imogene

Hey everyone! Just wanted to post an update. This isn't a reconciliation but it's definitely good news. It's been about five months now since my ex and I split up. Since then, I've gone back to university where I'm pursuing my dreams again in the field of engineering, and I've gotten a second job. I'm about to be in a position to purchase a vehicle and I've greatly expanded my social circle by going back to school. To put it lightly, things are AMAZING over here right now and I couldn't be happier with myself. I've been in complete NC with my ex since our split, and I think that's the only reason why I'm doing so well. Am I still sad about our breakup from time to time? Yes, of course. Do I still miss him sometimes? I do. But I've come to the point now where I'm really happy where I am now and I'm actually enjoying being single. And I can't stress this enough: this is the position you REALLY want to be in when you are trying to reconcile with your ex. It's no guarantee that they'll return to you, but if you do decide to open the channels of communication again, you are definitely going to want to be in control of your life and you're definitely going to want to be happy with yourself first. As far as reuniting with my ex goes, we'll see. I'm at the point now where I'm fine with going back to him and fine without him. Perhaps I'll talk to him in a few months, or perhaps not. Don't forget, a hasty reconciliation is more likely to result in another breakup, and in this case, time is your friend. We've only been broken up for five months and, considering the stories I've read on this thread, five months isn't a super long time. Then again, if my ex and I do begin talking again, believe me, you guys will be the first to know. Either way, I'm not worried about it. I've gone on dates and been asked out multiple times by guys at my college and even experienced a crush or two along the way. I just wanted to post this update for those of you who are going through the worst of it right now, just so you can see that yes, it really does get better, but it can't get better until YOU get better first. This was by far the worst breakup I've ever experienced. I was aimless and devastated and miserable for a long time after my ex broke up with me, but it changed only once I got a grip and took control of my life back. If you're still heartbroken right now, I promise that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to make it so. I believe in you guys! Best of luck to everyone!

Hey guys, I have a few reconciliation stories, both good and bad. Take from it what you will, but remember that reconciliation needs to happen for the right reasons. (I apologize in advance, this post will be quite long) 1) My aunt and my uncle married in the mid 80's. They were a wonderful couple and their marriage seemed just fine from the outside. Since my uncle is a surgeon, they have had to relocate frequently accross the United States for his job and I imagine that it put a bit of a strain on their marriage. They unexpectedly divorced around 2003, and for a few years my aunt was the only one to show up at family gatherings. I don't know the details of their reconciliation but they got back together around 2007 and have stayed together ever since. They did not remarry each other but they are living together and seem happier than ever, to the delight of the rest of my family. 2) One of my closest friends growing up, M, began dating a classmate at her university, D. From the moment I met him, I disliked D intensely (he openly flirted with me and other female friends of mine in front of M, he would go through her phone and check who she texted and called, he was emotionally manipulative, he was boorish and rude, he cheated, threw her out of his house on multiple occasions, etc.) but M continued dating him, making flimsy excuses for his behavior. They are a typical on/off couple and he has broken up with her repeatedly over the last 5 or so years, but she always comes back to him. My feelings of disgust with D have not changed and I have begged M relentlessly throughout the years to dump him but she refuses, saying that she loves him. I earnestly hope that she will wake up one day, but as of now, they're on again, unfortunately. 3) This isn't so much of a reconciliation story but again, dumpers do come back. I dated J for just over a year. He was my first serious boyfriend and I thought I was in love with him. We talked about marriage and children together, and I was under the impression that we were going to be together forever. It wasn't until he began initiating small arguments with me that things began to go sour. Those small arguments blew up into massive fights over the smallest of things, to the point that he had initiated a break with me for a span of two weeks. After that, I contacted him and he agreed to get back together, which was when I learned that he'd initiated the break so that he would be able to fool around with another girl. I was shattered, but also young and inexperienced, and I begged him to come back to me and have things go back to the way they once were. He agreed, but ended up breaking up with me a week later, giving me the whole "I just don't love you anymore, I've fallen out of love with you" speech. It was the worst pain I'd ever experienced in my life and I never thought I would ever see him again. I did the crying and begging thing when we broke up but I went immediately NC afterwards. Fast forward about 6-7 months. I'd gotten over the majority of the pain and suffering and was getting my life back together. I did not contact him at all during this period. With clarity and distance from the relationship, I had begun to see that, in my time with J, he was sexually and emotionally manipulative and psychologically abusive. He would repeatedly threaten me with sayings like "You shouldn't ever think of breaking up with me because no one else will ever love you the way I do." He was flamboyantly patronizing with my career plans to be an engineer and dreams for the future and repeatedly attempted to get me pregnant so I would have no choice but to stay with him. He also invalidated and attempted to alter my feelings towards religion (I'm agnostic but I had no issue with the fact that he was a practicing Christian, he appeared to be the one who was at odds with me and my stance). I began to see that I was worth so much more than being a fallback option and I would never again tolerate being disrespected in the way that he had disrespected me. He wanted a Barbie doll, to change and alter and manipulate as he saw fit, and I was absolutely not that person. So you can imagine my surprise and amusement when he had begun texting me to "talk" and covertly ascertain how I was doing by contacting my brother. J then began anonymously messaging me through social media and, after he revealed it was him, he proceeded to give me the "You were the love of my life, I never stopped loving you" speech. By this time I was having none of it, and told him to kindly F off. My brother informed me afterwards that J had cheated on the next two girls after me that he dated and that I was absolutely right in my decision to tell J to take a hike. Fast forward another two years. I had basically forgotten all about him and our relationship and was having the time of my life when J decides to, once again, message me and attempt to get in contact with me via social media. He begs and pleads for me to reconsider my stance but I refuse. At that point he began to get angry and abusive once again, saying horrible things, but his words fell on deaf ears as I blocked him. I learned, again through my brother, that at the time J had been messaging me, he was already married and expecting a child with a much younger girl he had knocked up. Apparently he's miserable now and trapped in his situation in his home state. I am so relieved that he's not my problem anymore but I feel terrible that someone has to endure married life with him. So, as I said earlier, reconciliation needs to happen for the right purposes and needs to be with someone who genuinely deserves your love and attention and affection. You need to have a solid foundation of self respect and internal clarity. Not every relationship is the same and, even in what seems like a hopeless situation, an ex can go from "I don't love you anymore" to begging and pleading months down the line. My current situation with my current ex, N, looks to be hopeful from the perspective of a handful of mutual friends but ultimately my future with him is unclear. I'm confident enough that we had a strong enough bond to want to return to (we had been best friends) but I'm focusing on making myself happy and carving out the future that I want in my life. I wish the best to you all, stay strong.