EIBBOR2784

Day 04- pt.2 So she texted me this morning, asking if I wasn't busy this Sunday if we could go to dinner before I left to Florida next Friday. I told her if she wanted I would go with her. I kept the conversation short and got straight to the point. I'm going to be strong on not speaking to her until then and when the time comes I'm gonna keep it cool and casual. I'm getting ready to leave and there is no reason I need to try and fix or make things work with her right now. She lost something special and now it's someone else's turn to reap the benefits. Overall, today went well and tomorrow will be better!

Day 03- pt.2 I think I've come to the realization that my job didn't help me in my break up. Being that I don't work there anymore, I find it easier to go about my day doing things and being with people I want to be with. Where when I was working, I was in a cubicle, in front of a computer, doing work that didn't need use my brain. DATA ENTRY JOBS SUCK, they are easy, BUT THEY SUCK! I think that if it weren't for my job, I could have given her the space she was asking for in the beginning. Sitting at work, I was steadly thinking about us and what i could have done, what she could have done, what she might be doing, is she going to lunch today, who did she go to lunch with, and so forth. It really tore me apart and made things A LOT harder for me. After all my thoughts I'd run to the phone and call her job or her cell; which in return, annoyed her, and showed her no respect. I still think about her every morning I wake up, throughout my day, and before I go to bed but I've built a resistance to making contact with her. I try to find things that upset me about her and tell myself, "it's her loss." For instance, I always put my heart in everything i every gave her. For Valentines, I baked her a double layer, chocolate, heart-shaped cake; bought a 3-pound bag of gummy bears and sorted through them all to pick out the colors she liked (red, green, & clear), AND brought her a balloon with 3 cards (2 sentimental*sp*, and 1 funny). For her birthday, I took her to Florida and she had the best time of her life in Tampa. She had it good. Me, on the other hand, I got a dinner and birthday card for my b-day, and valentines, I got a card. Thanks ma, thanks. To her: One day you'll remember who really put their heart in everything they did for you, and when you do realize it...it'll be too late. I hope your happy with the results you've chosen for yourself because I'm beginning to accept day by day that I don't need you, and iIm better off without you. You lost something special. At the end of the day, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but at the end of the day, you're going to regret not letting me show you a difference. BUT then again, I may thank you for showing me the type of person I don't want or need in my life. I deserve the love and affection I showed you. So until then, take care my love and I wish you the best. Of all the people on here, I do truly understand how hard it is to let go and/or complete this challenge. Its been 4 months now and I've come so far from the person I was after we broke up. In the beginning I had become someone I never thought I'd become. It was if a whole new person had taken over. From non-stop private calling (to she if she'd answer on accident, just so i could hear what or who she was with), to driving by her house (to see if she was home), to waiting at her apt (to see if she came home with anybody). It was really bad, unhealthy and dangerous. I'm glad I never came accross something I didn't want to see or hear because I possibly would have went psycho. I'm more than happy to say that after the 2nd month of our break up I realized my problems and told my sister and my bestfriend. After telling them, it was as if the weight and the person I was becoming had been lifted out from under me and no longer did I try to do the things I was doing. My advice is keep your mind focused on other things and if your doing crazy things like I was, tell somebody! You know when your doing something wrong and love makes you doing CRRRRAAZZYY things. What I told my family and friends is that, "I'm just glad I caught myself, before someone else did." All in all, love is a mother@#%$er! I think I've written more than enough for today. Overall, today was a good day...tomorrow will be better.

Day 02- pt.2 Day went fine. I didn't have any urges to call or make contact. Seems that after she finally spoke her mind and told me how I knew she was feeling it put me a ease with everything. Like I said, as I get closer to my date of departure things are getting simpler. Tomorrow will be better.

