Seriously, i'm not selfish and materialistic but......

[annie24]

haha... talk about Feminism and Equal Opportunities... American woman yap the whole day about equal rights and opportunities and then expect the men to do all the asking out and also paying for dinners...

 

I once told to my feminist friend "I don't admire Feminists... because they want only Equal Opportunities, not Equal Responsibilities".

 

no, that's not true. that's what my whole rant is about. my entire dating life, i've always split the bill, or taken turns alternating costs.

 

i'm just sick of guys who can't afford to pay asking me out! or at least, they're acting like they can't afford to pay. if they want to go out, why not ask me out to a restaurant they can afford??? or some other event???

 

i mean, i am a poor student too! when a guy calls me and asks me out for dinner, should i tell him, 'i'm sorry, i can't afford to go out to dinner this month.' and hang up? surely, since i'm being expected to pay my own way, i guess i can't afford to date either!!!!!

[CaptainPlanet]

but we're not talking about friendship here. we're talking of romantic love.

 

And isn't that sad, that romantic love has been reduced to whether or not he is going to pay a bill.

 

Women now earn as much as men and have the same opportunities it is only fair they pay their own way. I don't think you're understanding that there is a difference between treating someone to something nice and taking on a person as a financial burden.

 

If you like it or not, when you expect every man to be able to pay for the first few dates, for whatever reason - you are becoming a financial burden on him. You are reducing 'love' to the ability to pay for it. Money does come and go very quickly.

 

When I was earning good money - sure I'll treat. Now that I am not why can't a woman just take me as I am. I can't afford to pay for both of us on date. Wouldn't part of a loving relationship mean accepting that ?

[grymoire]

but we're not talking about friendship here. we're talking of romantic love. presumably, when a guy approaches me, tells me i'm beautiful and wants to get dinner with me, i assume that he's trying to 'put his best foot forward' and seeing if we have any romantic chemistry. i think so much of dating is based on these sorts of niceties. friends split the bill. but of course, this guy is hoping that i see him as 'more than a friend', right? otherwise, he wouldn't be asking me out on a date.

 

and what do women do in return to the guy that approaches them, tells they are beautiful, and takes them to dinner? just eat and expect him to foot the bill right?? what are you as a woman contributing in the date???

[bijoux27]

Wow I think you guys are totally missing annie's point. She's not asking him to pay for everything the whole time.

[annie24]

I can't afford to pay for both of us on date. Wouldn't part of a loving relationship mean accepting that ?

 

then why not take her to a free show, to a picnic on the lake, or something else that you can afford? as opposed to taking her to a nice restaurant, and expecting her to pay for her own meal?

[annie24]

and what do women do in return to the guy that approaches them, tells they are beautiful, and takes them to dinner? just eat and expect him to foot the bill right?? what are you as a woman contributing in the date???

 

presumably, he's asking me out because he wants to get to know me and spend time with me. i'm not the one who walked accross the bar and asked to spend time with him. what i'm giving to him - the opportunity to get to know me, my company. he can just as easily get to know me over a cup of coffee or a fancy dinner.

[grymoire]

then why not take her to a free show, to a picnic on the lake, or something else that you can afford? as opposed to taking her to a nice restaurant, and expecting her to pay for her own meal?

 

if the man took the girl to a free show she would go back to her girlfriends and tell what a cheapo he was....

[grymoire]

presumably, he's asking me out because he wants to get to know me and spend time with me. i'm not the one who walked accross the bar and asked to spend time with him. what i'm giving to him - the opportunity to get to know me, my company. he can just as easily get to know me over a cup of coffee or a fancy dinner.

 

why should the guy pay just to get to know you? what is so wonderful about you that a guy has to spend money to be in your company? because he asked you out?? and then are rules that state only men have to ask out right?

[annie24]

Wow I think you guys are totally missing annie's point. She's not asking him to pay for everything the whole time.

 

no, i'm not. most of my relationships have been me paying AT LEAST as much.

 

i'm just bewildered sometimes. i come on here and read about guys who have been paying for their gfs for 5 years, nonstop. or the girl complaining that her $1100 engagement ring was 'too cheap'. and then i get critisized for wondering why a guy is asking me to dinner on the first date, then telling me to get something cheap, and then still making me split the bill. and the florist who wouldn't get me flowers. i think my standards have just been too low all along. i need to start expecting more.

[CaptainPlanet]

then why not take her to a free show, to a picnic on the lake, or something else that you can afford? as opposed to taking her to a nice restaurant, and expecting her to pay for her own meal?

 

Picnics and free shows still cost money. There are also not many free shows around.

 

A split bill at a restaurant just seems easier and not too expensive. Once you double the price by paying for two it changes. What is so wrong though, with paying for a meal that you ate ? The guy is still spending time with you and wants to see you, isn't that enough ? . Makes me see women as objects if they expect payment for their time - what is that ?

