Getting back together really does happen!

[Buco24]

He doesn't want to give up the sex. And unfortunately, you gave him the sex right away. I've seen this type of situation many times. Hell, I've done it to women in my younger, more jerky days. I hope I'm wrong, but I see this as a wash/rinse/repeat cycle.

 

Maybe that's right and he doesn't want to give up the sex like you said. But that's not what we want to focus on. We want to go to the movies, cook together, just do normal stuff. Do you think he said he'll do that just to get some sex? I am of course totally afraid of what will happen but after so many months he admitted he can't do it without me and that he wants to try.

 

I didn't plan on doing anything at all. I want him to come to me and ask me if I want to go to the movies or whatever.

But I feel like I have to try otherwise I'll always ask myself what if.. Can you understand that?

 

 

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[Shane Falco]

Maybe that's right and he doesn't want to give up the sex like you said. But that's not what we want to focus on. We want to go to the movies, cook together, just do normal stuff. Do you think he said he'll do that just to get some sex? I am of course totally afraid of what will happen but after so many months he admitted he can't do it without me and that he wants to try.

 

I didn't plan on doing anything at all. I want him to come to me and ask me if I want to go to the movies or whatever.

But I feel like I have to try otherwise I'll always ask myself what if.. Can you understand that?

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

A movie and a "cooking" date are small prices to pay for sex. I would do that every day of the week, especially in a situation like he has, when he pretty much has you under his control. So yes, I believe that he would absolutely do stuff like that in order to get sex. And no, you should not be the one initiating and asking him out. It's up to him to prove to you that he's serious, and it's up to you to make him prove that. And by having sex with him right away, you aren't doing that at all. You are an easy mark again and there's absolutely no reason for him to go the extra mile with you because he doesn't have to. I realize why you feel you have to do this, but by giving into that feeling so easily, you are sabotaging yourself from both a) getting him back in a romantic relationship and b) moving on.

 

The whole "going with your feelings" thing isn't smart. You need to integrate your brain and your heart to make the best possible decisions in your life. Hearts mean well, but often are very very dumb. But overthinking (using too much brain) can be bad as well. Either way, you are making this way too easy for him and you are putting yourself in another bad situation. Make him prove to you he means business and stop having sex with him so easily.

[Buco24]

Thank you very much Shane! I think I get your point and know you're right!

I know alcohol isn't an excuse but last night I was totally drunk and when we talked it was all so emotional etc that I couldn't resist.

 

My plan is not giving in that easily again. I want him to prove me that he wants this relationship!

 

I guess I will just wait and see what happens!

I hope you wish me luck though

 

 

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[Betteralready]

First post!

Last week my coworker told me his story:

He dated a girl, she was early 20's, he was early 30's. He wouldn't give a lot of detail but said his girlfriend was young and needed to "sow her oats"... He also used the words "growing pains."

Nevertheless, they dated for 3 years and broke up 3 or 4 times. He said at one point he just let go and told God that he trusted Him with the situation.

They're married now.

[mbee]

I have a story from a coworker as well. They dated in their early 20s. They broke up for reasons he didn't specify. Fast forward 6 years later... and a mutual friend of theirs died. They found solace and comfort with each other, and fell in love again. They've been together for 2 years and from the giddy smile on his face and the cute hints, he's planning to propose to her pretty soon!

[157]

I know of 2 couples who got back, one after 4 months one after a few. I don't know enough details there to be useful. Also this article: Can anxiety kill your ability to love? on CNN

[Betteralready]

Today I need to bump this, but I also have a legitimate story to add:

 

I was roommates with a good friend in grad school. She's gorgeous and brilliant and guys were always in love with her, but she didn't really date much in the 4 years that we were close friends. Now she lives out-of-state.

 

We never talked in depth about her romantic past, but I knew that she'd dated a guy who wasn't ready to settle down. Every once in a while, she'd make comments in passing about knowing what it's like to have her heart broken- things like that, but she's very reserved, and I never pried. I knew his name, his occupation, and that he was alive, but that's about it. I do recall that he sent her a very lovely graduation gift, but he wasn't present and I had never met him.

 

Well, I just spent this most recent New Year's Eve at their amazing home. They are so in love and happy that it's almost gross!

 

I'm happy for her.

[sublimeone]

My gf broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. We've seen each other a couple of times since then, comfortable and flirty conversation.

 

I know she needs to get some things right in her life, and I'd never stand in the way of that.

