jengh Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 i think CP wants to know what do women do to pamper their men.... I do all sorts of stuff for my boyfriends. I send them sweet little letters, make them cards, send THEM flowers, cook them dinner, take THEM out for dinner... it's not one-sided at all. I put a lot of work and effort into a relationship. Link to comment
jengh Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 i'd say that the guy who took her to this fancy dinner was the one who decided she was worth this. if he chose the restaurant, chose to take her, chose to pay, i guess he thought she was worth the $200. exactly. i would NEVER hold a guy to that standard. It was completely up to him, I hadn't even heard of the restaurant when he told me where we were going. Link to comment
CynicalGuitarist Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 You won't get any judgement from me. You want what you want, and nobody can change that. Same goes for everybody else. I wish you the best of luck in finding your ideal wealthy, educated, selfless man. And yes, for once, I'm not being a sarcastic jerkhole. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 I think if we get into the specifics of men do this to women and women did this in return to men we'll just go crazy... Obviously its gonna be different. Most likely you all would have heard of Taj Mahal. It was built by Shah Jahan in memory of his wife. He loved her so deeply. What did she do to deserve such a beautiful structure that is now considered as one among the wonders of the world? Nothing. He just loved her so much that is all. Link to comment
sedated Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 It's nice to hear a woman who's being honest about what she wants for once instead of hiding behind all the "nice guy" crap. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a guy to pony up for food so long as you reciprocate. A gold digging girl is one who expects all her expenses to be taken care of while teasing her man in terms of affection. That said, can we all just go back to traditional gender roles please? Where guys work their asses off to bring home the bacon to a loving caring wife? Link to comment
StrawberryYogurt Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Nothing wrong with what the OP wants, although I am dismayed at some of the females' responses on here Shame on y'all! Man, some of you women are some real hypcritical you know whats. Anyway, I think if a guy is too poor to afford dinner, why not go for a nice bike ride and then walk around after and talk? Or play tennis. I've done that plenty of times with dates and I'm not remotely poor and they have never had a problem with that. Link to comment
odile Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Oh, Annie, that guy sounds like a real dud! Florists regularly throw away flowers that are past their prime (open blooms, have a bit of brown). Even if he was broke, and had a stingy manager, he could have easily been resourceful and thoughtful enough to scrape together a small bouquet from the flowers that were about to go in the bin; taken of the dead leaves, removed the brown petals, and made a very pretty little nosegay. It may not have looked nice for more than a day or two at most, but the gesture is what would make the difference. He worked at a florist's! I don't know about you, but if a guy I liked was of limited financial means, but heard me say that I liked flowers, and afterwards took the time to go pick even a full bouquet of dandelions, and tie them with a pretty ribbon, I would be touched. It all boils down to thought and effort; generosity of spirit. Link to comment
galaxy71 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Annie, I think your post is pretty reasonable. I applaud you for advising guys on taking girls out to dates that the guys can afford. I think taking girls out to the park or to a free concert is more exciting and interesting than taking a girl out to another boring restaurant date. However, I noticed that some of the other women who post in this thread have an extremely crass, selfish attitudes toward dating. Now I know why some guys in this forum have a negative attitude toward paying for a woman's date. I don't consider those women to be feminists. Feminists want equal rights for men and women. I think some of those women are only in it for their self-interest. I am not a big fan of buying dinners for women because I am setting the frame that the woman is some prize to be won. Sometimes, I feel like that when guys are trying to buy women gifts dinners and gifts, he is trying to impress her by showing that he can show he can financially support her. This would have been reasonable in the 1950s when women were stuck in low paying jobs and they were pressured to quit their jobs when they got married. However, now that women can work in good paying jobs, and have a career after they have children, I think that it's reasonable for women to chip for a date. I think that men and women should treat each other like equals as women can get an education and have good paying careers. I can really understand why guys are passionate about this topic. We don't want to treat women as prizes to be won. We don't want to pay money for the privelege of spending time with a women. While some guys go through years without getting a date, women can date a lot of guys in only a month. I feel like that some of the woman in this thread(not the OP) are happy with the current setup where guys are dogs sitting near a table hoping that the scraps of the dinner will fall to the ground. The way dating is setup sucks for men. Large numbers of men competing for one girl. I see guys acting desperate trying to get the attention of one girl. The girl gets to pick and choose who she wants to date. The girl can always change her mind even if she picks and choose him. When the date rolls around, she can expect the guy to pay for his meal. If he passes, he is still expected to pay for the dates and pay for gifts during Valentine's Day. Here's the most important point for me. The girl is under no obligation to pay back the guy with a second or a third date. I don't know why some women think that they pay guys back with a cooked meal or the affection of a relationship, when they can always reject guys and cut him off after a first or a second date. Link to comment