[annie24]

why should the guy pay just to get to know you? what is so wonderful about you that a guy has to spend money to be in your company? because he asked you out?? and then are rules that state only men have to ask out right?

 

trust me, i've asked out plenty of men in my time.

 

what makes me so wonderful? lol, take me out and you'll find out!

 

grymoire, tell me if i'm not mistaken, but that 'female friend' of yours from way back when - the one you really liked and she kind of teased you, didn't you pay for everything for her? (if my memory serves me correctly)

[CaptainPlanet]

no, i'm not. most of my relationships have been me paying AT LEAST as much.

 

i'm just bewildered sometimes. i come on here and read about guys who have been paying for their gfs for 5 years, nonstop. or the girl complaining that her $1100 engagement ring was 'too cheap'. and then i get critisized for wondering why a guy is asking me to dinner on the first date, then telling me to get something cheap, and then still making me split the bill. and the florist who wouldn't get me flowers. i think my standards have just been too low all along. i need to start expecting more.

 

Yeah thats fair enough actually but it still doesn't make it right. If that is what you want then I guess you need to date wealthier men...

 

Like I've said before if that is what you want to do... then do it.. but I'm not going to tell you I think it is wonderful that you are.

[grymoire]

trust me, i've asked out plenty of men in my time.

 

what makes me so wonderful? lol, take me out and you'll find out!

 

grymoire, tell me if i'm not mistaken, but that 'female friend' of yours from way back when - the one you really liked and she kind of teased you, didn't you pay for everything for her? (if my memory serves me correctly)

 

i would love to take you out Annie... but i am not sure about your racial preferences... i am not American...

 

i would love to ask out a woman, take her on a date, and pay for it. IF i am not criticized so harshly by women of ENA...

 

and that female friend of mine... we never went on a date. and i have never paid for anything. we paid for ourselves... my anger about her was not about me paying for her because i never did.. it was about the fact that she said she liked me only as a friend and then behaved like a girlfriend.

[annie24]

Picnics and free shows still cost money. There are also not many free shows around.

 

A split bill at a restaurant just seems easier and not too expensive. Once you double the price by paying for two it changes. What is so wrong though, with paying for a meal that you ate ? The guy is still spending time with you and wants to see you, isn't that enough ? Makes it feel kind of impersonal otherwise and it is hard to have a good impression of women are real people under those circumstances. Makes me see them as objects if they expect payment for their time - what is that ?

 

and yes, that's the philosophy i've been going with all along. that's what i've been doing the last decade of my life. i've always offered to pay, i always reach for my purse, no guy i've dated can ever accuse me of being stingy.

 

but you know, what am i supposed to do? when a guy suggests going to dinner? i would think that it would sound awkward if i just blurted out and said, 'you know, i'm under some financial strain, being a student, i can't really afford dinner at that place?' of course, i can say that to a friend, easily. but to a guy who is asking me out on a date, a random guy i met in a bar? surely, the presumption is that if a guy is approaching me, and asking me, that he will pay! i mean, has someone ever said no to a date because they didn't have the money, in the history of the world? presumably, if you are being asked out, then the person asking you will pay too..... i feel it would be pretty insulting to say that.

 

for example, i spent way too much money this weekend. when this guy calls me tomorrow and asks me out on a second date, should i tell him 'no, i can't afford it right now, how about next month?'

[CaptainPlanet]

' I'd love too but I am kinda broke'. - girl

 

'No problem, its my shout' - boy

 

easy.

[annie24]

' I'd love too but I am kinda broke'. - girl

 

'No problem, its my shout' - boy

 

easy.

 

or in my case, one guy asked me to go on a weekend getaway with all his friends. my response was, 'aww, thanks, but i need to save money for my upcoming vacation.'

 

him: 'awww, but i really want you there.'

 

me: 'sorry, i can't afford it right now.'

 

him: [silence]

 

(he could have offered to pay for me, guess he didn't want to.)

[grymoire]

no, i'm not. most of my relationships have been me paying AT LEAST as much.

 

i'm just bewildered sometimes. i come on here and read about guys who have been paying for their gfs for 5 years, nonstop. or the girl complaining that her $1100 engagement ring was 'too cheap'. and then i get critisized for wondering why a guy is asking me to dinner on the first date, then telling me to get something cheap, and then still making me split the bill. and the florist who wouldn't get me flowers. i think my standards have just been too low all along. i need to start expecting more.

 

whoa... i feel sorry... i do think you deserve much better.......

 

and honestly i don't understand what the woman wearing the $1100 engagement ring gives back to her boyfriend..... if a guy is spending that much money on his girl what is he getting in return?

[jengh]

Annie... I 100% see where you're coming from. In EVERY relationship I've been in (the one I'm in now is a little different though, as it's long-distance and the costs are different from normal dating), I've ALWAYS paid my way, I've always bought him thoughtful little gifts or made him little cards, etc. I've never dated a guy who just OFFERS to pay. I feel like I'm always expected to pay my way. And you know, I'm not just trying to get a free meal or whatever. I'm a broke college student and most of the guys I've dated have a substantial amount of money more than me.. you'd think they could spring for dinner every now and then.