Day 01- pt.2 Today has been alright. Not really thinking about her as much as I usually do. She actually texted me towards the end of the night: "I'm sorry things have to be the way they are. I still have alot of love in my heart for you. This situation is hard for me too. If we were able to keep a friendship i'm sure things would be different. I hate that its gotten to the point to where you have to move to a different state to be happy. Hopefully it will give you peace of mind and we'll be able to continue what we once had." I responded with: "We are different people that have different ways of handling things. You know i love you more than anything in the world and if you honestly feel the way you do, after some time and space we will connect again and maybe you'll come to Florida." I left it at that. I know if i start wanting to speak with her and trying to speak with her, i'm going to drive the both of us crazy. She's been a big part of my life and it will never be forgotten. Overall, today went well and tomorrow will be better. Everyday I get closer to leaving back to Florida things just seem to get easier!

I know, I know. I'm very hard-headed and stubborn when it comes to listening to other people but you learn from your mistakes, which i've done. I appreciate your input. Thanks man.

Day 03 Not a good day. I broke my challenge. I needed her dad's number and there was only one way to get it. We spoke and her voice is beginning to no longer sound as pretty as it used to. She finally came out and told me that she was forming animosity towards me and becoming disgusted with my persistence. She said that she understands my personality as a go-getter and that i don't give up until i get what i want, which is why she just hasn't wrote us off and gave closure to our relationship. She told me she see's us together again but not until i give up on it and leave her alone for awhile. I know I was wrong in making contact but I'm glad she told me what she did. I'll leave her alone as she requests. ](*,)

Day 02 To remind my self of my Challenge I find it helpful reading my "Day 01" entry. It pushes me not to give up and stay strong. Well, I went to Wal-Mart tonight and ran into her cousin and uncle. Comes to find out, She hadn't told her cousin that 1, I was moving to Florida; and 2, We had broken up. Kinda caught me off guard and don't really know what to think of it. Kind of, sorta, puts me at a loss of words. She tells me she's always talking to her cousin and watching her child yet for four months she didn't tell her? Oh well, it's too late now. 2 weeks and I'm back at home with my family and the beach. I'm really looking forward to this...

Day 01 We were together for a little over 2 years and have been broken up for the passed 4 months. We went from being happy with each other 24/7 to continually arguing day in and day out. We lost trust in each other throughout the relationship and realized that neither of us was truly happy anymore. Since we've broke up, I've realized how much she truly meant to me and where i made my mistakes and how i took her and our relationship for granted. I've persistently tried to get her back and have dwindled her love to a mere "i love you", when it used to be "goodmorning", "goodnight", "i love you." When we do see each other in person we still hug, hold and kiss each other as if we are together but at the end of the road, we aren't. I speak what I feel and I never hold back (even when i probably should sometimes). I tell her everything and anything that comes to my mind. My biggest problem is that one minute, I'll tell her I'm going to give her space then the next minute I'm texting her trying to hold a convo that turns into a fight. I'm very unstable with my emotions and my word which make things difficult for the both of us. Things are honestly getting worse and I know if i don't keep my word on giving her her space I will lose her for good, if i haven't already. I actually decided to move back to Florida in a couple weeks to focus on me for awhile so I can better myself cause if I stay here things will only get worse and possibly ruin everything we have. ](*,) I texted her earlier today (09/09/09) and this is how I'm going to start off my NC-Challenge: "I love you with all my heart and I know what I need to do to make you believe that. My leaving is what I'm doing to save what's left of our relationship, if theres anything left. I'm going to show you how serious I am about this and hopefully I'll hear n see you before i go. I know what i'm doing to you is making you run even farther than you already are and i can't make up for that now. All i can do is wait for your forgiveness and stop hoping we'll be together again. It hurts to notice that you barely say "I love you" anymore and it makes it worse to know that its my fault. One day I'll have you back in my arms and if not, i know i didn't give up without a fight. I love you more than the world and I know you know that. I just hope you understand that i never meant to push you away. Until then...I love you." Her response: "I love you. Thank you for you."