Anonymous3
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Everything posted by Anonymous3
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Well, her...but yeah. I just don't see how someone can do that...it seems so awful to just forget about someone you were with, even for a time as short as 8 months. You go from talking every single day, to absolute nothing. Granted she's had some tough things thrown at her, but really? I just get forgotten? I must really suck. Day 15.
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Day 14, two weeks...Still thinking about the situation daily. Really want to send that email asking "So do you plan on just ignoring me from here on out?" but I don't think that's wise. Feel somewhat like a piece of garbage that was tossed aside really...
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Yeah, the weather here is decent...the southeast states have been cold and rainy for a week now. Not even rainy, this weird mist...not fun weather. It's technically been a month and a week since I've seen her, a month since we "talked" in a quick chat...seems like much longer. It just takes a while to shake that mindset, once you've started thinking about them again. Being in a third world country where you have nobody to talk to doesn't help either. I have a staggering amount of work to do, I don't feel well, I can't sleep, and my cell won't send texts right now... It's pretty upsetting to think about all the things she said she'd do to help me through this trip, and here I am...abandoned. Let me just walk down to the front desk and start speaking Swahili to Tito (actually the guy's name.) I'm sure he'd love to hear all my problems.
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Day 12...so close to giving in and sending a pathetic message begging to be put out of my misery. As I've said, I'm in Africa at the moment...it's 4AM here, and I just woke up for no reason with tears in my eyes. Not crying, just all teared up, with a little lump in my throat. I must have had a dream or something, but I desperately want to just ask her to help me...shoot the injured horse. I instantly started thinking about all the nice, sweet little things she said to me while we were together...and combined that with the coldness in which she dumped me. I think it's a combination of homesickness even though it's only been two days, and loneliness. Whatever it is, it really sucks, and I want it to stop. It's taking everything I have not to send her a message begging her to talk to me. But I refuse to become that pathetic.
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
Anonymous3 replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
It's fantastic that you're just ignoring me...really. I'm about to leave on my longest business trip yet, I remember when you told me you'd give me something that smelled like you to take along with me. Now I'm just going to be alone, in a hotel room, in some 3rd world country. I'm so glad I was able to be your crutch through the hard times this year...this is a wonderful way to show your appreciation, taking the cold, easy way out...not talking at all, being patronizing when you did... how the hell am I still stuck on you?? -
Day 10...the day I get back in the US is the 30 day mark.
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Day 9...headed out of the country on business until November 4th....should help out a bit.
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Day 7 since my email, almost a month since the short chat... I think the best bet is to leave the ball in her court, very obviously. I did so in my email, so now it's up to her. Expecting the worst, hoping for something that doesn't suck so much.
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Hmm...in an odd way, I envy the people like you who get random pings...it's better than being flatout ignored.
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Wow...really bad day, scratch the earlier post. Don't know why, not a significant date or anything....just thinking way too much about it. Good thing is I am out of the country on business for the next couple weeks...guess that should help. I really miss having someone to share my life with
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Hmm...not having a great day...sucks how they just come out of nowhere like this. I'm working in the town where she lives, and where we spent most of our time together...lots of unwanted visual stimulation. Really wanting to reach out...get my answers, being alone like this is no fun. Day 6 since I sent the email I think...
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Yeah...oh well, no mas. I've been trying to find a nice way to ask her to stop, unless she really needs something...because it hurts like hell. She keeps saying things like "hang in there" and "there's light at the end of the tunnel..." and encouraging me to send a heartfelt email... So she's either ignorant, as she claims and doesn't know what my ex is thinking, or she knows that this really is just temporary or something...I dont know, the more I think about it the more I'll confuse myself. I think she's wise enough to realize that I'm one of the good ones, and doesn't want me to go...but I guess it isn't her call. And I think he meant 4 days till it's been a month, that seems to be the goal for NC. I'm going on a casual date tomorrow night, and actually looking forward to it.
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I'm going to have to cut her off...as much as it hurts, because she was a big part of my life too (I might as well have dated her entire family, tried to keep her close to them after her father passed) I know the conversations aren't just innocent. I keep them that way, because I feel dirty talking to her....even though I have never once been the one to initiate the chat. She swore she would never say anything about us talking, and I believed her...not that there is anything sensitive in the conversations, she just happened to be the only one I had to talk to after the breakup. Anyways...I really would be let down if she knew I was talking to her mother, but not totally surprised. Day 3 since I left the ball in her court.