 

I did go on one date with a guy who took me to an amazing dinner (I peeked at the bill while he was in the bathroom, it was over $200). I, of course, offered to pay half (even though I knew that if I did, I'd overdraw my bank account but that was a HUGE bill). He told me that was ridiculous, he asked me out, he chose the restaurant, he would pay. It wound up being our only date (we just weren't really that compatible), but it just sticks out in my head as the ONLY time I've ever felt pampered.

 

Do I expect a guy to spend that much on a date? Absolutely not!!! I'm fine with a free concert or a super cheap meal...but it's nice when he at least OFFERS to pay my way every now and then.

 

I'd love to get flowers. I haven't gotten them since I was 16 (except from my dad, who sends them every Valentine's Day).

 

And as for little gifts and such, I don't need anything extravagent. I would be MORE THAN HAPPY with a little hand-made card or a little note. I think that's one of the sweetest gestures a guy can do.

 

Okay, I've ranted enough for now.

[CaptainPlanet]

Apparently that is just what girls want. I don't suppose there is any point in asking what makes you think you deserve a $200 dinner as a struggling college student ? What makes you so special as to deserve that ? While other people are eating two minute noodles for dinner and living off other assorted cheapies.

 

While your male class mates are probably working at a gas station somewhere or washing dishes, for $7-$8 an hour you're getting shouter a $200 meal and that is a good thing... I just don't understand how some women think and justify these sorts of things. Implying they're normal or that it is the right thing to do.

 

I don't understand. Wouldn't you rather be a poor student with someone your own age ? Have a date watching a movie on a computer ? Bag chips cause you're both too broke for anything else.

 

I've never even spent that much on a meal even when I was working full time and earning rather a decent amount of money each week. $200 is a real lot of money. You women really do have it pretty good you know.

[jengh]

I would never expect a guy to drop that kind of money on a date, especially a first date!!! I'm pretty sure I made that clear. But, as a struggling college student, I thought it was pretty generous. He offered, he made a lot of money.

 

And I SPECIFICALLY said I didn't mind at ALL doing free/super cheap things as dates. Don't take my words out of context.

[jengh]

And may I add...yes, it DID make me feel special. So what? Does that make me a shallow human being? I certainly don't think so because it wasn't expected that anyone drop that kind of money on me. But, if you want to think less of me because a guy wanted to take me for a nice meal, go ahead.

 

And by the way, I eat Ramen a LOT!

[CaptainPlanet]

And may I add...yes, it DID make me feel special. So what? Does that make me a shallow human being? I certainly don't think so because it wasn't expected that anyone drop that kind of money on me. But, if you want to think less of me because a guy wanted to take me for a nice meal, go ahead.

 

And by the way, I eat Ramen a LOT!

 

But you talked about it being the only time you've been spoiled. The way you worded the whole statement sounded a little bit like you were unhappy it has only happened once. It also sounded like you were complaining about having to pay your way.

[jengh]

Well, yeah...it WAS nice, so what? I've had boyfriends since I was 14. 99.9% of the time I pay my way and I think it's a nice gesture when a guy who asks ME out, picks the restaurant picks up the tab.

 

Like I said, I'm just as happy going to the beach, going to a free concert, etc...but sometimes, it's nice to feel a little bit pampered.

 

I think EVERYONE deserves that now and then. In my almost 8 years of dating, having that happen ONCE most definitely doesn't make me selfish or materialistic. And I think I AM worth it every once in awhile.

 

And it's not like I didn't offer to pay my way. I -ALWAYS- offer.

[grymoire]

Well, yeah...it WAS nice, so what? I've had boyfriends since I was 14. 99.9% of the time I pay my way and I think it's a nice gesture when a guy who asks ME out, picks the restaurant picks up the tab.

 

Like I said, I'm just as happy going to the beach, going to a free concert, etc...but sometimes, it's nice to feel a little bit pampered.

 

I think EVERYONE deserves that now and then. In my almost 8 years of dating, having that happen ONCE most definitely doesn't make me selfish or materialistic. And I think I AM worth it every once in awhile.

 

And it's not like I didn't offer to pay my way. I -ALWAYS- offer.

 

i think CP wants to know what do women do to pamper their men....

[annie24]

Apparently that is just what girls want. I don't suppose there is any point in asking what makes you think you deserve a $200 dinner as a struggling college student ? What makes you so special as to deserve that ? While other people are eating two minute noodles for dinner and living off other assorted cheapies.

 

i'd say that the guy who took her to this fancy dinner was the one who decided she was worth this. if he chose the restaurant, chose to take her, chose to pay, i guess he thought she was worth the $200.