 

But I do like reading this thread, false hope or no. I handled the breakup well, no begging or pleading, been doing no texts or phone calls (to give her space).

 

Still....I absolutely miss her, and I absolutely hope for the future, and I absolutely want to be with her some day when she gets these problems tackled.

 

So, this thread is nice when I'm feeling completely hopeless.

[quirkyandcute]

I've spent the last 3 weeks reading this thread so I thought it was time to contribute:

 

A friend of a friend (Katie) was dating Matt for over a year when she broke up with him because of his immaturity and selfishness. They were 25 at the time, but he didn't seem to take the relationship very seriously - he would never consider her when making decisions, look out for his best interest first, etc. I don't know how bad this behaviour was, and can't give specific examples, but it got to a point where she wanted to break-up despite the fact that she still loved him. As far as I know, the split wasn't messy - they left each other on good terms and she initiated NC for over a year. She had moved on, dated other people and made herself a priority. She signed up for an exchange program that required her to live in Europe for 4 months. Before she left, she messaged everyone (Matt included) that she was leaving for Europe and her US number would no longer be in service. He panicked - he thought that she was leaving forever. The year they were apart, he worked on himself, adjusted his attitude, etc. While Katie was in Europe, Matt surprised her by showing up and begging her to take him back and she agreed.

 

As she describes it, he was a changed man - the issues they had in the past completely disappeared. They have been living together for over 2 years now and she is expecting him to pop the question in the near future.

 

Why I'm here (sort of on topic):

 

My ex bf broke up with me because he doesn't want a relationship ATM. We've been on/off FWB/bf/gf for 1.5 years because of this issue. I initiated NC immediately after the break-up (2 months ago). I was devastated that I didn't hear from him, even during the holidays. In the last two weeks, he sent me 2 unnecessary e-mails. When I say unnecessary, I mean links to things/topics that we have talked about, but aren't really urgent or personal. I was starting to move on and was feeling better about the situation and all it took was an e-mail to send me back into does-he-miss-me? mode. Not sure what to make of any of this...

[Brokenhart84]

Bumping for more stories

[pippy longstocking]

well my friend is back with her ex from 3 years ago ..

 

they have talked ..they have gone over what what wrong ..there was lots of admissions and losts of acknowledgements ..... so I guess time will tell .

[imogene]

Hey guys, I have a few reconciliation stories, both good and bad. Take from it what you will, but remember that reconciliation needs to happen for the right reasons. (I apologize in advance, this post will be quite long)

 

1) My aunt and my uncle married in the mid 80's. They were a wonderful couple and their marriage seemed just fine from the outside. Since my uncle is a surgeon, they have had to relocate frequently accross the United States for his job and I imagine that it put a bit of a strain on their marriage. They unexpectedly divorced around 2003, and for a few years my aunt was the only one to show up at family gatherings. I don't know the details of their reconciliation but they got back together around 2007 and have stayed together ever since. They did not remarry each other but they are living together and seem happier than ever, to the delight of the rest of my family.

 

2) One of my closest friends growing up, M, began dating a classmate at her university, D. From the moment I met him, I disliked D intensely (he openly flirted with me and other female friends of mine in front of M, he would go through her phone and check who she texted and called, he was emotionally manipulative, he was boorish and rude, he cheated, threw her out of his house on multiple occasions, etc.) but M continued dating him, making flimsy excuses for his behavior. They are a typical on/off couple and he has broken up with her repeatedly over the last 5 or so years, but she always comes back to him. My feelings of disgust with D have not changed and I have begged M relentlessly throughout the years to dump him but she refuses, saying that she loves him. I earnestly hope that she will wake up one day, but as of now, they're on again, unfortunately.

 

3) This isn't so much of a reconciliation story but again, dumpers do come back. I dated J for just over a year. He was my first serious boyfriend and I thought I was in love with him. We talked about marriage and children together, and I was under the impression that we were going to be together forever. It wasn't until he began initiating small arguments with me that things began to go sour. Those small arguments blew up into massive fights over the smallest of things, to the point that he had initiated a break with me for a span of two weeks. After that, I contacted him and he agreed to get back together, which was when I learned that he'd initiated the break so that he would be able to fool around with another girl. I was shattered, but also young and inexperienced, and I begged him to come back to me and have things go back to the way they once were. He agreed, but ended up breaking up with me a week later, giving me the whole "I just don't love you anymore, I've fallen out of love with you" speech. It was the worst pain I'd ever experienced in my life and I never thought I would ever see him again. I did the crying and begging thing when we broke up but I went immediately NC afterwards.

