerman]

2 months, 4 days still thinking of her, still missing her.

[jonboi]

2 months, 4 days still thinking of her, still missing her.

 

22 Weeks and going

 

17 Weeks of NC

 

What can you do