Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal

[annie24]

no, i don't need a guy like that. it just pisses me off. can't believe he left town without saying goodbye, offering to get a drink, whatever. i don't know. then again, i didn't suggest it either, and maybe it's a good thing i didn't see him one last time. maybe that email 'scared him off.' but then again, urrrghgh.....

 

pisses me off.

[Ellie2006]

i mean, that's fine if he didn't want to do a LDR, but the fact that he didn't acknoweldge a single thing i said to him about feelings......

 

Well, I can sort of understand why he might have wanted to avoid saying something that made him feel uncomfortable.

 

Anyways, Annie, forget him. Although it wasn't the "closure" you wanted, the email definitely is that: an end point (or a starting point of a friendship, should you want to pursue one).

 

Take care of yourself!

 

ps. Sorry for my massive ramblings before! In hindsight, I am a bit embarrassed that I was reading waaay too much of myself into your situation (and vice versa)

[Daligal83]

It's OK to be pissed!! Sometimes that's what helps us move on more than anything. Go with it!

[annie24]

no ellie - i really appreciate your PM, and i definitely found it insightful, i've re-read it a dozen different times.

 

yeah, i guess i got an answer of sorts. i've also just deleted his email too, really don't intend on replying to it. can i send him a casual catching up email a few months from now? sure. i hope he kind of stops contacting me too, it will make my life easier. may or may not block him on facebook.

 

i dunno - i'm just pissed off at him now.

[shikashika]

thanks shika - that's a really good point. it's not like the guy cheated on me with my sister or something like that (not like we were officially together either). but he hasn't really done anything heinous. except mess with my feelings!

 

i think maybe i should just keep with the status quo - that is, keep not looking at his FB, not contact him, and put the ball in his court regarding contact. he'll be moving soon anyways, and i bet contact with him will drop off significantly as he adjusts to the new country and all that goes along with moving...

 

Well, for me, it takes more effort to be angry at someone and to do something like delete them off facebook than it does to just leave it on. Facebook can be very fickle... breakups were easier before facebook... hahaha!

 

I just think that it's something one might regret later... Of course, this is just how I do things, (people are allowed to be different! )

 

I just think that by deleting someone off facebook/ my space etc there are clearly bigger issues at stake, and by deleting someone you are only wiping away the tip of the iceberg, not the big bulk of mass"issue" underneath.

 

Not saying you have a big bulk of issues, it's just my view on people ignoring their exes or people it didn't work out with or people they used to date.

 

Just my 2 cents on it!

[annie24]

the thing that gets me..... and i will bet on this!!! i think like 6 months from now, or some time in the future, he's going to send me some email basically telling me his feelings for me. and it will be too late, i'll be moved on. i think once he is there in europe, has some time to think, and a lot of lonely nights, it will hit him, and then i'm going to get some long email saying how much he misses me. mark my words.

 

no, i'm not going to sit around and wait for that day. these things happen well after you've forgotten about that person. i'm just saying, i can definitely see that happening.

[Sweet Venus]

I'm going to offer an opinion you may not like but here goes:

 

I think the first email you sent him scared him off. You had just met really..and throwing the "feelings" for him email was probably too heavy too soon. It's not as if you'd had this long drawn out affair. I don't think he did anything wrong...and was actually respectful

to your feelings. He did acknowledge what you said to him...just NOT in the way you wanted him to. I just think he did not know how to react without hurting your feelings or pissing you off...which you ended up being anyway. I am still seeing a lot of "black and white" in your thinking and in your reactions if things don't progress the way YOU think they should.

 

Also...you seem angry that he never said goodbye....after you had just ignored all his attempts at contact. What was the guy supposed to do? He couldn't win either way.

 

I'm sorry Annie....I understand how you feel but I don't agree that you treated him fairly

either. JMO.

[annie24]

i don't agree that i had ignored his attempts at contact. i mean, a random facebook post here or there isn't much to reply to. it's not as if he was calling me and asking me out and i wasn't calling him back.

[Sweet Venus]

i don't agree that i had ignored his attempts at contact. i mean, a random facebook post here or there isn't much to reply to. it's not as if he was calling me and asking me out and i wasn't calling him back.

 

Doesn't matter. He was still reaching out..and maybe because he was uncomfortable because of the direction things had gone. Who knows? But you

are the one who chose to not respond to him. If you wanted him to leave you alone you should have told him that...now you're mad because he left without saying goodbye. Maybe he assumed saying goodbye was just going to go unanswered anyway....Again..JMO.