 

Fast forward about 6-7 months. I'd gotten over the majority of the pain and suffering and was getting my life back together. I did not contact him at all during this period. With clarity and distance from the relationship, I had begun to see that, in my time with J, he was sexually and emotionally manipulative and psychologically abusive. He would repeatedly threaten me with sayings like "You shouldn't ever think of breaking up with me because no one else will ever love you the way I do." He was flamboyantly patronizing with my career plans to be an engineer and dreams for the future and repeatedly attempted to get me pregnant so I would have no choice but to stay with him. He also invalidated and attempted to alter my feelings towards religion (I'm agnostic but I had no issue with the fact that he was a practicing Christian, he appeared to be the one who was at odds with me and my stance). I began to see that I was worth so much more than being a fallback option and I would never again tolerate being disrespected in the way that he had disrespected me. He wanted a Barbie doll, to change and alter and manipulate as he saw fit, and I was absolutely not that person. So you can imagine my surprise and amusement when he had begun texting me to "talk" and covertly ascertain how I was doing by contacting my brother. J then began anonymously messaging me through social media and, after he revealed it was him, he proceeded to give me the "You were the love of my life, I never stopped loving you" speech. By this time I was having none of it, and told him to kindly F off. My brother informed me afterwards that J had cheated on the next two girls after me that he dated and that I was absolutely right in my decision to tell J to take a hike.

 

Fast forward another two years. I had basically forgotten all about him and our relationship and was having the time of my life when J decides to, once again, message me and attempt to get in contact with me via social media. He begs and pleads for me to reconsider my stance but I refuse. At that point he began to get angry and abusive once again, saying horrible things, but his words fell on deaf ears as I blocked him. I learned, again through my brother, that at the time J had been messaging me, he was already married and expecting a child with a much younger girl he had knocked up. Apparently he's miserable now and trapped in his situation in his home state. I am so relieved that he's not my problem anymore but I feel terrible that someone has to endure married life with him.

 

 

So, as I said earlier, reconciliation needs to happen for the right purposes and needs to be with someone who genuinely deserves your love and attention and affection. You need to have a solid foundation of self respect and internal clarity. Not every relationship is the same and, even in what seems like a hopeless situation, an ex can go from "I don't love you anymore" to begging and pleading months down the line. My current situation with my current ex, N, looks to be hopeful from the perspective of a handful of mutual friends but ultimately my future with him is unclear. I'm confident enough that we had a strong enough bond to want to return to (we had been best friends) but I'm focusing on making myself happy and carving out the future that I want in my life. I wish the best to you all, stay strong.

[palmer14]

My best friend and his girlfriend were together for about 3 years, then they broke up because she started getting interested in other guys. They went back and forth for a few weeks, and they eventually were over "for good". She ended up realizing she wanted to be with him after a month and a half when he started to move on, and now they have been steady for about 5 months, and everything looks good.

[Betteralready]

My friend/former roommate that I posted about a few weeks ago, who got back together with her ex after years of separation and living in different cities?

 

They got engaged today.

[AintEasy]

My friend/former roommate that I posted about a few weeks ago, who got back together with her ex after years of separation and living in different cities?

 

 

They got engaged today.

 

that's wonderful to hear. I proposed to my ex drunk and she said yes. we joked about it, until she started bringing up engagement rings. I hate to do it to myself but imagining the day I actually get engaged to her. one can only dream.

[Chaoticheart]

I promised myself to come back to this forum if I ever did get back together with my ex, which is why I'm here now we've been together for 3 weeks already and this new relationship with him is just going so much more better than the old.

We broke up officially in November, not even a week into my NC he started dating another girl and giving her all I wanted out of him. I was heartbroken. Really heartbroken. I ended up needing therapy and pulled myself out of depression.

Honestly though I wouldn't have changed the events that happened I went from miserable codependant with a boyfriend that didn't give me anything to having 2 jobs, back in college and on track to get my own car and apartment again.

I also was seeing someone else I thought was much better than my ex until earlier this month, he was the sweetest thing in the world at first, and then he started showing some abusive qualities my ex's timing was great, I can't say that I would've stayed away from the new guy after he promised change and seemed to be the sweetheart I first met.

