Seriously, i'm not selfish and materialistic but......

[madmarten]

Annie, your original post was quite reasonable. Basically, you want a guy who has his business together, he doesn't have to be rich, but not a bum. Well I want a girl the same way.

[FortunateOne]

This is an intriguing thread since the women I've dated have told me they felt uncomfortable with my choice of restaurant and events. Now I just go to a basic corporate chain restaurant and hang out at a free public venue. My old MO was to go to really great restaurants, theatre, and a walk on the beach but I guess this overwhelmed my dates senses. It's a shame since I love to attent cultural events and most women are clueless about them. My two cents are to be pickier in who you date and attend the type of events wealthy men frequent. I run into many potential dates a business seminars and their ancillary events. Just a thought and be sure that you know something about the event since it's a turn off when your date thinks a Puccini opera was written by Andrew Lloyd Weber.

[annie24]

those are good points fortunateone - i will definitely mull over your advice some more. i think that when i graduate and have a better salary, it will be easier to go to events where wealthy people are more likely to congregate. but, right now i live in a real college town, so most people who live here are either students or somehow associated with the university. there's not a lot of very wealthy people here, and there's not very many "fine dining" restaurants, if any. it is so casual here, i could probably show up to the nicest restaurant in town in jeans and a t-shirt, and i would not be the only one wearing it, nor would i look out of place. in a big city like New York or LA, that would clearly not be acceptable.

 

right now, i mainly hang out with my friends at bars, at their homes, go to free outdoor concerts, take a walk outdoors, etc... i do pony up the money to see pricey concerts or performers at the performing arts center when there is an event i am very interested in. but, no, i'm not a season ticket holder.

 

and A.L.W. DIDN'T write the Puccini operas? NO! lol.

[annie24]

sigh. like this new guy i went out with last week... really good looking guy, this is the one without the college degree, who is having financial troubles and living with a friend and is 34. he's super nice, and really handsome, a total gentleman..... and i don't really know him well at all, but i would feel better about going out with him if he had some sort of 'plan' he told me about - like maybe plans to get a degree, or go to technical school of some sort... something that tells me that i won't have to be his sugar-momma one day.

 

maybe this is where men and women are a bit different. in general, i guess a man of wealth wouldn't mind having a woman who is much less wealthy than him or doesn't have a really good job or is living with a friend to save money..... i guess it is more socially acceptable for a man to "marry down" rather than a woman to "marry down." i would like a guy who is equal to me, educationally, or has a college degree. Or if he has only high school, maybe he has a good career in some other way - like he has started his own business or something. i really don't want to be someone's sugar momma.

[hers]

My sister's husband is not as "acceptable" to my dad as another college-educated guy woudl be. He has a film degree from an art school, and my sister has a "real" degree. Her husband just lost his job building TV commercial sets and had to get a job at a restaurant, and my sister hated reporting that to my dad b/c my dad think she "married beneath her". You know though, I wouldn't choose anyone else for my ssiter, b/c her husband loves her to death.

 

I don't think college degrees matter as much as personal responsibility. I will date a guy without a degree as long as he's doing something he likes and he is good at it and supports himself. But then again, I don't have and I'm not trying for a PhD so I may not be able to relate as much.

[annie24]

I don't think college degrees matter as much as personal responsibility. I will date a guy without a degree as long as he's doing something he likes and he is good at it and supports himself.

 

yes, i agree. which is partially why i'm concerned about this guy. i don't know what he did to get into debt (he told me he has debt). it's obviously not student loans. and he is living with a friend to save money. but is the situation going to be different a year from now? or is he planning on saving money by moving in with his next gf?

[hers]

Hm, at 34 you should have your act together by then, I think. Maybe he made some financial mistakes in his past. Does he have a good job?

[FortunateOne]

I sadly welcome you to my world. Just this past weekend I met a woman trying to sell me on how she would be a great stay at home mom/wife and how she'll cater to all my sexual fantasies if we were to get together and I committed my self to raising her current children due to my finacial abilities. How sad that she would degrade herself to proposing a business deal on the first time we met; yet, it's tough to discern who likes you for you instead if the money. Now the funny part is that the single self made wealthy women I've met want a subservient man to control and it's the same with the well to do single men I know too. This is why it's really tough to run into an equitable prospect.