[annie24]

i feel better today. i wound up writing him back, just wishing him well on his journey, asked if he was meeting up with my friend (i introduced him to a guy i know who is studying in the same city where he will be), and i told him about how my work is progressing. i didn't talk about emotions or feelings or anything like that, just general work related stuff, and told him about my trip to france that's coming up.

 

yeah, i do feel a lot better now. in some ways, i'm glad we didn't say goodbye, because i'm not good with goodbyes, and i think things got too complicated. i think it wasn't really meant to be, from the get go, and no matter what i did or said, it just wasn't going to work this time around. i don't know what the future will bring, if our paths will cross again or what. i'm sure at some point, i'll wind up running into him, between traveling and going for conferences and all that. i am pretty sure i want to move to europe also, but not to his country.

 

so, we'll see..... i'm moving on. just taking some time now for myself. i just went and had dinner and drinks with friends. one of my friends just got a job offer accross the country. she starts in january. i started crying even at the thought of saying goodbye to her!!! sigh.....

[BellaDonna]

so, we'll see..... i'm moving on. just taking some time now for myself. i just went and had dinner and drinks with friends. one of my friends just got a job offer accross the country. she starts in january. i started crying even at the thought of saying goodbye to her!!! sigh.....

 

I think focusing on yourself is the best thing to do right now. This is also a period of overall transition for your life and the people around you. Lots of "goodbyes" and hopefully some "hellos" to some new people, whether friends or lovers.

[annie24]

i woke up this morning, made my coffee, turned on the TV. a joel osteen sermon was what came on. normally i scramble to change the channel as soon as i hear some televangelist, but something he said 'caught my ear.' the sermon was about how some people are in your life for a short period of time, they are not meant to be there forever, they are someone that God introduced into your life to serve a purpose, and when they go, to let them go. so, i listened to the sermon, it's as if he was talking to me. he was talking about some people are just there to teach you something, to show you something, and then when it's their time to leave, to let them go. he was saying it could be a helpful neighbor, someone who is training you at work, a friend who drives you around - someone that was put there to teach you something. but when they leave, joel was saying, it's god's way of saying, you have to do this on your own now.

 

this just really resonated with me. i'll miss bus boy. it's over. he is going in a few days to europe. maybe he was introduced to me to show me my path too. anyone who knows me knows that i've been talking about moving out of the country for years. maybe meeting him was to show me that i should do the same myself? to let him go, and then focus on doing what i need to do to make that happen (ie, push myself closer to graduation, start seriously looking at job offers abroad, etc....) not to just think about these things, but to really start concretely doing them.

[Daligal83]

It's good to think of it that way. Every person we encounter shapes who we are, but we aren't meant to be around all of them for the rest of our lives. Maybe he also showed up in your life to remind you of how you can connect with someone when you're least expecting it. If it happens once, it can happen again. So focus on these goals of yours and who knows what will happen along the way.

[annie24]

yeah, you never know who you will meet and when. maybe i should have said something to bus boy years ago. but like i told him, i probably wouldn't have been ready to meet him a few years ago. he agreed it was bad timing.

 

sigh. so, i went to work today for a while, then got home, and watched 'bridezillas.' and it's actually really depressing me!!! you see these women who are freaking out over the smallest imperfections in their wedding, a small clasp is missing on the dress, the bridesmaids' dresses are a bit too tight, and they are freaking out like it's the end of the world. the men are just kind of standing by them. you wonder why the guys aren't running away screaming??!! i'm sure that they all play it up for the cameras - of course, the show is about watching some bride have a meltdown over the smallest little thing. but i watch it and go, 'sheesh - these women all found husbands, and i, as a totally reasonable woman haven't?' it's depressing, quite frankly.

[Daligal83]

would you really want that kind of guy though? who is willing to stand by while his fiance goes crazy over something stupid? i'd rather a guy be like, well is this about us getting married or about a clip? i wouldn't want to be with a guy who is willing to just stand by and let me get completely irrational or crazy like that (not that i'm that type of person, you know what i mean lol)

[annie24]

no, i don't want that kind of man. absolutely not. like, you just watch the show and know that they are going to be miserable in 4-5 years. i think some guys like being controlled - i think it's a mommy issues thing, but whatever, i'm not a therapist. i've seen it in my own family. my cousin's wife was acting like a bridezilla in while they were engaged, i didn't say it so directly, but i told him he should reconsider if this was the marriage he wanted. well, they stayed together, pretty miserably, as far as i can tell. this cousin and i had a falling out. however, i wouldn't be surprised if they are still married and miserable. but i think he liked being controlled and yelled at on some level. his mother died when he was young, so i think he liked having her act like his mother. she acted more like his mom than his wife.