 

We openly talk about our "rebounds" his was more of a rebound than mine... I learned he met the girl off Tinder and moved fast out of loneliness, but the relationship was solely based on their children getting along.

Quite honestly, if the other guy didn't show these red flags(hitting and throwing the cat, throwing things at me, being overly possessive after 1 month, etc) I would've stayed with him. I do miss him still. I just hope I'm not actually rebounding off him with my ex...

I made my ex bend over backwards to come back too, and to show he changed for the better. So far so good

 

This thread helped me a lot during my healing process, I'd read it for hope that he'd return until I no longer needed that hope as a crutch and walked away. I believe that's what helped him to come back, just me letting go of any possibility and living in what's going on in the present. So thanks everyone who's written their stories on here, and who's given me support.

[Alicewonder]

Hi guys, do you know any stories when people get back together after one or both of them married their rebound? Or could you give me a link here? Until now I've read about half of this thread and found only one story of the kind..

[Brokenhart84]

Good for you. One day at a time. How long were you in no contact for? Did you contact him at all from November-now?

 

How did you recover from depression? I'm in it now and I'm still struggling. I'm going to therapy which is helping.

I don't know what I want as of now in terms of my ex.

[Glen1987]

how did he come back into your life? Was it planned or by chance?

[cavsguy]

Here's a couple stories of reconciliation that I have to share.

 

1. My parents were dating for 2 years (and engaged) when my mom decided that my dad was going out to the bar too much and spending too much time with friends. He did not have a steady job and she started worrying heavily about spending the rest of her life with a man that could not support her financially or emotionally. They got into a giant fight and my dad ended up taking the engagement ring back from her. They were apart for 2 months and in that time my dad got a job and improved himself in many ways. They have now been married for 38 years.

 

2. 2 of my really good friends both go to university and had been dating since high school (around 2 years at the time). She broke up with him because of the good old fashioned "what if there is someone else out there for me that could treat me better?" syndrome. A week and a half later she heard about a fling he was having with this girl and called him up and told him it was over for good. She repeated this phrase a billion times to me and all my buddies. She was hurt obviously that someone could seemingly move on that fast and I don't blame her. Well, they broke up in May of 2014 and she ended up calling him at the end of August to try and reconcile the relationship. He was the one that denied this time. They went a month of NC after that with school going on and end of September, he called her and said he was miserable without her. They have been together since and very happy!!

 

 

 

What I take away from all these stories on here is NOT false hope. Don't think just because other people got back together means you can too.

It takes hard work on both sides and self-improvement. There is a reason the relationship ended in the first place. If your partner broke up with you and eventually wants to come back to you, they can NOT see you in that same spot that you were in when they left you. It's not attractive and it will remind them of all the bad things that happened in the first place.

 

Find out why the relationship went sour and take some time apart to reflect on the important things. What you both want and what you both hope to achieve out of a relationship. Remember, it is all about growth. The minute you stop growing in a relationship is the minute you outgrew it.

Grow yourself again and make yourself happy. The only way you can make someone else truly happy is if you love yourself and are comfortable with the person you are.

 

Everybody on here has a huge heart and they want the best for their relationships. Give it time and healing and everything will work itself out. It may not seem like it now, but I promise, its a small world and miracles happen in mysterious ways!

[Ginryu]

My best friend just told me the story of her brother's relationship yesterday:

 

They were highschool sweet Hearts. They dated until soph. year of college then broke up. Just fighting too much. she left him but about 3 years later She gets back in touch because she still misses him. Get back together after a month of talking. Both have really grown up and after another 2 years of dating... he proposed the other day

 

He even exhausts himself through the week because even after his graveyard shift, he wants to go have breakfast with her they are super super in love

[hopefulandhurt]

i have a couple stories

1) one of my best friends dated a guy for 2 years in college. she moved out of state in july after we graduated for grad school. he broke up with her because he didnt "believe" in long distance relationships. she was miserable, begged, pleaded, etc. he would talk to her, but wouldnt budge. she would try to go nc but would break down after 2-3 weeks every time. finally she realized she couldn't convince him, so she let it go. she stuck with nc for 6 weeks before he finally contacted her telling her he made the biggest mistake of his life. they got back together about 6 months after the initial break up.

 

2) one of my roommates in college had been with her boyfriend for a year and a half and wanted some time to be "single" before we graduated. they were apart for about 2 months before she went back to him. they never lost contact.