[annie24]

regarding what the family would say..... well.... i think they would be judgement, to be honest. I have lots of wonderful, open-minded people in my family (though not all of them). but i think even the open-minded ones would have some reservations if i married a guy "beneath me." not trying to brag, but i'm a 5th generation college student. Everyone has a college degree, and most (over half) have a graduate education (either med school, law school, or grad school). We're not rich people by any means, mainly middle class. One cousin just finished his PhD in sociology (trust me, that doesn't pull in the big bucks). I'm sure if I brought home a guy without a degree of some form, or promising career, they would definitely tell me to my face (later, after he left) that i could do better.....

 

this 34-year old guy works at some credit card company.

[annie24]

I sadly welcome you to my world. Just this past weekend I met a woman trying to sell me on how she would be a great stay at home mom/wife and how she'll cater to all my sexual fantasies if we were to get together and I committed my self to raising her current children due to my finacial abilities. How sad that she would degrade herself to proposing a business deal on the first time we met; yet, it's tough to discern who likes you for you instead if the money. Now the funny part us that the single self made wealthy women I've met want a subservient man to control and it's the same with the well to do single men I know too. This is why it's really tough to run into an equitable prospect.

 

lol, i should set up a dating site on this thread and meet you, pegasus, gyrmoire, etc.....

 

no seriously, i don't want someone to control, i don't want to support his ass, and i don't want to be a stay-at-home wife. a partner, please!

[FortunateOne]

To add; there's been times I feel like saying the heck with all this pretentious perfect mate want and just get me a trophy wife so I can leave this trying search for the most compatible mate behind.

[grymoire]

lol, i should set up a dating site on this thread and meet you, pegasus, gyrmoire, etc.....

 

no seriously, i don't want someone to control, i don't want to support his ass, and i don't want to be a stay-at-home wife. a partner, please!

 

if i get to take you out on a date i would cherish the memories forever annie... regardless of the outcome of the date...

 

unbelievable as it is, in real life i have no semblance to the grymoire you see here in ENA....

 

i would make up for all the stupid dates that you went on with the loser guys you are writing here about and treat you with the dignity and respect that you right royally deserve.

[CaptainPlanet]

I sadly welcome you to my world. Just this past weekend I met a woman trying to sell me on how she would be a great stay at home mom/wife and how she'll cater to all my sexual fantasies if we were to get together and I committed my self to raising her current children due to my finacial abilities. How sad that she would degrade herself to proposing a business deal on the first time we met; yet, it's tough to discern who likes you for you instead if the money. Now the funny part is that the single self made wealthy women I've met want a subservient man to control and it's the same with the well to do single men I know too. This is why it's really tough to run into an equitable prospect.

 

Actually, that sounds like a pretty good deal. At least she is offering something in return. Compared to this attitude of 'you date me, you pay me', isn't that what escort services are for ?

[CaptainPlanet]

I just realised that if my chances of getting laid by getting regular dates with half decent looking women were at all high then I wouldn't mind paying for dates. I am so used to putting in all the effort with women are getting nothing in return that it has clouded my judgment.

 

Forty bucks for a meal and then getting laid (or starting a relationship) is actually pretty cheap. Then you can discard that woman and move onto another one if you are so inclined. Actually not a bad system. Only the guys who think they'll get somewhere will want to date - good for the ladies that are attractive. Bad for people in general that are not.

[CaptainPlanet]

To add; there's been times I feel like saying the heck with all this pretentious perfect mate want and just get me a trophy wife so I can leave this trying search for the most compatible mate behind.

 

I reckon you take it all too seriously. Just find a half decent woman and call it a day. Millionare.. by profession, primary school teacher, chick at 'best buy' who cares ? Just find someone who is a decent, good hearted, good looking person.

 

And pay for her dates too. Because this thread demonstrates that above all else, women really like that.

[grymoire]

I just realised that if my chances of getting laid by getting regular dates with half decent looking women were at all high then I wouldn't mind paying for dates. I am so used to putting in all the effort with women are getting nothing in return that it has clouded my judgment.

 

Forty bucks for a meal and then getting laid is actually pretty cheap. Then you can discard that woman and move onto another one. Actually not a bad system. Only the guys who think they'll get somewhere will want to date - good for the ladies that are attractive. Bad for people in general that are not.

 

wow CP... you are something...

 

is getting laid the only reason you want to date?

[CaptainPlanet]

wow CP... you are something...

 

is getting laid the only reason you want to date?