fragmint Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 However, I noticed that some of the other women who post in this thread have an extremely crass, selfish attitudes toward dating. Now I know why some guys in this forum have a negative attitude toward paying for a woman's date. I don't consider those women to be feminists. Feminists want equal rights for men and women. I think some of those women are only in it for their self-interest. since when do people date for something OTHER than their own self interest???? Link to comment
odile Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Picnics and free shows still cost money. There are also not many free shows around. A split bill at a restaurant just seems easier and not too expensive. Once you double the price by paying for two it changes. What is so wrong though, with paying for a meal that you ate ? The guy is still spending time with you and wants to see you, isn't that enough ? . Makes me see women as objects if they expect payment for their time - what is that ? A picnic of a bottle of wine from the grocery store, and a punnet of strawberries, and a show of the sun setting costs very little. Link to comment
odile Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 if the man took the girl to a free show she would go back to her girlfriends and tell what a cheapo he was.... i disagree. unless his behavior was otherwise stingy, i think a free show could be a really fun date. Link to comment
jengh Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 A picnic of a bottle of wine from the grocery store, and a punnet of strawberries, and a show of the sun setting costs very little. yeah, that would be a GREAT date. I would love to do something like that. Link to comment
Superfreak Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 This is why even if I'm a millionaire tomorrow, my first dates with women are always going to be getting a drink or coffee then taking a walk if the weather permits. That way it won't matter who pays since the cost will essentially be negligible (as long as I stay the hell away from Starbucks). Link to comment
Mallam23 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Hey Annie, I see a lot of people posted to this topic with different views. I don't think there is necessarily any right answer that could please everyone. Although, I can understand where your coming from. I know that things cannot always be balanced when dating or in a relationship but I have always tried to aim for equal. In my own dating/relationship situations, I have always at least paid my half or even more. A lot of times I'd pay the whole bill being that often times the person I was dating didn't have a lot of money. It never bothered me to put more of my money towards dates but it did get bothersome when the few occasions that they did pay.... I'd hear about it all day and they would make an extra effort to point it out to me. It definitely makes a person feel like crap after a while. Especially, if your the person who normally pays for everything when the both of you go out. For me, it would even get to the point where they would take advantage of me for my money. To where they would ask if they could use my car and use the whole tank of gas without refilling it. Of course, those relationships didn't last. It does get frustrating trying to be fair and instead feeling unappreciated and taken advantage of in return. A friend of mine once said that another girl friend of hers once told her "the best way to tell if a man likes you is if he pays for you when you go out." That sounds a bit extreme and kind of selfish to me. Then again, maybe it is true? I would hate to think that whether or not someone likes another being based on money. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 A friend of mine once said that another girl friend of hers once told her "the best way to tell if a man likes you is if he pays for you when you go out." That sounds a bit extreme and kind of selfish to me. Then again, maybe it is true? I would hate to think that whether or not someone likes another being based on money. Yep same here.. my female friend had received an email from one of her girlfriends with instructions about what to look for during a date.. 3 of the several items i remember... here it is: 1) Make sure he is dressed well 2) Make sure he has a cologne on 3) Make sure he pays for the dinner haha... and then women say men are shallow Dating as it is set up is in favor of the woman... Its like women are the prize and men have to compete for it and win it. 1) Men should always be the one to ask out 2) The person that asks out should be the one to pay 3) Even though dating is for two people to get to know each other the man has to spend money for the privilege of getting to know the woman and spending time with her yea.. right... Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 I can identify, Annie. I have been online dating, and I met this guy who I hit it off with really well. He lived about three hours away on the train, so one weekend I went down to see him for a date - thought give it a go, and all that! The train journey cost me about £40, plus £10 for a taxi when I got home, and I spent six hours on the train. So it was a fair bit of effort on my part, but I thought he seemed nice, so you know, give it a go... We went for dinner, and he was nice, but then he split the bill with me exactly (down to what we each had!) - which I normally absolutely wouldn't mind, but that felt so cheap of him given that I had paid out for a day's travelling already. I didn't see him again, because I felt that was NOT a good sign on the first date (btw, he was an engineer who earns a lot more than I do). I dunno, it felt so ungracious and mean of him. If it had been the other way around, I would have insisted on treating him - if he had spent money travelling to see me, that is. My experience of online dates is that it's best to stick to coffee/drinks for the first meet. If we meet again for dinner, I ALWAYS ALWAYS offer to pay half; if they insist on paying, then I usually buy them coffee/drinks afterwards, or say I'll pay next time. I find though, that I would agree - men who are angry or bitter about buying dinner; well, I can understand their point of view, but frankly, I wouldn't want to date someone like that. And it's not money, as I say, I'm pretty damned generous back - it's more about their attitude. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Good post.. totally agree.. If I were the guy in the situation I would have not only bought the dinner but also some chocolates and coffee later on in appreciation for the girl taking the train and coming all the way.... I know how bad it can feel... On friday I took the train and travelled to the city to help my female friend with moving. I spent $10 for the train and another $10 for the cab to get to her place. She had previously mentioned that she will make us dinner but I don't know what happened she said let's get some food from the Chinese place... so we went and got food... my share was $7.50. I had a twenty dollar bill and a five dollar bill. I just gave her $5 and said i will give $2 next time. She asked me to break the twenty dollar bill and give her $7 I felt like sh*t... I mean I came there to help her move... She had previously mentioned about making us dinner... and I had spent $20 to get to her place but she disregards the whole thing and couldn't even let go of $2 ](*,)](*,) She is a very beautiful girl but will I date some one like her? no way. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Quote: If he wants to date me, he pays .... Yup. --------- i thought when a girl agrees to go on a date with a guy she is also interested in dating him... hmmm... whatever Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 The way I see it - people should not take people to restaurants where they can't afford to pay for the price of a normal meal, plus a glass of wine or two and dessert, tip, etc. When I take someone out I want to feel comfortable with whatever the person orders (but I expect the person won't order the most expensive entree and a bottle of the most expensive wine, either). I would much rather be taken for ice cream than a meal if the guy will feel more comfortable paying on a first or second date. When men have asked me to suggest a restaurant I either choose an inexpensive/moderate place or I give him the choice of a few places that range from inexpensive-moderate and tell him to check the menus to see what he likes (so he can also see the prices). My parents got to know each other over pizza slices and ice cream with a very rare night out - they were both students who lived at home. But, if a man has a decent job and doesn't have some unusual financial difficulties or debt, he can afford to take me out to dinner or a movie or lunch for the first few dates especially since I am a one or zero drinks person. I may offer to pay my way, I may offer to treat for dessert, but no, I don't think it's too much to ask. If he is hard on his luck, he can offer to take me on a picnic or for ice cream but I do want to feel that he is generous whether it is with an ice cream or a full meal. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 not everyone is good ppl like you and annie... just 2 posts above you can see a woman saying "if he wants to date me he has to pay"... what the heck? so only the guy should want to date the girl? the girl is not interested in dating the guy? if she is not interested then why is she going on dates with the guy??? for free food and drinks i suppose... some women are so cheap and crass. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 not everyone is good ppl like you and annie... just 2 posts above you can see a woman saying "if he wants to date me he has to pay"... what the heck? so only the guy should want to date the girl? the girl is not interested in dating the guy? if she is not interested then why is she going on dates with the guy??? for free food and drinks i suppose... some women are so cheap and crass. You're making huge assumptions here. I never went out with someone for free food or drink because I don't enjoy food or drink unless I like the person I am spending the time with. You're assuming that the woman doesn't want to date the guy just because she believes if he asks he pays - she may very well want to date the guy but believe in the traditional if he asks he pays, which normally is true of at least the first date. You're also assuming that the date has to include a meal - it doesn't. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 You're making huge assumptions here. I never went out with someone for free food or drink because I don't enjoy food or drink unless I like the person I am spending the time with. You're assuming that the woman doesn't want to date the guy just because she believes if he asks he pays - she may very well want to date the guy but believe in the traditional if he asks he pays, which normally is true of at least the first date. You're also assuming that the date has to include a meal - it doesn't. ok fine.... if he asks he pays.. and the you have another rule right? - men should always ask out women. not the other way round Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 I never really understand the posts that complain about the way life is in terms of dating, and make a lot of generalisations about men v women - it just seems to unproductive and unhelpful. It seems there are loads and loads of threads lately with men complaining about women. I have a suggestion - if you don't like the opposite sex, don't date them. Seriously, consider whether heterosexuality is for you, or if you would prefer to be with your own gender. This is not aimed at anyone, and could apply to men or women who don't really LIKE the opposite sex. I like men, I have to say. I like the dating dance, I like the feeling of being pursued and doing my own (subtler!) pursuit back...I like the blokiness of men; I like the difference, physically and emotionally. I like kissing a man for the first time and finding him delicious. Goddamit, I love a good first date!!! Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 but don't forget HP... how the ENA woman are man bashers and criticize men a lot Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 but don't forget HP... how the ENA woman are man bashers and criticize men a lot To be honest, Grymoire, I have to say that I think you're the person that complains THE MOST about the opposite gender on this site - more than almost anyone I've ever seen on this site. It's actually pretty relentless with your posts. I kind of feel offended when I read some of your generalisations about women, it's pretty insulting stuff that you post about ALL women. Please don't reply with specific examples again about someone in a deleted thread, I understand that you had a row and called someone a *beatch* - I find that you post a lot of critical stuff about women in general, which is something I would never ever do about men. And that kind of is quite offensive, to be honest. I'm just saying - you dish out more gender bashing and criticism than most people here. Just a thought for you. Link to comment
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