[Daligal83]

yea i have a cousin in a similar situation. i think his wife is much worse than my aunt, but the similar manipulation and lack of respect is there. his wife is just crazy though. she uses her kids to manipulate the family...like do what she wants or else you can't see her children. his twin brother was getting married and he was supposed to be the best man, but his wife got mad when her family wasn't invited to the rehearsal dinner and wouldn't let my cousin go to the wedding. so he left his twin brother hanging for a best man and missed the whole thing. it's so sad.

[annie24]

oh my gosh!!! did the brothers ever make up?

[DN]

The reason some men put up with 'bridezillas' is because they are dumb enough to fall for the cliché that "it's the bride's day" and that she isn't really like that in real life. But the reality is that in most cases she really is like that and has succeeded in concealing it up until the engagement.

[Daligal83]

DN, that's true. I don't know if my dad's first wife was a bridezilla...but as soon as they got married the crazy came out. whoops!!!

 

annie-they haven't made up. The youngest brother (it's the three of them) lives in the same city as the crazy twin. He always wants the good twin to visit, but he won't because it causes issues with the crazy one. If he visits and doesn't call, they throw a fit that he didn't try to see them. If he visits and does call, it always ends up in some sort of drama with the wife. Not worth the hassle. It's all really very sad. Makes me appreciate my family though. I know that whatever happens, my sister and I will never end up like that.

[annie24]

daligirl - i am sorry to hear about that situation. that really sucks.

 

all these dating and wedding shows are just frustrating. then i was watching 'platinum weddings' where people spend the GDP of a small country on their lavish over the top wedding. it's kind of disgusting. i mean, it's all really beautfiul and all that, but sheesh, that much money!!! i think i should just stick to law and order.

 

i was watching another dating show, "Daisy of Love" on VH1. she's a former contestant on Bret Micheals' "Rock of Love." she's an aspiring model/singer, who is looking for a boyfriend. they put together a set of 20 guys who are basically..... well, the scum of the earth, my opinion. she's a punk rock chick, tatooed herself, but she seems like a really really sweet girl. and all these guys on the show are the biggest morons ever. like, they are leaving of their own accord, fighting, not wanting to 'compete' with one another, and poor daisy is sitting there crying that these guys are leaving her! it's sad. she seems like such a sweetie, and she has these moron guys to choose from. one guy finally rubbed two of his brain cells together, and brought her coffee and cookies in bed in the morning. finally! sigh.

 

or, she told another guy he needed to step up his game and show more interest..... so he unzips his pants and shows her and the other guys in the limo his penis.

 

i mean, what kinds of idiots are these??? i know if i was on the show, i could easily win!!!

[Sweet Venus]

LMAO Annie... Yeah I agree with you..I'd stick to LAw and Order!!!!!!!!

[annie24]

wooohooo!!! my neighbor emailed me, i get to dogsit for 3 weeks! she'll be out of town 'seeing if things work out with her and her new love interest.' in the meantime, i'll get to take care of her dog, who is the most adorable silly dog in the whole world. oh gosh, i just love him to pieces, i know he loves me too. it will be so nice to have him with me and to cuddle for 3 weeks.

 

hahah, that reminds me of an E. Jean Carroll advice column from Elle magazine. a woman wrote in saying she's smart, beautiful, and has no boyfriend, and she didn't know what to do. E. Jean wrote back to get a dog, and if she didn't walk her dog in front of every gym, hospital, law library, fire house, police department, and brew pub, she was going to think that she was the dumbest woman she ever met. lol.

[Daligal83]

haha that's so true!! I stop people on the street ALL the time to pet their dogs. I'm ridiculous like that. A dog would definitely be a guy magnet!

[annie24]

yeah, i've walked overly friendly dogs before that go and jump on every single hot man. i am so excited about this, lol.

 

sigh. so, my friend and her boyfriend of 3 years broke up a few months ago. he was initially going to break up with her, but then he changed his mind. they had a lot of fights and drama, and she finally got sick of it, and told him she was done for good! well, every single day, he sends her multiple text messages begging for her back. it's not going to work, she told him, she's 150% uninterested in getting back with him. but it just surprises me, he sends her several texts a day, but hasn't sent any flowers, chocolates, anything..... lame. he sent her one youtube video, some country song that went something like, 'i told you so, that's what i'll say, when you come back to me.' double LAME!!!