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my guy in jail...


browneyedgerl
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Hey all,

I dated a guy for two weeks, and had the most awsome and fun dates that I've ever experienced. He was joyful, funny, generous and showed lots of interest in me. We didn't get physical with each other at all (just a kiss) since he figured I wasn't that kind of girl. After two weeks, during the third week of knowing each other, he started giving me stories about how his friend is in jail and he needs to collect money to bail him out of jail. Next thing I know, He was the one who was in trouble and was embarrassed to tell me about it becasue when I tried calling him towards the middle of the third week, his phone was off and I figured that something had happened to HIM and he knew it all along but never told me the truth. I instantly moved on with my life, I'm a kind of a girl that gets guys easily so I wasn't worried and he was just another guy that I got to know. I did not hear from him till about a few days ago (which makes it a month since I talked to him last). He left me a voicemail from jail and told me that he's been locked up, that he wants to talk to me, gave me his sister's number. I called his sister and that way I was able to get in touch with him. he told me how he misses me and he wants me to be his and that i shouldn't talk to any other guys. He said he's sorry for all he's said and is going to write me a letter and wants me to write back.

He wants me to go visit him in jail with his parents. He told me towards the beginning that he would never introduce a girl to his parents unless he had completely serious intentions with her. Now, he wants me to meet his parents and go visit him with them which is weird. Besides, I really liked him as a person, but I didn't get attached to him so I'll be ok not talking to him. But I'm not sure if his feelings are genuine. His court date is next month so he should be out by then, if not he'll be coming out in 8 months he says. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I feel as though he's just alone and wants someone to talk to and think about, and since I was the last girl in his life, he decided to call me and talk to me. Please give me some advice on this... what are his intentions?

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I think his intentions are to do the best he can with what he's got to work with which at the moment isn't that much.

 

If you carry on any type of relationship with him while he's locked up and he starts acting needy, you may lose whatever attraction you have for him.

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He may definitely felt feelings for you as far as attraction and infatuation goe, but if he didn't know you prior to the 2 weeks of dating (weren't long time friends before dating), I doubt that he has "real" and lasting feelings. Remember, in the first two weeks of dating, everyone's best foot is forward (or they are extremely nervous).

 

He was dishonest to you about something major. It is one thing to not give someone a total TMI in the first two weeks, but to outright lie that his friend was in trouble and not him....oh boy.. Your instincts were very good here!

 

I think the "meeting the parents" thing that he said he didn't do until he was serious but is telling you he wants you to meet them now is a little manipulative. He is wanting you to wait for him perhaps, or at the very least wants you to think he is a good guy.

 

Run, don't walk.

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welcome to enotalone.

 

 

RUN - don't walk - away from this man!!!!!! do you really need to hear more?

 

And to think there are members who was lied to before marriage and is now feeling trapped...I don't know what's worse. Please don't even consider being with a person like him

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If I can ask... what did he do to get thrown in jail? I only asked b/c if this is something you don't want to be part of....I agree with the others....move on.

 

Second, for only dating or seeing him for 2 weeks and he tells you that he doesn't want you to talk to other guys...is not a good sign.

My advice would be to walk and if and when he gets out, if he's changed for the better, see how you feel, But to wait up to 8 mos for someone you didn't really have a strong past with doesn't seem worth it to me. I don't feel he's a bad guy, but he made a poor decision that landed him in a bad place.

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If I can ask... what did he do to get thrown in jail? I only asked b/c if this is something you don't want to be part of....I agree with the others....move on.

 

Second, for only dating or seeing him for 2 weeks and he tells you that he doesn't want you to talk to other guys...is not a good sign.

My advice would be to walk and if and when he gets out, if he's changed for the better, see how you feel, But to wait up to 8 mos for someone you didn't really have a strong past with doesn't seem worth it to me. I don't feel he's a bad guy, but he made a poor decision that landed him in a bad place.

 

I'm not really sure exactly what he did but his business involved lots of people's credit cards...so i have come to some conclusions ...

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Maybe he felt some connection during that two weeks. However, he could of felt nothing and just want to use you. He may have no felt anything, and if your the type of girl that you say you are then he probably just want to bang you.

 

I can see why he lied; was it a good choice? well not really. He was a ashamed of himself; and everyone has the tendency to lie when they are ashamed of themselves.

 

If he was running a business and was involved with a lot of people credit cards then he might have been convicted of fraud.

 

Truth be told we all have no idea what is going through his mind. But there are a few different possibilities; (1) he could really like you (2) he just needs a friend at this time (3) he could have some sick twisted plot planned and want to use you (4) he is trying to butter you up to pay for his bail.

 

I say just dont get involved. You hardly know the person. If you were dating for a while and this was a serious relationship then yes you can stay. Other then that don't put your life on hold for him. You may end up having to pay for bail. If you want to be anything with him then just a friend to him, if this is a time of need for him then just give him your friendship and nothing more.

 

Just to not be rude, you could go see him when his parents go. Just dont make it more then what the visit is actually worth.

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errr..... no. tell him you've changed your mind.

 

why the heck would you get involved with a man who is in jail and has a criminal record?!?!? do you think this man would make a good responsible husband, father and example to your children?!

i knoww that i deserve much better than a guy that's been in jail and stuff...so ur sayin i shouldn't even go visit him right? i'm thinkin maybe i shoudl wait till i get a letter from him and see what he has to say...

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i dont think he wants to use me and i know that he knows that he can't use me. I don't really think he wants me to pay for his jail, because he has a family that has money and he knows that i can't afford his bail. I think you're right on the money when you said that he's ashamed, he definitely is. and i thank you for the good advice of offering him my friendship, i think that's the best choice right now! i wouldn't want to visit him though because just having to sit in a car with the parents for a two hour drive, that gets me really nervous...

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The most worrying aspect to me was the fact that he told her she shouldn't talk to any other guys. She's not even in a relationship, and he's already telling her this? Sounds crazy and disrespectful to me.

yes I know and completely agree with you. But, he's got a very old fashioned and middle eastern mentality that he probably can't help! they think they own you after the second date. That doesn't bother me as much as the fact that he waited a whole month to call me!

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Just cut contact with him... this is like looking for a used car, and you see one on the lot you think is really cool, then you pull it out of the lot and it bangs, thumps, lurches, and stalls. You don't buy that car based on the first impression you had of it, but reject it due to all the other things that are wrong with it.

 

He's a bad deal all around, other than a nice first impression. Don't waste any time on this, just cut contact and have nothing to do with him.

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i dont think he wants to use me and i know that he knows that he can't use me. I don't really think he wants me to pay for his jail, because he has a family that has money and he knows that i can't afford his bail. I think you're right on the money when you said that he's ashamed, he definitely is. and i thank you for the good advice of offering him my friendship, i think that's the best choice right now! i wouldn't want to visit him though because just having to sit in a car with the parents for a two hour drive, that gets me really nervous...

 

Well you never know what could be going through his mind though. Anything is possible in todays society, the way it has become.

 

I'm pretty sure he is ashamed of it. Honestly, I would be. However, there is the possibility that he lied about it in the first place because he knew if he were to have told anyone that he is going to jail in 2 weeks that they wouldn't go out with him.

 

Being a friend to him right now might be the best choice. Especially, if you want to stay in his life. Friends and just friends is your best bet.

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