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Ditto, mornings blow. Made the mistake of having a few drinks last night, that seems to make it worse. 3rd day since I sent an email basically leaving the door open for now, putting the ball in her court, telling her exactly how I feel. Specified that she didn't have to respond now, she knows how to get in touch with me if she hasn't figured * * * * out yet. Even with that, I find myself waiting for the email...watching her go on with life is cruel and unusual punishment, even if it has been an entire month since we split. I'm definitely going to have trust issues for a while now. I just wish, at this point, her mom would stop initiating contact to see how I'm doing..I love her mom to death, and it's nice to be able to talk to her...it's obvious she'd like to see us end up together, but it really hurts speaking to her. I always end up trying to find out how she's doing, and that feels dirty and wrong, even though I'm only answering her. I can totally relate to the sing in The Wedding Singer now, where he blows up and sings Love Stinks....because it really * * * * ing does. In the words of Elton, "This boy's too young to be singing the blues..."
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Broke NC today, it was my choice. We ended on uncertain terms, for no apparent reason, and I had to get my feelings out in the open before I exploded...it feels good. The ball is in her court, and I've left the door wide open...so we shall see. It was day 17 of NC
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Day 14, whatever. Starting to have people tell me how good I look since I've dropped a good 25 pounds. I can only imagine the look on her face when she sees me, if she ever decides to be an adult and have a conversation about all this. Eat your heart out...you already had mine.
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Day 13...tomorrow will be two weeks since I reached out. I wish my family will stop asking me if I've talked to her...they know the situation, she asked for time, and time is what she's getting. She seems to be doing just fine.
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So true...I might actually be more pissed off about not having a flying car by now than I am about the breakup. Not even kidding...you raise me on the Jetsons and all we have is the friggin Segway? Please.
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Yeah, I travel a good bit. For the holidays my family usually goes someplace as well, over new years...not sure what's happening this year. It's a double edged sword....yes, I get away from my life to a certain extent, but I'm also away from home. My condo is sort of like my sanctuary, and I like being able to go run on the trail near me every day...it just screws up my routine. Thinking about the holidays sucks, because that's when we started talking last year.
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Day 12...not a word sideways from her, and I don't expect one soon. Got an email yesterday about an upcoming event that she would have absolutely friggin loved, I almost clicked the link thinking I'd buy us tickets...that set me back a tad, because that's what we talked about alot when we were getting to know each other. Oh well...I get to travel next week.
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Day 11, and I find myself not checking this place every five minutes. It's weird how I have almost completely gotten over this, but I don't realize it...I just don't think about it anymore. I have maybe a few bad moments every day, some great moment we had just creeps into my mind and I start thinking about it....but then I shut it out. The thought that fixes those moments for me is that she asked for time...so she's going to get time. At this point, I think I can safely say I'll live if she never comes back. One day I'd like to have a chat to see what went wrong, but I'm well on my way to being at the point where she won't be able to get me back...I almost feel bad about moving on, because I think once she figures everything out she's going to be very lonely.
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Day 10, been feeling indifferent and not coming here as much....
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Yeah...blows when everything was seemingly going so well. I spoke to her mother as well at one point, who always seemed to love me, and she really had nothing but criticism. Apparently I didn't show enough affection for her daughter in front of her....here I was the whole time thinking I was being polite and respectful by keeping some distance between us. There was lots of other stuff in that conversation that confused the * * * * out of me...I guess I tried way too hard to do everything right. I don't know...I prefer Cohen here. "love is not a victory march, it's a cold and its a broken Hallelujah."
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Day 8. Going for a long run as soon as possible...it's a mad day. I'm still pissed off that I have to just blindly give her the time and space she wants. I personally think it's a BS way to dump someone; throw the guilt on yourself, and say you don't know why you're dumping them... If there was any value in the relationship, why the hell do you tell me you love me for the two weeks you say you were having these feelings? Why not come to me immediately, the first time you felt that way, and talk to me about it??? Granted I should have probably done more than stand there in a stupor when I had the chance to talk, but now I'm supposed to just wait...there is no way I didn't do something to contribute to this, act like an adult and tell me what went wrong, so I can fix myself and move on. Such horse * * * * that someone can hold my consciousness hostage like this...I hope you're just as miserable as I am, I really do. It isn't fair that after all that time you get to just * * * * ing walk away from this, and leave me without answers.
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One week complete NC...feel like * * * * again this morning.