Batya33 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 LMAO. I think that guy deserves a medal. Yes, for being incredibly rude. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I think he deserves a flashing sign that says "do not date me" Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I think he deserves a flashing sign that says "do not date me" Ironically, I met his parents over a year later at an event - they remembered hearing about me and looked puzzled as to why I didn't see him again. Of course I didn't have the heart to tell them. Oh and when I wouldn't see him again he had his brother write to me and ask me out. Nice. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Haha now Batya, aren't you sad you passed him up? Geez... Link to comment
Pegasus Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Yes, for being incredibly rude. No, for believing in equality between genders . I thought that you as a feminist would understand that... Link to comment
Crovax Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 No, for believing in equality between genders . I thought that you as a feminist would understand that... All people are equal, but some people are more equal than others... Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 No, for believing in equality between genders . I thought that you as a feminist would understand that... Whoa! Chill out on the attacks. You are not positively adding to this subject. It reads to me that you have some negative issues to come to peace with women. Your extreme view seem like the result of slippery slope you made for yourself. You only focus on the inequities of the sexes for what? A malcontent Devil's advocate? Or is it a pathologically negative need to hate women? Link to comment
LostTranslation Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 On a first meet I went on we met for coffee and dessert. The bill was about $25. I offered to pay my share since it was a first meet. He "misheard" me and said "oh that's great, I LOVE to be pampered!" Um, no way. I said "I meant my share, not treat". That was the last date (yes, he asked me out again). See that, women hate sarcasm. Poor bastard. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 No, for believing in equality between genders . I thought that you as a feminist would understand that... I am not a feminist and have never described myself this way on the forums- to the contrary I've written several times that I am not one. You must be confusing me with someone else. I don't think a man who I've never met assuming I offered to treat him has anything to do with equality between genders - it wasn't a date, I didn't ask him out (and he didn't ask me) - it was a first meet through the internet as I explained so I assumed we would go dutch (or that he would treat, but on a first meet unless it was a $2 soda, I always offered to pay my share - for a $2 soda or coffee I didn't automatically offer because that is such a low amount it could be seen as offensive even if to offer. If i had asked him out on a date yes he would be entitled to assume I would treat. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 See that, women hate sarcasm. Poor bastard. Actually no he wasn't being sarcastic at all - when I explained he looked surprised and puzzled and he didn't stop me from putting my credit card down for the entire bill -- and then I explained. Link to comment
Pegasus Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I don't think a man who I've never met assuming I offered to treat him has anything to do with equality between genders But if he offered to pay entire bill, it would be ok with you? If he did, do you think he would mark you as a gold digger and not invite you for second date? (I'm not attacking you here, just trying to figure out what's the deal) Link to comment
Siriana Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 On a first meet I went on we met for coffee and dessert. The bill was about $25. I offered to pay my share since it was a first meet. He "misheard" me and said "oh that's great, I LOVE to be pampered!" Um, no way. I said "I meant my share, not treat". That was the last date (yes, he asked me out again). Omg thats hilarious (well perhaps now, I am sure it was not back than). Saying yes to a guy like that for another date signals a girl has low expectations. And to guys who think expecting him to split/pay is bad - if you daughter ended up on a date with this guy and told you his idea of who should pay - I wonder what you would say than. Once I went on a first date - it was like 5 p.m. and the guy ordered flat out alcoholic beverage. Not even something light, but it had 40% of alcohol - something similar to grappa link removed. At least he didn't expect me to finance that lol But still not a good idea if you wanna leave a positive impression. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 But if he offered to pay entire bill, it would be ok with you? If he did, do you think he would mark you as a gold digger and not invite you for second date? (I'm not attacking you here, just trying to figure out what's the deal) Yes, if he offered to pay the entire bill I would have said a gracious thank you and let him as long as I was interested in seeing him again. If I definitely was not interested, I would have insisted on paying my share. In my situation, I did not offer to pay the entire bill and since I was the woman I think he should not have assumed i offered (even if he misheard - and I doubt he did - the bill came and I said "let me pay my share) nor should he have made the comment about how he loves to be pampered - what kind of first impression is that?? Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 But if he offered to pay entire bill, it would be ok with you? If he did, do you think he would mark you as a gold digger and not invite you for second date? (I'm not attacking you here, just trying to figure out what's the deal) Would you even recognize a gold digger? I highly doubt it based on this illogical statement. I've run accross more then my share of gold diggers and their MO is not as simple minded as you make out to be. They sweet talk you into a confidence game. They know how to manipulate men and even the smartest can fall. In the past I have fallen to the point of even buying a car for such a gal and it wasn't until the prematurial investigation that I discovered the truth. Will I judge all future women based on that past event? Help no. Why? I'm a positive person that only sees the best in all of us. I maintain an open mind with eveyone I encounter. This cynical attitude is not going to help you to accept humans for what we are, human. A famous psychologist which can't come to my mind said that happiness is the fulfillment of having the career, love and positive attitude in harmony. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Just to be clear, I didn't think the guy was a gold digger just rude and bizarre (as far as that behavior). Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Share Posted September 11, 2008 lol batya - you were going to be his 'sugar momma' or 'dessert momma.' of course he wanted to see you again!!! i just remembered - a few years ago i was in a bead/craft store. i was browing through the beads and earrings. a guy walked in, bought a small chain, then about 6 charms. he went to the craft area, and using a pair of pliers, he made a charm bracelet and put it in a pretty box, and it only took him 10 minutes. i can't imagine that the bracelet cost more than $10. it was so thoughtful and personal, i would melt if a guy did this for me. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 aww,,, so cute!! (assuming it wasn't for himself Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 lol batya - you were going to be his 'sugar momma' or 'dessert momma.' of course he wanted to see you again!!! i just remembered - a few years ago i was in a bead/craft store. i was browing through the beads and earrings. a guy walked in, bought a small chain, then about 6 charms. he went to the craft area, and using a pair of pliers, he made a charm bracelet and put it in a pretty box, and it only took him 10 minutes. i can't imagine that the bracelet cost more than $10. it was so thoughtful and personal, i would melt if a guy did this for me. Yes, that would do it for me as well..something very personalized is much nicer. Link to comment
Pegasus Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 ....In my situation, I did not offer to pay the entire bill and since I was the woman... You answered my question. Thank you. I'm a positive person that only sees the best in all of us. I maintain an open mind with eveyone I encounter. This cynical attitude is not going to help you to accept humans for what we are, human. I really hope that this attitude got you a beautiful and sincere wife, kids and home. If it did, good for you. bought a small chain, then about 6 charms. Annie, please, (language barrier - english is my 3rd language) what is charm as an object? I know what is charming... ;-). Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 You quoted me out of context to make the point that I did not offer to pay the entire bill "since I was the woman" - that is not the complete situation here. I wrote: "In my situation, I did not offer to pay the entire bill and since I was the woman I think he should not have assumed i offered (even if he misheard - and I doubt he did - the bill came and I said "let me pay my share) nor should he have made the comment about how he loves to be pampered - what kind of first impression is that??" Link to comment
Pegasus Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 You quoted me out of context to make the point that I did not offer to pay the entire bill "since I was the woman" - that is not the complete situation here. I wrote: "In my situation, I did not offer to pay the entire bill and since I was the woman I think he should not have assumed i offered (even if he misheard - and I doubt he did - the bill came and I said "let me pay my share) nor should he have made the comment about how he loves to be pampered - what kind of first impression is that??" But if he offered to pay, you would think that he would cover whole bill because he is not a woman since you "as a woman" assumed something else. Right? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 But if he offered to pay, you would think that he would cover whole bill because he is not a woman since you "as a woman" assumed something else. Right? If he offered to pay, yes, I would assume it was because he was "the man" and traditionally, men offer to pay the whole bill when they are out with a woman far more often than women (and that doesn't mean I automatically accept - in fact, unlike him, I wouldn't have automatically accepted). I am not saying he should offer to pay but it is common for a man to offer to pay. But, you are ignoring that this was a cumulative problem -not only did he assume that I meant to pay the entire bill, he automatically accepted and added that he "loved to be pampered" which is just a rude/inappropriate thing to say to a near stranger. I would have felt better about it if, he misheard me, then looked and seemed very puzzled and said "um, are you sure? I am happy to pay" or "I am happy to split it". Then we might have had a good laugh about it. I don't think there's anything wrong in my assumption, based on traditional dating practices, that, as between the man and the woman, the man usually offers to pay the entire bill on a first meet/first date. What you're confusing that with is as if I wrote "I think the man should pay the entire bill on a first meet since he is the man". Not saying that at all - indeed, on a first meet, while it might be nice of the man to offer to pay since it is only a first meet it's completely fine if the two people split it. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 That's referring to a first meet in general though, right? What about in the situation where the guy asks a girl out on a first date? Should splitting be the assumed option? I still feel that whoever asks for the first couple dates should pay. If a girl asks out the guy, she should pay. There is a difference between going out to dinner as friends and asking someone out on a romantic date. And if the couple continues to see each other after the first couple dates, then sharing the bill is more acceptable. Whether it's you get this one, I'll get the next one, or actually going dutch. I know for me that when I've gone on dates where there are multiple activities, I will always help pay. Like on one date we went to Dave & Busters and he paid for our tokens for the games and I paid for any drinks. On another date, the guy paid for the meal (with a gift card...that could be a whole other thread because some of my friends thought that was tacky, but it was still an expensive meal) and then I paid for the movie tickets afterward. But in general, if a guy asks out a girl on a date, it is taken to mean that he wants to actually take her out. And he should do that within his means. None of the women on here are saying, guys should take me on extremely expensive dates and treat me. Those are the typical dating norms and it doesn't make people shallow or golddiggers. Just plan dates that are within your means. That's it. And if the other person continues to expect you to pay date after date after date, well then that would be when it becomes a problem in my eyes. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 When a man asks me out on a date I assume he is going to offer to pay. Typically, I allow the man to pay but in certain situations I offer to pay my share. I always offer if I don't want to see the guy again, unless he insisted on taking me to a restaurant outside of my budget - then I don't feel obligated. Link to comment
VTR-RC51 Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 I like my women to be very down to earth and humble. I usually like an offer to pay from the women. Of course, I would NOT allow it, but the offer is nice! It tells me a lot about what type of women I am dating... Link to comment
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