Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal

[annie24]

well, i wrote bus boy back. a long ass email. really long. to sum it up here, i accepted his apology, told him, yes, i was sad and hurt, but i would move on. i thanked him for coming to my show, i told him that meant a lot to me. i told him i really appreciated his apology, that i thought he was a good guy. i also snuck it in there that if he wanted me to, i would consider moving to his country. actually, my career prospects in his country are really good, it would be a good career move for me. but yeah, i threw that out there.

 

i then told him about some of my background. basically, about my first love, a story i've never shared here on ENA. (or at least, i don't think i did.) i told him it so he could understand where i was coming from. basically, that i met my first love a few months before moving to college, he wanted me to stay, but i knew that i couldn't, i knew it was time for me to move away from home, go to this university i really wanted to go to. we wound up breaking up, but had this on again/off again thing for the next 5 years, where the guy would alternately make moves on me, then hurt me with the 'just friends' speech. after 5 years of this, the final time, i finally said no, he walked out of the room without a word, and haven't heard from him ever since.

 

ok, i know this all sounds like TMI, and in some ways it is. but i told him all of that so he could better understand me, so he knew i didn't want to do any sort of back and forth situation, and because i wanted him to know that i understand what it's like to know when you have to move, regardless of how you feel about the other person. I really loved that guy, my first love, but despite that, i knew i had to move and go away to college, and i wasn't willing to stay and go to a college in our hometown, even though that university was superior (in some regards) to the one i was going to.

 

and i told him i secretly hoped he would lose his job before it started! lol. (unfortunately, that's happened to some of my friends - a few days before they finished their PhD, they were told by their future bosses that because of cuts, there wouldn't be a position for them afterall).

 

sigh.

 

well, i put it all out there. i told him i want to stay friends with him and see him before he leaves, but that we should probably keep it in public, and away from tequila.

 

sigh...

[Alezia]

Wow annie, you're brave of telling him you're secretly hoping he doesn't get the job! =)

 

I think taking a break from link removed might not be such a bad idea after all. I think you have too much going on and need a little break.

[renaissancewoman101]

has busboy written back?

[annie24]

nope, haven't heard from him yet. i sent the email about 36 hours ago.

 

and you know what? i kind of don't even care if he writes back or what he writes back anymore. i just kind of feel like i said everything i needed to say, he is moving anyways. i'm yeah.... just moving on. maybe the email was too intense or whatever. but.... whatever.

 

you are right, i should take down the match profile, i do have a lot going on and do want to heal. from everything.

[Daligal83]

I think you're getting to a better place in all this now. You've gotten everything off your chest and can accept the situation for what it is. Taking a break from dating is good because you definitely need some time just to focus on you and reminding yourself that your life is great with or without him, or any other guy.

[annie24]

yeah, i dunno - he'll either think i'm a crazy person or i'm really honest, or whatever. doesn't matter. i do feel better deep down.

 

i'm emailing with my friend in europe, we are going to france for 2 weeks this summer. i am really looking forward to that. we're making plane arrangements this week. i think it will be really nice.

[Daligal83]

Yea it will!!! I'm so jealous! I want to get away like that.

[annie24]

no email from busboy. maybe he'll write, maybe he won't. maybe he thinks i'm a crazy person. maybe he doesn't care, or he has better things to worry about.

 

doesn't matter, one way or another i guess.... i feel better that i got things off my chest. (and sort of relieved in some ways that i haven't heard from him!!!)

 

the good news is that i just booked my ticket for 2 weeks in the french riviera with some friends! i have that exciting trip to plan, along with getting A LOT of work done in the meantime!!!!!!!! better things to think about than bus boy, for sure....

[annie24]

hm, i feel a bit low today. i had a long weekend, got tons of work and cleaning done. i feel very low energy. i feel a bit sad, haven't heard from bus boy in over a week! that is the longest we haven't talked. however, in some ways, i feel relieved. actually, in a lot of ways. before, i was having a hard time going 24 hours without crying over him. now, haven't cried at all. so i guess i must be doing better, right? i had a weekend online shopping spree. i wanted some cute sundresses and skirts to wear on my european holiday. even with the weight i am planning on losing in the meantime, i think they won't be too big. i guess i engaged in some retail therapy.

 

i've avoided looking at his FB. when i log on, i don't go straight to the friends page, i just go straight to my profile page, and then if i want to look up a friend, i do it directly, instead of checking out my friends' status updates. i don't even know if he's removed me as a friend off of FB or not!!! who knows.....

[Daligal83]

I think you're doing really well annie. Definitely better than before. It's natural to get a little sad here and there, especially when you get used to expected communication. It takes some time to get through that, but you're already starting!

 

And retail therapy is totally legit, I swear.

[Batya33]

Annie I hope you're feeling better today.

[BellaDonna]

i guess i engaged in some retail therapy.

 

Good for you- you deserve to spoil yourself now and then.

 

I am jealous of your upcoming trip.

[annie24]

slowly feeling better, trying to immerse myself in work and trying not to think of him, though he often pops into my head.... sigh.

 

he just made a random comment on my facebook page. but no response to 'the email.' keep ignoring....

[renaissancewoman101]

did you read his facebook comment?

[DN]

What did he say on FB - what an odd thing to do if not replying to your e-mail.

[annie24]

oh, he just made some random comment (well, like an inside joke) about some quiz i took.

[DN]

Even so, it's still keeping him in your mind and I doubt that was unintentional

[annie24]

yeah, i think he enjoys female attention and/or my attentions. i dunno. it seems like it's a way to keep me 'around' but not having to choose in what respect he wants me in his life. i was telling my friend this morning, i think if he responded to my email, he'd have to 'choose'. and i think he wants to keep his options open.

 

i'm not replying back to him unless he gives me something worth replying to.

[jengh]

annie, I'm sorry to hear you're still upset over this guy And I think it's so lame he's commenting on your fb stuff. Ugh. Good that you're being strong.

 

Since I saw you like link removed, I thought maybe this would make you smile. It's Cairo doing what she does best.

link removed

[annie24]

awww, cairo is so cute. cats are the best, too bad i can't have one. (too allergic. )

 

bus boy is just weird. wants attention.

[DN]

The question is - why does he want attention?

[annie24]

i dunno - feed his ego? just a guess. i have no idea.....

 

do you know why he may be acting this way?

[DN]

A possibility - and only a possibility - is that he does in fact have a strong attraction bot can't or won't give up his move to another country and doesn't think an LDR would work. So although he should not do this it may be the temptation to have some contact is too strong.

 

But he could also be a jerk - or weird. But that was not the impression you got when you were out with him.

[annie24]

hm. a jerk? he doesn't strike me as a jerk or a typical womanizer. he has a lot of friends, male and female and seeing him at his party, it seems like a lot of people think very highly of him. whenever we walked around anywhere on our 'nerd dates', we would run into people he knew and they were all happy to see him. is he overly friendly by nature? possible.

 

weird. possible also as a scientist.

 

strong feelings he doesn't want to act on? i dunno. if he only wants to be friends, why can't he come out and just say it directly? or tell me that he likes me as well?

 

i did tell him in "the email" that i would consider moving to his country, if that is something he wanted me to think of doing. at first i thought since he wasn't contacting me, that maybe he thought i was a crazy stalker woman and was avoiding me... but now i guess that he left a facebook post (albeit, small and random) i guess he's not frightened of me or thinks i'm a stalker, right?

[annie24]

i know he likes me, i saw the way he was looking at me from accross the room after the dance performance, when he was talking to his friend he ran into there, and i was dancing with a group of girls, i saw the way he was watching me. why can't he just admit he has feelings for me too?