 

3) my own story. my ex boyfriend and i had been together since 15. we broke up freshmen year of college because of long distance over thanksgiving freshmen year. we had lc most of the year and got back together over the summer after that year. we stayed together for another 2 years and broke up again in the summer of 2013. we were broken up for 2 months but remained friends and then got back together. most recently we broke up 5 months ago. i think this time is for good as this is the only time we've really not had contact and it seems serious. all of our break ups i think were due to lack of experience, being young, growing pains, and GIGS on his side mostly. i have no idea what will happen now (we are no longer long distance), but i do think reconciliations can happen.

 

i know a bunch more stories. i think breaking up and reconciling happens way more often than people make it out to. i think the key to it is just letting go and letting whatever is meant to be work itself out.

[Froggin]

Not a proper reconciliation but one of my ex's who dumped me after 2 years tried to come back about 4 months later, she did all the begging but it was too late as at that stage I was with someone else.

 

Also for people saying attractive women have less of a chance to come back, my ex was a Russian model. I think as long as you are both around the same level of attractiveness it doesn't effect the chances of reconciliation.

[lolabelle]

Right ok, a few stories of rconciliation here. Alot of people seems so negetive on here about it, i feel that maybe yes, it is still more likley that you will remain broken up, or that it wont work the second time around BUT that doesnt change the fact that people do get back together all the time, its alot more common than some people might think and i have a few stories to prove it!!

 

1) a good friend of mine was with her boyfriend for a year and a half ish, as he was leaving for uni he just decided he wanted to be single, that was that he went away and the poor girl was devestated. She kept in touch with him, visited once or twice, saw him with other girls, went crazy....after 6 months she got her man back and they have been back together for 6 years now and are the strongest couple i know.

 

2) my best friend pretty nuch got really bored in her relationship. The guy she lived with was lovely and she cared for him alot but she had fallen out of love with him and had been unhappy in thenrelationship for quite some time. and another guy had caught her eye, she had kissed him and even gone on a date with him. So she left her boyfriend. Things never got off the ground with this other guy, as much as she tried, messaging ang chattin wen they saw each other but it juat never came together. She was OBSESSED with him. After a while....a good few months, the obsession faded she started to miss her ex bf, they were still in touch a little bit and on good terms but he never ever knew about the other guy. She eventually missed him so much she went back, after about 8 months. They have been back together a year now and have bought a house. They are both really happy and seem so in love. She loves him again!

 

3)a young man i used to work with was with his girlfriend about a year, he never really loved her that much and would always say she loved him.more than he loved her and he was even a bit annoyed by her, he was never really that happy with her. They broke up, not even for that long, he finally realised what he had and after a month or two they got back together, he fell in love with her and the change in him was amazing. They are now engaged.

 

4) another young man i used to work with. And they were quite young, they had been together about 2 years. He broke it off with her as again he didnt love her anymore. She was devestated and still tried to hang around him, waited outside his house, followed him on nights out, cried wen he was with other girls, the poor girl was distraught. I dont know the details of their reconciliation but i know they were broken up for a year or more and they are back and happy

 

5) my ex bfs sister and her boyfriend broke up after a year or 2, they broke up for 6 months and the girl had another relationship in this time, something happened im not sure what and they ended up back together..and they have been for 3 years.

 

6) another friend of mine broke up wirh her bf, and im not sure exactly how long, but they bumped into each other on a night out and ended up back together again.

 

So there we go, thats just off the top off my head.

In my own experience i have had one ex to want me back, i left him thought but because.of his behaviour. I nearly went back as i ended up missing him but i didnt go back.

I have recently reconnected with an ex from 2 years ago. We never lost touch and remained friendly. It easmt a big relationship and we wernt in love...but he sseems to want something again now although i dont.

 

My most recent ex was the only one i ever wanted back but he doesnt want that. Hes with someone else now and has no interest in a relationship with me.

 

But sometimes i think ...well...you never know, bur im not hoping for anything we must remember life goes on.

All i know is all of these relationships were completley hopeless at some point.

 

People say an ex is an ex for a reason and must stay an ex because of this....

well they surely are an ex for a reason but noone can say those reasons cant be fixed, of course they can.

 

Theres proof right there that people fall back in love after falling out. But everyones different and each situation is unique..

The best option is to move on with life the best you can, keep minimal contact and leave them to live their life. If its meant to be it will be but only time will tell

[SarahBee]

Your my absolute favourite poster here Lolabelle, your posts are really helping me and this is the best I've felt in two months! Thank you so much xxx