 

Thats not really what I said. My view was jaded because dating for me carries about a zero percent chance of success, hence, dead money. But if you have say a 50% chance of success its not dead money, its a good investment. I've been successfully forced out of dating due to the cost to success ratio. The system works.

[grymoire]

Thats not really what I said. My view was jaded because dating for me carries about a zero percent chance of success, hence, dead money. But if you have say a 50% chance of success its not dead money, its a good investment. I've been successfully forced out of dating due to the cost to success ratio. The system works.

 

well... if you went on dates most likely you would have kissed the girl at least on the 2nd if not the 1st date right? if she reciprocated then you know where you stand... if not then you know she is not attracted to you and you can move on the next..

[CaptainPlanet]

well... if you went on dates most likely you would have kissed the girl at least on the 2nd if not the 1st date right? if she reciprocated then you know where you stand... if not then you know she is not attracted to you and you can move on the next..

 

You'd think so, unfortunately I am very charming but unfortunately, apparently unattractive. Getting a kiss out of a girl doesn't mean anything she'll still turn around and pull the 'friends' routine. People never understand. Some things are just the way they are. Doesn't at all change the fact that if you're successful with women the price of a dinner is a small price to pay.

[grymoire]

You'd think so, unfortunately I am very charming but unfortunately, apparently unattractive. Getting a kiss out of a girl doesn't mean anything she'll still turn around and pull the 'friends' routine. People never understand. Some things are just the way they are. Doesn't at all change the fact that if you're successful with women the price of a dinner is a small price to pay.

 

sorry CP i am getting confused.... you are saying you get dates, you are charming, and you are unattractive all in the same line

 

if you are unattractive why would the girl agree to go out on a date with you? may because you are very charming?? that's enough to nail it.. isn't it?

[Pegasus]

lol, i should set up a dating site on this thread and meet you, pegasus, gyrmoire, etc.....

 

Hehe, I'm not up to your PhD, I'm only MSc

 

P.

[Pegasus]

wow CP... you are something...

 

is getting laid the only reason you want to date?

 

Let's turn it around - would you go on dates/have relationship with a woman knowing you'll never have sex with her? I wouldn't.

[CaptainPlanet]

Let's turn it around - would you go on dates/have relationship with a woman knowing you'll never have sex with her? I wouldn't.

 

Yes I would, for the closeness and the social side of things sometimes just having a woman around is nice. Attractive people never understand. There have been some girls I've known for whom it would be nice to just be able to touch her hair or hold her, but I will never get to know what that would be like. It is a cold, desolate feeling I'd do almost anything to never have to feel.

 

The chance of success entails much more than just the chance of getting sex.

[Siriana]

 

sigh. is it so wrong of me to want a guy who will pay for things, and not make me feel bad about it? maybe i should just stop feeling bad about it, and not even bother to reach for my purse on the first few dates.

 

 

Oh, this is nothing more than honest post.

See, i don't think this was guys that lack money problem, it more had to do with guys who lack class problem.

You can make a cheap date if you don't have money.

And you wouldn't get offended, I bet.

But yes, expecting to split the bill for the first date is sad.

So if a guy doesn't have money he could make a date cheap in the extent to be able to pay for it.

Who says it has to be a dinner?

It can be a walk and an ice cream.

And you can still have a good time, better than in the restaurant.

 

I wouldn't reach for the purse on the first date.

I would offer to pay.

But I would be disappointed if the offer was taken.

To the point of not being thrilled to go on the second date.

No wait, I would try to control myself not to offer to split the bill. And I wouldn't. Experience taught me that. I never paid/split the bill on the first date.

[Siriana]

I just realised that if my chances of getting laid by getting regular dates with half decent looking women were at all high then I wouldn't mind paying for dates. I am so used to putting in all the effort with women are getting nothing in return that it has clouded my judgment.

 

Forty bucks for a meal and then getting laid (or starting a relationship) is actually pretty cheap. Then you can discard that woman and move onto another one if you are so inclined. Actually not a bad system. Only the guys who think they'll get somewhere will want to date - good for the ladies that are attractive. Bad for people in general that are not.

 

See, such posts make you one of my favorite posters here lol

And I am not being sarcastic either.

The best way is to go with the flow - the way you'll present yourself the reasons for paying on a date is completely up to you - although unspoken truth is the best. So to make it simple. pay for it. Go with the flow.

 

 

p.s. the main reason why I like to go on a first date thats not expensive is the fact I don't feel i have to give something in return. Call me nuts or smart, whatever.